Montauk

by Nicola Harrison

  He’d been on his way out of Montauk toward East Hampton when the storm hit. Strangers leapt into his car from the beaches when the waters started rising, but it soon became clear that the car wasn’t going to guarantee anyone anything, so they drove uphill on the outskirts of Montauk as far as they could until trees whipped across the road. They pulled into an empty garage attached to a house, closed the heavy metal door and waited it out inside the car. They could hear the wind pounding the garage on all sides, but miraculously they had made it to high enough land and didn’t get washed away. After the storm, he and the strangers in the car went into the house and checked on the residents and stayed there until it was safe enough to leave.

  * * *

  Seeing Patrick take his wife and boys into his arms made me weak. Just seconds before, her life was at a near tragic crossroads. Loss and devastation, or a family complete and reunited. Suddenly I was breathless. Watching them, trying to wrap their arms around one another even more, even tighter than they already were, their closeness not enough, it brought tears to my eyes. This was family. This was love.

  A feeling that had been in the pit of my stomach rose up, a feeling I’d been pushing down, willing it to go away. What if the baby is Harry’s? I thought. I tried to ignore it; it couldn’t be. I knew in my heart that it was Thomas’s child, but I couldn’t prove it. Thomas deserved to know about that horrible, hateful night with Harry. It could change everything, but I had to tell him.

  38

  On day three Manor guests with undamaged rooms had moved back upstairs and the lobby and dining rooms now served as living quarters for stranded locals. The city folk were anxious to return to the city, which, we heard, had suffered heavy rain but no significant damage. They waited eagerly for the railroad service to be back up and running at regular speed so they could leave the mess behind. In the meantime Harry put in a decent effort with the rest of the men in town, helping to recover merchandise from the stores, throwing water out onto the street from storefronts by the bucketload.

  In the kitchen a group of women began washing sheets with a few of the Manor staff who hadn’t been able to get home. The pile of towels and muddied clothes grew taller and taller. In a pile of clothes we saw a shirt soaked in blood.

  “Throw it away,” the maid said. “It will never come out.”

  “What can I do to help?” I asked.

  “I’ll grab some of Clark’s shirts from upstairs,” Dolly said. “Bea, can Harry part with a few shirts, too?”

  “Absolutely,” I said. “I’ll go up after we hang this pile of sheets to dry.”

  Some of these people didn’t even know if they had anything to go back to. It was some small consolation to be able to give them the dignity of walking back to their homes with clean shirts on their backs. Patrick had been to see the damage at the fishing village and their home. Though not flattened like some, it was severely damaged and too dangerous to move back into. But they’d be able to salvage some of their belongings.

  “What will you do, Elizabeth?” Dolly asked.

  “I don’t know,” she said. “Patrick said we could maybe go and stay with his parents in New London, but they don’t have space for us. We would be lined up like six sausages on their living room floor. It could be a temporary solution, but I don’t know how we’ll survive down the road.”

  “You could come to Manhattan,” Dolly said. “You could work for me in the hat factory. I’d give anything for a hard worker like you. You could work on my women’s line and if it works out you could help me with my kids’ line, too.”

  “Thank you, ma’am. It’s really nice of you, but I don’t know anything about working in a factory.”

  “I’d teach you. And Patrick could work there, too. He’d start as an apprentice, but he’d learn the ropes and work his way up. My business is growing. I’m looking for good people.”

  “Thank you, it’s so kind; I just don’t know. Patrick’s never worked a job like that before; he’s always been an outdoors man, out on the boats. The post office was the most civilized gig he’s had, but still he’s outside; that’s the way he operates.”

  “Well, he could look for work at the docks, I’m sure there would be something for him, but this might be an easier life and I could train him with a real skill where he’d make decent money as he gets the hang of it.”

  “But where would they live, Dolly? They can’t afford Manhattan,” I said. The offer sounded generous and possibly the best thing they could wish for, but I felt a pang of possessiveness. I had dreamed up all kinds of scenarios in which Elizabeth and I would spend time together and I would ask advice about the baby. Now to think of her gone, living in Manhattan, working with Dolly, made me uneasy. I should have wanted what was best for her and her family, but I wanted her to stay.

  “Well, she certainly wouldn’t be living on Park Avenue, but if she’s willing to live on the outskirts, you could find a place,” Dolly said. “And I haven’t tried them myself, but people say the underground trains are working quite well; they can take you all over the city. And her boys could go to school.”

  Elizabeth looked at me for approval, or guidance.

  “It’s not a bad idea, Elizabeth,” I said. “It’d be a very different life from what you’re used to, but you’d adjust.”

  “I don’t know if Patrick will do it.” Elizabeth added more soap to the sink and began scrubbing. “He may just want to rebuild here, not leave.”

  “But how can you do that with the kids?” Dolly said. “Come for a year, build yourself up again and then you can rethink things.”

  Elizabeth nodded. “You’re really very kind,” she said. “I’ll talk it over with Patrick.”

  “Of course,” Dolly said.

  “Let’s take this lot out and hang it to dry,” I said after a while. Dolly and I picked up the sheets and made our way outside.

  “That was a little odd back there, you trying to tell Elizabeth not to go to Manhattan.”

  “I didn’t tell her not to,” I said.

  “Well, you weren’t very enthusiastic. Do you know how many men and women here are going to be out of work now, and homeless? They need to get out of here.”

  “It’s just that this is her home; I think they’ll want to start over.” The thought of telling Thomas about Harry and the idea of Elizabeth leaving Montauk left me grasping for this new life I’d planned; fear of losing it before it had even begun sent a frantic, desperate feeling through my body.

  Dolly looked at me as if I were a child. “We don’t always get what we want, Beatrice. So what’s your plan, anyway?” she asked.

  I kept my eyes on the ground. So far Dolly hadn’t wanted to hear about my plan.

  “Well, out with it.”

  “I’ve already told you, Dolly, but you don’t want to know. I’m going to go back to the city to get my things and then I’m coming back here to be with Thomas.”

  “Oh, Beatrice.” Dolly threw the sheets down on the lawn near the washing line we’d set up across what used to be the tennis courts. “You’re being ridiculous.”

  “I’m not being ridiculous; it’s what I’m going to do.”

  “For one thing, you haven’t even heard from him since the storm hit. You haven’t heard a word and neither has anyone else. He could be dead for all you know.”

  I threw my pile of wet sheets down, too. “He’s in Connecticut!” I shouted back at her, then looked around to see if anyone else was there. “Don’t say such an awful thing.”

  “I’m just saying you don’t know anything about his current situation. Anything could have happened. Just look at poor Jeanie.”

  I took a deep breath and began to pick up the sheets and shake them out.

  “And what if things don’t work out, Beatrice? What if he doesn’t want the child after all? You won’t be able to waltz back into Manhattan and pick up where you left off; you’ll be disgraced.”

  “That’s not going to happen. It’s not like that.”


  “You hardly know him, really; it’s just a love affair. What if he doesn’t respect you? Then what would you do? You’d be stuck out here with a child and no money. What are you going to do, become the first female lighthouse keeper?”

  “I know him, and nothing like that is going to happen. Anyway, I’ve been making a bit of money writing for the paper.”

  “Not enough to live on. I don’t think you’ve thought this through. Give yourself a chance; give the child a chance.”

  “I am,” I said adamantly. “I’m giving him or her a chance to have a normal, healthy life, to be raised with strong, solid morals, with people who love him. Not with people who think that just because they have some money in the bank they can do whatever they want.”

  “You’re still sore about all the affairs.”

  “Honestly, I don’t care about the affairs. I’ve experienced something that’s true and real, and I won’t give up on that. I refuse. You don’t understand.”

  “I do understand, but you’re thinking with your heart, not with your head.” We began to hang the sheets over the washing line and I was grateful for the temporary divider between us.

  “Let’s just drop it, okay?”

  Suddenly I was desperate to see him and desperate to tell him the truth about that night. He had to know. This could change everything, but I couldn’t go through with this without telling him about that night. Dolly had me all worked up. I left her on the lawn and made my way back inside. As I did, Elizabeth came running toward me.

  “He never left, Beatrice,” she said in an excited whisper.

  “Who?”

  “Patrick just got word that Thomas never left the light to go to Connecticut, he was there throughout the storm and he’s sent word for you. He wants you to go if you can.”

  “Oh thank God!”

  “Oh, and Beatrice,” she said with a big smile. “I’m happy for you.” She hugged me.

  “Thank you, Elizabeth.” I squeezed her hand. “I have to see him.”

  * * *

  George was nowhere to be found. I saw Winthrop and his wife heading down the stairs and toward the door.

  “Where are you going?” I asked.

  “We’re trying to leave,” Winthrop said. “We may not be able to get through the Napeague Stretch, but I’m going to try. Our driver’s waiting out front.”

  “Can you drop me somewhere?” I said.

  Winthrop frowned. “Where could you possibly need to go? This is the safest place for you,” he said. “At least until Harry gets back.”

  “No, really, I must. I need to check on someone.” I felt desperate. “Please,” I said. I was willing to say anything.

  “How will you get back?” Gloria asked.

  “I’ll leave a message for George to collect me when he’s back; don’t worry.”

  Reluctantly they agreed. I asked them to wait while I dashed off a note for George, told Elizabeth to make sure he got it, and climbed into their car.

  The road to the light had already been cleared—the bigger fallen branches were pulled to the side of the road and we only had to dodge the smaller debris.

  Winthrop seemed uneasy as I got out of the car at the bottom of the hill to the light.

  “Harry would agree to this, would he?” Winthrop asked.

  “Yes,” I said, trying to say as little as possible. “I hope you get back safely.”

  Walking away, I could hear the engine idle behind me, but I didn’t look back. Eventually, once I was halfway up the hill, I heard them drive off.

  * * *

  I spotted Thomas by the equipment sheds. They were damaged, crooked, with one side blown in, but somehow still standing. He was retrieving rope and equipment and pulling it out to the grass. I walked closer and after a moment he looked in my direction, stood up straight and rushed toward me, picking me up and kissing me.

  “Thank God,” he said. “I’ve been trying to get word to you. I’d given myself an hour and if you didn’t show up I was coming down to get you.”

  “I’m fine,” I said, throwing my arms around him and holding him tight. “Elizabeth told me.”

  He kissed me on the lips, then on the forehead, then pulled me into him. I held him tightly, terrified of what I was about to tell him. Then he released me as we heard Milton emerging from the shed with tools clanking.

  “Oh, Milton,” I said. “Everyone at the Manor was concerned about what happened up here at the light, so they sent me to check on you all and report back.”

  “Very nice of you,” Milton said. “We’re okay.” He looked from me to Thomas.

  “How’s your family?” I asked Milton. “Where were you during the storm?”

  “Oh, we’re all fine. We rode it out at the base of the lighthouse. The walls are six feet thick down there, you know. Probably no safer place to be.”

  “I’m so glad.” I tried to keep the attention on Milton.

  “This fool, though, he’s a different story.” He nodded to Thomas. “He was running between the beach and the light tower. I’m surprised he didn’t get himself killed.”

  “What the hell was I supposed to do, leave Ted down there to drown?”

  “You didn’t need to do it alone.”

  Thomas turned to me. “Ted London was out fishing when the storm hit,” he said. “We saw his boat run ashore on the rocks. Thank God we saw him and were able to get down there to help or he could have been in real trouble.”

  “True, he’d have been a goner,” Milton said. “Thomas saved his life.”

  Thomas shook his head, wound up the rope and threw the reel over his shoulder.

  “Is he okay now?”

  “He was banged up pretty good, but we got him out of there,” Thomas said. “He’s resting in the house; I’m about to see if I can salvage his boat. His house is gone. The boat might be the only thing he’s got left.”

  “I’ll finish up with this mess,” Milton said, nodding toward the sheds. “Then I’ll head in to see how Ted’s doing.”

  “Thanks, Milton,” Thomas said.

  We made our way toward the pathway that led to the beach. When we were out of sight he stopped and took me in his arms again.

  “That was one hell of a storm,” he said. “I was worried sick about you. I almost came down to the Manor last night, but Ted was in bad shape and after the way Harry acted the night of the ball I thought it might cause more trouble for you.”

  “I’d say.”

  “I hope Patrick got word to you?”

  “He did. What happened? Why didn’t you leave for Connecticut that morning?”

  “We got a letter from the inspector that morning announcing an imminent inspection, so I stayed longer to prepare and make sure everything was in order. By the time I was ready to set off we saw the clouds rolling in and I knew it meant trouble—I’d never seen the sky like that before. No one was expecting that weather; it came out of nowhere.”

  I wrapped my arms around his waist. “It was terrifying, Thomas; two of Elizabeth’s boys and Patrick were missing for hours. And Jeanie, remember Jeanie? She didn’t make it.”

  “Good God,” Thomas said.

  “I can’t believe it; it just makes you realize how insignificant everything is and how important everything is all at once.” Tears welled up in my eyes.

  “Bea.” He held my face in his hands. “You’re safe now.”

  “That night, remember the night I didn’t show up here, and the next day you said I was acting strange out on those cliffs?”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “I have to tell you something about that night.” He looked at me, the concern spread thick across his brows. I tried to imagine what could be going through his mind that could possibly be worse than what I was going to tell him. The tears started to run down my cheeks.

  “Did something happen to you? Tell me.”

  “Harry, he…” I looked down, ashamed, and began to sob. “He forced himself on me that night.”


  Thomas put his hands on my shoulders, the look of horror on his face made me think it was ending, but I had to go on.

  “It was as if he had to prove something. I said some horrible things that pushed him to the edge. I provoked him.”

  “You didn’t deserve that,” he said.

  Thomas turned away to the ocean and ran his hands through his hair. I watched him, wondering if I was watching it all dissipate, the life I’d dreamed of swept away with the ugly truth. Then he turned toward me. “You can’t go back with him. There is no way that I will let you be alone with that man for a second.”

  “But the baby,” I said in a whisper.

  “I love you and I love this child no matter what, and I will never stop, but you cannot go back with that man.” He took my hands in his. “Stay here in Montauk; this is your home now. You, me and the baby.”

  I collapsed into his arms, the relief pouring out of me.

  “You’re going to be fine now, Bea.” He took my hand and we walked along the beach slowly. Everything was right; everything was as it should be. I felt a tremendous sense of calm.

  It was high tide and the waves were crashing hard on the pebbled beach. The sky was bright blue, as if nothing had changed. But there were mountains of seaweed washed up onshore and the pier was severely damaged. Ted’s boat was pretty mangled, tied to a post that had separated from the rickety pier, and was now way too close to the shore where the waves were breaking. With each set of waves that crashed on the beach, the boat pulled and smashed against the stakes of wood that shot up from the ocean in jagged spikes.

  “Stay here,” Thomas said. “The pier could collapse. I want to see if I can get the boat up onto dry land.”

  I sat on a boulder near the edge of the water and watched Thomas cautiously walk down the damaged pier. He balanced himself between two posts, lay down on one of the remaining planks and reached into the water to untangle the ropes that had wrapped around themselves and the posts of the pier.