Designed for Love

by Roseanne Dowell

  Talking about dogs of all things. Maybe Bill was one of those guys that couldn't settle on one girl. Maybe that's why he wasn't married. Made sense to me. Better I found out now before it was too late.

  Too late for what? It was already too late. I'd already given him my virginity. Given it? More like threw it at him. He had no way of knowing I was a virgin. We'd never discussed it. If I hadn't come back for my keys. My keys, they were still at his house. At some point I was going to have to get them.

  "Uh, excuse me." Neither of them was paying any attention to me. Alex was too busy making googly eyes, and Bill couldn't seem to take his eyes off her. Maybe Kathy didn't mean anything to him. Obviously, neither did I. I coughed to get their attention, but that didn't work either. Finally, I slammed the door.

  Alex jumped, Bill looked up and poor Leo hid behind him.

  "Sorry guys, but as I said, Bill was just leaving. If you find my keys take them to Gladys's house and leave them in the pantry. There's a hook there. I'll pick them up."

  "The keys, right." Bill snapped his fingers. "Nice to meet you. Maybe I'll see you again sometime." He winked at Alex. "I'll call you if I find the keys."

  "Just leave them. I'll get them from there. No need to call." No need to do anything but leave. God, why didn't he go already? I couldn't stand the look on his face. His gray eyes looked so sad. How did he do that?

  A minute ago, they sparkled as he chatted with Alex. Now he looked like he'd burst into tears any minute. I started to close the door, forcing him to the porch. Leo nudged my leg and I reached down and patted his head. "Bye, Leo." Tears sprang to my eyes, and I shoved the door closed just as Leo went out. Damn, I was going to miss him.

  "What was all that about? More to the point who was that? Why didn't you tell me about him?" Alex babbled.

  "Just someone I work with." I flipped off the hall light. "Hot chocolate?"

  "Sure. What do you mean work with? You never mentioned him before."

  I sighed. My friend wasn't going to quit until I explained the whole sorry mess. "Actually, he's the architect on the job I'm working on. We met on the plane to Florida. Of course, I didn't know that at the time. I only found out later at dinner with Nick."

  "So why does he have your car keys?"

  I poured some milk into a pan and took out the cocoa. "Because I gave him a ride home from the airport and there was an emergency at the house we're working on. Someone stole the copper plumbing." I measured out the cocoa and sugar.

  "We couldn't find my keys, so we went in his car."

  "If you took him home from the airport, why couldn't you find your keys? There's more here you're not telling me."

  I avoided Alex's eyes. I didn't want to tell her what a fool I was. How I gave in and went to bed with him and then found out he had a girlfriend.

  "Because I went in for a cup of coffee. I threw my keys on the table, and they disappeared. Quit reading something into it."

  "Whoa, testy. So what was all that about when I came in? And I noticed your car in the drive."

  I took a deep breath. Friend or not, sometimes Alex drove me up the wall. "Because I had another set of keys. I picked up my car."

  "And Bill was here why?"

  I poured two cups of hot cocoa. One more word, and I swore I'd dump it on her head. "He came to tell me something. Drop it already. Okay?"

  "Okay, okay."

  "So why are you here?" I wondered that ever since I opened the door. Alex never just dropped by without calling. Neither of us did.

  "I'm going to see Jenn and Julie in Pittsburgh tomorrow and thought maybe you'd like to tag along. I know you just came back from Florida, but it's only for the weekend. Maybe until Monday."

  What the heck, why not? If nothing else I could avoid Bill for a few days. Maybe if I wasn't available he'd leave me alone. Something told me he wasn't going to give up easily.

  It wasn't like we made a commitment to each other or anything. Hell, after the way he made over Alex it was pretty obvious he wasn't going to make a commitment to anyone.

  Maybe he didn't like being rejected. Typical male. Had to be the one doing the rejecting. Unless he liked to string several women along at the same time. How could I be so wrong about him? "Sure. What time are you leaving?" Early, I hoped. The earlier the better.

  "How about I pick you up at nine?"

  "Nine it is." I finished my hot chocolate and carried my cup to the sink. "So, you came all the way over here just to ask me to go to Pittsburgh?" Something didn't feel right. This wasn't like Alex.

  "Actually, no. I came because..." Alex caught her breath. "Because Scott and I broke up."

  I almost dropped my cup. "What?" Scott and Alex had been together since forever. Neither of them cared about making it permanent. Living together worked for them.

  "He left. Just like that. Up and walked out."

  "Why?" I went back to the table and sat down next to my friend. "I don't believe it. What happened?"

  "Said he found someone else." Alex wiped a tear. "Said he didn't mean for it to happen but..." She slammed her fist on the table. "Do you believe that? Didn't mean for it to happen. No wonder he's been working late these last couple of months. Sneaking around is more like it."

  "Who is she? Did he say?"

  "No, and I didn't ask. Threw his ass out is what I did." Alex took out a tissue and blew her nose. "I did, I swear. I emptied his drawers and threw all his clothes out the window. Stuff from the closet too."

  I stifled a laugh. I could just picture my friend throwing stuff out the window. "What did he do?"

  "Told me I was crazy and left. He had to go out and pick everything up."

  "At least you weren't on the fifth floor like before." I laughed, I couldn't help it. All I could picture was men's briefs and socks flying everywhere. "Too bad it wasn't raining."

  "That's what I thought. Or at least snowing. Course, there was enough snow on the ground, and he had to scrounge through it. I almost didn't throw out his suits, but I was so mad. The hell with him. Let him get them cleaned. So out they went too."

  "Can't say I blame you. Men!"

  "Yeah, can't live with them and can't live without them."

  "Oh, you can live without them. As long as you don't become involved. Works perfectly."

  "You're involved with Bill, aren't you?" Alex stood up and came around the table. "I knew it. I knew the minute I saw you two there was something."

  Crap. I should have known Alex would figure it out eventually. I held back my own tears. Stupid, that's what I was. Downright stupid.

  "You are, aren't you? Don't try to deny it I can see it written all over your face. You did it. You slept with him. I can tell. Holy crap. You really did."

  "Okay. I did. Are you happy now? Yes, I slept with Bill. And I wish I hadn't"

  "Not good, huh?"

  "Oh, it was good. You have no idea how good."

  "Then what's wrong?"

  I leaned back and looked at Alex. "Sit down." She deserved the whole sordid story. "We had the most incredible sex I could ever have imagined. Several times even."

  "So what's the problem?"

  My mind went back to this morning when I saw him in the arms of another woman. Even now, the pain twisted my stomach. "He already has a girlfriend."

  "What? That hunk I just saw here a minute ago? No way. I saw the way he looked at you."

  "Yeah, and I saw the way he looked at you. Apparently he likes to play the field."

  "You're nuts. He didn't look at me any special way. Believe me, I'd have noticed. Uh uh, he wasn't making a play for me."

  "Well, no matter. I saw him with his girlfriend this morning. And trust me, the hold they had on each other and the way their lips locked was more than just friendly. Besides, I heard her tell him how much she missed him."

  "Awe, honey, I'm sorry. I can't believe you finally let go and this happened."

  "I should have known better. It wasn't his fault. I virtually threw myself at him." Memory of t
he way I seduced him came to mind. The shock on his face. The way he gave me a chance to change my mind. Even up to the last minute, before we went into his room, he gave me an out.

  And what did I do? I physically pushed him into the room. Hell, I couldn't blame him for any of it. Nope, it was all my fault. Never had I been so impulsive. And I'd darn well never would be again. I learned my lesson. Once was enough.

  "You threw yourself at him. Shut up!"

  "I think this calls for something stronger than cocoa." I stood and walked to the refrigerator. "How would you like a Millionaire's Coffee?"

  "I'd like a millionaire's anything."

  "Good!" I took a bottle of Irish Cream and whipped cream out of the refrigerator, then started a fresh pot of coffee.

  "Yum, Irish Cream and whipped cream. Never thought to put it in coffee."

  "Oh, that's not all that goes in it." I opened the cupboard and pulled out two more bottles.

  "What's that?"

  "Frangelico and Grand Marnier."

  "Who-eee, am I spending the night?" Alex leaned back and looked at me.

  "If you want to. In fact, it might not be a bad idea. Because this stuff has a kick."

  "Where'd you learn to make this?"

  "A long time ago. I was with a friend at a restaurant in Fort Myers. We topped off the night with this. To be honest, I have no idea how we got home."

  "That good, huh? I can hardly wait."

  I took two Irish coffee cups from the cupboard. "Coming right up." I poured the right amounts of liqueurs into the cups and filled the rest with coffee.

  "Here you go." I set one of the cups in front of Alex and took the chair opposite. "To life without men." I raised my cup.

  Alex looked at me. "You really think life is better without men?"

  "You'll see." I put the cup to my lips and sipped. "Good stuff."

  "I don't know. Truthfully, I can't imagine life without Scott."

  "Trust me, honey. You'll get used to it." Although right now, I couldn't imagine never making love to Bill again.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  I woke the next morning before the clock went off, leaned over, and hit the button to turn off the alarm. Time to shower and make coffee before I woke Alex.

  At least a half hour to myself. Funny how you got used to a routine. Got used to living alone. I liked my quiet mornings with coffee and the newspaper. Yet something was missing. Only one day, and already I was used to waking up next to Bill. That was one routine I definitely could have grown to love. I liked lying there next to him, watching him sleep.

  I pushed the covers off and swung my feet to the floor. It was time to put Bill out of my mind. Life with him wasn't going to happen. I never was one to share my most personal possessions. Granted, Bill wasn't a possession, but no way was I going to share him either. I couldn't do it.

  I needed commitment. Faithfulness, monogamy. I didn't necessarily need marriage. Although, now that I thought about it, I wouldn't mind with him.

  Good lord, I'd only known him a few days and already I considered marriage. I shuddered to think about it. What had gotten into me?

  I switched on the water and pulled the shower curtain. Memory of Bill's shower came to mind. Blissful memory of the water running down my back while Bill took me. The feel of his soapy hands.

  God, I had to stop thinking about him. It wouldn't serve any useful purpose. What I really needed was to get my logical mind working again. Put all thoughts of Bill behind me. I made a mistake, learn from it and get on with life. That's what I needed to do.

  That was going to be easier said than done. I'd never experienced this kind of pain before. This kind of hurt. I'd never allowed myself to fall in love before. Not that I allowed it this time. It just happened. I didn't have any control over it.

  I snapped off the water and stepped out of the shower and grabbed the towel. Again, memory of Bill drying me off came to mind. God, what was it going to take to forget? How could I put each gentle stroke out of my memory?

  I loved his gentleness, his playfulness. I loved everything about him.

  I threw the towel over the towel rack and left the bathroom. Too many memories in such a short time.

  Poor Alex. What must she be going through? How many years had they actually been together? Five at least. Maybe more. I could hardly remember Alex without Scott. Talk about memories. Time I stopped feeling sorry for myself and started sympathizing with my friend.

  I finished dressing and went downstairs to make breakfast. With the coffee maker on, I took out the makings for pancakes, and opened the freezer. Strawberries or blueberries? Touch decision. The sound of my laugh startled me. Good lord, now I was laughing out loud. Okay, strawberries won.

  I mixed up the batter for the pancakes and set the griddle on the stove to heat. Time to wake up sleeping beauty. Poor Alex, but at least we laughed last night. Silly girl couldn't hold her liquor. Not that I could. Both of our heads were reeling by time we went to bed. Didn't take but one cup of coffee for each of us. Strong stuff. We hadn't giggled like that since high school.

  "Hey, sleeping beauty, time to get up." I touched Alex's arm.

  "Huh? Oh, God, is it morning already?"

  "I'm afraid so. Come on, breakfast is about ready. You have time for a quick shower. I laid some of my clothes out for you until we get to your place."

  Alex slid the covers back and stood up. "Thanks."

  "Towels and wash cloths are on the vanity. Don't dilly-dally."

  "Okay, okay. Gees, you sound worse than my mother."

  I smacked Alex's butt and went downstairs, laughing. I didn't know how long the good mood would last, but for now Alex seemed to be handling things pretty well. As for me, well, I'd muddle through somehow. What choice did I have?

  No excuse on earth would allow me to trust Bill. Not that he gave me any reason to trust him to begin with. I knew better than to give in to a man before I even knew him. I knew all about physical attraction. Sure, Bill and I seemed to have a lot in common, but I really didn't know him.

  And it wasn't like he lied to me. Unbearable, that's what he said. He couldn't find a woman who'd put up with him. Of course he couldn't. Now I knew why. No self-respecting woman would put up with a man who wouldn't remain faithful. Some men needed variety. Obviously Bill was one of them.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Alex eased the car onto the highway. "So you really slept with Bill. I can't believe it. I swore you'd end up an old maid. Wait until Jenn and Julie hear this."

  "Okay, do we have to continue this discussion? And Jenn and Julie don't need to hear anything about it."

  "Sure they do." Alex laughed. "We're best friends. We tell each other everything, remember?"

  I groaned. Maybe they told each other everything, but I'd never had anything to tell before. While my college friends dated and slept with guys freely, I hardly even dated.

  Sometimes I wondered how the four of us hooked up. Different as night and day. The three of them had enough in common, just not me. I was the serious one of the group. Concentrating on my studies, planning my career. How many times had they tried to get me to loosen up? Still, we enjoyed each other's company. How often had one of them come to me in a bind with classes? I spent many an evening cramming with them before a big test.

  Somehow, we all got through it. We all had good jobs and oddly enough, none of us got married. At least not yet. Jenn was engaged but the rest of us remained single. Alex was probably the closest thing to settling down while she lived with Scott.

  "Hey, you listening to me or are you off in la la land somewhere?"

  "Huh? Oh, sorry. Guess I was off. Just thinking about my job." I lied. Anything to get her off the topic of Bill. "Did I tell you someone broke into Gladys's house and stole all the plumbing?"

  "You're kidding, right"

  "Nope. Not a bit. The carpeting is soaked. Not that it matters, we're tearing it out anyway. But still. The floors in the bedrooms are all stained. I'm hoping
we can salvage them. Even the walls have water stains on them from where the water ran down."

  "Sounds like a real mess."

  "It is. Thank God, we hadn't started the renovation."

  * * *

  Alex turned off the highway and pointed to a sheet of paper. "Tell me which way I turn up here."

  "Left and at the next traffic light turn right. Go about two miles until you come to the BP station and hang a left."

  "I've only been here once, and I couldn't remember." Alex maneuvered her car through traffic. "I do remember these hills though."

  "Pretty city."

  "Yeah, it is."

  "Jenn is taking us to see her new house. She and Gary are hoping it's done by May."

  "Must be nice. So what's Julie going to do? Is she going to keep the apartment on her own?"

  "Yeah. Jenn hasn't been living there all that much anyway. Ever since Gary got his own place, she's been living with him."

  "So Julie's going to stay there. That's good."

  "Oh, wait until you hear about her latest guy. He sounds like a real hunk."

  "Don't they all?" I laughed. That was the one thing about Julie that bothered me. She flitted from guy to guy and swore eternal love with all of them.

  "She claims this time it's the real thing."

  "Yeah, right."

  "True, but she's been going with him the longest, so who knows. And she didn't sleep with him right away. Says he's her best friend. After us, that is."

  "Let's hope so. Turn here." Who knew maybe my friends were finally settling down. All except poor Alex that is. Strange she hadn't mentioned Scott in hours. Maybe she wouldn't miss him as much as she thought. Might be she wasn't really in love with him. More a habit than anything. Sure she was hurt. Who wouldn't be? But something about the way she was acting. I had a feeling she wasn't as broken hearted as she thought.

  "Here it is." Alex turned into the drive behind a brand new Lincoln. "Wonder who belongs to that."

  "Maybe it's Gary's." I unbuckled my seat belt and pushed open the car door with my foot. I hated parking on hills. If the door wasn't locked in the open position it fell back against you.