by Steve Kort
One month later, after a steady regimen of push-ups, pull-ups, and weightlifting, Starfire had bulked up. A lot.
Crash!
She dropped a pair of seventy-five-pound dumbbells to the floor of her cell and then moved closer to the photo of Blackfire. She quickly blasted the photo with eye blasts, burning the letter X on top of her face.
“Sister fun time,” she said with an evil chuckle.
Ker-Blam!
Starfire slammed her fist against the photo and knocked a gaping hole in the wall of her prison.
As the piercing sound of sirens filled the air, Starfire crawled through the hole and emerged outside the prison. Soon, she was zooming through outer space, heading back to Earth.
CHAPTER
6
Back in the living room of Titans Tower, Blackfire’s sister training was in full swing. The Titans were huddled together on the couch, and Raven giggled happily as Blackfire completed her makeover. After Blackfire applied lipstick for her, Raven smiled into a mirror and admired her bright red lips and luxuriantly long eyelashes.
“Yeah, looks good,” Raven said happily.
Blackfire reached over to give Raven a big hug and said, “I’m so glad you like it!”
“Um, could you give me a makeover?” Beast Boy asked. “I hate my look.”
Blackfire smiled in sympathy, took Beast Boy’s hands in her own, and said, “I hear somebody who’s not happy with himself, but who should be… because he’s great!”
“Awwwww, thanks!” Beast Boy said with embarrassment.
“I wish you were my sister, sister,” said Raven.
“Starfire’s gonna be so proud of you,” Cyborg added.
Whaaaaaam!
The living room shook violently as a giant hole suddenly erupted in a wall. Starfire came crashing into the room and landed with a thud next to the Titans.
“Hey, Starfire is back!” Beast Boy yelled happily.
“Dude, that girl is buff!” Cyborg observed.
“Um, Star?” Robin said nervously.
Pow!
Starfire slammed her fist into Robin’s gut, sending him crashing against a wall.
“Robin!” cried out Beast Boy in alarm.
Starfire pointed her finger at Blackfire and said, “I am here for her!”
As Starfire started walking threateningly toward her sister, Robin called out, “Blackfire, remember your lessons! It’s the only way to save yourself… and your relationship!”
“Starfire, sweetie…” said Blackfire.
Zzzap!
Starfire blasted her sister with a starbolt, but Blackfire jumped out of the way.
“You have never done anything for me, except use me and trick me and get me in trouble!” Starfire yelled.
“I hear you, and I’m sorry!” Blackfire said soothingly as she dodged Starfire’s massive energy blasts.
“It is too late for the sorry!” screamed Starfire.
“You look like you could use a hug,” offered Blackfire.
“Arrrrrgh!” yelled Starfire with rage as she lunged for her sister and knocked Blackfire through the hole in the wall. The sisters went flying through the air, soaring far away from Titans Tower. Starfire’s hands were tightly clasped around Blackfire’s throat as they careened through downtown Jump City, crashing through building after building.
Blam! Blam! Blam!
One skyscraper window after another shattered into tiny shards of glass as the pair zoomed through the city. Starfire was still clutching Blackfire’s throat.
Crash!
The sisters smashed through the window of a clothing store, knocking over mannequins and displays. Blackfire spotted a purple dress in the wreckage of the store and quickly reached for it.
“This would look great on you,” she said as she held the dress in the air.
Zaaap!
Starfire blasted the dress to shreds with an eye blast.
“I am not falling for the act again!” Starfire roared as she raised her fists in the air and prepared to pummel her sister.
Blackfire reached into her pocket and said, “Wait, I’ve got something to show you.”
Starfire’s eyes widened in surprise as her sister removed a small doll from her pocket and held it up in the air. It was Tina Tinkles, the very same doll that Blackfire had stolen from her years ago.
Starfire’s frown melted away, and tears glistened in both her eyes.
“The dolly you stole from me as a child? Where did you get it?”
“I’ve had it the whole time,” Blackfire said sadly. “I shouldn’t have taken it, and I shouldn’t have kept it. I’m sorry.”
Starfire reached out a trembling hand and took the doll from her sister. She held it up to her cheek for a moment, and then she smiled at Blackfire.
“You really have changed?” Starfire asked.
“Yes, I have,” Blackfire said happily as she reached out her arms to hug her sister.
“Well, so have I,” said Starfire as she took a step closer to her sister and extended her left arm to draw Blackfire closer.
Starfire then punched Blackfire so hard that her sister went flying through the air and disappeared from sight.
“I am so glad that we were able to work things out, sister,” said Starfire with a grin as she flexed her bicep.
CHAPTER
1
“Please, Starfire! You don’t have to do this!”
It was far from an ordinary day in the living room of Titans Tower. Robin was down on his knees, pleading for mercy from Starfire, who hovered in the air above him. The other Titans cowered in the corner, watching as Starfire raised her hand menacingly and shouted at Robin in a harsh, metallic tone that was the opposite of her usual cheerful voice. Her normally bright eyes were two glowing green orbs.
“I must do this,” she bellowed. “Accept your fate, human, and I will end it quickly!”
“Never!” shouted Robin as he jumped to his feet and assumed his fighting pose.
Starfire’s face darkened as she said, “Very well. Remember that you asked for this.…”
Suddenly, the green glow disappeared from her eyes, and a wide smile spread across her lips. Starfire wiggled her fingers and shouted happily, “It is time for the Tickle War!”
“Titans, GO!” Robin said with a laugh as the other four Titans assumed defensive poses.
Starfire swooped through the air in pursuit of Beast Boy, who transformed himself into a green gazelle and loped across the living room. Soon, he was trapped in the corner.
Starfire raced after him, her fingers moving quickly over his green fur and tickling the bottoms of his hooves.
“No… don’t!” wailed Beast Boy as he fell on the floor and giggled uncontrollably. “Please… stop.… I gotta pee!”
Starfire smiled in triumph, and she flew across the room toward Cyborg.
“It’s no use, Star,” he said smugly. “My computer parts can’t be tickled.”
“Oh, really?” Starfire said as she reached forward to push a button on his chest armor. With a snap, a panel opened at the front of Cyborg’s stomach, and a bit of his human belly popped out. Starfire moved in to tickle his exposed stomach.
“No… not… the… belly… button!” Cyborg cried out, guffawing loudly.
Raven assumed a defensive stance, hiding deep within her blue cloak. Starfire channeled all her happy energy to break through Raven’s dark forces and tickled her teammate for a few seconds.
“Hee-hee, got me,” admitted Raven as she emitted a nanosecond of laughter.
Starfire then turned to Robin, who was crouched in his fiercest fighting stance and clasping his staff in his hands.
“It’s just us now,” declared Robin.
“Your tummy will not survive my tickling fingers, Robin,” warned Starfire.
She zoomed toward Robin, but he did a quick backflip and knocked Starfire off course with a kick. She turned around and extended her fingers until they touched Robin’s stomach. Robin double
d over in laughter as she expertly tickled him.
“Enough… enough.… You win!” he cried out as he squirmed on the floor.
“As Cyborg would say, the booyah!” said a triumphant Starfire.
She then turned to her pet, a mutant moth larva named Silkie, who had been sitting on the couch. Silkie quickly rolled over and exposed his tiny pink tummy.
“And I couldn’t forget you, my little bumgorf,” Starfire said as she ran her fingers over Silkie’s stomach. The little creature giggled happily.
The other Titans smiled as Starfire played with Silkie.
“Man, Starfire is so upbeat,” observed Cyborg.
“Her happiness makes me happy,” added Robin.
Beast Boy turned to Raven and said, “The longest you were ever in a good mood was three seconds.”
Raven frowned and then slammed her fist into Beast Boy’s head, knocking him across the room.
“Owwwwwww!” wailed Beast Boy.
Starfire floated above her teammates and asked, “Who is ready for the Tickle War, Part Two?”
“I have to know, Star,” said Cyborg. “Just where does your cheery disposition come from?”
Starfire pondered the question, and then she said, “I suppose it comes from growing up on my home planet, Tamaran.”
“If it made you this nice, it must be the best place in the universe,” said Robin as he dreamily closed his eyes and imagined a planet filled with hundreds and hundreds of Starfires, all lined up in a row, waiting to plant a kiss on his lips.
“Mwwwah! Mwwwah! Mwwwah!” he said quietly as he puckered his lips and imagined each smooch with another Starfire.
The other Titans glanced at Robin nervously, wondering what was wrong with him.
“Star, when are you going to take us there?” asked Beast Boy.
Starfire hesitated for a moment before she responded. “Oh, I am not sure you would like it.”
“We like you,” said Raven. “I’m sure we will like your planet.”
“You may find my Tamaranian ways strange, much like I find some of the Earth ways strange,” said Starfire. “But it would mean so much to me if I could share this special place with you.”
Beast Boy jumped up in the air and popped a space helmet on top of his head.
“Then share away!” he yelled. “Let’s go to space!”
CHAPTER
2
VROOOOOOM!
Titans Tower, which was doubling as the team’s super-fast rocket ship, launched with a mighty roar into outer space. Two hours later, in defiance of every law of physics, the ship entered the outer atmosphere of the planet Tamaran.
After the Tower slowly descended to the ground, Starfire was the first to exit the ship. She inhaled a deep breath and clasped her hands together in delight.
“Oh, it is so good to be home. I missed the crispness of Tamaranian air.”
The other four Titans stepped out of the Tower and took deep breaths.
“Aaaaaack!” they all yelled as a deep, burning pain erupted in each of their lungs. They frantically waved their hands and wailed in pain.
“My lungs are crying!” screamed Robin.
“What are we breathing, Star?” demanded Cyborg.
“That is the Tamaranian Fire Air,” Starfire said happily.
“What?! Your planet’s air is made out of hot sauce?!” yelled Beast Boy.
“It ensures the weak do not survive,” Starfire said calmly. “You will grow accustomed to the burning.”
“The pain! The pain!” cried Cyborg, spitting out a stream of hot red flames.
Starfire looked on with sympathy as her teammates collapsed to the ground, streams of fire bursting from their mouths.
“Oh, do not die so quickly, friends,” she said warmly. “We have just arrived, and there are so many more wonderful things to see.”
Starfire and her four guests continued their journey to the capital city of Tamaran, where an ornate, gold-plated castle towered over every other building. Starfire smiled as she led the other Titans into the palace.
“Give us the tour, Star,” said Beast Boy. “We want to see all the things that made you such a sweet cuddle bug.”
“This place is amazing!” said Robin as they walked through the richly decorated rooms of the palace. Within each room, an assortment of aliens and intergalactic creatures of every species craned their necks to stare at the Titans.
“As a Tamaranian princess, this palace was my home,” said Starfire. “We often entertained kings, queens, and warlords in an effort to keep the peace of the galaxy.”
Just then, a large slimy green alien slithered into the room. It wore a heavy metal helmet atop its head. Below its two giant eyes were over two dozen long tentacles, and at the end of each tentacle was a pulsating mouth. As it approached the Titans, each of its mouths slowly opened and closed, displaying dozens of razor-sharp teeth.
Then six smaller slimy aliens entered the room and stood behind the larger one.
“Eeeeew,” said Beast Boy nervously.
“This is General Thraxxes of the Blood Dominion,” Starfire said proudly. “We are working on an important treaty with him right now.”
Cyborg stepped forward, grabbed one of General Thraxxes’s tentacles, and shook it.
“What up, General?” Cyborg said with an eager smile.
Blorrrrrrrt!
General Thraxxes let out a cry of rage and yanked the tentacle from Cyborg’s hand. The six smaller aliens quickly encircled their leader and, glaring at the Teen Titans, led the general from the room.
“What was that about?” asked Robin.
“On Tamaran, a handshake is the most violent declaration of war,” Starfire explained. “General Thraxxes has vowed to wipe out my people and turn Tamaran into intergalactic gravel.”
“My bad,” Cyborg said quietly.
“That is the all right,” Starfire replied. “But you must excuse me. I need to rally a planetary defense. You may watch the invasion from the terrace. Help yourself to anything in the kitchen.”
“Star… wait… what?!” Robin said.
Starfire had already grabbed a giant sword off the wall and was rushing out of the palace.
CHAPTER
3
“Chaaaaaarge!” yelled Starfire as she held her sword aloft and floated high above the palace. Surrounding her were fifty Tamaranian troops, each soldier wearing a suit of armor and brandishing a heavy sword. The Tamaranian forces zoomed into the air, where they were met by fifty Blood Dominion hovercrafts. General Thraxxes was riding atop the first ship, his many mouths angrily opening and closing.
Zzzzap! Voooom! Krakoww!
One of the Blood Dominion ships shot a laser beam at the Tamaranians. In return, a Tamaranian soldier fired an energy blast at a Blood Dominion fighter.
Down below, on the palace’s terrace, the four Teen Titans nervously watched the unfolding war.
“Do you have to shake everyone’s hand?” Robin said to Cyborg.
“I’m a friendly guy—what can I do?!” Cyborg said.
“This is not what I was expecting,” Raven said. “I’m not sure I like Starfire’s planet.”
“It’s definitely not as sweet as she is,” agreed Cyborg.
“True,” added Beast Boy. “But it’s pretty cool watching those green alien guys explode. There goes one now!”
Sure enough, a Tamaranian energy ray blasted into a Blood Dominion fighter, blowing it into bits and sending blobs of green goo plummeting toward the palace.
Splat!
Each Titan was drenched with globs of steaming hot green slime. They fell to the ground, wailing in pain.
“Oooooow! My face!” Robin screamed.
“It hurts! It hurts!” yelled Beast Boy. “Why does everything burn on this planet?”
“This is terrible,” said Raven as she scraped the green goo off her cloak. “Let’s get out of here before things get worse.”
“No, Raven, we can’t,” said Robin. “It mean
s so much to Starfire that we’re here.”
Beast Boy suddenly pointed to the sky and said, “Yo! The cries of terror have stopped!”
The Titans paused to listen for a moment. There was silence.
“Maybe Cyborg’s Handshake War is over,” said Robin.
“Handshakes are friendly,” Cyborg said defensively. “I don’t care who you are.… They’re friendly!”
Suddenly, Starfire floated into view. Her hair was disheveled and her outfit was torn, but she smiled.
“Good news, friends,” she said. “The war has concluded. And only three-quarters of the planet was destroyed!”
Robin forced a smile and said, “That’s great, Star. I’m so happy for you.”
“As is the custom on Tamaran, I brokered a truce by offering my hand in marriage to General Thraxxes,” Starfire added.
Robin’s eyes widened, his mouth fell open, and he started wailing, “Noooooooooo!”
As the other Titans looked on in amazement, Robin suddenly pounced on top of Cyborg and started throwing wild punches at his teammate.
“Why did you have to shake his hand?!” Robin screamed. “Why?!”
Cyborg grabbed Robin by the hair and held him at arm’s length as he explained again, “I told you. I’m a friendly guy. I like to put people at ease.”
Robin continued to flail his arms in the air, sobbing loudly.
CHAPTER
4
In a small chapel near the palace, the soft sounds of an organ drifted through the Tamaranian air. The only other sound to be heard was the quiet sobbing of Robin, who was sitting in a pew next to the other Titans. They watched as Starfire exchanged her wedding vows with the many-mouthed alien General Thraxxes.
“That should have been me,” Robin pouted. “I really, really, really hate this planet. How can anyone as nice and perfect as Starfire come from here?”
As the ceremony ended, and Starfire labored to shove a wedding ring onto one of the general’s stubby fingers, Robin sobbed even louder.