We tole ’im, “Harly Moss, why?”
He say, “Oh, nothin’.”
—NORA LEE WHITE.
Hurricane met de tornado in Fort Lauderdale. So they went and had breakfast together.
Hurricane ast de tornado, says: “Where you been and whut you been doing?”
Tornado says: “Oh, I been down in Cuba messin around. Where you been?”
“I been to Palm Beach kinda bumpin de bump. Tell you whut let’s doo. Soon as we git thew breakfast, let’s go down to Miami and let’s shake dat thing.”
—M. C. FORD, MIAMI.
Why the Waves have White Caps *
The Sea and the Wind was both women. They both had children. The Wind tole the Water, “My children is better than yours. Some flies in the air, some walks on the ground, and some swims the water. They got all kinds of pretty feathers. They kin sing. Yours can’t do nothin’ but swim.”
The Water got mad at the Wind for talkin’ like that, because she was mother of all the birds. So next time a lot of birds come down to drink, the Water caught ’em and drownded ’em. The Wind know she left her children down by the Water, so she keep passin’ over callin’ her children. Every time she calls ’em, they show they white feathers to let her know where they is, but de Water won’t let ’em go. When it storms, the Sea and the Wind is fighting about the children.
—LILY MAY BEALE.
* “vagina” or “sex.”
* This tale is repeated in a slightly different version, later.
Talking Animal
Tales
De brother in black is lak de monkey. He wanter do everything he see somebody do. They was an engineer on de I. C. had a pet monkey and he use to let him ride wid him sometime. One day he stepped off to git his orders and de fireman to ketch air, and de monkey jumps up in de engineer’s seat and opens de throttle and pulls her out. Down dat road him and dat wheeler. They sent wires ahead, “Look out ahead! Monkey on de rails.” Well, he run her till his steam died down.
Another time he had his monkey on de ship and de monkey could talk, so he bet a million dollars his monkey could talk, and de man bet him a million different. So he tried to make dat monkey talk. Monkey wouldn’t say a word. “Bet I’ll make you talk.” He tied dat monkey to de anchor chain. De chain wuz just running overboard. Way after while it jerked dat monkey up. When he got up to de rail he hollered, “Snub her, boss, snub her.”
—JERRY BENNETT.
Man wuz goin’ tuh give uh purleau supper, but he didn’t have nothin’; so he went an’ stole uh chicken an’ brought it home. Well, he put on de water tuh clean it an’ his cat come up an’ says: “Unhunh, I see you got uh chicken. Gimme de liver an’ gizzard, please, m’am.”
Thass de way cat got uh talkin’—they says “m’am” tuh ever’body, even uh man.
He never paid no ’tention tuh de cat. He took an’ cooked dat hen wid uh plenty rice an’ set it back till his friends come.
Being de man uh de house he wuz first one tuh dip in de pot an’ he took de gizzard an’ et it, an’ it made ’im sick right off cause dat chicken wuz poisoned.
They called de doctor an’ put ’im tuh bed an’uh rockin’cheer wuz standin’ close up facin’ de bed an’ de cat got up in dat cheer an’ set dere an’ rocked, an’ she tole de man: “I sho is glad I didn’t eat none uh dat chicken. Goody, goody, goody! sho is glad I didn’t eat none uh dat chicken. Thass whut you git fuh eatin’ dat gizzard ’stead uh givin’ me some.” (The gizzard is believed to be the only dangerous part of a chicken fed on nux vomica.)
—“NIGGER” BIRD.
Old feller one time had a mule. His name was Bill. Every morning he go to ketch ’im say, “Come round, Bill.”
So one morning he slept late, so he decided while he wuz drinkin some coffee he’d send his son to ketch old Bill.
Told him, say, “Go down dere, boy, and bring me dat mule up here.”
Boy, he such a fast aleck, he grabbed de bridle and went on down to de lot to ketch old Bill.
He say, “Come round, Bill.” De mule looked round at him. He told de mule. “ ’Tin’t no use you rollin yo’ eyes at me—pa want yuh dis mawnin. Come on round and stick yo’ head in dis bridle.”
Mule kept on lookin at him and said: “Every mawnin, it’s come round, Bill—come round Bill. Don’t hardly git no night rest before it’s come round, Bill.”
De boy thowed down dat bridle and flew back to de house and tole his pa, “Dat mule’s talkin.”
“Aw gwan, boy, tellin yo’ lies. Gwan ketch dat mule.”
“Naw, pa, dat mule’s done gone to talkin. You hatta (have to) ketch dat mule. I ain’t gwine.”
Old man looked at old lady, say: “See whut uh lie dat boy’s tellin.”
So he gits out and goes down after de mule himself. When he got down dere he hollered: “Come round, Bill.”
Old mule looked around and says: “Every mawnin it’s ‘come round Bill’.”
De old man had a lil fice dog useter foller ’im everywhere he go, so he lit out wid de lil fice right behind ’im. So he told de lady: “De boy ain’t tole much of a lie—dat mule sho is talkin. I never heered uh mule talk before.”
Lil fice say: “Me neither. I got skeered.” Right through de woods he went wid de fice right behind ’im. He nearly run hisself to death. He stopped and commenced blowin and he says: “I’m so tired I don’t know whut to do.” Lil dog run and set down in front of him and went to hasslin and he says, “me, too.”
Dat man is runnin yit.
—A. D. FRAZIER.
Once the hounds wuz chasin’ a fox and had run him all night long. And soon the next mornin’ he wuz runnin’ crost a mountain and looked back and seen the sun rising all red. He said to hisself: “Doggone my running soul! I done set de world on fire.”*
—ARTHUR HOPKINS.
A cross-eyed gnat and a one-eyed fly had a collision, and they’s suing each other yet.
—N. A. JAMES.
Once a lady had a polly* and he was awful bad. A man came along selling coal. The polly told him to drive around to the back and drive back this evening and get your pay. So the man came back that evening after his pay. The polly didn’t answer, so the lady answered and the man said: “I came after the pay for the coal.”
She said, “I haven’t ordered any coal.”
The man said, “I know you have!”
She thought about her polly and said, “I bet that old polly ordered that coal. She caught the polly and choked him and threw him back under the house. She had killed a rooster for dinner. The polly began to come to, so he raised up his head, looked at the rooster’s head and said, “Hello friend, what are you doing under here—are you ordering coal, too.”
—ARTHUR HOPKINS.
Man had a cat. Every evening he come home from work he bring a piece of meat for his supper. De cat meet him and ast: “Is dat ham?”
Man say: “Yeah, I’ll give you a piece.”
After while, times got tight. He got a lil piece of meat. Cat met him. “Is dat Ham?”
Man say: “Naw, God damn yuh, dis is bacon and you ain’t gointer git a smell, neither.”
—CLARENCE BEALE.
* Hurston repeats this tale later, attributing it to Eugene Oliver.
* A Gullah term, variant of “pollydo,” or “polydore”: a male friend or boyfriend; Apollo.
Animal Tales
Rooster and Fox
A bunch of chickens and a rooster wasn’t roosting very high. Fox would go there every morning and catch a hen till he caught all the hens. Rooster says: “I’m going to change my roosting place and roost higher.”
So next morning Fox got dere before sunrise and rooster setting way up in de tree.
“Good morning, Brer Rooster.”
“Good morning, Brer Fox.”
Brer Fox says: “Brer Rooster, I got good news for you. Come down.”
“No, I don’t want to come down. It’s too early. Whut is the news?”
“C
ome on down so I kin tell it to you.”
“No, go ahead and tell it. I can hear you. Whut is the news?”
Fox says: “Law is now, fox eat no mo’ roosters, hounds run no mo’ foxes. Ain’t dat good news?”
While they was talking they heard the hounds ow-ooo…
Fox says: “Hush, Brer Rooster, whut’s dat I hear?”
Rooster say: “Dat ain’t nothing but dem hounds.”
Fox says: “Well, believe I’ll go.”
Rooster say: “Whut you skeered of? Didn’t you say de new law say hounds run no more foxes?”
Fox says: “Yeah, but them hounds liable to run all over dat law and break it. Good-bye, Brer Rooster.”
—M. C. FORD.
The Frog and the Mole
Frog used to have a long big tail and no eyes. Mole had eyes and no tail. So when one day de mole come up out de ground wid his eyes full of dirt he was just wiping his eyes and gittin de sand out. Soon’s he looked round he seen de frog sittin up wid his big tail and no eyes. So he said: “Say, Brer Frog, whut you want wid dat big ole tail for? Tain’t no good to you?”
Frog said: “Whut you want wid dem eyes and live in de dark all de time? Besides you roots yo’ way and gits ’em full of dirt.”
Mole says: “Les’ swap, Brer Frog.”
So they did. Now de frog got eyes and no tail and de mole got tail and no eyes.
—M. C. YARD.
Why the Dog Hates the Cat
Cat and de dog wuz good friends one time. Both of ’em loved ham. So they put in together an’ went to town an’ bought ’em one. It wuz a great big ham. So de dog he toted it first. He said: “Our ham, our ham, ours, ours, ours.”
Come time for de cat to tote it awhile. She says: “My ham, my ham, my ham.”
Dog toted it agin. He says: “Ours, ours, ours.”
Cat took agin. She says: “My ham, my ham.”
Dog says: “Sis Cat, how come you always say ‘my ham’ when you totes de ham? I always say ‘our ham’.”
Cat didn’t say nothin but when they got almost home de cat sprung up de tree wid de ham and set up dere eatin it up.
Dog says: “Our friendship is broke up forever. I can’t climb no tree, but you got to come down sometime and when you do…” (a significant shaking of the head).
—MACK C. FORD.
Why De Donkey’s Ears is Long
Once upon a time there wuz a man he named all de animals. He named de lion, lion; he named de bear, bear; he named de tager, tager; he named de wolf, wolf; he named de fox, fox; de mule, mule; and all de other animals, so when he got to the donkey, donkey act stubborn. He caught de donkey by his ears and he pulled donkey’s ears and dat’s whut make de donkey’s ears so long now.
—NATHANIEL BURNEY.
De Reason De Woodpecker
got Uh Red Head
When all de animals wuz in de ark de woodpecker started tuh peckin’ on de wood. Ole Nora tole ’im tuh stop cause he had done pecked uh hole nearly thew de wall, an’ Ole Nora saw he wuz goin’ tuh drown everybody; so he tole ’im tuh stop uhgin an’ when he caught ’im peckin’de nex’ time, he hauled off wid uh hammer an’ hit de woodpecker on de head an’ made it bleed. And that’s how come de woodpecker got uh red top-knot t’day.
—CLIFFORD ULMER.
Why De Buzzard ain’t got No Home
Every time it rains the buzzard says: “Lawd, I wish I had a place to stay.” But as soon as it fair off, he say: “Who want to be bothered wid any home? It’s too nice flyin’ ’round.” But soon’s it starts tuh rainin’ again he says: “Lawd, I sho’ wish I had a home. If it ever stops rainin’ I’m sho’ goin’ build me a home.” But he never do. So that’s the reason the buzzard never have no home.
—ARMETTA JONES.
The Fox and the Hounds
Once the hounds wuz chasin’ a fox and had run him all night long. And soon the next mornin’ he wuz runnin’ crost a mountain and looked back and seen the sun rising all red. He said to hisself: “Doggone my running soul: I done set de world on fire.”*
—EUGENE OLIVER.
Why De Alligator is Black
De alligator was laying in the marsh sunning hisself and catching flies when Brother Rabbit dashed in and run right cross him and wake him up. That made Brother Alligator mad. He said: “Brother Rabbit, what you doing running over me that way and waking me up outa my rest?
Brother Rabbit say: “You’d run over somebody, too, if you’d been troubled like me. The hounds is behind me and I am in plenty of trouble.”
Brother Alligator say: “Trouble? What’s trouble?”
Brother Rabbit say: “Brother ’Gator, don’t you know what trouble is?”
Brother ’Gator say: “No, I don’t know nothing ’bout no trouble. I ain’t never heard tell of it. What is it?”
Brother Rabbit say: “I’ll show you.” So he went off and took a lightwood torch and set that marsh afire all the way around. Then he went off and waited.
When the alligator felt that heat he made a break for de water, but no matter which way he run there was fire there. You know, before that, the ’gator was all pretty and white, but time that fire got thru scorching him he was black as a coal. Way after a while he burst thru the flame and heat and hit the water wham! An’ where he had done got burnt black all over he’s been black ever since.
And that is how the ’gator found out how trouble was.
—EUGENE OLIVER AND MARY DASH.
The Flies and God
The flies was so small till everything trod on ’em you know and keep ’em back. And the flies held a conference—they wanted to know what to do. So they says: “We’ll go up to heben and tell God about it.” So they got one right after the other—one right after the other.
“Say, Lord, we ain’t got no weapons to fight with and no way to protect ourselves, and we can’t get nothing to eat.”
So God said: “Go on back and when you get back I’ll fix it so you’ll git the first taste of everything.”
So they did and they never fail.
—M. C. FORD.
Why De Cat has Nine Lives
One time it was very hard times and de man had a wife an’ five chillun an’ dey didn’t have nothin’ to eat. Dey looked, but dere wasn’t a dust of meal nor flour in de barrel, so he fixed him up a pole and dey all went down to de water. So he fished an’ he fished till he caught seven fish; one for himself an’ one for his wife an’ one for everyone of his five chillun. Den he said: “I b’lieve I’ll keep on fishin’ till I catch one for de cat an’ one for de dog.” So he did. But jus’ as he pulled out de las’ fish, he broke his hook. So he said: “It’s good I got a fish for everybody, ’cause I done broke my hook an’ I ain’t got no mo’.”
So he went on up to the house an’ dey cleaned dem fish and fixed dem. Then he seen he needed a bucket of water so him an’ de ole lady went after de water, an’ dey tole de chillun, “Don’t let de cat touch de fish. He sho’ will bother it if you don’t watch ’im.”
So while dey was gone, the children got to playin’ an’ forgot all ’bout de cat an’ de cat took an’ got up on de table an’ et up seven of de fish. Dat was all he could hold.
When de man come back an’ found out de cat had eat up de fish he said: “Dese two lil fish can’t save us.” He looked at the cat an’ his stomach was so full it was ’bout to bust so de man knowed them other two fish would kill ’im. So he said to the cat: “Since you de cause of all de rest of us starvin’ to death, I goin’ make you eat dese two fish an’ kill you.”
So he made de cat eat de fish an’it bust him open and he died. So de man an’ his wife an’ his chillun an’ de dog starved to death.
So dey all went up to heaven an’ when dey got dere God put de man on de scales to weigh his soul an’ de cat come up an’ looked at ’im so funny till God knowed there was somethin’ between the man and the cat. So he asked de man: “What’s between you an’ dis cat?” So de man tole him whut de cat had done. So God tole
Gabriel says: “Grab dat cat an’ throw him outa here.” So because de cat had nine lives in his belly, he was fallin’ for nine days befo’ he landed in hell.
So dat’s why de people say de cat has nine lives.
Goat fell down an’ skinned his chin
Great God-amighty, how de goat did grin.
Why De Porpoise’s Tail
is on Crosswise
Now, I want to tell you ’bout de porpoise. God had done made de world and everything. He set de moon and de stars in de sky. He got de fishes of de sea and the fowls of de air completed.
He made de sun and hung it up. Then he made a nice gold track for it to run on. Then He said: “Now, Sun, I got everything made but Time. That’s up to you. I want you to start out and go round de world on dis track just as fast as you kin make it. And de time it takes you to go and come, I’m going to call day and night.”
De Sun went zoonin’ on cross de elements. Now, de porpoise was hanging round there and heard God what He tole de Sun, so he decided he’d take dat trip around de world hisself. He looked up and saw de Sun kytin’ along, so he lit out too, (Gesture of swift flight), him and dat Sun!
So de porpoise beat de Sun round de world by one hour and three minutes. So God said: “Aw naw, this ain’t gointer do! I didn’t mean for nothin to be faster than de Sun!” So He run dat porpoise for 3 days before He caught dat porpoise and took his tail off and put it on crossways—still he’s de fastest thing in de water.
Every Tongue Got to Confess: Negro Folk-Tales From the Gulf States Page 18