The Ugly Duckling Debutante_FINAL-3

by Rachel Van Dyken

  He shot her an irritated look and gathered himself back into his seat. “Hasn’t anyone ever told you never to wake a sleeping man?”

  “Of course, I merely thought I was waking a bear, my mistake.” She curtsied and flashed him a smile.

  “I want to know who you are,” he said with eyes piercing into hers. The teasing was officially over. Her stomach did a few flip flops before she rose and faced the fireplace.

  “Not lies, Sai, the truth. This is your first season, yet you are one and twenty. Nobody has heard of you, and I know nothing of your origin. Are you orphaned?”

  Her laugh was hollow. “I wish.”

  “What a terribly confusing thing to say.” His breath was hot on her neck, and she realized he was standing directly behind her. “Do you have brothers or sisters? Is your family rich or poor?”

  She nodded but then shook it as if she was confused herself. Then Sara turned to face him. “I guess I owe you this much, considering what I know about you.”

  He wrapped his arms around her and possessively pulled Sara into his embrace. “I was thinking that exact same thing.” He walked away and pulled the cord. “Which is why I arranged a picnic for us on my estate. We will go riding, eat, drink wine, play with Duncan—if he’s had his nap—and you will tell me all about yourself, Sai, including why you are really in London.”

  Alarm enveloped her suddenly. How much could she really tell him? She would, of course, tell him of her life, but nothing of the way her parents treated her. It would only upset him and cause him to pity her, and pity was the last thing she wanted from him, of all people.

  She managed a brief smile as she took his arm. “Are we to leave immediately?”

  “Of course, the carriage is already waiting.”

  A man who knows what he wants. Now if only that would include her.

  Nicholas helped her into the carriage, but not without her noticing how much his hands lingered across her hips. She bit her lip to keep from saying anything that would cause him to question her feelings for him. This day was about sharing part of herself with him, not about confessing undying love and devotion.

  Nicholas joined her in the carriage and patted the seat next to him. She pretended to be dismayed he would assume she would sit next to him in such close quarters. He merely waited, eyebrow raised, for her to move, knowing full well she had every intention of moving close to him. Once she sat down, the entire carriage became like a small airless room. The tension between them was astonishingly penetrating, causing her feel the need to fan herself, never mind that it was a rather cool morning.

  “No need to be nervous, Sai,” Nicholas commented smoothly. “I give my word, I won’t touch you. You need not fear that the beast will emerge and steal away your innocence.” He winked at her, but it did not set her any more at ease. If anything, it proved to her that not only did he notice the tension between them, but he also understood he had little control when it came to their bodies touching—and the kissing. Control wasn’t even a word in the dictionary when they were kissing.

  She managed a little laugh before looking back out the window, silently pleading for him to at least grab her hand. Every nerve in her body threatened to explode with passion at any minute. “We’re here!” he announced, lifting her hand to his lips. His lips barely touched her glove, but her body responded as if he had just taken her in his arms. Her knees buckled, sending her sailing into his waiting arms outside the carriage.

  “I’m astounded that you lasted that long.” He breathed into her hair. “May I just say you have the nerves of steel, my lady? If I would have had to sit next to you for much longer, I would have jumped out of the carriage myself. And I mean that in the most complimentary way.” He smiled at her warmly as she stepped out of his arms and back onto the firm ground. So he felt the tension between them. Good, let him suffer. Of course, she was also suffering along with him. No wonder people had quick engagements.

  “Where is the picnic?” she asked forcing the carriage ride fiasco out of her mind.

  “Just down the road,” he pointed to the back of his estate. “I have a small pond with ducks near an inviting field of wildflowers, I thought we could visit. Would you like to walk or ride?” He turned to ask, but she was already running and laughing into the field.

  ***

  “Run it is,” Nicholas mumbled to himself and chased after her.

  By the time he caught up with her, she had successfully taken down her hair, so it flowed in soft waves about her shoulders. Her bonnet had gone flying somewhere back by the dirt road, and her face was lifted up to the sky in worship. “I could live here,” she said breathlessly.

  “I want that,” he answered.

  Her head inclined toward his. “What exactly do you want?”

  Smiling, he shook his head momentarily breaking eye contact as he announced breathlessly. “You. Everywhere.”

  He hadn’t meant to be so honest, but nature had a way of making him feel alive without blemish or secrets. Her blush deepened as he continued to stare at her perfect face. “Tell me about yourself, Sai. I want to know everything.”

  “It’s Sara.”

  “Who’s Sara?” he asked looking around.

  “No, you misunderstand. I’m Sara. My aunt changed my name, so it would sound more foreign for my launch into society.”

  He bit his lip to keep from biting hers. “Sara,” he repeated. “It fits better than Sai does. I don’t know why I didn’t see it before.” He leaned closer to her, just close enough to be able to smell the lemons on her skin. “Tell me more,” he whispered near her ear.

  Her rich laughter made him dizzy with desire and aching need. Good Lord, when had he ever been so spellbound by a woman?

  “I grew up in the country.”

  “You’re making that up.”

  “Am not!” she snapped and threw a flower at him. “Listen like a good boy, or I won’t continue.” She crossed her arms in protest. He wanted to uncross her arms…among many other things he was dying to do to her in that field.

  “Go on,” he enticed, noticing his voice had grown husky. Perfect; now she knew the level of attraction.

  “As I was saying.” She glared in his direction, and he tossed his head back in a laugh. “I grew up in the country, my sisters ran off to Gretna Green. They married twin brothers with no title and no fortune, leaving me as the only hope to marry and save my family.”

  He had figured as much, not the whole marrying twins part, but the part where she needed money. “How much do you need?”

  She looked at him annoyed. “That’s the problem. I have no idea. It never seemed bad. In fact, we always seemed to have more than enough.”

  “So you have no dowry?”

  Pain flashed across her face as she looked away. “No, no. Only my sisters.”

  He paused. “That doesn’t make sense, Sara.” Her true name rolled off his tongue naturally. “Why give your sisters dowries but not you? If anything it should have been equally spread amongst the daughters. That’s the way these things are done.”

  “You said there were ducks?” she asked, getting up. Obviously that part of her family history was not to be discussed. He wondered why. Was she illegitimate? No, she would have said as much. What was she hiding? Apparently, he wasn’t the only one with secrets.

  “Just over there,” he pointed to a small pond with tiny ducks and a few swans.

  “I always wanted to be one.”

  “A duck?” he came up from behind and hugged her, in the most platonic way he knew how, which wasn’t at all platonic, but he had to touch her.

  “No.” She turned to him with a scolding look. “A swan, of course.”

  He shook with soft laughter behind her. If she couldn’t see she was indeed a swan now, she would never see it. “You’re not who I thought you were,” he crooned into her lemon-scented hair.

  She stiffened beneath his touch. “Is that an insult or a compliment?”

  He kissed her hair; he co
uldn’t help it. “Most definitely a compliment. When I first met you I presumed you to be selfish and spoiled. Instead I find you are the kindest creature I have ever met. I know it’s selfish, but I don’t want to let you go.”

  She shifted to face him, still in his tight embrace. “Then why does it feel as if you’re always trying to say goodbye?”

  He had no response. Even he didn’t understand why, so how could he explain to her that he couldn’t resist his need to pull her close to him, all the while trying desperately to get her to see the reasons he was no good for her. He had a choice, and he made it. He would marry her, but he would offer her an out within a year. It wasn’t uncommon. She would receive money from him, and after a year, when things died down, she would be able to annul the marriage and find someone more deserving of her status.

  “Marry me,” his voice was deep with conviction.

  Her head snapped up. “Truly?”

  Nicholas felt like he could fly. To make it official he knelt on one knee and confessed, “I adore you; I want to make you happy. My only doubts are that I will somehow fail in that aspect. We both know I bring my soiled reputation and my illegitimate child to the table with this marriage. I want you, but I know it’s a lot to ask. You’re young. Let’s marry this week as promised, and I will give you a contract in your name that allows an annulment for any reason within a year. In the meantime, I’ll take care of you and your family and, hopefully, salvage your reputation in the process.”

  Her eyes pooled with glassy tears. He knew it wasn’t the most romantic of proposals, but he needed to be upfront and honest with her before she got her hopes up. “You shouldn’t marry me. I’m still allowing you an out Sai. I want you to be able to make your own choice. I want to convince you to hate me, to say no to me. Selfishly I feel like a torn man. One side of me wants to treat you abominably so you annul our marriage. The other side wants to woo you until you’re sick of the sight of me.” He took a steadying breath “I don’t want regrets for selfishly trying to keep you when you weren’t mine to take.”

  Before she had a chance to respond, he leaned over and kissed her on the mouth. Careful to keep his body under control, he felt at any moment he would, in fact, die a slow and painful death from the need of her.

  Sara’s response was swift and intoxicating, sending tremors through his body. How did a maiden know how to kiss so soundly? He groaned as he pushed himself up from the ground taking her with him. Swinging her around like she was nothing but a little girl he laughed against her lips. “Is that a yes?”

  She looked away. “Only if you can catch me.” And she ran off into the field leaving his heart pumping with desire. He put the energy to good use and ran after her, tackling her by the picnic basket onto a big blanket.

  “Ouch!” he yelled. “I think I landed on a rock.” He got up to inspect the damage but was left breathless at the sight of his soon-to-be bride. She was sprawled across the blanket, already putting strawberries into her perfectly pouted mouth. Odd, that in the time he had known her he had become jealous of everything she touched, first the flower and now strawberries?

  Marriage can’t come soon enough, he grumbled to himself as he sat down beside her.

  “It won’t be easy for you.”

  “Marriage?” she asked mockingly. “No, I doubt it would be easy for anyone, but the good things never are.”

  Nicholas grinned. “I wasn’t talking about marriage, but you are correct in your assumption. Good things always take more work, but the benefit is that much more satisfying.”

  She returned his smile. “Then you’re referring to being your wife amidst all the scandal, but I can handle it. I assure you, I’m much stronger than I look.”

  He gazed down, silently cursing himself for being so vulnerable. “You aren’t ashamed of me?” He couldn’t bring himself to look back into her eyes out of fear of her response.

  How many times had he lain awake at night cursing himself for being such a foolish boy? Granted, it was only two years ago, but it might as well have been a different lifetime. Since finding God, his whole life was different. He had more purpose. His intentions were no longer selfish, but to seek the best for everyone around him. He tried to justify to himself that the duke had deserved everything that happened to him. But his conscience told him the truth.

  Lisa was his first real love. He thought she would be his only love. The duchess had hated her name and despised anyone to call her anything except for “Your Grace.” But often she allowed Nicholas to call her by her first name. He relished the times they had enjoyed the intimacy of using first names, which unfortunately, were only when they were alone grasped in sin.

  He sighed just as Sara put her hand on his arm. “How could I be ashamed of you? I’ll admit, currently you’re a mess. But you’ve been a good friend, and a loving father for bringing Duncan back.. You will be an excellent husband, and most of all, you tried to make something good out of what happened so long ago. How foolish would it be for me to hold your past sins against you? God doesn’t, so why would I?”

  Such a simple answer, but it was like balm for his torn heart. It made him want to do anything in his power to make sure Sara never spent a day, never had a moment when she might feel unhappy. He would rather be a servant in her household than never see her again. That thought alone was humbling for someone of his selfish past.

  He pulled her arms to him and kissed her palms, letting his face caress her hands as if they were the finest silk in the land, which is exactly what it felt like to him.

  “I guess we should tell Lady Fenton that we wish to proceed?” he suggested.

  Sara giggled. “Poor Aunt. She’s probably had more attention this week than in her entire life. Yes, let’s tell her. We’ll have the wedding breakfast at Fenton House and the ceremony in one of the small churches?”

  The last part was more of a question, leaving Nicholas panicked. If they married in a church, the whole of the ton would want to come just to see if the bride left the groom standing at the altar. Sara seemed to notice the panic in his face. “You know, we can always do a small ceremony and a reception at Fenton House afterwards?”

  He exhaled slowly, finally releasing the air he had been harboring over the last few seconds, and smiled. “I just want you to be happy, Sara. Your wish is my command.”

  “In that case…I want a pony.”

  “So almost any wish.”

  “An island?”

  He laughed.

  “How about a pony on an island?”

  He shook his head. “I’ll see what I can do.”

  She giggled. “Too much? Well, on second thought, I guess you’ll just have to do.”

  “Your ability to humble me is extraordinary,” he beamed and pulled her into a kiss.

  “Get used to it,” she whispered against his lips. Nicholas responded by tackling her and stealing the strawberries.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Sara walked through the doors of her aunt’s house, giddy with delight. Her heart thumped wildly in her chest. Impossible for her to contain her excitement; with every breath he heart threatened to explode. It took every ounce of self-control just to keep herself from smiling everywhere she went. She was getting married in a few days to the most beautiful man she had ever seen. Sure, scandal seemed to follow him at every turn, and he did have a son out of wedlock, but she found herself inexplicably drawn to him. In a way, they needed each other. Nicholas’s heart was half-broken from past mistakes, and hers was just starting to beat again and regain courage after a childhood riddled with neglect and scorn from the people who should have loved her most. The two of them could find love in each other, or so she hoped.

  It was easy to see Nicholas still wanted to punish himself. In spite of his disclosure about the contract for the first year of their marriage, he escorted her home earlier that day and explained their plans to Lady Fenton.

  Sara expected her to be shocked, but she merely said she assumed as much and had alread
y made some inquires as to which churches were available for the ceremony. Sara had to admit her aunt was surprising her more and more each day.

  “Sara?” Her aunt’s voice was soft and cautious behind the closed door of her room.

  “Yes?” she answered.

  “May I speak with you?”

  Sara opened the door to her aunt and Davina holding a tray of tea and biscuits. “Of course, Aunt. Do come in.”

  They sat near the fireplace silently eating the biscuits and drinking tea. Her aunt was the first to break the silence. “Davina, will you excuse us, please?”

  Davina flashed a worried glance toward Sara and curtsied.

  Lady Fenton’s hands were trembling as she put her teacup back onto the tray. “My dear, I have a confession to make.”