by D T Dyllin
We stayed like that for I’m not sure how long, just making out furiously in the woods across from my house. But before things could progress much farther, Bryn pulled away, even with my protesting lips trying to ensnare his again. “Not like this. Your first time can’t be like this.”
I tried to catch my breath as I gazed up into his beautiful blue eyes. My insides churned for him. “You can’t take it back. You can’t say we’ll find a way and then take it back. That would be even worse than if you’d never said anything at all.” It would kill me, but I left that part unsaid.
He cupped my face in both of his large hands and spoke inches from my face. “No. There’s no going back. I want this.” He shook his head slightly. “No. I need this. I need you. I can’t imagine my life without you. Just being your Guardian isn’t enough—it’d never be enough.”
I sat up in my bed with a scream caught in my throat, and came face to face with . . . myself.
A feeling of dread snaked its way up my spine as I met the green eyes of the me I used to be. This was it, the sign that I’d finally lost it. Padded room here I come. “Don’t worry, you’re still dreaming,” the me with enviable lush long red auburn hair said with a wry smile.
I heaved a huge sigh of relief. “Okay, so what am I trying to tell myself? The symbolism, now that I know I’m dreaming, isn’t lost on me.”
My old self chuckled. “No, you’re not exactly being very subtle at the moment.” She then looked at me again and all the amusement drained out of her face. “You’re letting your fear of being alone rule your decisions.”
“No I’m not. I’m here, aren’t I? Facing this task . . . alone . . . without Bryn and Khol. I—”
“You know that’s not what I’m talking about. You know I mean with the whole Bryn and Khol situation. When Bryn broke your heart . . . our heart . . . you ran into Khol’s open arms because it was easy. How can you run to him after everything he’s put you through? How can you think about choosing him after you tried to end your own life for Bryn’s sake?”
“I love Khol too!” My voice went up an octave as I pleaded my defense . . . to myself. Maybe I was ready for a padded room, even if it was a dream. “Since you’re a part of my subconscious, I shouldn’t need to tell you that I love him too! You know I do!”
“Not like Bryn. And you know that’s true. Bryn is our home. He always will be, no matter how he’s hurt us. Don’t let your fears rule you. You need to grow up. Your insecurities and fear of being alone have ruled you from the beginning. For all your constant declarations of love for Bryn, you didn’t waste any time with Khol or with Jeremy the last time he was by your side.”
“That’s not fair. That’s not—”
“The truth hurts sometimes. Stop with all the teenage angst and drama. You’re going to have a child of your own soon. Fight for Bryn, and stop making excuses to hide behind your own insecurities, because if you’re not careful, you really will end up the slut you’re afraid you already are. All sluts aren’t created equal you know. Some are just afraid to be alone. Some are just looking for unconditional love.”
“But he doesn’t want me!” I practically screeched, choosing to ignore what else I’d just said to myself. “And I wouldn’t be a slut if I mated with Khol I’d—”
“Be settling and you know it.” I quirked an eyebrow at myself. “And are you so sure Bryn doesn’t want you? Or is something else going on?”
“What do you mean?” My mind flashed to how bad Bryn had looked in the vision I’d had just before I’d drunk the herbs Nala had given me to knock me out. “Tell me.”
“Well, the problem with me being you is that I only know what you know. But we both know that something isn’t right. Bryn would never walk away from you the way that he has without some outside force coming into play—especially with the possibility that you’re carrying his child. We’ve known Bryn since we were both were five years old; you know he isn’t acting like himself. ”
And if that was true then maybe I’d been the one to betray Bryn and not the other way around. I was an immature hypocrite. Maybe I didn’t deserve Bryn. The truth really did hurt. “So what do we—I mean I do?”
“How should I know? I’m just your subconscious,” the old me said with annoyance. “By the way . . . happy nineteenth birthday to us.”
I really did wake up after that. I lay in the cool dark room listening to myself breathing over the roar of my heart beating in my ears. This would be the first birthday I’d ever been apart from Bryn since we were five years old. No wonder it was also the first time I’d almost forgotten about it. Yep . . . happy birthday to me.
12
Terrance’s whole body shook with thinly veiled fear as he approached the office door where his master was currently working on business. He was always working on some kind of business. And he would not be pleased with the news that Terrance was bringing him this day.
“Come in,” his master’s voice boomed through the thick oak, before Terrance had even raised his hand to knock. He only hesitated for a moment before entering. There was only so long he could delay the inevitable. “Tell me,” his master growled as he scuttled into the lush room with eyes averted toward the ground.
“She’s not dead.”
“And what of our operative inside the human girl?”
“No news. She is either dead or being held captive. Either way she is currently beyond our reach.”
“I see.” His master’s voice was much too calm. “You do realize this was your last chance, Terrance. I don’t tolerate incompetence . . . at least not for very long.”
Terrance dropped to the ground onto his knees. “No, please, my liege. I won’t fail you again. I—”
“No, you won’t fail me again.” It was the last words Terrance heard before he was ripped from his host’s body and pulled into the bright red stone where he would now make his home.
13
I’m different, no doubt about that, I thought as I tried to blend the rainbow clip-in extensions into my white hair. But maybe that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing like I had originally thought. I had acted like a hypocrite toward Bryn, and like a child in general. A part of me had always known it, but didn’t want to admit it to myself. Now was the time to ensure that my change would be for the better and not the worse. It was time for me to take responsibility for my own actions and choices and to stop hiding behind my fears and insecurities. How many times now had I declared that I would become the person I desired to be but only to backslide soon after? How many times had I blamed the actions of others for the bad choices I made? Too many. And the worst part was that I clearly knew better. “No more,” I muttered to my scowling reflection. I let my emotions flow from chastising to hopeful in a slow trickle as I completed my morning routine and headed downstairs for some breakfast.
“You really should buy some better breakfast food,” Nala complained as I entered the kitchen.
“I don’t like breakfast food,” I retorted. “Breakfast cookies and pastries I can tolerate though.”
“The baby needs healthier stuff than sugar and carbs. It needs protein and—”
“I’ll eat whatever I can keep down,” I snapped. Who the hell did Nala think she was just coming in here and trying to tell me what’s best for me and my unborn baby? She certainly had a lot of nerve.
“Well, that shouldn’t be a problem anymore, should it?”
“It’s probably a pretty good idea if you don’t remind me of the little bitchy move you pulled last night,” I said between clenched teeth.
Nala heaved a huge sigh. “Okay fine. I’m sorry. I just couldn’t resist. I don’t want you for an enemy, but I’m still not exactly your biggest fan.”
I eyed her wearily before slumping down into a chair across the table from her. “Yeah, I get it. I guess I can kinda respect the honesty.” She passed me a glass of orange juice and a breakfast cookie. “Today’s my nineteenth birthday,” I mumbled around a mouthful of oatmeal and raisins. I chok
ed back a sob as I thought again how it’d be the first one without Bryn. And I wasn’t about to think about the fact that it would also be the first one without my parents. I was still in big time denial about their deaths.
“Happy birthday . . . I guess,” Nala said automatically.
“Yeah, there’s nothing happy about it.” Time to think about more important things I mentally chastised myself. “I had a vision about Cliff, that guy you met at my school, yesterday.” She nodded her head in confirmation that she was following me. “. . . And in it he pushed one of the Riders out of his body.” I paused to scowl down at my half-eaten cookie. “And yet he still has one inside of him. I don’t know what it could mean.”
She leaned toward me, her eyes gleaming a bright dragon blue. “How did he do it? How did he push it out of him?”
“I don’t know really. He was having some kind of battle of wills while he stood looking in the mirror, and then . . . bam . . . out the little bugger came. Of course, Cliff passed out cold afterwards, and my vision ended.”
Nala slumped back in her chair looking puzzled. “That doesn’t really tell us much.”
“No shit, Sherlock,” I said as I picked up my glass of orange juice and drank it down with a crinkled nose. Orange juice wasn’t one of my favorite drinks, but I was trying to get something healthy in my system for the baby. Maybe I should take double the dose of the prenatal vitamins I’d picked up at the grocery store. Or maybe dragons didn’t need that kind of stuff. How was I supposed to know? I’d grown up thinking I was completely human. “I guess I'll just have to continue my fake schooling and deal with whatever it is my birth mother sent me here to figure out.” I set my empty glass back down on the table and stood. “What about you? I guess you’re going to be heading out soon?”
Nala shifted uncomfortably in her seat and flicked her gaze away from mine. “I think I’m just going to hang around here for awhile . . . if you don’t mind.”
A sudden bark of laughter escaped from my chest. “Afraid to face Khol, huh? You’re not fooling me.”
Her cheeks heated in embarrassment, which caused me to laugh again. “He’s kind of scary if you haven’t noticed. He might very well burn me to a crisp if I return without any real news of you . . . or with you.”
“I wouldn’t worry, his bark is much worse than his bite. I don’t think he would actually kill you, for this anyways. I mean he let you go, didn’t he?” Of course, when I had first met Khol he had scared me a little too, but that hadn’t lasted long. And underneath it all he’s just as human as I am . . . or thought I was . . . whatever.
She gave me a humorless laugh. “With you his bark might be worse than his bite, because he’s a male dragon in love, but with me . . .” Her voice trailed off as she obviously pondered her demise at Khol’s hands. “No thanks, I’ll stay here.”
“Suit yourself. Even if it is . . . well . . . you . . . I won’t lie that having someone else here with me in the Murder House is slightly comforting.”
Nala tilted her head at me with puzzlement much like a dog trying to understand its human owner. “Someone was murdered here?”
“Probably,” I said as I turned to leave. “I guess I’ll just see you later then.”
“Yeah, okay.” Nala’s voice still held some slight confusion when I left her sitting in the kitchen.
“You look like you’re feeling better today,” Cliff’s already recognizable voice stated from just behind me. When I didn’t answer and continued shuffling around the contents of my locker looking for my math book, he continued on. “I hope you remembered to bring your meds today so I don’t have to tote you around like yesterday. Not that I’m complaining or anything—”
“Look,” I started without turning around to look at him. If I could just manage to treat him like any other guy I wasn’t interested in and not like an alien leper, I’d be good. “I’m sure you’re real nice and all.” For an alien, I silently added. “But I have a boyfriend back home that I’m very serious about.”
“Yeah, okay. Just tryin’ to be friendly to the new girl is all,” Cliff responded with cheer. His happy go lucky alien ass was really starting to get under my skin.
“Okay, good,” I grated.
“Hey, Paige.” I looked over to see Laila heading my way with a friendly grin on her face. “I’m so glad you look like you’re feeling better.” She paused long enough to briefly acknowledge Cliff, who I’d thought had already left. I guess the hairs on the back of my neck still standing on end should have been my first clue.
“Yep, I’m feeling much better.” Hopefully those herbs that Nala had brought for me would do the trick. So far so good. “Although I kinda wish I could have missed some more school than a couple periods.”
Cliff clearing his throat from behind me caused both Laila and me to swing our heads in his direction. Even though I was mentally prepared for the duel imagery of the Rider shining out from behind his face, I still had to fight the urge to gasp in horror. “I wanted to invite you, Paige,” he paused. “And you Laila, to my End of the World party this weekend.”
“Y-you’re what?” I sputtered unable to contain my complete and utter shock.
“My End of the World p—” He started to explain but Laila didn’t give him a chance to finish.
“We’d absolutely looove to!” she gushed with excitement. “Just text me the details. My number is still the same.” I just stood there in stunned silence. I’d just been invited to a party themed The End of the World by an alien who was living inside a teenage boy, who in fact wanted to take over our world and use up all of its resources. Were the Rider’s attempting to make some sort of sick joke? Laila elbowed me in my ribs. The pain caused me to refocus back in on the surreal reality that had become my life. “Right, Paige? We’d love to?”
“Um . . . yeah . . . sure,” I said numbly. Of course, I knew on some level it would be the perfect opportunity to observe the Riders even closer than I was able to at school. And I knew that’s the whole reason why I’d been sent here, to find out what I could about them, even if I wasn’t entirely sure what I was looking for. But a part of me wanted to say hellz no and high tail it back to Bryn as fast as I could get there.
“Great.” A huge smile spread across both Cliff’s handsome face and the pinched alien residing underneath his skin. Well, at least they seemed to be in accordance at the moment. Something that my body and I didn’t have in common. Despite the herbs that were supposed to help me with my morning sickness, I suddenly had an overwhelming sense of nausea sweep through my system. I had no other course of action but to make a mad dash for the bathroom. Yesterday was embarrassing enough with only one Rider as a witness, but half the school was not going to be privy to what I had eaten for breakfast.
I barely made it to the girl’s room and dry heaved over one of the toilets when Laila’s voice called out to me. “Hey Paige, sweetie. You okay?” The stall door squeaked open as she crowded in behind me. She gathered my hair up from my hand so I could better balance myself and locked the door behind us. “I thought you were feeling better.” There was more than one unspoken question in her voice. “You don’t have an ear infection do you?”
A feeling of ice slid over my heated skin. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Oh, come on sweetie. I may be country but I’m not stupid. I’ve seen you rubbing your belly when you think no one’s looking.” I didn’t know what to say. Should I try to deny it and risk alienating the only ally I had at this school? Or should I risk telling her the truth and maybe she could help me with my secret? “Does your guy back home know? What about your parents?”
Guess there was no point in denying it when she’d already figured it out. Or was I simply letting my fear of being alone on another level rule my decisions? “Everyone knows,” I mumbled. “I was just kind of hoping to finish out here before I started showing.” It was a partial truth, but it would do.
“Is that why you’re here? Did your parents want you away from y
our guy?”
“I guess.” My birth mom had wanted me on this mission by myself so in a way she’d wanted me away from my guy. “It’s all just a bit more complicated than that,” I said as I pushed myself up into a standing position and leaned against the stall wall.
Laila’s big blue, and very innocent looking eyes, looked up at me with a mixture of pity and sympathy. “Does your guy want you to have the baby? Or is that part of the problem?”
I thought about how Khol had reacted when he first found out I was pregnant; as opposed to the angst Bryn had delivered me. It kind of felt like Khol wanted me to have the baby, and Bryn wasn’t really sure how to react. “Which one?” I said without thinking.
Laila blinked up at me and gasped as if I’d just punched her in the stomach. “You mean—you mean—”
It was too late to take back what I’d just let slip out of my mouth unintentionally. “Yep. I don’t know who the father is.”
“But you said you were serious about your boyfriend back home.”
“I am. Both of them.” I laughed with a hysterical edge. “I’m in love with two guys, one who wants me unconditionally, and the other . . . well, the other I used to think did but now . . . I just don’t know. And I don’t know which one of them is the father of my unborn child.” But what about my dream conversation with myself last night? Was the love I felt toward Khol enough to even be counted against what I felt for Bryn? Was I going to just discount what my subconscious was trying to call to my attention? I thought this morning I had made up my mind to stop with all the damn wishy washiness of my adolescence.
I could see everything processing in Laila’s eyes, and like a light being switched on, I could also see when she fully accepted what I’d just told her. “Oh, you poor thing.”
I scowled down at her. “I don’t need or want your or anyone else’s pity.”
“No, of course not.” She waved me off and unlocked the stall door. “My lips are sealed.” She headed over toward the wall of sinks and paused. “Do you still wanna go to Cliff’s party this weekend?”