Confessions of a Police Constable
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PNC – The Police National Computer has a record of everybody who has been arrested in the past decade and a half, or so.
Pocketbook – (also PB, or PPB, for Police Pocketbook) The notebook you get issued when you join the police. This is where you write down any stops you do, keep a running log of your shifts, and do a lot of arse-covering in case you have to use any force that isn’t covered in any other pieces of paperwork. Personally, I like to keep a quick note of all the reference numbers from other forms here, too: the serial numbers on tickets I issue, the numberplates of cars I check, and the details of people I’ve spoken to. Whenever you end up in court, you rely heavily on your pocketbook. If it’s not written down, it didn’t happen. When you finish your pocketbook, it gets filed away for ten years. Lose your pocketbook, and you could face rather serious disciplinary action.
PR – Personal Radio
PTT – The Push To Talk button does what it says on the tin: push the button to transmit, and release it again to end your transmission.
Q Car – An unmarked police car. Usually, these vehicles have concealed radio antennae, hidden lights and tucked-away sirens. These days, some of the Q cars are so well camouflaged that even if you were to inspect one that was parked, you might not be able to identify it as a police car. The name Q car derives from the Second World War expression ‘Q Ship’. These were heavily armed merchant ships with concealed weaponry, designed to lure submarines into making surface attacks. This gave Q ships the chance to open fire and sink them.
QT – Saying the Q-word meaning ‘the opposite of loud’ is bad luck in this job; whenever someone exclaims ‘Boy, is it quiet today’, it invariably means that the rest of the shift descends into a shitstorm of historical proportions. The last time someone mentioned the Q-word over the radio, the riots broke out a few hours later. QT stands for Quiet Time.
Rank – When you start working as a police officer, you usually enter as a police constable – you can then work your way up the ranks. For an overview of the positions, see Police Ranks.
Refs – Refreshment: When taking a tea or food break, you’re said to be ‘on refs’.
Res – Residential: places where people live; the opposite of Non-Res.
Roadcraft – The name of the advanced driving book we use as our textbook in the police. You can buy it from bookstores, if you’re curious.
RPG – Rocket Propelled Grenade, if you’re an avid gamer. In the context of the Met, however, it’s the Royal Protection Group: the specialist officers, usually AFOs as well, who are tasked with protecting members of the Royal Family.
RTC – Road Traffic Collision
Sarge – see Sergeant
SC – see Special Constable
Sergeant – The rank above Constable
Skipper – see Sergeant
SMT – Senior Management Team
SOCO – Scene of Crimes Officer; like CSI, but more British.
Special Constable – Police constables who volunteer their time to work alongside regular officers. They usually have a ‘real’ job in addition to being volunteer officers. They use the same equipment and have the same police powers as myself.
Stick – see also Gun and Knife: a stick is anything that can be used to hit someone with: a piece of plank, a baseball bat or, yes, a stick.
Sticking – Hitting someone with a baton or truncheon.
Tit – see Custodian
TLA – Three Letter Acronym
Top hat – see Custodian
Tour of Duty – A shift at work.
Trojan – Armed police, see also AFO.
Tug – To pull over a car.
TWOC – Take Without Owner’s Consent in instances of car theft.
VIWS – Victims, Informants, Witnesses and Suspects.
White Notes – The training paperwork you get when you learn everything you need to know to be a police officer. Why they are called ‘white notes’, I have never been able to figure out.
Identity codes
IC stands for Identity Code. They are used to describe the apparent ethnic background of Victims, Informants, Witnesses and Suspects (collectively known as VIWS). If it isn’t immediately clear what IC code your VIWS are, you take your best guess.
IC1 – White person, northern European
IC2 – White person, Mediterranean/Hispanic
IC3 – African/Afro-Caribbean person
IC4 – Indian, Pakistani, Nepalese, Maldivian, Sri Lankan, Bangladeshi or any other (South) Asian person
IC5 – Chinese, Japanese or South-East Asian person
IC6 – Arab person
Police ranks
1. Police Constable (PC)
2. Police Sergeant (PS)
3. Inspector (Insp)
4. Chief Inspector (C/Insp)
5. Superintendent (Supt/Super)
6. Chief Superintendent (C/Supt)
7. Commander (Cdr)
8. Deputy Assistant Commissioner (DAC)
9. Assistant Commissioner (AC)
10. Deputy Commissioner (D/Comm)
11. Commissioner (Comm)
Acknowledgements
This book could not have happened without the incredible support I’ve received throughout the process of it coming about – the support from Kat Hannaford at Gizmodo, and Rachel Faulkner and Scott Pack at The Friday Project has been absolutely magnificent. Thank you so much. A big thanks also to Katie May, for making me look all manner of wholesome on the cover of this book. I wish I were that good looking!
Confessions of a Police Constable is part of the bestselling ‘Confessions’ series. Also available:
Confessions of a GP
by Dr. Benjamin Daniels
Confessions of a Male Nurse
by Michael Alexander
Confessions of a New York Taxi Driver
by Eugene Salomon
Look out for Confessions of a Showbiz Reporter and Confessions of an Undercover Cop, coming soon.
About the Author
MATT DELITO is a 30-something constable in the Metropolitan Police. He switched careers relatively late – exchanging spreadsheets, a Ford Focus rep car and a pretty decent salary for paperwork, a Ford Focus (but this time one with blue lights on the roof), and a far less decent salary.
And yet, he’s much happier for it.
Copyright
The Friday Project
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This edition published by The Friday Project in 2013
Text copyright © Matt Delito 2013
Matt Delito asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.
Source ISBN: 9780007497454
Ebook Edition © April 2013 ISBN: 9780007497461
Version 1
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