As Good as the First Time

by Altonya Washington

  Cortez moved to the other end of the long suede seat and kept his face averted while Julia fixed her swimsuit. She risked infrequent glances at his magnificent profile, her heart racing in preparation for his hate-filled rebuke.

  That rebuke never came. Instead, a look of hurt and disappointment flashed in the soulful warm depths of his brown eyes.

  “Do you know what you did to me when you left?” he asked rhetorically. “I loved you, Juli, and Heaven help me, I still do.”

  Julia reached out for him. “Cortez—”

  “But I’ll be damned if I let you in again just to lose you,” he said, ignoring the hand she extended. “I couldn’t take that ever again.”

  Julia was speechless and watched as he left the car, appearing as though he’d told her far more than he’d intended. He said he could never let her inside again for fear that she’d leave him. How could she make him see that she never wanted to leave him again?

  She realized then that she was still as in love with him as she had been eight years ago.

  Chapter 5

  Julia arrived late the next morning for the meeting at the station. She wasn’t in the best mood and wondered why in the world James and Ben would call a meeting the morning after one of the Haven gatherings.

  “Sorry, sorry,” she apologized as she breezed into James’s office suite. Her heart lurched when she saw that Cortez was already there seated at the round table where the other executives had gathered.

  “It’s all right, Julia, we haven’t gotten started yet,” Ben was saying as he prepared coffee for himself at the cart of breakfast goods they’d ordered from the cafeteria.

  Julia barely registered Ben’s words, she was so unnerved by Cortez’s presence. After last night, she wanted to crawl into a hole and disappear. Hearing him bare his soul to her told her just how much she’d hurt him when she left. The knowledge of the blow she’d dealt to his heart wasn’t an easy reality to stomach.

  “Can we talk?” Cortez leaned forward and asked once she’d set her purse and portfolio next to her chair.

  Various conversations mingled throughout the room. Clearly the meeting wouldn’t be starting for quite some time. Julia barely made eye contact with Cortez as she nodded.

  Nervous, she kept smoothing her hands across the chic navy dress that hugged her every curve. Cortez ordered himself to stop imagining that those were his hands roaming her body. Clearing his throat, he forced a stern gaze to her face.

  “I asked everyone to meet with me this morning,” he told her once they’d found a corner to huddle in.

  Julia shook her head once. “Is something wrong?”

  “I’m turning down the job.”

  “Why? Cor—”

  “Juli, I think we both know why. You know I can’t work here, with you.”

  “Cortez, that’s silly. Do you know what they’re prepared to offer you? Any anchor would kill for this position.”

  Cortez grinned, his warm stare narrowed adoringly. “Love, you don’t have to sell me. I know what I’m giving up.”

  “Then why—”

  “Because I can’t work with you. It’d be too much, and you know that.”

  Julia didn’t try to hide the pleading intensity in her dark eyes. “It wouldn’t have to be that way.”

  He stepped closer, unable to resist curving his hand around the base of her throat as his thumb stroked her chin. “Now who’s being silly? You know I have to go. My life is there. It’s where I belong.”

  Julia folded her arms across her chest. “So I guess that answers my question. There is someone back in Detroit. Someone you’re very serious about.”

  Cortez blinked as though debating whether to confirm or deny the statement. “That’s not why I’m saying this. You know that.”

  Julia realized he never said she was wrong about the “someone serious” back in Detroit. Damn it, girl, do you need him to beat it into your head? He’s not going to give up a devoted woman to traipse off with you not knowing whether you’ll up and leave him again.

  “Cortez, I love you,” she blurted, abandoning all pretenses of strength and coolness. “I was wrong to leave then, I admit that. I should’ve stayed and fought, but please…you can’t punish me forever for making that mistake. Not when you know I’d give anything to have you back.”

  “Shh…” he urged, shaking his head. “You wouldn’t even be thinking like this if I hadn’t come here. This thing between us needs to stay in the past. It’s where we need to keep it, for both our sakes.”

  “Cortez.”

  “I won’t change my mind, Juli, and you shouldn’t want me to,” he advised, leaning close to brush his mouth across her cheek. “You’ve got a great life here, and I have one waiting for me back in Detroit.”

  “Corky, please,” she whispered, tears streaming from beneath her lashes when she squeezed her eyes shut.

  “Shh…” he soothed again, brushing away her tears with his thumbs.

  “But why?” Julia asked, swallowing another sob as she stared up at him with a challenging expression. “I know you want me, and you say you still love me. Why—”

  “Because you scare me!” he whispered in a fierce tone, and then muttered a curse at the admission. “I told you, I won’t take you again just to lose you. It’d be too much, Julia. I couldn’t survive it.”

  She knew there was nothing she could say then that would change his mind. She needed more time to convince him, she decided. If only he’d said that he hated her, that she sickened him, even. He hadn’t said those things. He said he loved her, but he was afraid. She was afraid, too. She was afraid that if she didn’t do everything in her power to change where things stood, she’d lose the only man she’d ever loved forever.

  Julia watched Cortez reclaim his seat at the round conference table and smiled. James, Ben and the rest of the group were about to be greatly disappointed. She’d reassure them, though. She was about to leave for Detroit, as well, and she’d return with Cortez’s acceptance of the Outlook offer and a great deal more.

  Chapter 6

  “This is your captain. We are now approaching Detroit and will be making our landing in twenty minutes. We hope your flight has been enjoyable, and we thank you for choosing to fly with us.”

  Julia leaned back in her seat and focused her dark gaze outside the window. Twenty minutes, she thought, twenty minutes and she would be back home.

  “Good morning, this is Cortez Wallace. Our top story this hour…”

  The instant Julia heard his voice, her gaze snapped from the fantastic view of the clouds. The overhead television had been tuned in to Detroit news channel WPDM. When she saw him, Julia knew she would never love another man as long as she lived. She’d do whatever it took to have him again.

  “Thanks, Cortez. Good morning, Detroit, I’m Renee Scales and…”

  When the camera cut to Renee, Julia sat a little straighter in her seat. Her eyes traced the face staring back at her from the TV screen. The beginnings of a small scowl appeared on Julia’s face. She watched the woman gaze adoringly at Cortez, when he turned to her.

  Even Julia could not deny that Renee Scales was a beautiful woman. Her complexion was very clear, almost glowing. Of course, that could have been the work of a makeup artist, Julia thought. No matter how lovely Renee was, though, Julia could only think of the way Cortez responded to her in L.A. Was that the sign of a man hungry for exquisite passion or simply a man who wanted one last fling before the knot was tied?

  Dismissing the couple on screen, Julia leaned back against the cushioned headrest. If their time together in L.A. told her one thing, it was that Cortez had learned to protect his heart very well, but he wore his desires on his sleeve. He wanted her as much as she wanted him. Still, she’d hurt him terribly and he’d never seen it coming. His heart and his ego had been irrevocably wounded and it would take a miracle to reach him past all that hurt. Taking a deep breath, Julia opened her eyes and looked at the television screen. Did she actually have
the nerve or, in her opinion, the poor taste to cause friction between the couple? Love made a person to all sorts of things, from the truly outrageous to the most heinous. She knew deep down that there was a fine line she would never cross to win Cortez’s love. Still, she had to be sure. She had to know if this was real. Her every instinct told her there was nothing between the two, but that was secondary. What mattered most was whether Cortez had once and for all closed his heart to her. Surely she could determine that without doing anything…improper.

  “Thanks for joining us this hour. Tune in at noon for an update on today’s top stories.”

  “And cut!”

  Cortez and Renee sighed in unison. As they removed the microphones from their clothing they didn’t notice the crew approaching the desk.

  “Surprise!”

  Cortez’s and Renee’s expressions were direct opposites. Cortez appeared irritated and sullen. Renee’s face was glowing with happiness. The crew had organized a surprise party, bringing the studio to life with laughter and conversation.

  “When did you guys do all this?” Renee asked, her light brown eyes darting from face to face.

  “That’s our secret, and it looks like we kept it well.” Carlton Giles, one of the cameramen, spoke up. “We know you guys haven’t broken the news yet, but, well…we just wanted to get a jump on all the other well-wishers.”

  Could this get any worse? Cortez asked himself while pushing his tall, lean frame out of the swivel chair behind the news desk. “You handle this,” he told Renee when their eyes met.

  Brightly colored bags and wrapped presents cluttered the desktop. When Cortez began to make his way out of the studio, several people urged him to stay and get over his shyness. Thankfully, the switchboard paged him and he celebrated the interruption.

  “I mean it,” he told Renee on his way past her.

  Frowning, Renee grabbed his arm. “Don’t forget our noon broadcast, sweetie,” she said, and kissed his cheek to the delight of the group in the studio.

  “Monique!” Julia screamed, when she spotted her sister in the airport lobby.

  “Jukee!” Monique called, racing forward to grab her little sister in a bear hug.

  Sighing, Julia hoisted the strap of her carry-on bag over her shoulder. “Girl, I’m so glad you came and not Ma.”

  Monique brushed the tendrils of her soft hair away from her face and nodded. “I understand, but she just cares. Like we all do.”

  “I appreciate it, Mo, but I love him,” Julia whispered, her expression apprehensive.

  “Is this all you have?” Monique asked, eyeing the five pieces of luggage surrounding her sister.

  Julia smiled at her sister’s sarcasm. In minutes they had collected the bags and were headed out of the airport.

  “Honey, are you sure you want to do this? I mean, I haven’t seen Cortez in a while, but on TV he looks very happy with his fiancée.”

  “You shouldn’t believe everything you see on TV,” Julia instantly replied, following her sister across the parking deck.

  They reached Monique’s car and dropped the luggage to the ground. “Girl, do you really expect him to dump the woman the minute he sees you?” Monique asked as she opened the trunk.

  Julia helped her sister situate the bags in the back. “I don’t expect him to, but he’ll think twice about marrying her. If he’s even thinking of marriage at all, which I really don’t believe he is.”

  “You sure of that?”

  The easy expression Julia had worn practically since embarking upon the Detroit trip began to fade. Her sister’s challenging question turned Julia’s easy look to one that was far more questioning. Slowly, almost dazedly, she leaned against the trunk of the car. Monique pressed her lips together and chose to remain silent. She didn’t want to push, and from the look on her little sister’s face, she didn’t need to. It relieved her to see that Julia wasn’t as overconfident as she appeared. That aspect of the woman’s personality had gotten her in trouble more times than Monique could count.

  “That story is most likely false. Society pieces can’t always be taken at face value. Living in L.A., I know.” Julia managed a weak yet refreshing smile for her sister. “Still, there’s always the possibility…”

  “That it could be true?” Monique supplied.

  Julia nodded, smoothing her hands over her arms, suddenly chilly beneath the tailored tan shirt she wore. In her mind she was seeing the photo of Cortez and Renee Scales that had fallen from Marisa Delon’s folder.

  Monique turned to lean against the trunk then, too. “So I have to ask if you’re willing to risk it. Your pride, dignity…to find out for sure?”

  Julia stiffened. “Cortez loved me before I left all those years ago.”

  “The operative word there is left.” Monique cleared her throat when she noticed Julia’s gaze falter. “Maybe the interest he showed out in Cali was more about him trying to find out the reasons you left, reasons you would never share with him.” Monique stood then and fixed her sister with a pointed look. “A man like Cortez Wallace…I’m sure he’s got lots of tools to help him get the answers he wants.”

  Stroking shaky fingers through her hair, Julia looked up at Monique. “Seems you’re right about that, since he definitely got his answers. I told him what I overheard that night eight years ago,” she explained when her sister’s jaw dropped.

  “What did he say?” Monique’s voice was close to a whisper as she gripped the trunk door.

  “He told me I scared him.” Julia would’ve laughed at Monique’s stunned expression had she not been so preoccupied by the memory. “He said he couldn’t survive taking me back just to lose me.” Julia stood then and closed the trunk. “Does that sound like a man on the brink of marrying another woman?”

  Monique watched Julia round the car and take her place in the front. Silently, she admitted she had no response to refute her sister’s assumptions.

  “Lil’ girl, you better get in here and hug me!” Tamara Kelly ordered as soon as Julia stepped inside the house.

  Julia had expected her mother to start in on her as soon as she walked through the door. Seeing the bright smile on the woman’s lovely, dark face relieved her. “Mommy,” she whispered.

  “Baby,” Tamara whispered, pressing a kiss to Julia’s short, glossy hair. “I’m so glad to have you home,” she told her daughter, pulling back to have a look at her. “Thanks, Ma.”

  Tamara sighed and brushed a speck of lint from Julia’s shoulder. “I guess it’d be another few months before you came home if Cortez wasn’t practically engaged.”

  Julia rolled her eyes and stepped away from her mother. “Mommy, I don’t need to hear this now. The plane ride was long and the snacks were not satisfying.”

  “Okay, okay. I’m sorry, honey. Let’s get you something to eat,” Tamara said, hustling her youngest daughter into the kitchen.

  Julia lifted another forkful of chicken salad to her lips. “I can’t believe they’re separated after all this time,” she solemnly noted, when her mother had informed her that her aunt and uncle were about to divorce.

  Tamara refilled Julia’s tea glass and took a seat next to Monique at the dinette table.

  “Yeah, I guess they finally decided to stop lying to themselves that the marriage was worth holding on to.”

  Julia glanced at Monique, before she looked at her mother. “Are you trying to tell me something?”

  Tamara regarded Julia with an innocent stare. “Excuse me?”

  “Mommy…”

  “Baby, I just wish you’d look at the situation with Cortez. He’s probably getting married, for goodness’ sake.”

  “He didn’t speak of her once while he was in L.A.”

  “So? What difference does that make?”

  Julia slammed her hands to the table and stood. “If he loved her he would’ve talked about her. He would’ve at least told me he was off limits, but he never did.”

  “Jukee, it looks like he’s marrying the woman.
Besides, he’s a man, and men do tend to hide the fact that there’s a little woman at home when they have a chance to make a…connection with another one,” Monique tried to reason.

  “I can’t believe that. Cortez never struck me as that sort of man who’d humiliate a woman that way.”

  Monique and Tamara exchanged glances before they stood, too.

  “Listen, girl, you’re smarter than this and you know it. Cortez Wallace is not worth all that you’re putting yourself through.”

  Julia rolled her eyes toward her mother but did not respond.

  “I don’t know why you want to be part of that family anyway,” Tamara grumbled, as she cleared away the lunch dishes. “Cora Wallace ain’t nothin’ but an uppity old bitch.”

  Julia’s stare widened at her mother’s words. She didn’t attempt to calm the woman, though. Tamara Kelly and Cora Wallace had never liked each other. They probably never would.

  “Mommy, please. If you see Cora Wallace while I’m in town, can you just try and be civil?”

  Tamara rolled her eyes. “It’ll be a cold day in hell.”

  Chapter 7

  “Cortez? Cortez,” Renee called, when she walked into her colleague’s office. The man was nowhere in sight, and Renee decided to leave. Before she reached the door she heard his voice.

  “Did you tell them?”

  “Cortez…”

  He folded his arms across his chest and waited.

  “Oh, Cortez, I couldn’t. Everyone was so happy, and I know this isn’t the way you wanted it, but it could be a good thing, and we—”

  “Renee,” he called firmly, bracing his hands upon his desk as he glared at her. “We are not engaged, and this will be an even bigger mess if we pretend to be and then it all comes out.”

  “Why does it have to come out?”

  “Renee!” Cortez couldn’t believe her.

  She spread her hands defensively and drew closer to his desk. “Just hear me out. Do you know how big we could be? We’ve already got quite a following for the show, but news of an engagement between coanchors on the same show? Do you have any idea of the attention we’d receive? I mean, we’re talking major networks here.”