Room to Breathe

by Nicole Brightman

  If I say no to your offer would you still want to go to the castle with me?

  There that should give me a better idea if I was being setup or not. I would have to feel like I can trust him if I go through with this. His reply comes within seconds.

  Absolutely! I want to keep spending time with you no matter what you decide.

  I feel a sense of relief after his message. I know what I want to do even if it doesn’t seem like the smartest decision. Maybe I should talk to Maggie before I respond. I do want to see what is so urgent first. I really hope it isn’t some kind of family crisis.

  The town car pulls up in front of my home. I can see Maggie’s car out front and the light is on in my kitchen. She must have let herself in. Angus hurries to open my door carrying the umbrella. I grab my bags and he helps me out of the car.

  “Thanks Angus. I have got it from here.”

  “Very well. Have a good day Miss Allen,” he states as he nods to me.

  “You too,” I reply as I head to the door. I rush in to the warm living room where Maggie is sitting on my couch. I dump my handbag and shopping bags on the coffee table before taking my sweater off.

  “What’s the shopping bag from? I thought you were going to his house for lunch?” Maggie scowls at the bag and then up at me.

  “I did. I fell that first night we met and some of my clothes got torn. He felt responsible so he replaced them,” I only kind of lie as I grab a water from the fridge. I take off my heels before Maggie notices them and curl up in the large overstuffed chair next to the couch. “So what did you want to talk about?”

  “You haven’t had sex with him yet have you?”

  “Um, no. You know I won’t have sex with anyone until after dating them for a while,” I respond vaguely. Technically we haven’t had sex yet. “Why are you suddenly so against it?”

  “Because I am worried that if you fucked him you would be really attached to him.”

  “Okay, and if I was that would be bad? Weren’t you the one practically begging me to talk to him that first night?”

  “Yes, it would be bad and that was before I talked to Gwen,” Maggie says as stares down at her hands folded in her lap.

  “Gwen? Your friend Gwen? What does she have to do with anything?” I have only met Gwen twice. She lives in London and works as an intern there for Elle magazine’s UK version. She is an absolute knockout and could easily be on the cover herself if she didn’t want to be a columnist.

  “Well, she called to tell me she got offered a full time position with the magazine.”

  “Oh, that is great news!” So she is beautiful, skinny, and now successful. I may have to start disliking her. “I still don’t see the connection.”

  “Well we were talking and I told her about you spending time with Lord Ashford and apparently she knows him,” Maggie says slowly as if she is unsure how tell me the next thing I know is coming. “I guess when she was in school he sort of helped set her up with a rich software man. Only, they he didn’t set them up to date really. He basically helped her prostitute herself.”

  “Is that the way she put it?” Eric said it wasn’t like that but if Gwen said different it might make me wonder.

  “No, in fact she kept swearing it wasn’t prostitution but it sure sounds that way to me. She said he paid for her flat and expenses in exchange for her dating him. She said she only had sex with him after they had been together for a while and only because she wanted to. I am not sure I believe her though.”

  “Why wouldn’t you? You have been friends since you were children. It doesn’t sound like prostitution to me. If a secretary has sex with her boss would you consider it prostitution?”

  “Well no.”

  “It is kind of the same thing. She was basically working for him and then they ended up having sex. I don’t think it is worse than anyone that sleeps with their boss. Besides, Eric was adamant that no one is ever paid for sex.”

  “So, you already know about this?” Maggie narrows her eyes at me.

  “I didn’t know about Gwen until you told me but I did know about Eric. I just found out today. He asked me to his place today so he could explain everything to me,” I stop myself before telling her that he offered to help me. I am not sure I want her to know just yet. “I am surprised Gwen told you all this. Eric said everyone signs confidentiality agreements.”

  “I kinda tricked her into thinking I already knew a little bit. I don’t want her to get in trouble. I was just worried about you being around him but since you already know I am sure I don’t have to worry anymore. How did he take it when you told you weren’t going to see him anymore?” She asks reaching for her mug from the coffee table.

  “What do you mean?” I feign ignorance. I am sure that what she wants to hear is the opposite of what I have to tell her.

  “You told him you aren’t going to see him again, didn’t you?” Maggie crosses her arms in front of her and scowls at me again. This is really going to get ugly.

  “No. I didn’t tell him that because I plan on seeing him again. I like seeing him and he likes seeing me,” I say as I brace myself. I might as well tell her everything now. “He offered to help me the same way he helped Gwen. At first I didn’t think it was for me but after talking to him it sounds like it might be worth a try.”

  “You are just going to let him turn you into a whore?” Maggie’s face is full of anger and shock.

  “I tried to tell you, I wouldn’t be anybody’s whore. I would hope you know me well enough to know I wouldn’t ever do that. Maggie don’t you see? This could give me a chance to do the things I have always wanted to do. To really help people. I would have a whole different start in the real world.”

  “I do understand that I just figured you would rather start life on your feet instead of on your back.”

  “That was an awful thing to say. It wouldn’t be like that.”

  “Oh really? Then how would it be?”

  “I will get to stay at Greenwood Manor for a while. Eric wants to make sure I am sure and prepared. Then he will introduce me to different men that share my interests. If I like any of them I would work out an agreement with them. If I don’t like any of them or I change my mind then I can just say never mind and I am out. But, if I find someone that can help me and I can help too then I would be given a whole new life.”

  “Only as long as whoever wants you. If he changes his mind you are just out on the street?”

  “No, they have to sign a contract that promises notification. Besides aren’t you in the same situation? If your husband came home tomorrow and said he didn’t want to be married to you anymore wouldn’t you have to find a new place to live?”

  “Don’t you dare compare my marriage to his “tart-for-hire” program!”

  “My point is there isn’t a guarantee in any relationship. At least this way each party knows where they stand and are protected against ugly human nature. Besides would Gwen have been able to be an intern for as long as she did another way? If she had to work as well she never could have landed a full time job so fast,” I say pleading my case. Maggie’s face is hard and unforgiving. I really doubt she will ever change her mind.

  “You have a point about Gwen but that doesn’t make it right. I am sorry Cora but if you do this I don’t want you around while you do.”

  “Do you mean at all? It could be for years.”

  “Yes, at all. I can’t agree with what you are doing and I don’t want it to affect my life,” Maggie states flatly as she stands and heads to the door. She stops and the door and turns to face me.

  “What are you saying? You are cutting me off because I don’t want to die some second-rate barmaid in an insignificant town or because you will never have this kind of opportunity.” I know I crossed the line but I don’t care. How could she just bail on me?

  “If you choose to do this you are on your own in England.”

  She leaves closing the door behind her without another word. I am at a loss. I neve
r thought Maggie would turn her back on me. I didn’t expect her to be happy about it but we are family. I thought once she heard my reasoning she would understand. After what she said my choice is completely clear to me.

  I pick up and phone and type a message to Eric. I will prove Maggie wrong no matter what it takes. Without any hesitation I press send. All I say is; I am in.

  *********

  The office is lit with a soft glow from the lamp on the desk. The light from the computer monitor casts shadows over Eric’s face. He has spent the last hour responding to different emails. He has just finished a quick update to his closest friend and business partner Tristan when his phone chimes that he has a text message.

  He is happy to see it is from Cora. It is short and to the point. All it says is: I am in. He instantly feels a surge of relief. He had been worried ever since she left earlier in the day that he had scared her off.

  Eric decides to send her a quick reply: Good, looking forward to it. XO

  It is true he really is looking forward to having her around more. He is about to send a message to Dean informing him of Cora’s decision when there is a knock at his door.

  “Come in,” he says as he types the quick message.

  “Sorry to bother you,” Dean steps in to the room.

  “Oh, not at all. I was just sending you a message. Cora responded just now. She is going to take me up on my offer. We have planned to go to some castle ruins together for a day next week. Seems like a good idea for her to move in then. What do you think?”

  “I think that sounds as good a time as any. I will make sure everything is ready. Do you want me to tell Tristan?”

  “No, please I will tell him myself. I am sure you will enjoy having another Yank around,” Eric says with a smirk.

  “Maybe. It’s just, if you don’t mind me saying, slightly irregular to allow her here isn’t it?” Dean asks carefully.

  “What do you mean?” Eric responds as he leans back in his chair and folds his arms in front of him.

  “Well, she is a little young, and American. Those are two main guidelines she is breaking. I also don’t think she has any kind of degree or anything like that. She just isn’t the kind of girl we usually work with and I have to wonder why you want her here.”

  “I am fully aware of the guidelines since I was the one that put them in place. Cora is an exceptional young woman so I don’t see a problem making exceptions for her,” Eric said with tone meaning this was not open to discussion. “As for why I want her here, I will admit that it is at least a little for selfish reasons. I enjoy her and want to spend more time with her than I would be able to if she were still over in Edgecombe.”

  “Of course, I’m sorry. I’ll let Jefferson know of the changes right away. Do you have a preference as to which room we should put her in?” Dean asked in a more agreeable tone. He knew when not to push his employer.

  “Yes, put her in the Rose Room please. Oh and Dean keep an eye on Lucinda. I have a feeling she might be a problem,” Eric added turning back to his computer.

  “I agree with you there. I’ll keep an eye on her. I still say that woman is nuttier than a rabbit on a peanut farm,” Dean adds before leaving the room and closing the door behind him.

  As Eric goes back to his correspondence he finds he feels much more relaxed. He hadn’t noticed how concerned he had been about Cora’s answer until now that he had it. He laughs softly to himself.

  Eric finds it amusing that Cora can surprise him even when she isn’t around. This girl is getting under his skin. Maybe it was a bad idea to have her here. After all, those guidelines were there for a reason. It might be better for them both if he just ended it now.

  He was considering calling Dean back to tell him he had changed his mind when he glanced over to the leather sofa where earlier today’s activities had taken place. He felt his blood rush to the lower part of his body at just the thought. He took a deep breath. Fuck it, he thought to himself, what is the worst that could happen?

  Chapter 11

  It has been three days since my conversation with Maggie in my living room. We have talked a little over text messages but not much. She has sent me a few text messages to tell me she had covered my shifts at the pub. After I told her I would be leaving today she sent me a message to tell me she had rented out the little flat to Patrick. This morning she sent me a message saying this was the last time she would contact me. She also said that if I change my mind to let her know.

  As I stand here in my little living room I can’t help but be a little sad and apprehensive. The weight of everything I am giving up and everything I am risking settles around me. For a moment I consider calling the whole thing off. I close my eyes and take a deep breath picturing my future if I stay here. Then I picture the life I might have. A life where I am able to do good things and help people. A life with purpose. If that isn’t worth risking everything I don’t know what is. Of course, being able to spend my days with Eric is a wonderful bonus too.

  He has been texting and calling me a lot over the past few days. It really kind of surprised me that he genuinely seems to like just talking with me.

  He was really upset to hear about Maggie. He even offered to call and talk to her but I don’t think that would do any good. I have started to notice that I miss talking to him when it has been just a few hours since I have heard from him. The more I get to know him the more I want to know. That is really the part that scares me the most about all of this.

  I have gotten used to him. I don’t ever let myself get used to having people around. People tend to bail on me as soon as it gets tough. I mean shit, look at Maggie. That is more normal for me than someone that will stick around when life gets tough.

  I am worried that if I keep spending time with him I will get to the point I will want more than he is willing to give. The smart thing would be to tell him I have changed my mind and get on the first plane back to America. I really can’t handle the thought of going home now. I still have so much I want to do here. Also, even if it makes me sound stupid I want to be near Eric. Even if our relationship stays just friends with benefits.

  I take one final look around the little apartment. Most everything in here belongs to my cousins since my aunt passed. My entire life in England fits into three suitcases and toiletry bag.

  I hear a car pull up out front and look through the window to see the town car pull up and Angus get out. I am a little disappointed Eric didn’t come himself. I open the door before Angus can knock.

  “Good afternoon, Miss Allen,” he says smiling at me. It is so nice to see a friendly face.

  “Hi Angus,” I smile back.

  “Are these your bags?” He asks as he points to my luggage.

  “Yep that’s them.”

  “Here, let me take these and I will right back for the others,” He says as he lifts the two largest bags and heads out the door.

  I carry the toiletry bag and wheel the other bag out the door. Before closing the door I pause for just a moment to say goodbye to my old life. I then close and lock the door behind me. It feels like I am closing of the door on that chapter of my life.

  “Here Miss please let me get those,” Angus says rushing to my side and taking the bags. “Are you alright Miss?”

  “Oh, thank you Angus. Yes I am definitely alright,” I smile as brightly as I can.

  The drive to Greenwood seems shorter this time. In no time we are pulling up in front of the main entrance. There is a shiny black Land Rover parked right in front of the door. As soon as we stop Angus is there to open my door and help me from the car.

  I am grateful the break in rain has held out for the past few days. I was worried if it was wet Eric would cancel our trip to the castle. I start to walk towards the house when the front door opens and Eric steps out. He is wearing jeans again this time with a black sweater. His eyes meet mine and he smiles a smile that warms and relaxes me. The chilly breeze ruffles his dark brown hair for a moment as he starts to walk
towards me. I am so busy admiring him that I stumble slightly. Thankfully Angus catches me by the elbow. I pretend I stumbled on a rock and straighten myself as Eric reaches for me.

  “Are you okay?” He asks with a worried tone.

  “I am fine. I just tripped. Thank you Angus,” I say as Angus heads to the car for my bags.

  “Are you quite sure?” Eric questions me again looking down at me with a furrowed brow. I had forgotten how his voice affects me and how warm his brown eyes are. For a moment I am afraid I might lose my balance again.

  “Yes, I am fine I promise.”

  “Good,” he says with his smile returning to his face. He leans down and quickly kisses my cheek. “The car is ready to go if you are.” He gestures to the Land Rover.

  “I think I am. Is what I am wearing okay?” I have the hardest time knowing what to wear around him. I have on my favorite pair of nice jeans and a cranberry colored cashmere sweater Maggie bought me for Christmas last year. It fits my curves nicely and has a fairly deep V-neck. I added a long silver necklace with a large Celtic knot medallion. Since I thought we might have to do some walking in the mud I wore a pair of flat boots. I also grabbed my vintage peacoat to keep me warm.

  Eric scans me up and down a few times.

  “What you are wearing is perfect. Your ass looks amazing in those jeans,” he says as he reaches down and brushes his hand over the aforementioned body part. I am so glad he noticed. The fact that he appreciates my body makes me feel so sexy.

  “Thanks. You look amazing yourself.” I can’t help but give him a goofy grin. He opens the door to the car and I climb in. He says something to Angus and then gets in the driver’s side.