Firefly

by Molly McAdams

  Einstein studied me for a minute in a way only she could, those wild eyes searching for something hidden. “You know, I think it’s unfortunate. What’s going to happen,” she added on as an afterthought. “No one else would’ve thought twice about using the fake life. I don’t think I’ll ever meet someone else who’s as straightforward in her deceit as you are. It’s a shame.”

  I didn’t need her to explain.

  I knew what was a shame.

  “What’s sad is I’m not enough to ease his need for revenge.”

  “You might’ve been. I know you’re perfect for him. I think the two of you are what your families need to stop spilling blood. But Dare has a devil on his shoulder who’s always whispering in his ear, reminding him of his promises and his hatred. And his devil won’t let Dare stop thirsting for blood.”

  “You mean Johnny, don’t you?” I asked when Einstein turned to leave.

  She looked back at me, a sad smile playing on her lips. “Who else?”

  “Can’t you see that he’s poison?” I asked, the question tumbling from my mouth before I could stop myself. “How can you look away from the kind of man he is?”

  “Poison, huh? Interesting description. Do you need to be reminded whose bed you’ve been sharing for years?”

  My mouth opened, a defense for Kieran on the tip of my tongue before I stopped. Because Kieran wasn’t the boy who hated what he’d been made in to anymore. He hadn’t for a long time. “I don’t turn a blind eye to what he does. I think the fact that I’m standing here says as much.”

  “Just because you see him for what he is doesn’t mean there isn’t a part of you that hopes you can fix him.” From the way she seemed to stare through me, I had a feeling she wasn’t just talking about Kieran and me. “Everyone’s a puzzle,” she said suddenly. “He’s just missing a piece, but I’ll find it. I always do.”

  “But, Einstein—”

  “You can’t help who you love.” Her words were as much an explanation as they were a reminder. Before I could respond, her eyebrows lifted and head tilted. “Did you hear that? I think . . . I think my operating system just crashed. My motherboard might be fried. I can’t search for you the way I need to. Funny how that happens.”

  I blew out a weighted breath and sent her a grateful smile. “Thank you, Einstein.”

  I watched her slip out of the room and started to turn to get dressed when I heard Dare’s deep timbre from somewhere in the house.

  Following my rumbling stomach down the hall toward the kitchen, my brow pinched when I found the kitchen full of takeout food, but void of people.

  I peeked in one of the bags as I rounded the counter to continue following Dare’s voice into the living room, but turned right back around to get a drink instead when I heard Johnny’s distinct sneer.

  “Maybe if you paid more attention to your own house, we wouldn’t have to do your job for you.”

  “Enough,” Dare growled.

  I slowed as I pulled a glass down from one of the cupboards to fill with water, wondering who they were talking to and knowing I probably shouldn’t be hearing this.

  But even as my mind yelled at me to slowly and quietly retreat back to Dare’s room, I couldn’t stop from listening as Dare continued.

  “He’s got plans to take her within the next two weeks. No set date.”

  “Jesus fuck . . . all right.”

  My head snapped up and I nearly choked on my next breath when I heard the familiar curse.

  No. No, no, no. That’s not him. Please, God, be anyone but him.

  “He’s either trying to shut some people up, or start a war with that. We knew he was planning something, just had no idea it would be something like that.”

  “You know her then?” Dare asked.

  “Yeah. Yeah, I do.” There was a rough sigh before he continued, “There were two more visits. Were you able to get them taken care of?”

  “Everyone’s accounted for,” Dare said smoothly, like he wasn’t talking to an enemy. “The last two needed a little convincing. Think they’re still worried they’ll be killed if they go against Mickey. Might be worth another visit when he gets back into town.”

  I staggered toward the counter, my free hand shooting out to grab it in order to keep myself standing.

  What am I hearing? What the hell am I hearing?

  “Solo or all?”

  “I don’t mind—”

  “There’s no point for us to go back,” Dare answered, cutting Johnny off.

  “All right. I’ll let Kieran know. He can take care of them when he gets . . .”

  I didn’t hear the rest of what he said.

  I didn’t hear anything at all past the roaring in my ears.

  Kieran.

  Kieran.

  Kieran.

  Kieran’s working with . . . Beck and Kieran are working with . . . Jesus Christ.

  The edges of my vision went black and the room felt like it was spinning around me.

  The next thing I knew Dare was in front of me, grasping my cheeks and forcing me to look into his calming eyes as he spoke to me.

  “Elle? Elle, baby, look at me. Are you okay? No, don’t try to move, there’s glass everywhere.” He was trying to sound soothing, but there was an underlying hint of panic to his words.

  And I couldn’t understand what he was saying, because my best friend was standing right behind him.

  It felt like I was in a never-ending nightmare that just continued to get worse. No matter how hard I tried to tear myself from it, I kept getting sucked in.

  “There’s what?” I asked, my voice heavy and slow. I tried to look down but Dare stopped the movement.

  “I’m gonna get you out of here, okay? Stop trying to walk.”

  I didn’t want to walk. I wanted to run.

  Needed to run.

  Because Dare had shifted to give Johnny an order, and now Beck and I had a clear view of each other.

  It only took seconds for his expression to fall as he stared at me, his curiosity giving way to denial and confusion. His chest heaved with a ragged breath before rage and accusation burned in his eyes.

  I’d never seen him so terrifying.

  He turned his back on us just before Dare grabbed me in his arms and looked over his shoulder to snap at Beck, “We’re done here.”

  I was losing my fucking mind.

  To put it mildly.

  In the hour since I’d found Elle standing in a sea of glass, she’d barely said a word. She’d let me set her on my bathroom counter and pull the slivers of glass from her feet and legs with a face of stone.

  Libby had freaked out for her.

  Johnny had come storming into the bathroom, demanding to know why she’d been in the kitchen and what she’d heard before I’d been able to shove him out. But Elle hadn’t so much as flinched or looked at him.

  She hadn’t touched the food I’d given her.

  And when I’d put her in my bed, she’d tried to stand, saying she had to leave.

  But that was it.

  She hadn’t fought when I’d told her to rest instead. She’d just lain down and had been staring blankly ahead ever since.

  “Let me try talking to her alone,” Libby offered from where she sat on the end of my bed.

  “Because that went so great last time,” Einstein said with a snort from where she stood, leaning against the wall next to Johnny. As always, her face was buried in her phone. “You took one look at her feet and started screaming. Since when are you afraid of blood?”

  “I’m not leaving her alone with you,” I said before Libby could snap back. “She was fine. I leave and this happens. I need to know what happened to her while I was gone.”

  My accusing stare darted to my sister.

  “I was getting my nails done,” Libby shot back, annoyed that I would blame her for having anything to do with this.

  “I was in the middle of a computer crisis, still—”

  “Or maybe,” Johnny said, cuttin
g off Einstein, “it’s like I said. She was listening when she shouldn’t have been. Maybe she heard something she shouldn’t have.”

  “She is right here,” Elle mumbled.

  I turned to look at her. Eyes and face still blank.

  “Newbie,” Maverick shouted, running into the room just before Diggs barreled in behind him. “Nerd. Dude, what happened?”

  “Out,” I said through clenched teeth. “Everyone out.”

  “We just got here,” Diggs complained, but immediately put his hands up in surrender as he stepped back. “But we’re leaving.”

  Johnny slanted a glare at Elle as he stepped toward the door, then gave me a look as he slipped out.

  I knew what it meant . . . I knew what he wanted.

  He wanted to interrogate her.

  He was fucking insane if he thought I’d let him near her.

  Biting back a groan, I rubbed my hands over my face and turned back to Elle just as she pulled herself into a sitting position.

  I studied every movement, looking for any indication she was going to faint like I’d been waiting for all hour, but there was nothing.

  “Elle . . .”

  “I’m sorry,” she said immediately, the emotion finally back in her tone even if there was no life in her eyes.

  “Sorry? Why are you sorry? I just want to know what happened and what I can do to help you.”

  She blinked before meeting my gaze, the action slow, like it was taking all her strength. “I don’t know what happened,” she said honestly. “I was standing there about to get water. I could hear you talking in the other room, and then everything went dark and it was so loud. Then suddenly you were there.”

  True.

  Every word.

  “Has this ever happened before?”

  Her head tilted as though she was about to start shaking it, but then she paused. “Yes,” she whispered. “A long time ago.” She swallowed, then dropped her head like she was ashamed. “But I passed out for nearly an hour that time.”

  “Jesus, Elle.”

  The corners of her mouth curved up before falling, the first sign of life on her beautiful face. “Progress, I guess.”

  Pressing my knuckles under her chin, I lifted her head to look into her eyes. “Not funny,” I told her as I pushed up her slipping glasses.

  She swatted at my hand, another hint of a grin flashing across her face. “No, it’s not.” She dragged her fingers through her long hair as she sucked in a deep breath, then released it. “Dare, I have to go.”

  “Are you kidding? You just—I don’t even know how to describe what happened to you. You’ve been a zombie for the last hour. I’m not letting you go.”

  “I need to go before this gets worse. And I promise you it is going to get worse.”

  “Then stay,” I urged. “Let me take care of you.”

  “Remember what I said?” she asked, her voice calm and eyes filled with sadness. “If I don’t go soon, I don’t know when I’ll ever be able to get back to you.” She slid her hands into my hair, then let her fingers slowly drag down until they were intertwined around the back of my neck. “Let me go so I can come back to you.”

  “Do you have any idea how frustrating you are?” I asked as I gripped her waist, pulling her closer to me. “If you never left, you wouldn’t have to worry about when you’d be able to come back. I wouldn’t have to wander through the dark, waiting for you to light up the night. You’d already be here.”

  She sat up, crushing her mouth to mine. “Until the very end.”

  Before I could try to stop her, she was slipping out of my arms and off the bed.

  “Let me do what has to be done, Dare,” she begged when I started to follow her. “I would’ve stayed that first night if things were different. I hate that they’re not. I hate that I can’t change them. And I hate that I put you in a position where you only know so much. But let what you do know be enough, because that’s all I can give you.”

  Once she was in her own clothes and had her purse slung over her shoulder, she took a step toward the door, but stopped, rocking back on her heels.

  Turning toward where I stood with my arms crossed over my chest so I wouldn’t reach for her and keep her with me, she walked up to me and leaned up on her toes to whisper in my ear, “It shreds my soul walking away from you.”

  I love you. Stay.

  The words were there, begging to be freed, but the fear of what would happen to her kept them choked back like a rock in my throat.

  I watched her go, my jaw ticking and muscles twitching as she did.

  She got a foot from the door before I ate up the distance and grabbed her, turning and pressing her against the wall to claim her mouth one last time.

  Her body immediately relaxed beneath mine, her hands gripping at my shirt to pull me closer. I teased the seam of her lips, begging entrance and groaning when she opened for me.

  My fingers curled against the wall, wanting to grab her and pull her back to the bed, but knowing I couldn’t keep her there forever.

  A whimper scraped up her throat when I nipped at her lip, and I knew I was seconds from forgetting what she needed.

  “Five seconds before I remind you why you shouldn’t go,” I warned, leaning back just enough to give her space to get away.

  Her chest moved roughly with her heavy breaths as she looked up at me with indecision in her eyes. But just before I grabbed her and hauled her back to bed, she kissed the tattoo on my bicep, then ducked from under my arm to slip out of the room.

  I’d made it three houses away when a familiar car rolled to a stop next to me.

  I wanted to hit and scream at him.

  I wanted to run far from him and his accusing stare.

  Knowing he would continue to follow me and needing the relief from my stinging feet, I jerked open his car door and slid inside to face a seething Beck.

  “Drive,” I demanded as I slammed the door behind me.

  “Tell me—”

  “Drive so they don’t see us!”

  “What?” he shouted. “Worried about your boyfriend seeing you with me? You and I are a team, Lil. I’m your best fucking friend. We’re on the same goddamn side, if you’ve forgotten.”

  “If I’ve forgotten? Beck! You were just in a meeting with the enemy, and I want to know why and how long this has been going on.” Smacking my hand against the dashboard, I yelled, “Drive.”

  He thankfully pulled away from the curb, but hadn’t let more than a few seconds pass before turning on me. “You wanna explain what the fuck I walked in on?”

  “Me?” I shouted. “What the hell did I just hear? You and Kieran are—”

  “No. Fuck no, Lil. Not only—” He let loose an inhuman growl, ripping a hand through his hair. “Not only did I just catch you in your little getup,” he said, gesturing to me. “You were looking like this off property. At a Borello’s house. But not just any Borello’s house. The main Borello house. In nothing but Demitri Fuckin’ Borello’s goddamn shirt. And he called you baby. Now considering the facts that you’re supposed to be all cozy at home and engaged to my other best friend, you better start explaining.”

  I was seeing red. Yet at the same time, I felt like I did the first time my mom walked in to find Keiran in my room when we were teenagers.

  “After everything I’ve found out recently—”

  “You first,” he bellowed, his voice thundering in the small space.

  Instead of shrinking into the seat, I turned, putting my back against the door so I could face him. “I don’t know what you expect. I’ve been trapped on Holloway my entire life. I got why. I did. But after Aric’s death, that place suddenly became a prison and I was treated like a prisoner. I was being suffocated by all of you. I got in trouble if I went to the main house without getting permission, Beck.”

  “It was to protect you,” he roared in response, the car jerking with his rage.

  “Fuck protecting me. I can protect myself. If only Kieran woul
d understand that. If only Kieran were ever around. But he isn’t. He hasn’t been for four years. He didn’t just take Aric’s place, Beck, he left me. He broke our promises. He’s been destroying our relationship and my heart a little bit at a time while I scrambled to put it back together each time he left. And I’m so tired of trying to keep us together when he doesn’t care.”

  “You think he doesn’t care? You think he isn’t doing all of this bullshit for you?”

  “Oh my God,” I said with a frustrated laugh. “Stop with that. None of this is for me. That is the biggest punch to the gut to say any of his work is for me. And then to find out that you’re also working with the Borellos? The people you’ve been working so hard to hide me from?”

  “Clearly we’ve been doing a hell of a job seeing as you’re fucking the deadliest one.”

  Air burst from my chest, my shoulders sagging in response.

  He suddenly jerked the car to the right and hit the brakes, slamming his hands against the steering wheel once we were stopped. After a few ragged breaths, he turned to look at me. “How long has this been going on?”

  I leaned my head against the seat, suddenly weary. “There’s not one real answer to that.”

  With a steadying breath, I told Beck about Teagan finding me. About our Mondays at Brooks Street Café and Dare’s notes. About the street fair and everything after, skipping the intimate details.

  When I was done, he was leaning back in his seat. One arm folded over his chest, the other draped over his head. Instead of the intense glare he’d been sporting earlier, his expression was wavering somewhere between worry and anger. “Jesus fuck, Lil. I . . . shit, I don’t even know where to begin.”

  I scoffed. “How about when you started working with the Borellos?”

  “I can’t. It’s not my story to tell.” He lowered the arm from his head and looked at me helplessly. “I’ve been telling you—Kieran’s been telling you—everything he has been doing for the last four years has been for you. You just wouldn’t listen because you were too upset.”

  “Upset? Beck. He left—”

  “I know, Lil. I know. But it’s Kieran. He doesn’t even know that shaking hands is the right way to say hello. Or that it’s polite to say thank you or you’re welcome, or goodbye when you walk away from a conversation. Kieran’s focus is you, and he was trained to put his all into his job. And he’s doing this job for you. So, in his mind, he’s doing the right thing. The Borellos . . . again, it’s not my story. But, Teagan . . . Lil, I gotta tell you.”