by A'zayler
“Logan, I swear she don’t mean nothing to me. I fucked up bad.”
Yeah, you did.
“I swear it wasn’t shit.”
“Yeshi, let me go.” She wiggled, trying to break free. “Please, just let me go.”
The room around them began to spin a lot faster from one minute to the next. One minute it was just her and Yeshi, next it was all her friends standing there trying to make him let her go.
“Bruh, just let this damn girl go.” Killian tried to ease Yeshi’s hand from Logan’s arms.
Yeshi adamantly shook his head. “Nah man, fuck nah. Logan, look at me.” He spun her around and got in her face.
Logan turned her head.
“Yeshi, let me goooo,” she whined as tears pooled in her eyes.
Watching the aggression in his eyes made her feel sorry for him, and that was the last thing she needed to do. He’d done this to himself. She’d been fully prepared to give him everything she had to give, and here he was making a fool out of her. Just when she’d thought she had it all under control, he kissed the side of her face.
“If you leave me, I’ll die.”
Logan’s heart broke, and she had to go. Right then, she needed to leave.
“Yeshi, please get off me!” she screamed before looking at Killian for help. “Killian!” she pleaded. “Make him let me go! Please, I just want to go home. Can you please get him off me?”
Logan could feel herself getting weaker by the second and being that close to Yeshi while feeling that kind of pain was too much to handle. She’d been doing her best to hold strong but looking at him and hearing those things was driving her mad. To know that Jerian had been given such a big part of her was a horrendous ache in her heart.
“Logan, listen, baby. I promise I’m sorry.”
“Killian!” Logan yelled. “Killian, please,” she cried.
With a face full of tears, Logan screamed for Killian. East and Jaylen were both next to him, crying as well. Not as hard as her, but definitely crying. Jaylen pleaded with Yeshi while East spoke to Killian.
“Kill, you have to make him let her go, so she can leave. This is too much.”
Clearly frustrated with the scene, Killian yelled, “I’m trying, East. The nigga won’t let her go.”
Logan’s knees got weak when Yeshi pulled her to him and held her tightly in his arms. “You not about to go nowhere without me.” He was squeezing her so tightly that she could barely breathe, but his arms felt so much better. “I can’t make it without you. Just let me explain.”
“Let me go home, Yeshi,” she barely got out through sobs. “Please.”
“I want to go with you.”
Logan shook her head from side to side, and he squeezed tighter.
“Y’all, these people are looking at us. We need to leave,” Onyx told them.
“Yeshi, just let her go. You can talk to her at home.” Killian’s voice broke through again.
Yeshi shook his head.
“Well, walk her to the car then, but it’s time for us to go.”
When Yeshi began to move, Logan almost lost her balance. Apparently, he was okay with leaving, just not with letting her go.
“I need you, Logan, please,” he said to her as they moved through the club. “You want me to die? Because I will if you leave me.”
Logan wasn’t sure how they must have looked, but she was sure it had nothing on the way she felt. Her world was literally broken. Everything about it was crushed, and she couldn’t see any way out without getting sliced to death from all the pieces.
“Killian, make sure she gets in the car,” Jaylen told him. “Don’t leave her alone with him.”
With Yeshi covering her entire head with himself, Logan couldn’t see anything. She could hear everything going on around her, but the feeling of Yeshi outweighed it all. The need in his grip was pulling away all of her fight. By the time they got to the car and opened the door, she was drained.
“Yeshi, you have to let her go to get in the car,” Killian told him.
“Logan, I didn’t mean for this to happen, please.” He finally pulled away and looked at her.
Logan looked around and saw East and Killian. They were the only two still there, making her momentarily wonder again where little miss hot pants had gone. Just the thought had her pushing out of Yeshi’s embrace again. Of course, he snatched her right back.
“Stop yanking me!” she yelled.
“Stop trying to get away from me,” he forcefully told her.
“Yeshi, you brought this shit on yourself. Now get the fuck off her and let her get in the car.” That was East.
“Yo, you better shut the fuck up talking that shit to me, girl.”
“Aye, East, come over here.” Killian pulled her to him. “Bruh, you mad and shit, but she did tell you, so don’t scream at her like that no more.”
Yeshi’s head fell forward. “I’m sorry. I’m just… just fucked up. This shit is fucking crazy!”
“That’s what your ass gets,” East sassed from behind Killian.
Logan watched them all argue. Her eyes were swollen from crying, and her arms were still bound by Yeshi’s grasp.
“Y’all have to handle this shit at home. Ain’t nothing gon’ happen out here.” Killian sounded exhausted as he looked between the two of them.
Yeshi’s eyes bore into hers as she stood limply in his arms. Her body was so weak that if he let her go right then, she’d fall to the ground. All she had the energy to do was look at him because she honestly couldn’t even make herself say something to him right then.
“Can I come home with you and explain?”
Logan stood blankly.
“Logan, please?”
“Nigga, yeahhhh! Damn.” East fumed. “You sound like me when I was begging your ass not to do the shit.”
When Yeshi’s head turned in East’s direction, Killian stepped in his line of vision. Yeshi looked for a minute longer before retreating. Even in her despair, Logan loved the way Killian protected East. He loved her like no other. There was no way he would ever do East how Yeshi had just done her.
“Make her shut her fucking mouth, yo. I can’t take that shit right now.”
Killian looked back at East and nodded toward his Audi.
“East, get in the car for me, baby. I’ll be over there in a minute.”
It was parked directly across the street. Logan’s mind drifted away. It was crazy how fast her day had been flipped upside down. She’d literally just been shuffling across the street holding Yeshi’s hand and being ushered inside the lounge when she’d spotted Killian’s car.
“Killian is here?” she questioned with a smile on her face.
“Who? Who is Killian?”
Soft giggles. “You must have planned me a surprise party.”
Yeshi’s face had frowned in such a beautiful scowl. “A surprise party? Hell nah, girl. I wanted you all to myself tonight. I’m tired of sharing you with everybody. You’re all mine tonight.”
Logan had been so happy at that moment that she’d truly dismissed the idea that Killian was inside the lounge as well. Yeshi wouldn’t lie that beautifully. There was no way… and then. There it was. He’d lied. He’d lied then and now. Stupid little, dumb, Logan. He’d proven himself to be a liar, and she’d looked past it. Now, look at her. Crying and fighting in the club. Ridiculous.
“Logan, you don’t have to forgive this nigga if you don’t want to.” East looked her in the eye. “And I know you’re mad at me right now, but I’m about to get in my sister’s ass about it for you. Don’t even worry yourself.”
With that, she walked away, leaving Killian there with them. He looked at Logan with a sympathetic expression before reaching to grab her from Yeshi.
“Come on, Yeshi. Let me make sure y’all get in the car.”
Yeshi stepped back far enough for Logan to get in the truck. He was around the front and inside of it with her before Killian had a chance to close the door. He’d even lean
ed over and tried to fasten her seatbelt on her.
Logan rolled her eyes. Where was all that attentiveness when he was out cheating on her?
“Call me.” Killian kissed the side of her face before he looked at Yeshi. “Fix this shit.”
She could see Yeshi nodding, but she couldn’t understand why. There was no fixing it. She was done. Him and anyone else who didn’t believe her would see for themselves. There was no going back. She was completely and utterly done.
12. Out of Order, I’m Torn Up. I’m Going Down
“Girl, I don’t want to get that big bottle. We’re not even going to drink all of that.” The brown-skinned chick next to him spoke loudly into her phone. “That’s just way too much.”
Yeshi watched her shake her head at the large, glass bottle of Cîroc. The large bun of hair on her head moved along with each shake. She wasn’t hard on the eyes, but she most definitely wasn’t anything he was looking for. She was too loud, and her perfume smelled like an old lady. Her clothes were cute on her, but that mouth and perfume were over the top.
“How many niggas supposed to be coming because I’m not getting drunk around a bunch of men I don’t know.”
That one statement erased all of Yeshi’s previous thoughts of her. Obviously, she did have a little bit of sense. She might not have been too bad. Not that it mattered. Who was he fooling? There was nobody on earth worse than he was right then. He’d been living in his head for the past few days, toiling over not having Logan in his life anymore, and to say it was one of the hardest things he’d ever had to do would be putting it lightly.
Yeshi didn’t realize he’d grown that attached to her. It was as if he literally couldn’t even wake up and brush his hair in the right direction without her there. The part that made it even worse was that she’d left him. He’d thought they’d made enough progress for him to fall asleep, only to awake and find out they were nothing of the sort.
“Logan, will you please just listen to me?” Yeshi followed Logan into her loft and closed the door behind them.
She continued down her hallway not even acknowledging him. It had been pretty much the same way on the drive home from the club. He’d been asking an array of things that went unanswered. Logan had sat with her back to him looking out of the window the entire time. Not even turning her head when he’d told her that he’d die without her. He’d assumed that would make her move, but it hadn’t. Straight faced and silent, she hadn’t opened her mouth.
“Baby, please just give me one minute.” Yeshi was in her walk-in closet watching her remove her dress. “Let me do it for you.” He rushed to her and unzipped the back of her dress.
She’d been struggling to reach it but hadn’t asked him for anything. He took that as an opening to get close to her. As soon as the zipper was down, he rolled the dress from her shoulders and pushed it to the floor. Still in her heels, Logan stepped over it and walked past him to her bathroom. Of course, he was hot on her heels.
“Logan?”
“When did you sleep with her?” Logan asked while flipping her shower on before facing him again.
Yeshi’s eyes went from her breasts to the black thong circling her lower body. How on earth had he cheated on somebody who was everything he wanted? One of his hands came over his face and allowed him a second to get his thoughts together. To tell the truth or not was the question, but he quickly realized the truth would save any more damage. Get it all out, so it could never resurface.
“The night I left to go for a drive.”
Logan looked like she’d been kicked in the stomach. “Where?” She swallowed hard and cleared her throat.
“Killian’s house.”
“So, East did know?” she questioned for clarification.
Yeshi shook his head while trying to maintain eye contact. “Nah, we was in my truck.”
“Oh my god.” Logan yelped before punching him in the chest. “You had me in that nasty truck the very next day.” She hit him again. “How fucking dare you! You make me so sick, Yeshi.” She stepped back while swinging her closed fists by her side. “Ugh!”
Totally disarmed by her cursing, Yeshi stood quietly and allowed her to put her hands on him. Whatever she needed to do to make herself feel better, he’d allow. He watched her seethe to herself about his truck before taking a seat on the side of the tub and unstrapping her heels. They fell to the floor along with her thong. Naked and not thinking twice about him, Logan stepped into her running shower.
Yeshi stood on the outside waiting for her to say or do something. When nothing came, he sat on the closed toilet lid and rested his arms on his knees. He could hear the shower water, but he could also hear her sniffling. Both of his hands instantly came to his face and covered his mouth and nose as he took a few deep breaths. He’d never had to deal with a broken-hearted woman before. He normally fucked them and left them alone, never staying to watch the effects of his actions. Not even with Sheena. He’d dismissed her and her feelings too.
“Logan, I’m so sorry. I don’t even know why I did it.”
“How did this happen? Who initiated it?”
Yeshi looked at the shower curtain when he heard her voice. “Logan.” He sighed.
The shower curtain came flying back. “Let’s not pretend that you care about my feelings now. Tell me what I want to know. At this point, it’s the least you can do.” Logan looked away for a minute while blinking rapidly. “You’re going to help me understand how and why this happened.”
“Stop crying then,” he pleaded with her.
He would be able to tell a lot more freely without having to look at the pain in her eyes.
“It hurts, Yeshi! What do you do when something hurts you? You cry, right?”
Yeshi looked down at his lap and nodded.
“Who initiated it?”
“It was her.” He held his head in his hands and looked at the floor. “She was flirting and shit at the club that night, then again when I went over to Kill’s house the other day.”
“So, she flirted, and that’s all it took for you?”
“Nah, it wasn’t like that.” Yeshi hyped up some. “She just came on extra strong, and I just,” he shrugged, “I fucked up.”
“No, you didn’t fuck up, you fucked her.” Logan sucked her teeth and raised her knees to her chest.
Yeshi watched the water cascade over her body as she sat with her head against the wall and eyes closed.
“It ain’t mean shit. It was just something to do.”
“So, what happened at Kill’s house that initiated all of this?”
“We kissed, and she offere—”
“Yeshi! You kissed her?” Logan sounded flabbergasted, and he didn’t really understand why.
If they’d had sex, then clearly, he’d kissed her as well. They went hand in hand.
“She kissed me. She was on some aggressive, I just want to see what the dick is like, shit.”
Logan scoffed but said nothing.
“After my nightmare that night, she texted me and told me to come over, so I went.”
A pained wail left Logan’s lips as she held her head down on her knees and cried. Her body shook with every sob, breaking Yeshi down more and more. The way she cried definitely mirrored how bad she felt on the inside. There was no way possible that a sound that held that much agony could be expressed without being felt.
“Logan, please don’t make me do this to you.”
Her head shook from side to side without raising from her knees. Yeshi hurried to lean over and console her, but she lifted up and pushed him away while shaking her head. When she was finally able to get herself together enough to speak again, she looked straight at him.
“So, where were East and Killian during all this kissing?”
“Arguing. For real, East is loud and gets on my last fucking nerve, but she wasn’t in on this. She was hopping down on her sister about it bad when I was there. She even walked out the house going off about us being trifling and shit.�
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“Well, at least somebody knew that much.”
“Kill was on the same page with her, so don’t be mad at them. They tried. I was just stupid.” Yeshi swallowed the lump in his throat. “All of this was on me.”
He hated to tell her the things she was asking, but she was right. It was indeed the least he could do after all she’d done for him. To be able to see the pain on her so visibly was exhausting in itself because it made him feel so bad, but he’d already started, so he might as well finish it.
“The sex, go there.”
Yeshi sat up straight on the toilet seat, took a deep breath, and allowed his mind to go there again. Flashbacks of Jerian beneath him flooded in and convicted him even further.
“She didn’t want East and Killian to hear us, so she came out to my truck.”
Logan gasped before mumbling to herself. “Li’l fast hoe.”
“We got it on the backseat, that’s it.”
Logan looked at him with a fresh set of tears and began to cry again. She was really, really crying too. Yeshi had never seen anything like it, especially from her, and that part alone ate him alive. He was so gone that he could feel the water in his own eyes.
“Sweetheart, I don’t want to do this.” He got up from his spot on the toilet and kneeled next to the tub so that he could touch her.
This time, when she felt his touch, she didn’t fight it. She actually leaned into it and allowed the top of her head to connect with his shoulder. Yeshi’s long arm circled her entire body, wetting his dress shirt and the side of his face as well.
“I still want your love, Logan… you hear me? I want you.”
Logan continued to cry on his shoulder for a few minutes while giving him temporary relief. She had been fighting him all night. Their minor contact did his own body a great deal of justice.
“Did you put your mouth on that girl?” Logan asked as if she’d just thought about it.
Yeshi sighed and said nothing. He wasn’t telling her that. Hell fucking no! He wouldn’t do that to her. She’d nearly fallen over about the kiss, and if he told her that he’d tasted Jerian’s pussy, she was going to die.