I absentmindedly rubbed my shoulder. "I understand flash backs. You know how I go to a lot of physical therapy for my shoulder?"
"Yes, and I've told you if you keep doing that much PT you're going to wear it out," she said, staring at me with narrowed eyes.
"See that's the thing," I began hesitantly, "I'm not actually going to PT every time. I've been seeing a therapist."
Kate cocked her head to the side studying me. "Really? Why would you hide that?"
I shrugged. "I don't know exactly. I had a hard time when I got back from the Army. I felt lost, and it took a long time before I could walk without a limp."
I put my hand over the side of my thigh, remembering the searing pain of the bullet ripping through the muscle. "The doctors said I was lucky that it missed my femur. I didn't feel very lucky though, having to undergo a few surgeries to repair the muscle damage that was caused. I worked hard and after about a year I was able to train again."
"What did you do in the meantime?" she asked and stopped my hand from tracing the scars hidden under my jeans. I grabbed onto her hand like a lifeline.
"I went to college. I had taken some on-line classes after I finished basic, during deployments, really any spare time I had. I had my Associate's degree finished when I was sent home. The Army discharged me when my recovery took too long. Sure, I got awards for fucking up and getting shot..."
"Reed Martin, they did not give you an award because you fucked up. Not every bad thing that happens to you is a personal failure," Kate snapped.
I fought smiling at her because I sensed it would further piss her off at me, but I liked that she wouldn't let me talk bad about myself.
"Yes, ma’am," I said in a horribly fake southern accent.
She raised her eyebrow at me.
"As I was saying," I continued, "I jumped at every loud sound I heard for a while. I told myself I was being weak, so instead of what I originally planned to study when I got out of the Army, I studied Criminal Justice. I thought it was the best way to face my fears."
"You faced your fears of being shot by studying to do a job where you faced getting shot?" she asked, her face scrunched up in confusion.
I touched the end of her nose. "Exactly. Makes perfect sense I think."
"Please tell me you weren't originally planning on psychology, because I'm starting to see why you have been going to therapy," she teased.
"Ha ha. No, I was planning on studying social work. There was a kid I went to elementary school with that was always quiet, hungry, and nervous in general. When I got older I realized that his dad was an alcoholic and didn't take very good care of him. I wanted to be the person to help kids like that. But I'm a cop, so I still get to help people."
"I haven't forgotten that you said you've been going to therapy," she reminded me.
"Right. Okay, the truth is half the time I really am at physical therapy, and the other half I've been seeing a shrink to help me get over being shot for a second time."
I shuddered. In the rush to get me to the hospital no one ever asked me what happened. It was open and shut, and I never had to file a report since Vanessa, Aiden's ex-girlfriend pled guilty. She was found with the gun that matched the bullet in my shoulder.
"Reed, Reed. Hey, where did you go?" she asked, rubbing my face.
I took a deep breath. My therapist said I should tell my friends about what happened, but that felt like reliving it over and over again. But I wanted Kate to know me.
"The day Vanessa shot me I was standing in the garage. I had music playing, and I was rebuilding the motor to an old lawn mower. No real reason, I just wanted to see if I could, and with Aiden, Becca, and the protection team inside I wanted a quiet place to myself."
My mind flashed back to the day in the garage. I could smell the oil and see the grease on my hands. I could hear the radio playing in the background. Then I heard the clicks of heels on the concrete floor. It seemed strange, and out of tune with the music. I turned around, and that was when I saw the icy blonde bitch pointing the gun at me.
"I froze. Four years as a cop and it was the first time since being shot during my deployment that I had a gun pointed at me. I was incapable of moving. I wanted to, but I just kept staring at the barrel, and I knew she was going to pull the trigger."
I shuddered violently. The memory was so clear I felt like it was happening again. "I heard the pop, and saw the blur of the bullet for just a split second before I felt the burning pain in my shoulder. I fell to the ground and hit my head. Everyone assumed that I didn't remember what happened, because I lost consciousness. But I had one moment before everything went black. Vanessa stood over me and pointed the gun in my face. That was when I passed out."
"You thought you were going to die. That is a perfectly natural response to the flood of chemicals that must have been surging through your body," Kate reasoned.
"All I felt when I woke up was that I let everyone down. I dropped my guard and not only did I get shot, again, but other people had to protect my friends," I confessed.
"I'm gathering that you're still working to accept that you were not responsible for getting shot or for the danger that Aiden and Becca faced that day. Am I right?" she asked.
"Like I said, half the time I'm at the therapist's office. I know everything worked out. Vanessa, her father and Aiden's mom are all serving time. I know all of this, but I still feel responsible," I explained.
Kate started playing with her fork.
"What?" I asked.
She was thinking very hard about something. "I want to do that," she whispered.
"Want to do what?" I asked not following her.
"I want to help people," she said, looking up at me through her lashes.
"Isn't that why you want to become a doctor?" I asked confused.
"I wanted to be a doctor to make my parents proud. I stepped so far off the path that they would have wanted me on, that I had to swing equally far in the opposite direction. But I'd really like to counsel women that have been through what I went through. Plus, Toni's right, what kind of life can I have going through medical school, residency, and the years of working long hours," she answered.
"People do it. But you mean, like have a family?" I asked cautiously. I didn't want to bring up commitment and the future this early and risk scaring her off, even though I had dreamt of nothing else for the last few months.
"I'd like to have a family. In the next few years or so, but if I continue to study medicine I'd never get to see them," she answered.
"If it isn't what you want, why don't you change majors to psychology?" I asked her.
Kate set her fork down. "If you aren't happy as a cop why don't you study social work?"
I shrugged. "Maybe I will. I'd like to be sure first, but who knows."
She smirked at me. "Maybe I will change majors."
"I should get you home," I said putting up the rest of the pie.
She pouted at me, but not the practiced pout that some women put on. "Ready to get rid of me?"
I placed my hand on the side of her neck and gently kissed her forehead. "Never, but I promised to be a gentleman. I'm fighting against nature here, and I need you to work with me."
"What if I don't want to go?" she asked nervously.
I groaned. "Kate, I don't want to rush through this with you."
"I don't either, but, Reed, I..."
The sound of her voice, the way the words felt pleading even though she wasn't trying to, I knew I would give her anything she asked for. "Yes, Katie?"
"I want you to hold me," she whispered.
I might suffer for it in the morning, but I'd do anything for her, and this was such a small request. I didn't say another word. I turned the lock on the front door and took her hand.
We walked down the hall to my room. I removed a shirt from my dresser and handed it to her. She went into my bathroom and came out wearing the longest shirt I could find, and still she looked stunning.
I pulle
d back the covers next to me and she slipped in smelling like honey and coconut. Her arm wrapped around my waist, and her head rested on my chest. I wanted to kiss her, touch her, and explore every inch of her soft skin I could feel against parts of my body. I wanted to bury myself inside of her and make her mine. Yet despite all of that, I was never as happy as I was in that moment just to have her near me.
I felt as her breathing slowed down, and she fell asleep. I stayed awake watching her for a long while. She started to mutter in her sleep, and I was afraid she was having a nightmare. "Reed, Reed, I love you, please be careful," she said in a sleep slurred voice.
"I love you, too," I whispered.
The words weren't necessary, since I'd felt her love since the moment she opened up to me. But I was right; they were nice to have, even if she didn't know she had said them.
Chapter 16
Kate
A shrill ring pulled me out of the best dream. I was warm, and felt safe for the first time in years. I reached for my phone, but my nightstand was gone. I cracked open my eyes and saw bright green ones looking back at me.
Reed handed me my phone. "It's Toni¸" he grumbled in a sleepy voice.
I fought a smile realizing it wasn't a dream, and I was really laying here next to him.
"Hey, Toni," I answered the phone.
Her voice thrummed with irritation. "Where are you?"
"I'm at Reed's," I said.
"You slut! I want details."
Reed chuckled.
"Oh my God, he can hear you," I whisper yelled.
Reed kissed the side of my head. "I'll give you a minute," he said, got out of the bed, and headed to the bathroom.
I flopped back, face first, into my pillow.
"I'm still waiting," Toni demanded impatiently.
"We talked and I stayed over. There's no details that you want to hear," I whispered quickly.
"You are a complete and utter disappointment," she sighed dramatically.
I scowled at the phone. "Always good to hear," I grumbled.
"Seriously though, Kate. Slip out of those granny panties and rock his world already. Shit, you go home with a super hot guy, and nothing? I went home with Jeremy last night and had another eighties marathon. I need to live vicariously, and Becca isn't sharing anymore."
I snorted out a laugh. "So no confusing encounters with Jeremy last night?"
Toni huffed. "That only happened one time, and only because your brother hooked up with some girl right in front of him. He was curious, we were both drunk, so I figured what the hell."
"What was it like?" I asked curiously.
"Like kissing my brother. You know if I had a brother," she grumbled. "Now quit being stingy and give me some details!"
I looked up and saw Reed standing in the doorway of the bathroom wearing nothing but boxer briefs. The morning light highlighted his toned torso. I followed the lines of his body down to his thigh and saw the jagged scars on his thigh. I looked up to his shoulder and saw the other bullet wound.
"Toni...I...I...got to go," I stuttered and hung up before she could ask any more questions.
I dropped my phone on the floor, pulled the covers off my body, and slowly walked over to him. I watched his green eyes heat with desire while he took me in wearing his t-shirt.
I reached out and touched the scar on his shoulder. "Does it still hurt?"
"Sometimes," he answered quietly.
I stretched up and placed a quick kiss in the middle of his scar. His jaw clenched, and air hissed through his teeth. His body went rigid, and he held himself back.
"Don't over think it," I whispered looking up at him.
He put his hands in my hair and softly placed his lips on mine. "I don't want to scare you," he whispered back.
I pulled his mouth back to mine and kissed him firmly. "You are the only one that doesn't," I admitted.
He picked me up, and I wrapped my legs around his waist. He fisted his hand in my hair and his kiss became urgent. I felt him pour all of the frustration of the months I held him back into the kiss.
I grabbed a hold of his hair in return. Our tongues danced together. I'd never felt this way before. I would never get enough of him. His hands left my hair and grabbed my ass pressing me into him. I felt his desire, and instead of being repulsed by it I felt my body catch fire.
"Are you sure?" he asked against my mouth.
Oh my God was I ever. "Mmm hmm," I replied practically moaning.
He set me down gently on the bed and I pulled his shirt off over my head before he could change his mind. Reed pulled his mouth away from mine and trailed kisses down my neck. I traced the muscles of his back, and felt him tremble under my fingers. I felt emboldened by his response to my light touch.
Our eyes locked for a moment. He waited a moment, probably expecting me to stop him. When I didn't, he lowered his head and latched onto my breast. I felt my muscles tense in anticipation. His calloused hand traveled down my stomach creating delicious friction. When his fingers slipped under the elastic of my underwear my breath hitched.
I wanted his touch, craved it more than my next breath, but the fire in my veins demanded more. My back arched, and my legs squeezed against his exploring hand. Unable to take the tension in my belly any longer, I pushed my underwear down my legs.
"Now, Reed," I demanded. He slipped his boxers off and stared deeply in my eyes, probably waiting for me to change my mind. "Reed," I groaned and wrapped my legs around his waist.
He pushed inside me slowly. I could feel him holding his breath. Our eyes remained locked and I touched his face breaking the spell. "Kiss me," I whispered.
His mouth landed on mine. I felt his self-control snap, and he stopped treating me like I was made of glass.
Our rhythm turned frantic as we grasped and clutched at each other. Our breathing turned into pants. We rolled and tangled in the covers. I tried to pull him tighter into me as I felt my body start to quiver. I'd never felt anything like it before, and the intensity frightened me a little. I held back from surrendering to him. I knew if I let go of that last bit of control he would own me.
"That's it, baby," he groaned. His arms held me tight, but instead of feeling caged in I felt safe and loved. My fingers dug into his back as my legs started to shake. I let go and allowed my release to overtake me.
He thrust into me one last time and buried his face in my neck. "I love you," he said against my skin. His voice was quiet, and I almost didn't make out what he said, but I felt his words in every cell in my body. His words pierced through the last bit of the wall I surrounded myself with. I belonged to Reed, and it felt powerful, because he belonged to me too.
"I love you, too," I whispered.
He lifted his face and looked me in the eye. "I heard that."
"Good, because I do, despite my best efforts not to. I love you," I said louder.
I heard the door creak and the click of nails across the hard wood floor. The dog's warm breath hit my back and a leash was dropped on my shoulder. "I think she's trying to tell us something," I said to Reed.
"Well at least she didn't do this a few minutes ago," he said chuckling.
"Come on, let's go take her for a walk and get breakfast," I suggested.
"That sounds good," he agreed. I felt him pull out of me, and then he froze.
"Kate," he said in a voice laced with anxiety.
"What is it?" I asked nervously.
"Uh, I seem to have forgotten something," he said with increasing stress.
A condom. I knew we were skipping a step in my urging him to speed up, but I couldn't think through my desire.
"I'm not on birth control, but I can go get emergency contraception," I said trying to calm him down.
"What if you didn't?" he asked cautiously.
"What do you mean? You want to see what happens?" I asked.
"I guess I like the idea of being connected to you forever," he said shyly.
"I like the idea too, but I think we s
hould take this a little slower than that," I replied.
"You're right. Let's take a walk, get some breakfast, and make a swing by the drugstore," he agreed.
"While we're there, maybe we should stock up?" I suggested.
"Definitely," he agreed and rolled back on top of me.
The dog grumbled.
"All right, we get it," he complained.
We dressed quickly. All I had with me were my tight jeans and t-shirt. Thankfully Toni hadn't tried to make me wear a short skirt and halter out dancing. I used my finger to brush some toothpaste across my teeth, and felt somewhat less disgusting.
Belly started whining by the front door. She spun in circles making noises that sounded like talking. "Okay, girl, we're coming," Reed told the dog, scratching her behind the ear. She calmed down long enough for him to hook her leash to her collar. He looked at my thin t-shirt, and handed me one of his jackets.
"That's not going to fit me," I protested.
He flashed me a half smile. "No, but I really like seeing you in my clothes."
I put on his polar fleece jacket, and tried to push the sleeves up as best as possible. Reed held Belly's leash with one hand and took mine with his other. "C’mon, Katie girl, take a walk with me."
We meandered our way up to the water tower where we could overlook the town. Belly stopped frequently to smell everything. She didn't have a destination in mind, or any real desire to go anywhere in particular.
I shivered as the famous Ellensburg wind kicked up and the temperature began to feel more like February than the unusual spring like weather we had enjoyed. Reed let go of my hand and wrapped his arm around me.
He tugged on Belly's leash and we started to head back to his house. We turned the corner on to Reed's street, and I felt his muscles stiffen around me. I immediately scanned the area for the threat, but I didn't immediately see anything out of place.
"That jackhole, Pratt, is down the street," Reed growled.
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