by Susan Stoker
Colt smiled bigger now. “No problem. What else?” He actually hoped she’d continue to list her most prized possessions, because the more stuff she moved over to his house, the more comfortable she’d be there. And the more comfortable she was, the less she’d feel inclined to come back to this place. As far as he was concerned, she could move her entire fucking apartment. He had plenty of room for her things. For her.
“Um…” She looked into the bedroom then back at him. “I’m not sure.”
Colt walked up to Macie and put his hands on her shoulders. “Whatever you want to take with you is fine with me. If there’s not enough room in my Wrangler, we can come back tomorrow.”
“Why are you being so nice to me?” Macie asked, her brows drawn down in confusion.
“Because I like you, Macie Laughlin. You didn’t do anything for this to happen to you tonight. I want to make sure you’re as comfortable as you can be in my house. I know it will be stressful for you, and I want to mitigate that as much as I can.”
“Oh.”
He could tell she was still unsure. So he added, “And because you’re Truck’s sister. And all the men under my command are like brothers to me.”
She nodded, as if that response made more sense than him liking her.
“Go pack,” he ordered gently, turning her around to face the bedroom. “I’ll grab the box from your safe room, which I can’t wait to see, by the way. Then I’ll go and pack up your computer and CDs. You change, and call me when you’re done. I’ll come back and grab your suitcase so you don’t further hurt those hands. Okay?”
“I can carry my suitcase,” she protested.
“Hon, I said I’ve got it. There’ll be plenty of times in the future when I’ll let you carry your own shit, but tonight isn’t one of them. Got it?”
She studied him, but eventually nodded. “Can I ask something else?”
“Of course.”
“Why were you up and with my brother when I called? Did I interrupt something important?”
He had a feeling she’d been worrying about that. “My two teams of soldiers just got back from a mission tonight. We were debriefing.”
Her eyes widened in horror. “I interrupted you working?”
Colt couldn’t have stopped himself if someone had a gun to his head. He leaned down and covered her lips with his own in a brief caress. He rested his forehead on hers and linked his fingers together at the small of her back. He felt his heart jolt when her hands landed on his chest, but she didn’t push him away.
“You didn’t interrupt anything,” he told her. “We were almost done. But even if we weren’t, you’re more important than work. I don’t care what time it is or what you think I’m doing, if you need something, you call. Got it?”
She didn’t answer for a long time, and Colt lifted his head to stare at her. “Got it?” he repeated.
“I can’t promise. I mean, you know how I am. I’ll worry that I’m interrupting you, or that you’ll be annoyed, or that your boss will be annoyed. And that you’ll think I’m being stupid or weak.”
“Macie, I won’t—”
She cut him off. “So I can’t promise to always call, but if it’s a true emergency, as it was tonight, I’ll call.”
Colt wanted to protest. But it was a big deal for her to tell him what she was feeling. What her anxiety made her feel. “Okay, hon. But would you mind if I called you when I needed something?”
“You want to call me?”
“Yeah, Mace. There might be times when I need help with something. But, like you, I don’t want to interrupt you if you’re working or doing something important.”
“You can call me,” she said softly. “I don’t think anything I do is nearly as important as what you do.”
“I’m sure the authors and other people you work for would disagree. I’ve seen some of the websites you designed. That couldn’t have been easy, and I know that you also keep them updated as well. I know that can get crazy, considering how fast some authors write.”
That earned him another small smile.
Forcing himself to step back, he gestured to the bedroom. “Do not carry that suitcase yourself. I’ll be back here in a bit. Okay?”
“Okay. Colt?”
He smiled. “Yeah?”
“Thanks. I was really scared tonight.”
“I’m glad I was there,” Colt said simply, then forced himself to turn and leave her to change and pack. If he stood there any longer, there was no telling what would pop out of his mouth. He was a seasoned soldier. Had seen and done way more shit in his life than anyone should ever have to. He wasn’t proud of some of his actions in the past, but he couldn’t change what he’d done.
But it was the thought of arriving to find Macie dead that haunted him more than any of the carnage he’d lived through did.
He left her in her bathroom packing up her toiletries and made a quick stop to her closet to grab the shoebox she referenced. Her safe room was just what she said it was, a small quiet space with a sleeping bag rolled up at one end. He found the box she wanted and headed out to the living room.
As he began to gather up the CDs strewn around her laptop on her desk in the main part of the apartment, Colt’s mind spun with plans. He wanted to make his house a safe place for Macie. Wanted her to feel relaxed and to do whatever it took to minimize her anxiety when she was there. The safer she felt, the more comfortable she would be. And the more comfortable she was, hopefully the more receptive she’d be to dating him on a long-term basis.
He didn’t know what he’d done the night of Truck’s wedding to make her back off, especially when things had seemed to go so well, but now that he had a second chance, he wasn’t going to blow it.
Chapter Four
Macie nervously rubbed her hands on her jeans as she waited for Mary and the others to arrive. She hadn’t seen her brother’s wife since their wedding day, and while she liked the other woman, she had a tendency to be extremely blunt. In some ways it was refreshing. Macie never had to wonder what Mary was thinking. But on the other hand, she was terrified of doing something that would irritate her sister-in-law and make her not like her anymore.
Colt had put off the visit for almost a week, which Macie was super grateful for. She’d seen Truck several times; he’d come over to his commander’s house to make sure she was doing all right. He’d also gone back over to her apartment to grab more clothes and other odds and ends for her.
She’d barely left Colt’s house in a week, but she was more than all right with that. He went to work each morning, but came home for lunch to check on her, and was home by three-thirty every afternoon. He’d explained that since the men under his command had just gotten back from an intense two-week mission, and he’d been monitoring their movements almost twenty-four seven, he had some flexibility on when he had to be in the office.
She didn’t like hearing about her brother’s mission. Not that Colt actually told her much, but just knowing he’d been overseas doing something dangerous was more than enough for her to worry.
The view from the table she was using at Colt’s house was just as nice as the one from her apartment. She sat at the table in his dining room, which overlooked a small park in the neighborhood. Macie had always wanted kids. Always. But before now, she’d stayed away from them because it was too painful. At the moment, however, she found herself staring at the children on the playground for hours. They looked so carefree. So happy. She couldn’t remember a time in her life when she was truly that relaxed. Maybe before Ford had left for the Army.
Thinking about her brother leaving—and what had happened afterward—made her anxiety flare. She had no idea how he could still care about her after she’d not returned his letters. She didn’t know he’d sent them, but still. It had already been a long time since she’d talked to her parents, but she made a mental vow to never see them again. She’d never forgive them. And not just because they’d purposely kept Ford out of her life.
&
nbsp; The doorbell rang, and Macie jumped. Looking at the clock, she saw it was three. Forcing herself to her feet, she went to the front door. She looked through the peephole, saw that it was Mary and the others, and took a deep breath. Colt wasn’t here—he said he’d be home as soon as he could—so it was just her. Macie’s heart raced and she crossed her arms and pinched her biceps, trying to keep her anxiety under control. This was her sister-in-law. It was fine.
“Mace!” Mary said happily as soon as the door was open. “It’s about time!”
Macie opened the door wider to let Mary and the others in. She recognized them, but Mary went ahead and introduced them anyway. “I’m sure you remember, but this is my best friend, Rayne. Behind her is Emily and her daughter, Annie, and Casey. The others wanted to come too, but they were busy. We’ll have to plan another get-together with them soon.”
Macie smiled at the other women and closed the door behind them once they’d all entered. She gestured to the living room and bit her lip as she followed. She hadn’t made anything for them to eat. She probably should’ve. Especially for Annie. Children were always hungry, weren’t they? She should’ve made cookies. That would’ve been easy.
And crap. Her stuff was strewn all over the dining room table. She was used to it just being her and Colt, and he’d told her to leave her computer set up at the table, and they’d been eating in the living room on the couch while they watched TV.
Macie was working her way to a full-blown anxiety attack when she felt a small hand slip into her own. Looking down, she saw Annie staring at her with a big smile. Her hair was messy around her head, but the little girl didn’t seem to notice or care. She was wearing a pair of jeans that had dirt on the knees and a pink T-shirt with white sequins all over it. Squinting, Macie saw that it said “I like glitter.”
Annie saw her looking at it and smiled. “Like my shirt?”
“It’s cute,” Macie told her.
Annie’s nose wrinkled, and she said, “Look what it can do!” And with that, she ran her free hand down her chest and the sequins changed directions and colors. Now they were brown and said, “But dirt is cool too.”
Macie smiled. “That’s funny.”
“I wish the dirt part was what showed all the time,” Annie pouted.
“Annie, what did we talk about?” Emily reprimanded gently.
The little girl looked at her mom. “That I should just say thank you when people give me a compliment. But Macie is my friend, I can tell her secrets.”
Macie glanced at Annie in surprise. “I’ve only met you once. At the wedding.”
Annie looked at her with big blue eyes and said, “But you’re Truck’s sister. And he’s my favorite uncle. And my brother is named after him. So that means you’re my aunt. And thus, we’re friends.”
Macie’s eyes teared up, and she had to look away from the little girl before she lost it completely. For the millionth time in her life, she regretted being so weak. For letting her parents coerce her into the worst decision of her life.
“Thus?” Mary questioned with a laugh.
“She’s been reading a lot,” Emily said. “It’s her new favorite word.”
“I’m glad we’re friends,” Macie told Annie.
“Me too,” Annie answered happily.
It had been a long time since Macie felt accepted so readily and without strings. Annie was able to make her feel comfortable in a way she rarely felt around others…children included.
“Where’s your brother?” she asked the little girl.
“Daddy and him are having a manly bonding moment and I wasn’t invited,” Annie pouted.
Macie looked at Emily.
The other woman laughed and explained, “I needed a break. Ethan doesn’t sleep much. So Fletch took him to the office for the afternoon.”
“I wanted to go to the office too,” Annie said dejectedly. “I wanted some manly bonding time too.” Then she perked up. “But I also wanted to come see you. So here I am!”
Macie squeezed Annie’s hand. “I’m glad.”
“I’ve never been in the commander’s house,” Casey mused.
“Me either,” Rayne said. “And I’ve known him the longest.”
“It’s nice,” Mary noted. “It feels comfortable.”
“Why do you sound surprised?” Emily asked.
Mary shrugged. “I don’t know. I mean, I guess because it’s the commander. He’s always seemed so stern. So cold.”
“He’s not cold,” Macie said, surprised that anyone could think Colt was stern. “He’s amazing. Patient and kind. He’d never hurt a fly.” She regretted her words when three pairs of eyes stared at her in surprise. “What? He’s not nice?” she asked quietly.
“Annie, do you want to go play?” Emily asked. “There’s a playground right across the street.”
“Yes!” the little girl shouted, then got serious. “But don’t talk about anything important. I don’t want to miss anything.”
Macie forced a smile and squeezed Annie’s hand once more. “We won’t.”
“Stay at the playground. I’ll be watching from here. If you wander off, I’ll take away your obstacle course privileges for a month,” Emily warned.
Annie snapped to attention and dropped Macie’s hand as she saluted her mom. “I won’t, Mommy. Promise. Bye!” And with that, she ran to the front door and disappeared. They all watched as, seconds later, she ran onto the playground and immediately started playing with a group of boys.
“She is way too addicted to that obstacle course,” Mary said wryly.
“I know, but it makes an affective punishment to take it away, so I’m not complaining,” Emily said with a smile.
“Obstacle course?” Macie asked.
“The guys have a course they use at work for PT sometimes. Fletch took Annie there one day and that was that. She didn’t want to do anything else. And she’s good at it too. Fast.”
Macie had met Fletch and the other men Ford worked with at the wedding. She loved how protective and loving they were with their wives. It was part of the reason she’d had such a major anxiety attack at the reception. She wanted the same. And knew she was too broken to ever have a man like that. A man who could put up with her insecurities and anxiety for the long haul.
“Let’s sit,” Rayne said, gesturing to the couches.
Macie knew she should be offering everyone something to drink, but she couldn’t remember what was in Colt’s fridge. What if she offered colas or juice and he didn’t have any? Should she offer to see if he had any beer or wine? She was getting overwhelmed, so she kept quiet and followed the others to the living room to sit down.
No one said anything for a moment, and Macie’s anxiety spiked. She should say something. Get the conversation rolling…but what should she say? She wasn’t a part of these women’s lives, even if Ford was her brother.
“What do you know about Colt?” Mary asked, as blunt as ever.
Macie blinked. “Um…he’s my brother’s commander. He’s in charge of another group of soldiers too. He manages stuff from here while they go on missions.” Said out loud, it sounded ridiculous.
But no one seemed to think her explanation was weird or stupid.
“Right,” Mary said. “But do you know why he was chosen as their commander?”
Macie shook her head. “Because he was qualified?”
Mary chuckled. “You could say that. Look, we all like the commander. He’s an amazing man, and he’s kept our husbands safe more times than we can count. But…he’s not exactly… What word did you use…kind?”
Macie stared at her sister-in-law. “Yes he is,” she countered.
Mary shook her head. “I’m trying to look out for you. He’s got a reputation for being one of the toughest officers on post. He doesn’t like excuses, and doesn’t like it when his soldiers are late and I heard that when he was at another post, he refused to let a soldier take leave when his baby was being born. I also heard that once he—”
“No,” Macie said firmly.
“No, what?” Mary asked.
“I appreciate that you’re trying to look out for me, but there’s no need,” Macie said, trying to sound firm. She knew Mary had a tendency to say whatever she was thinking, but she didn’t want to hear gossip about Colt.
Mary’s voice gentled. “I’m not trying to be a bitch, I swear. I just think you need to know so you don’t have expectations that might never be met. The commander was a Delta Force soldier himself, Macie. He actually left the teams after an incident where one of his teammates was captured. I heard Truck talking about it on the phone one night with Blade. He said the commander went crazy. That he killed forty-two people that day.”
“Have you ever been so worried about something you can’t breathe?” Macie asked Mary out of the blue.
“What?”
“Have you stood in a room and known deep in your soul that everyone was talking about you behind your back?”
“No, but—”
“I know you’ve been through a lot, Mary. I know. There’s a saying I try to live by: everyone you meet is fighting an invisible battle you know nothing about, so you should always be kind. I think you and I know more about that than anyone else in this room. If I told you that Truck was an asshole, would you believe me? Would that change how you feel about him?”
“You know it wouldn’t,” Mary said.
“Right. I can’t pretend to know how Colt was feeling when he killed those people. I would imagine he was angry. And scared for his friend. And frustrated, and a hundred other emotions I can’t name. How would you feel if you were that captured soldier? Wouldn’t you want your fellow soldiers to do whatever it took to get to you? What if that was Rayne, and someone was holding her hostage? Wouldn’t you kill forty-two people to get to her?
“The night of your wedding reception was a living hell for me. I was pretending to be happy, but I was miserable and freaked out that everyone was staring at me, wondering who I was and why I was there. Colt was the only one who noticed. He understood something was wrong and he got me out of there. Spent the entire night making sure I was okay. He didn’t pressure me for sex. In fact, not once did I even worry that might be why he was helping me. He held me in his arms all night, making me feel safe, even as I struggled with my brain telling me things that I knew damn well weren’t true, about everyone staring at me at your reception.