Desperate Times

by Nicholas Antinozzi

  “So Stan and Mary must be inside with the others, right?”

  “I’m sorry, kid.”

  Jimmy shook his head. Burt must not have seen them and was only assuming the worst. Cops always did that, didn’t they? Of course they did. Carl would be along soon and let them know that they’d been captured. They’d just have to figure out a way to get them all out of there.

  “Carl is burying them right now. I’m really sorry. You’re going to have to tell their daughter.”

  “No,” said Jimmy. “No, this can’t be happening. I don’t believe you.”

  “Get a hold of yourself, Jimmy. They’re dead. Both of them. Shot in the back. Now you’re going to have to be strong. That girl is going to need you now more than ever. I’m not telling you what to do, but you know what you’ve got to do. Do you understand me?”

  Jimmy’s knees felt weak. He found the strength to nod his head. Burt was standing close to him, looking into his eyes. Jimmy understood exactly what he was saying. And after he let the terrible news sink in, he knew that Burt was right. Paula was going to need him. She was going to need them all. Jimmy knew what was coming. He’d never forget the moment he’d been told what had happened to his own parents. He pulled out another cigarette and lit it with the stub of the other. His knees were shaking.

  “Come on,” said Burt. “I’ll help you. We’ve got to be ready to get out of here when Carl gets back. They’ll come for us. They’re probably out looking for us right now. We’ve got to move.”

  Jimmy nodded. He turned and faced the truck, puffing an angry smoke ring into the morning air. “I just finished making some room in the truck. We’re going to have to get rid of some more stuff. Come on. Let’s get at it. Let me wait to tell Paula, just until we get out of here. We can’t risk her losing it and giving us away.”

  “Okay, that’s probably a good idea. You know how to tell her, right? Just give it to her straight up. That’s the only way.”

  Jimmy nodded. He tossed down his cigarette and mashed it out with his shoe.

  Thirty -Three

  Executive Order 11005: Allows the government to take over railroads, inland waterways and public storage facilities.

  Carl arrived ten minutes later, looking like a man on the verge of losing his sanity. Carl was covered in mud from his elbows to his feet. Burt motioned him inside the box of the Mack. He stepped up into the back of the truck and sat down with his back against the wall and pulled his knees to his chest. Burt quickly explained what they were about to do. Carl nodded as if he understood the importance of not telling Paula until they arrived at their next destination. Paula had remained in the cab, sitting in the middle and waiting for Jimmy. Dr. Benson shared a concerned look with Jimmy and Julie.

  Jimmy slowly closed the door and locked them inside with a parting wave. He and Julie quickly scrambled to opposite sides of the cab. They climbed in and closed their doors. Julie positioned Jimmy’s M-16 between her knees and closed her eyes, holding her right hand to her forehead. Paula sat in the middle, arms across her chest, staring straight ahead. Jimmy had seen that look many times and knew better than to comment on it. He pressed down on the clutch, shifted the Mack into neutral and fired it up.

  The truck lurched across the rutted field. Jimmy did his best to find the most level place to turn around. He knew those in back were being tossed around like tennis shoes in a dryer. He couldn’t help that. He steered back onto the path while his mind raced. What would they find when they turned onto the gravel road? He didn’t know, and all he could do was pray. He shifted into third, and the truck began to chug. Jimmy eased down on the accelerator. He slowed slightly to take the turn and stole a look out the side window. He breathed a huge sigh of relief as he saw nothing but empty road in that direction. They bounded up and over the ditch. Jimmy horsed the wheel hard to the right and began to grab gears.

  As the narrow highway approached, Jimmy had a decision to make. Where were they headed? He found that he didn’t know. Far enough away, yet, close enough to return. There was no question in his mind about returning and attempting to rescue the others. He chose right, if for no other reason than to avoid looking directly into the rising sun. Jimmy banged through the gears, winding the Mack up to sixty. He thought he knew of a place. They came to the stop sign at the Y in the road, passing the cabin he’d visited hours earlier and Jimmy barely slowed.

  Jimmy followed the highway for another mile and then downshifted a gear. The road he was searching for was just up ahead. He checked his mirrors, satisfied himself that no one was following and began to downshift further. He pressed the brake and took another hard right turn. A weathered homemade wooden sign read: Shedd’s Campground, one mile ahead. Jimmy knew the little campground. He’d spent time there before when he’d come up to fish and didn’t want to bother Ken and Patty. The little mom and pop campground would be the perfect place to hide out. Again Jimmy checked his mirrors, and once again he was relieved to see that they weren’t being tailed. He slowed the truck and pulled into the driveway. Another sign asked that all guests register at the office. Jimmy chortled as he read it. There would be no registering today, and perhaps never again.

  There was no sign of life. However, there were signs of a struggle. The office door hung open, and a suitcase lay in the grass by the door. An old Pontiac sat next to the office, the driver’s door half open. Jimmy recognized the car. It’d belonged to the old couple that owned the campground. Jimmy could just make out the tire tracks of a large truck and had no doubt what had happened here. He continued past the office, following the little driveway down to the lake. Half a dozen camper trailers lined the driveway. He slowed and parked the truck next to the last of these, barely clearing the limbs of a pine. He set the brakes and shut off the ignition. He dreaded this moment.

  Thirty -Four

  The price of oil can be followed to the root of the problem; spiking fuel prices are directly responsible for falling rates of discretionary spending. More jobs are lost, which only exacerbates the growing problem.

  “I don’t believe you! It’s a lie!” Paula shouted, her face panic stricken.

  “I’m sorry, honey,” Jimmy said, his voice sounding wooden to himself. He tried to find the right words. They just didn’t seem to be inside of him. “They’re gone. I know this is terrible news, but you’ve got to be strong.”

  “Be strong?” Paula spat, her eyes gushing tears and her mouth hanging open. “How can I be strong? I’m not a strong woman… you know that. No, no, no… this just isn’t true! I’m going to wake up soon, and this will all just be a terrible dream. That’s what it is, just a bad dream.”

  Jimmy took her into his arms, and Paula beat at his chest. “This isn’t happening!” she cried. “Dear God, this can’t be happening!” She then let Jimmy hold her, and she began to wail.

  “Paula?” Dr. Benson asked in his soothing Doctor’s voice. “I’m terribly sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine what you’re going through right now. None of us can,” he added, pausing to let that soak in. “I have something here to calm you down. Would you like that? It won’t make the pain go away, but they’ll help you. Here you go, just take these for me... okay?”

  Jimmy had hoped that Carl might offer some assistance, but he stayed where he was, sitting alone in the box of the truck. Jimmy thought it was likely that he’d gone into shock.

  Paula took the pills from Dr. Benson and swallowed them between sobs. He handed her a bottle of water, and she washed them down. Dr. Benson gave Burt and Jimmy a knowing nod. She immediately rushed back into Jimmy’s arms and she began her crying anew.

  They stood like that for nearly twenty minutes. Jimmy could actually feel her strength leaving her body, like someone letting the air out of a tire. She still clung to him, and her weight was pressing down on his shoulders. Jimmy helped her to the ground. She was mumbling now with the tears continuing to run down her cheeks. Jimmy sat back, taking her with him. Paula curled into a fetal position, holding tight to
Jimmy’s arm. She wouldn’t let go. Even as the powerful drugs began to put her down, Paula hung onto Jimmy. She was quiet now, her mind was somewhere else; somewhere where parents never died and no one ever got any older. When Jimmy was absolutely certain that she was sleeping, he pried his arm from her grievous grip. He then stood up, brushing the dirt from his jeans.

  Burt nodded, looking every day of his age and very tired. He found a reclining lawn chair and folded it open, adjusting the back until it lay nearly flat. He then stretched out on top of it, the nylon straps straining under his weight. He pulled his arm up to his face and adjusted it until his nose rested in the crook of his arm. Julie got to her feet and took Jimmy’s hand.

  “Walk with me?” she asked.

  Jimmy nodded.

  The sun had just risen over the trees, creating long shadows behind them as they walked. For a long time neither of them spoke a word. Finally, Julie broke the silence.

  “We’re not going to happen, are we?”

  She doesn’t like to beat around the bush, does she? He gave her hand a squeeze and tried to force a smile. “I don’t know what to do, Julie,” he said, honestly. “Every time I’m almost there… every time that we’re almost there… something goes wrong. I don’t understand it. Are the gods conspiring against us? This is insane.”

  Julie gave him a sad smile. “Maybe I’m the insane one. I just thought that I was picking up on something this morning. Do me a favor, okay? Please tell me that it wasn’t all in my head. I’d like something to hold onto while you’re holding onto her.”

  “Ouch,” said Jimmy.

  “Well, its true, isn’t it? You’re going back to her, aren’t you?”

  “Listen to me. Yes, you did feel something. I felt something. There was a moment back there… when everything seemed to just stop, when it was just you and me. That was real, Julie. You weren’t imagining it. I know I wasn’t.”

  “So what did I do?” she asked.

  “What do you mean? You didn’t do anything. I was ready back there when it was just the two of us. I really was. I love you, Julie. I really do. I just can’t do this right now. I just can’t.”

  A lone tear fell down the bridge of Julie’s nose. It hung there before she angrily wiped it away. “I can’t believe it,” she said, looking up at the sun. “It’s happening all over again.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “This, Jimmy! This is happening all over again. It’s just like when your parents died. Don’t you remember? You said exactly the same thing to me. I can’t do this right now. You said it, Jimmy. You said it to me.”

  Jimmy thought about that. He probably had said it, or something close to that effect. Julie had a good memory when it came to stuff like this; it seemed that all women did. He tried to think of something to say. There had to be a way to put into words what he was thinking. The problem was that his mind was a jumbled mess. And he knew that his words would fall out in the same way.

  “What about me, Jimmy? What about us? When is that going to matter to you? We had something, once upon a time. And here we are; we could’ve had something again.”

  “Julie, it’s not like that.”

  “Don’t feed me that line of crap, okay? You’re going back to her, aren’t you? You’re just going to throw me away like a piece of trash because her parents were killed. Look around you, Jimmy. A lot of people have been killed. People are dying all over the place. And I’ll tell you what: people are going to keep on dying. Do you know what that tells me, Jimmy? That tells me that we’d better live while we’ve got the chance. That we’d better love while we’ve still got some time left. That we’d better follow what’s truly in our hearts before it’s too late. Does any of that make sense to you? Can you get that through that thick skull of yours? We’re running out of time. You and me, Jimmy. Our clock is ticking.”

  Jimmy felt his heart churning, and he looked into Julie’s eyes. She was weeping now, and he tried to brush her tears away. She stepped back and he felt an incredible emptiness sweep over him. He was between the biggest of rocks and the hardest of places and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it. He was only trying to do what was right. Right now, he only had one option. Julie would have to understand. The right thing to do was to go back to Paula and nurse her back into sanity. He knew all too well what she was going through. He may love Julie, but Paula needed him like she never had before. His dad would’ve told him that.

  “Go to her. She needs you,” Julie said, the sharpness in her voice, cutting him like a scalpel.

  “Julie…”

  “Don’t you Julie me! I’m here, right now, and that’s the best you can come up with? Damn you, Jimmy! I let you back into my heart. What did it get me? Tell me, what the hell did it get me?”

  Something finally clicked inside Jimmy’s head. It was something Patty had told him. Be strong. He was going to have to do that and he was going to have to do that now. “You listen to me,” he said, the words coming together in his fragmented mind. “I have to be with her. I don’t have any choice in the matter. That’s just the way it is, right now. I’m not saying forever. Nothing has changed in the way I feel about you—nothing. I do love you. I just can’t do anything about that. Not now. I’m not a schmuck, Julie. I’m not some cold-hearted bastard who’d walk away from someone when they really needed me. I can’t do that.”

  “You’re walking away from me, Jimmy. And I really need you.”

  “I’m not walking away from you. You’ve just got to give me a little more time. How long? I don’t know. Paula’s tougher than she looks. She’ll come out of this. She’s just going to need some time, and I’ve got to be there for her. I’m sorry; that’s just the way things are.”

  “You can’t be serious?” Julie asked as her face twisted with scorn. “You’re asking me to wait for you, again? What planet are you from? I’ve waited, Jimmy. I’ll be damned if I’m going to wait another second. You’ve made your choice; now go back to her. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. When we get out of here, if we ever do, I’ll meet someone.” She then stuck her finger sharply into Jimmy’s chest. “I’m not playing second fiddle, here. Not to poor Paula, not to anyone! That’s it. We’re done. End of conversation!”

  Jimmy reached out as Julie turned, but she pulled away from him. She walked ten feet, turned and began to dry her eyes. “You know what?” she asked, her voice had become soft. “We could’ve had it all. I know you better than anyone, Jimmy. I can see that she’s not right for you. You’re throwing me away for something that’ll be over before you know it. Remember that. You could’ve had me and you chose her. Now let’s get back to the others. We’ll just pretend that this conversation never happened. I’ll be okay; you’ll see.”

  Jimmy nodded, wanting to say something, anything, to somehow turn back the hands of time. She was right. He and Paula would never work out. There would be no happily ever after, not in their story. He supposed that he’d known that all along. He watched Julie walk away, heading back to the truck—a different Julie than he’d known earlier that morning, a Julie without him, a Julie who had stood her ground, a Julie who was walking out of his life. Jimmy cursed his luck. Why did things like this always seem to happen to him? He didn’t know. Every time he seemed to be within arm’s reach of the brass ring, the ring was pulled away.

  He shook his head and lit up a smoke.

  Thirty -Five

  Some people point to the Japanese bombing of Pearl Harbor as marking an end to the Great Depression. The war effort was no doubt a huge boost to the economy. Japan fared far better than other countries during the depression. Using Keynesian economic policies that employed deficit spending and devaluating their currency, the Japanese economy actually prospered as early as 1932.

  Jimmy fetched the matching recliner from the side of the trailer and set it up next to Burt. He, too, was in desperate need of some rest. Carl had taken his place next to Paula on the strip of grass next to the trailer where they both seemed to
be sleeping. Julie had joined Dr. Benson inside the trailer.

  Jimmy laid back, positioned his arm to blot out the sun, and closed his eyes. He lay awake for nearly twenty minutes, replaying the events of the past twenty-four hours. He tried not to think, to block out stray thoughts as if they’d been punches. He found that he couldn’t do that. Jon was dead. He and Burt were going to have to return for the others. The idea seemed like certain suicide, except in Jimmy’s mind there was nothing else to be done. He prayed that Burt would come up with a plan. He thought of Julie; would she want to tag along? Jimmy supposed that she would, and he knew he couldn’t stop her from doing so.

  Jimmy finally drifted off as his mind silently shifted into neutral. Soon they were all sleeping. Morning turned to afternoon.

  They arrived in Ken’s Tahoe.

  There was no time to do battle. There was no time for anything except complete capitulation. They’d been caught with their guard down. One minute Jimmy was dreaming and the next he was staring up into the muzzle of a hunting rifle.

  There were few words, no more than the most basic of commands. The men went about disarming them in a business-like manner, wearing kind expressions and carrying loaded guns. Sister Margaret wanted them back alive, and they made it clear that the last part was up to their discretion. To Jimmy, the whole polite affair stank of Christianity gone sour. They were lined up and told to start walking. A quiet, buffalo-headed man wearing a mechanic’s shirt got inside the Mack and started it up. The other guards rode in the Tahoe, keeping an even fifty feet behind them. The truck would drive a quarter mile and stop, waiting for them to catch up.

  Jimmy cursed himself for not finding a more secluded spot. He should’ve known that they’d find them at the campground. He’d been a fool to think they were far enough away to avoid capture. Now he felt the crushing guilt of having failed his comrades once again. They walked silently down the hot blacktop at a steady pace, and all too soon the gravel road leading to Ken’s loomed in the distance. The sun beat at their backs and the wind was nearly nonexistent. The only sound to be heard was the humming engine of Ken’s Tahoe and the purring of the engine fan as it engaged from time to time. Burt and Julie were leading the way. Jimmy followed, helping Paula along. Dr. Benson and Carl brought up the rear of the group.