"Why did you run from Reed?" she shot back.
"I...I..." I stuttered.
"Exactly, so shut up and drink," she said grabbing two shots from a passing waitress.
I tipped my head back letting the alcohol burn down my throat and erase the regret that had taken up residence in my chest.
Chapter 13
Reed
Three days ago...
A tentative knock sounded at my door. "Sally? I thought we weren't getting together for another hour," I said confused.
Sally looked everywhere but in my eyes. "I hate this part," she mumbled to herself.
I realized she had enough. She was tired of waiting for my feelings to be real. I couldn't blame her.
"I owe you an apology. I..." She swallowed hard. "See, when I left Seattle I didn't leave whole. I've been using you to get over someone, and that isn't fair to you. I'd hoped we could pick up where we left off, and I wouldn't feel this ache in my chest. But then Matt showed up today, and I could breathe again."
I was happy for her, but how was I supposed to breathe again? Who was I kidding? I wasn't moving on. Sally and I were both going through the motions to make ourselves believe we were moving forward, but we were only fooling ourselves.
During the three weeks we were together I'd never tried to get her into bed. I'd come up with a lot of excuses if she made a move, but she never did. Now it all made sense, because when we were together in high school we couldn't keep our hands off each other.
Sally continued nervously babbling, but I didn't hear what she was saying. Every word she spoke sounded like freedom. I tried to fake feeling better. I used her to try and feel something for someone else. The moment she walked back out of my life I knew without a doubt I never would.
Kate was it for me. I could distract myself with other women, work myself into an early grave, or even drink myself numb every night, but she'll always be part of my soul.
Three days later...
I walked in my front door after a long shift riding a desk. My brain had gone numb half way through my ten-hour day, and the worst part about having a ton of time on my hands was that I couldn't get Kate off my mind.
I walked through the house to my bedroom. I took off my jacket and dropped it on my bed. I set my gun and badge on my dresser and changed out of my stuffy work clothes. I grabbed a beer from the fridge with plans to watch hours of mindless television. A knock on the door changed my plans.
"Hey, Jer, I wasn't expecting you." I walked away leaving the door standing open.
"I see the plan was to sit home alone and drink yourself stupid," Jeremy criticized.
"You have a better idea?" I asked, turning my back on him and chugging my beer. The beer wasn't working. I was going to have to switch to Jack tonight.
"You and I are going out tonight," Jeremy answered smugly.
"You're bitching about my drinking, and you want to take me to a bar?" Maybe the beer was working, because he wasn't making any damn sense.
"I'm bitching about you drinking alone, asshole. Get your shoes and a jacket, because I'm not driving," Jeremy ordered.
"Who are you drinking away? Cameron?"
Jeremy raised his brows at me. "What else would it be? I don't want us to be girlfriends and talk this shit through. I'm gay not a girl. Go grab your damn jacket and lets cozy up to a bottle of something stronger than that piss you're drinking."
Jeremy picked one of the bars popular with the college crowd. I wasn't interested in hooking up with anyone. My experience with Sally proved to me that it wouldn't work.
As soon as we entered the bar Jeremy went straight to the bar, I assumed to order a drink, but he seemed to be deep in conversation with the bartender. The bartender pointed to the dance floor, and I glanced to see who Jeremy was looking for.
I should have known that Jeremy had an ulterior motive. He and Toni were meddling assholes, and I have never loved two people more for getting into my business.
In the middle of the crush of bodies, Kate had her head tossed back while her body twisted and turned in time to the beat. She didn't notice the men gawking at her with drunken lust, or the women glaring at her with hateful envy. She was smiling, and the freest I'd ever seen her.
The pull towards her was strong. Without thinking I moved through the crowd headed straight for her. Tonight she wasn't going to run. I wouldn't let her.
Chapter 14
Kate
I loved dancing, the rhythmic pounding of the bass, and the way my body swayed to the beat without thought. I didn't have to try so hard to be Kate Kennedy on the dance floor.
"I didn't know you could dance," a male voice whispered in my ear.
My normal instinct was to pull away, but I'd been fantasizing about that voice for days. I felt the heat from Reed's body surround me, and I wanted to fall into him. His breath tickled the side of my neck, and I wanted to feel his lips follow the same path.
My breath caught, and Reed placed his hands on my hips. We started to move to the music, and I melted into him. "Why couldn't you have reacted to me like this when I didn't have a girlfriend," he grumbled in my ear.
"You shouldn't be dancing with me like this since you have a girlfriend," I whispered, but didn't try and move away.
He laughed humorlessly. "Maybe calling her my girlfriend was a bit of a stretch. Her old boyfriend from Seattle showed up and begged her to take him back. She told me she needed time to think. That was three days ago. Not that I blame her really. After the night I brought her to your house she acted different. I think she picked up on my feelings for you."
My heart skipped hearing him admit that he still had feelings for me. I turned around in his arms and draped my hands around his shoulders.
"You know what I don't get," he began and turned his vibrant green eyes to my face, "Women claim to want a nice guy, but ditch him for the first asshole that comes along."
"Reed, I..."
"Please don't. Not tonight. Let's not think, or talk. Just dance with me," he insisted.
I pressed myself against him closer, and felt him relax. I wanted to give him what he wanted and step outside of myself for one night. I wanted to, but I was tired of being a coward. I was tired of turning away from what I wanted, who I wanted because of my paralyzing fear.
"You know that Cameron and I are orphans, right?" I asked him.
He reached up and brushed my hair away from my face. "Yeah, I'd heard that. It was a drunk driver, right?"
I nodded, and forced down the lump in my throat. "When Cameron and I were ready to pack up their things we found letters that our parents wrote to us for graduation. My mom told me to take risks and not be afraid to live. For the last few years I've done the exact opposite of what she wanted, hiding, and afraid to take risks."
"Kate, you don't have to do this," Reed said.
"Yes I do. I'm not ready to tell you everything, but I want to take the first step," I insisted. I knew the alcohol was fueling my bravery, but I'd take it.
He grabbed my hand and led me to the door of the bar. I waved goodbye to Toni on the way out. I wasn't worried about her, she had found Jeremy by the bar, and he would entertain her.
The air had grown colder in the short time I had been inside. Reed took off his jacket and draped it around my shoulders. I took a deep breath and rushed into my story before I lost my nerve. "Before my parents were killed I was seeing a guy casually. He was a couple of years older than I was. Not the kind of guy you end up with, just my lame attempt at rebellion."
I looked down at the ground. I hadn't anticipated how humiliated I would feel to unveil my past. "After my parents died he was there for me. I was afraid of change, and I let the relationship become more serious than it should have been. It didn't take long before he became violent. At first he would just prevent me from walking away during a fight. Pretty soon he was shoving me. By the time he started hitting me I was convinced I deserved it."
I looked up at Reed and saw his jaw clenched tight
. I was surprised that his obvious anger didn't scare me. I patted his arm and continued the story. "Cameron started to get suspicious, and then he saw some bruises on my arm and I couldn't hide it from him anymore. John, that was his name, tried to keep me from Cam. That was when I stood up to him."
I took a deep breath and prepared to tell him the worst part. "John found out, somehow, that Cameron is gay. Besides being abusive to women, he was also a horrible bigot. He came home drunk and slapped me because he found out I had seen my brother that day. See, John thought supporting Cameron was immoral."
We walked aimlessly away from the bar. I waited a half a block before I continued. "Cameron stopped by the next day to check on me. I don't know, maybe it was some psychic twin thing. When John walked in and saw Cameron at our house, he beat him with a bat. He was too afraid of Cameron not to use a weapon."
"Oh God, Katie," Reed said and pulled me into his chest.
"Let me finish," I mumbled into his chest.
"There's more?" he asked in a strangled voice.
"There's always more," I whispered.
Reed nodded, and I forced myself not to rush through the ending. "I woke up the next morning in the hospital. I had a broken wrist, a mild concussion, and lots of bruises. Cameron wasn't as lucky. He was in a medically induced coma for a week while we waited for the swelling to go down in his brain. He had cracked ribs, internal bleeding, and ended up needing two surgeries to repair all of the damage."
I chanced a look into his face, but saw no signs that he was disgusted with me. "That isn't the whole story, but it's most of it. I didn't mean to push you away, Reed. I scare easy, and I don't trust myself. I'm tired of running though."
"The doll. Do you think this John guy sent it to you?" he asked.
"I suppose it's possible, but Cameron and I have made it pretty difficult to find us. I don't believe if he found me he would be satisfied sending me a message like that. He thinks I belong to him. If he found me he would try and take me," I answered.
"Do you think he's still looking for you?" he asked.
"I don't think he'll ever stop. I'll never be truly safe, and he's already proven that he will hurt anyone who gets in his way. If he thought I was involved with someone else, I think he would kill them," I said, looking at the ground.
"Don't let him steal the rest of your life, Katie. I said I'd protect you and I will. All you have to do is trust me."
I wrapped my arm around his firm waist and settled into his strength. "I do. I don't know how you accomplished that, but I do trust you."
He kissed the top of my head. "That is the best gift anyone has ever given me. Your trust is the second most precious thing I could ever hope to have."
"Only the second?" I teased.
"Your love is the most precious. I promise to earn both." I smiled at him, feeling warm and safe for the first time in almost a decade.
"That's the thing about love. It can't be earned. When it's true it is given without condition, without expectations, and with the knowledge it might not come back to you. My mom wrote that in my letter too."
I looked up at him, and he down at me. That was when I experienced the one thing I never thought I would. That one perfect moment of clarity when you realize that no one else will ever be as important as the person next to you.
Love is a gift. I could finally admit what I'd been trying to ignore for months; Reed loved me. He loved me without expecting anything in return. He loved me even when he was sure I would never love him back. I wasn't ready to tell him yet, but I loved him too.
"Thank you," I whispered.
"For what?" he asked with an adorable puzzled look on his face.
"For being braver than I am. I'm not running anymore," I promised.
He wrapped me tighter in his arms. "You are the bravest woman I know. Just so you realize, if you need to run, I'll run with you."
"I like that. You and me, against whatever comes," I thought aloud.
"No matter what," he agreed.
"Come on, Katie girl. I can tell you've had enough seriousness for one night. Let me get you some pie."
"Pie?" I asked confused at his sudden change in subject.
"Would you rather go back to the bar?" he asked.
"God no. I only went because Toni made me," I admitted.
He laughed and shook his head. "Those two meddling shitheads. I was only there tonight because Jeremy made me go. He knew I broke up with Sally and he forced me out to the club."
"Those two are dangerous together," I agreed.
Reed dropped his arm from around my shoulders and took my hand. "Their time will come, and I'm going to enjoy every moment of it."
I squeezed his hand, silently thanking him for lightening the mood. He always seemed to know when to back off.
Reed never pushed for more than I was ready to give. I knew he had more questions, but he didn't press. I shared part of my darkness with him, and he didn't look at me with the disgust I often felt for myself.
I expected him to run when he found out how broken I was. It's part of why I resisted him for so long. A small part of me, the young girl I was before John stormed through my life, still dared to hope. I hoped for love, acceptance, and healing even when I thought such things were hopeless.
My mom was right, love was a gift, but so was trust. Trusting Reed with my heart, when it had been so badly used was exhilarating and terrifying, but I'd also never felt this safe.
Chapter 15
Reed
I felt sick. Never in a million years would I have guessed what Kate was hiding. "There's always more," she had said. I couldn't imagine what else she wasn't telling me, but judging by what she shared tonight it had to be horrible.
I thought her secrets were related to the death of her parents. I knew Kate and Cameron lost them to a drunk driver during their senior year of high school. To lose half of your family so quickly, and so young would be enough to mess anyone up for a long time. Her skittishness when I first started asking her out made me think she had never been in a relationship. I stupidly thought that losing them that way made her afraid to risk developing close ties to anyone again.
I'd overheard Becca and Toni talk about how she was always a bit distant with them. They were her best friends, and neither of them felt like they really knew her. They love her, and accept her the way she is, but they knew that she has never really let them in. She was terrified of course, but not of getting close to anyone, but what could happen if they got close to her.
I thought I knew what rage felt like. I was crazed with it when I was in the Army, and I got shot for the first time. I saw friends that I went to basic with killed and I wanted to seek revenge for them. But I'd never wanted to hurt a woman, not even when I got shot for the second time by Aiden's crazy ex-girlfriend.
To know that Kate survived being abused by someone that should have worshipped the ground she walked on made me want to tear him apart slowly and painfully. The impotence I felt because I couldn't undo the suffering he caused her made my blood boil. Revenge wasn't what Kate needed from me though. It wouldn't take away the hurt. I didn't want to give her any reason to fear me.
I don't know where the suggestion to get pie came from. I could see that she needed a distraction from the past. She expected me to bombard her with questions she wasn't ready to answer, but I wouldn't push her.
Was I dying to know what happened to the fucker after she ended up in the hospital? Definitely, but I was afraid I already knew the answer to that question. I doubt she would have lived in fear for the last few years if he were rotting away in prison.
My mom is Italian and her answer to all of life's dilemmas is food. After listening to her story I wanted to fix everything for her. Of course that isn't possible, the past can't be undone. Sometimes the best you could hope for was to survive.
What I could do was get her pie. It was small, and quite possibly the dumbest idea I'd had in ages, but her smile when I suggested it made me feel like I'd wo
n a prize.
I wasn't using a line when I told her that her love was the best gift I could ever receive. We weren't like Aiden and Becca. I didn't fall madly in love with her the moment I saw her. I was intrigued by her beauty, and certainly wanted to know her better, but love came later.
Kate is subtle. She stands in the background, and is happy to let Toni and Becca have all of the attention. She is the smartest woman I've ever met. I wasn't intimidated by her like a weaker man might have been. Her intelligence drew me in a little more. Loving Kate snuck up on me slowly, but once I fell I never wanted to get back up, not even when I was sure she would never love me back.
I couldn't be sure, but the look in her warm brown eyes seemed to say what she wasn't ready to tell me with words. Kate loved me. The words are nice, but they weren't necessary when I had her small hand in mine, and she trusted me enough to share some of her secret. Yes, having her tell me she loved me would be great, but having her show me was much better.
"Reed this is the way to your house. I thought we were going to get pie," Kate said pulling on my hand.
I stopped walking and turned her to face me. "I'm not trying anything here, Katie girl, but my mom made a Dutch Apple pie and I'd like to share it with you. I promise to be a perfect gentleman."
Kate nodded once quickly. I could see the thoughts race across her brown eyes, wariness, curiosity and finally resolution.
I kissed the side of her head. "Every time you choose to trust me I feel like I can do anything."
I opened the door and Annabelle spun in a circle in front of Kate. "Oh my, did you miss me, girl?" My dog let out a strange bark that sounded like she was trying to talk.
I patted her on the head. "No pie for you, Belly," I told the dog.
"Belly?" Kate asked.
"The dog eats everything, and you seemed to hate the other name, so I try not to use it," I answered, feeling oddly embarrassed.
Kate's gaze grew distant, and I felt her pulling away from me again. Then suddenly her mood snapped back and she looked me straight in the eye. "We said enough with the heavy talk for tonight, but soon I'll finish the rest. I'm so sorry about how I acted the day you found Belly. I had a flashback and freaked out."
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