Chasing Spring

by R.S. Grey

  The cigarette smoke swirled through the air, curling in on itself and then dissipating in front of the apartment window. Elaine held her cigarette to her chapped lips and took another long drag, letting her eyelids flutter at the rush of nicotine. She was only halfway done, but she felt in her pocket for the nearly empty pack, finding relief in its presence.

  Her hand shook as she flipped open the lid and pulled out another cigarette, tapping it against the window in beat with her heart. She’d stood there all day, watching and waiting. Her legs were tired and her stomach had long ago given up on food, but her mind’s discomfort was far greater than her body’s. The parking lot in front of her apartment was dark—always dark thanks to the street lamp that had burned out the year before.

  Even without the light, she could see the black Camaro as it turned into the parking lot. There was no need to turn to the clock on her kitchen wall; she knew they were right on time. Donny was punctual.

  The four men slid out of the dark car: Donny and his crew. Two of them were new, guys she’d never had the pleasure of seeing before. Their jeans were torn and their beards were long and unkempt. The one trailing the group pulled a little bag from his back pocket, measured out a hit with his pinkie fingernail, and snorted it, shaking his head as the cocaine took effect.

  Donny’s partner, Carl, led the group. Carl was a skinny, sharp-featured man that Elaine had always assumed was a demon come to life. Dark, spiraling tattoos slithered up the sides of his neck, overtaking his face completely. The only features left intact were his dark eyes, staring straight at her through the thin window. She whipped the curtain closed and turned around, assessing the situation. None of them carried weapons; they concealed them. She knew from experience Donny always had a switchblade in his right pocket. The blade was dull and stained from use, and she prayed he wouldn’t use it when he killed her.

  “Elaine, open the fucking door,” Donny said as his fist hammered on the thin particleboard.

  She inhaled the longest drag of her life, and then pressed the lit end of the cigarette hard into her forearm. The sharp pain brought her eyes into focus, and the flood of adrenaline made her feel strong, if only for this moment.

  This moment had been coming for months, years even. Addiction came with a price, and she’d always known the devil would eventually show up to collect his due. Even so, as she unlocked the deadbolt and turned the handle, she suddenly had the urge to run. She wanted to turn back for the window, slide it open, and slip out into the night like she’d done as a little girl.

  She wasn’t ready to die.

  She wasn’t ready to leave Lilah.

  She thought of her daughter as Donny kicked open the door with so much force it cracked the drywall behind it. Elaine jumped back out of the way and Donny stepped inside, bringing with him the smell of liquor and rot.

  Donny’s thin lips twisted into a grin. “Nice to see you, Elaine.”

  She took another step back as the four men walked into her apartment, claiming the space as their own. She avoided eye contact, staring instead at their shoes. Black, heavy boots stained her carpet, leaving trails of dirt and sludge that she’d never have to scrub away; it’d be a problem for the tenant that came after her.

  The new guys trailed through her house, turning over her living room and tossing her couch cushions onto the ground. They took knives to the pillows, ripping open the material to get to the stuffing. They were looking for money, but they wouldn’t find any.

  Carl and Donny stepped into her kitchen and Donny pushed the contents of her kitchen table onto the ground, sweeping her belongings away so easily that she had to squeeze her eyes closed as her life scattered across the linoleum floor.

  He spun a chair around and took a seat with his legs hanging over each side. “Y’know, I’m sad to see it end this way Elaine. I was really pulling for you. There aren’t many whores like you in this shitty town. You know that?”

  Elaine turned to him, but she couldn’t meet his eye. She focused on the scar that stretched down his face, specifically at the point where it ended halfway into his lip. Someone had nearly sliced him in two when he was younger and she found herself wishing they’d finished the job.

  “Boss, she could have the money, you haven’t even asked her yet,” Carl laughed as he continued rooting through her cabinets. Other than the empty cereal boxes, there was nothing left in the cupboards. She’d sustained herself on ramen and tuna fish for the past few weeks.

  Donny chuckled. “Right, right, right.” He pressed his hand to his chest and then extended it to her. “Elaine, please take a seat and tell me you’ve got twenty thousand hidden somewhere in this shitty ass apartment.” He leaned back with a wicked smile. “That would make my fucking night.”

  She pointed at the peanut tin on the floor. Inside, there was a hundred dollars, a hundred dollars she’d desperately wanted to spend on a gift for Lilah, a little something by which she could remember her mom.

  One of the new guys—the one who’d taken a hit of cocaine on the way in—bent to the ground and retrieved the tin. He pried it open, chuckled, and showed it to Donny.

  “Is this a joke?” Donny said, ripping the tin from his crony’s hand and slinging it across the room. It collided with a picture frame propped up on the kitchen counter, shattering the glass across the room. The bills still sat folded inside of it.

  Elaine shook her head, trying to keep the tears from clouding her vision.

  “Fuck this, Donny. Get on with it already. We gotta pick up that delivery across town in fifteen.”

  Donny nodded and stood. He rounded the corner toward Elaine, scratching his beard and assessing her with wicked eyes. She held her breath and watched him reach into his pocket out of the corner of her eye; he was reaching for the switchblade.

  She jumped up out of her chair and flew across the room, holding her hands up to keep the four men away from her.

  “STOP! I can get you the money.”

  Donny turned and pounded his fists against the table in anger. “Fucking lies, Elaine!”

  The wood threatened to buckle under the force of his fists. She watched it crack in the center, splintering out in two directions. Donny caught his fists just before he rammed them into the table again. He held them aloft and then loosened them, blinking away his anger. He turned toward her and smiled as if the last ten seconds had never happened. She swallowed down her fear as he stepped toward her with the patience of a man stepping toward a scared deer.

  “Baby, you can’t get me the money. You say that every single time.” His voice was soft and comforting, and it scared her more than his shouts. “And you know what happens?” He was so close to her face then, breathing right onto her skin. His warm breath stank from rotted teeth. “You never fucking deliver.”

  His hand dipped into his pocket for the switchblade and she stood immobile. Her heart hammered in her chest, rioting for her to do something. Act. Move. Run. Instead, she stared up into Donny’s dark brown eyes as tears started to flow.

  “Please Donny,” she choked out through sobs. “Please. This time I really mean it. I know where you can get the money.”

  Donny laughed and turned back to his men. “You guys hearing this? Maybe she has a few more fuckin’ cans of peanuts layin’ around.”

  They chuckled along with him, the sound of it ringing in her ears until Donny flipped open the switchblade and the laughter stopped abruptly. The dull blade caught the light and Elaine finally found the courage to move. She fled past him, trying to make it to the door of the apartment, but he was quicker. He reached out and yanked her by the arm so hard it gave way from the socket.

  She screamed in agony as he twisted her back to him, holding the blade right up in the groove of her neck.

  “Donny. DONNY, I know this house, I-I-I…” she stammered. “I know when they’re not home, I know where they keep everything. Lots of antiques, a-and jewelry and shit.”

  He laughed in her ear and pressed the blade into her ski
n, slicing through her like she was made of paper.

  “No more fairytales,” he bit out.

  She squeezed her eyes shut and visualized the brand new TV the Matthews had purchased a few months back. It wasn’t worth twenty grand, but it was a start, just a little something to appease Donny until she could think of what to do. Hell, she’d become a whore. She’d strip. She’d go back to selling drugs, anything to stay alive for Lilah.

  The blade cut deeper and she felt the rush of blood to her head, pounding with adrenaline and self-preservation.

  “WAIT,” she pleaded as heavy tears slid down her cheeks. “PLEASE. PLEASE. I’ll show you. This house right across town. They’ll be gone tomorrow, I swear! They have good stuff, Donny. Good stuff.”

  The pressure of the knife eased up and she inhaled quick, deep breaths.

  “We can go first thing tomorrow. I know exactly where they keep the spare key,” she promised. “It’s a clean job. Super clean job. In and out.”

  Donny moved the blade and shoved her away. She collided with the edge of the table and groaned as she slid to the ground, sobbing with the relief of getting to live another day.

  Donny bent down, edging her chin up with his meaty fingers.

  “Elaine, Elaine, shh,” he soothed before his tone turned darker. “Stop fucking crying,” he snapped.

  His grip tightened on her chin, digging painfully into her skin. She forced back tears and blinked up at him.

  “Tomorrow is your last chance,” he said, his eyes darting back and forth between hers. “Got it?”

  She nodded, swallowing down her sobs so he wouldn’t yell at her again.

  He stood and turned toward the door, and then thought better of it and turned back for her. He pointed the blade at her mouth and his thin lips twisted into a sardonic smirk. “I was going to make it quick and painless, but I want you to know right now: if you’re wasting our time with this, I’m going to take my time slicing that pretty face of yours.”

  He laughed, closed his switchblade, and waved the guys out of her apartment.

  Chapter Forty-Three

  Chase

  I was about to rip us apart. I knew that by delving into the truth about our mothers’ deaths, I was unraveling her world, but I had to pull the string.

  “Where was your mom that day, Lilah?” I asked again.

  “She was out. I don’t know. I never learned all the details.” Her gaze shifted back and forth between my eyes as she tried to process the muddled memories in her head. “Why are you doing this?” she asked as tears collected in the corners of her eyes.

  I tried to stay calm. My temper raged through me but I couldn’t yell. I had to be the calm one.

  “She was with them, Lilah. She was the one who let them into our house.”

  “Stop.”

  I shook my head. The anger was building in my chest, gripping its way around my throat.

  “My mom wasn’t supposed to be home,” I explained. “She was supposed to be at the school carnival, but she ran home for a ladder. Your mom thought they could break in really quick, but that didn’t happen.”

  “Why are you doing this, Chase?” Lilah asked, sorrow seeping through the rage in her eyes.

  “She never even tried to stop them!” I yelled.

  “Shut up Chase! SHUT UP!” Lilah screamed. Her tough exterior started to strain and crack. “You don’t know what you're talking about!”

  “She watched her best friend die and she was too cowardly to do anything about it.”

  “You’re a LIAR!” she screamed, gripping her fists around my shirt like she wanted to rip it from my body.

  “They strangled my mom and left her for dead,” I said as I watched her face.

  Her body collapsed against mine. She fell forward and slammed her fists into my chest. Over and over again, she hammered against my chest like a drum. I wrapped my arms around her, holding her up and trying to be strong enough for the both of us. It was useless. I tightened my hold around her elbows so she couldn’t move. She tried to claw free of me. I was a human punching bag and Lilah was a wrecking ball.

  “Why Chase? Why?” she sobbed.

  She kept mumbling into my shirt as she slipped further away from me. Her body stayed right where it was, but I was losing her. My Lilah. She’d always pushed her misplaced anger onto me. Now, she’d forever blame me for being the person to bring the truth to light, for ruining what little respect she still held for her mother.

  That blame I could live with. That blame was something I could bear.

  Chapter Forty-Four

  August 2013

  Blackwater, Texas

  Elaine wept through most of the night. Hannah was her sister, her guardian angel, and her hero, and in a moment of weakness, Elaine had agreed to rob her blind. Donny had slipped his blade against her neck and instead of slowly descending into darkness, she’d offered up her best friend’s house as collateral. It was a new low, even for her.

  She kept telling herself that the robbery would be quick and clean. Donny had run through the plan with her a thousand times, but she’d been in a daze, trying to think of a solution out of the whole mess. Even as they stepped into Hannah’s backyard and walked up the door, Elaine hadn’t given up hope that she’d find some way to make it right.

  No one was home. Elaine knew that Hannah and her family were at the summer carnival. Hannah helped organize it every year, so Elaine planned their robbery for 8:00 PM, right smack-dab in the middle of the festivities. Hannah should have been halfway to the top of the Ferris wheel surrounded by funnel cakes and cotton candy.

  Elaine noticed the lights on downstairs as she retrieved the spare key from beneath the potted hydrangea out back but didn’t think much of it. Hannah tended to leave the lights on even when she wasn’t home.

  “Hurry up,” Donny said, edging behind her and yanking the key out of her hand as Elaine pushed to stand.

  He shoved the key into the lock, turned it, and pushed the door open with the care of a destructive giant. Elaine followed Donny and Carl into the house, careful to wipe her shoes on the floor mat. The guys headed for the living room, but Elaine dragged her feet, conscious of the sick feeling pooling in her gut. She wanted to turn and run. She wanted to rewind and go back to the other night and let Donny slide his blade across her neck. Death would be a welcome end to the guilt that grew with every step into that house.

  Hannah didn’t deserve to be robbed.

  She walked past the kitchen, glanced in, and froze when she saw Hannah’s purse sitting on the kitchen counter.

  Fear gripped her heart as she held out her hand.

  “WAIT,” she yelled. “Someone’s home!”

  Donny ignored her and headed for the flat-screen TV hanging on the living room wall.

  Elaine shook her head and ran after him, trying to get them to listen. “No. DONNY THEY’RE HOME. LET’S GO.”

  Carl grabbed her neck and shoved her against the wall before edging past her to help Donny with the TV.

  “Be useful and grab something,” Donny said, angling the TV away from the wall mount.

  Elaine stepped forward and listened, trying to decide if she heard footsteps upstairs or not. The padded carpet made it impossible to tell.

  “I’m going to check upstairs,” she said, trying to sound as if her heart wasn’t racing a hundred miles a minute.

  The guys ignored her. She sprinted up the stairs and paused when the hallway bathroom light flipped off. The door opened and Hannah stepped out, still wiping her hands with a hand towel. She met Elaine’s gaze, tilted her head, and frowned.

  “Elai—”

  Elaine flew forward and pushed her hand over Hannah’s mouth, forcing her into silence.

  “Don’t say a word,” she whispered, pleading with her friend to stay silent. “Do you understand?”

  Hannah’s eyes widened as she tried to break out of Elaine’s grasp.

  Elaine fought her and pushed them both back into the bathroom. She close
d the door and kept the light off. The two of them stood in darkness as Elaine listened to determine whether the guys had heard them. Two long seconds passed in silence and then Elaine moved her hand away from Hannah’s mouth.

  “Someone’s in my house?” Hannah whispered.

  “Yes. Two men. Two very bad men.” Elaine paused and turned toward the door, listening for Donny and Carl. They were yelling at each other downstairs but she couldn’t make out their words. She turned back to Hannah and grabbed her arms. “Let them rob you. I’ll buy you a new TV. I’ll buy you a new house. Hannah, just please stay in here and don’t say a word.”

  Hannah reached out and gripped Elaine’s arms in the darkness. “What are you doing, Elaine? Are you helping them?”

  Elaine shook her head over and over again. “I’ll explain it all, I promise, just please—”

  “ELAINE. Where are you?” Donny yelled from the foot of the stairs.

  Hannah jumped and let out a little squeak. In the quiet bathroom it sounded as if she’d just yelled bloody murder, but Elaine had to hope Donny hadn’t heard. She put her hand up to Hannah’s mouth and pressed her index finger against her lips before turning for the door. She cracked it open and yelled down for him.

  “Donny, I’m up here looking through jewelry.”

  “Well fuckin’ hurry up and get back down here,” he yelled.

  Elaine swallowed and closed the door as quietly as possible. She turned back to Hannah and heard rustling in the darkness. Then she felt a cold chain brush her arm, and then another, and another. Hannah was holding out something for her to take and when Elaine reached for it, she felt a tangle of necklaces. Hannah was holding out her jewelry for Elaine to take and the realization cracked Elaine’s black heart in two.

  “Take them,” Hannah said, forcing them out to her friend. “Take them. They should be worth a little.”

  Elaine shook her head as the sadness in her gut shifted to her chest. She felt the tears stain her cheeks before she could stop them. She didn’t want to be this person. She didn’t want to steal from Hannah.