Firefly

by Molly McAdams

  I understood more than I could say.

  Hospitals were a last resort to prevent death.

  Police were only involved if they happened to show.

  Mob life.

  I handed the bottle of vodka back to her, meeting her gaze at her huff.

  “You were supposed to drink it to help ease the pain. Not hold it for me.” Standing, she took her large kit and vodka back to the chest she’d grabbed them from earlier and put them back with a practiced ease.

  I wondered for a brief moment how often she’d had to use that kit, then I realized I’d rather not know.

  “Thank you,” I said as I stood. “I’m sorry you had to—”

  “Don’t apologize to me. Just promise me one thing.” She waited until I nodded to continue. “If my son doesn’t find a way to keep you from Johnny, keep yourself away from this house.”

  “Of course,” I murmured immediately, trying to hide my panic at where I would see Dare. I didn’t want to spend the rest of the time I had with him at Brooks Street or at The Jack.

  I wanted some sense of normalcy and privacy while I could still pretend the fast-approaching end would never come.

  I accepted a kiss on the cheek from her before slipping out of her door, then wandered down the halls until I found my way to the living room, rocking back on my heels when I found Dare in there, sitting on a couch with his head in his hands.

  His hands fell, and he looked up as soon as I stepped into the room, his expression tortured.

  “Come here.”

  I walked slowly to him, stopping just in front of his legs. My teeth sank into my bottom lip when he leaned forward to run his hands up the back of my thighs, pulling me forward until I was crawling onto his lap, straddling him.

  He leaned over, grabbing a glass of water and two pills from the end table before handing them to me. “For the pain,” he mumbled. Once he had the glass on the table, he sat up, his gaze falling over my body again and again. “How are you feeling?”

  I lifted a shoulder. “I’ve had better days.”

  “Why didn’t you scream, Elle?”

  Because he came up behind me so suddenly I hadn’t even known he was there before he had me bent over the counter, my face smashed into the granite and his harsh words in my ear.

  Because he’d had a knife inches from my face.

  Because I didn’t want to die.

  “Scream, and I’ll slit your throat. Lie, and I’ll gut you, you fucking rat.”

  When he’d forced my arm onto the counter and dug the blade into my arm, it had been the first time I’d allowed myself to make a sound.

  “That’s called payback, you Holloway whore.”

  “I did when I could,” I finally said.

  Dare pressed his head into my stomach, his back shuddering with his rough exhale. “I’m sorry. I’m so goddamn sorry.” His hand lifted to lightly trace the bandage, then dropped to grip my fingers. “I should’ve known something was wrong when he didn’t return, but I wasn’t expecting you back yet.”

  “I told you I needed to leave so I could come back to you.” I tried to make my tone light and slightly teasing, but his back tensed and fingers tightened on mine in response. “Johnny’s actions aren’t your fault,” I murmured, pressing a kiss to his head. Running my free hand through his hair, I tugged so he would meet my gaze and tried to smile. But it felt forced.

  I could see it, he was thinking about what Johnny had said to him . . . what he’d heard me admit.

  “If you want to ask, then do it.”

  “I don’t,” he said automatically. “I heard what you said.”

  “But you’re wondering, and that wonder is going to turn into doubt. Just ask me what’s on your mind.”

  “What’s on my mind is that everything I’ve been terrified would happen began this afternoon. That guy you saw? He was the business partner I told you about—the one I was supposed to meet. But he didn’t show, and I couldn’t get hold of him. When we got back to the house, he was here waiting. And I about lost my fucking mind because I had to act like there wasn’t someone in the house I didn’t want him to see—I had to act like I wasn’t terrified of him seeing you and realizing what you meant to me. And then the glass . . .”

  “I’m sorry.” The apology left me automatically, effortlessly.

  “Don’t be.”

  But I was. Even though in that moment my world had felt like it was falling down around me, dying the way his fiancée had was Dare’s greatest fear. And I’d put him in a position where he’d revealed everything he’d wanted to protect and conceal.

  “But when he left earlier, he should’ve never come back. The fact that he did . . .” Dare blew out a harsh breath, his eyes narrowing into slits. “Him being there, waiting for you when you came back and asking about us . . . it’s like starting a game. Only our games don’t end until there’s a body count and so much blood spilled you can’t seem to ever get clean again.”

  The drop in his tone sent a chill up my spine.

  His eyes scanned my face, searching for long seconds before he finally asked, “Have you ever heard of Holloway?”

  I knew as soon as the question passed his lips why he was staring at me so intently.

  He was waiting for my response.

  And there was that doubt.

  At the slightest dip of my chin, it was as if Dare’s expression had turned to stone. “Johnny demanded to know what my role was with them about a dozen times in the kitchen.”

  His eyes slid closed, his hands releasing me to run through his hair as a harsh breath left him. “I’ll kill him,” he muttered so softly, I was sure the promise wasn’t meant for me to hear.

  Bringing my injured arm to his lips, he passed a feather-soft kiss across the bandage and dropped his hands to my hips, pulling me closer as he leaned back against the cushions.

  “Doesn’t surprise me that you haven’t,” he began. “Holloway is a gang that came to the city a generation after we did. At that point, we’d already taken over the city and were territorial.”

  “Shocking,” I murmured, offering him a wry grin.

  He pinched my side in return. “They bought a huge chunk of land, and for the most part didn’t leave it. If a Holloway was in town, it was immediate bloodshed.”

  I knew all this. I’d grown up hearing it.

  But it was captivating hearing it from the enemy, to see how much it seemed to weigh on him when I would’ve expected something so different.

  “In the last decade there’s been a shift,” he said, his brows furrowing. “For the most part, members of Holloway are still on their plot of land, hiding out. If they leave, they lie real low. But now they’re into bigger, worse things than ever. And we’re pulling out of everything we’ve ever done, trying to dissolve it all.”

  “You are?” The words were out before I could attempt to stop myself, my tone dripping with relief.

  A huff punched from Dare’s chest. “You think I want this? The mafia has controlled and stolen my entire life. I’ve worked endlessly for years to get this family on a different path. But there are old-school members like Johnny who fight that.” He attempted a laugh then sighed. “And then there are setbacks.”

  “Like what?” I asked, fascinated to know this information that was widely unknown among Holloway. Or, at least, kept hidden from most of us.

  “Like today. That guy who talked to you, he was a Holloway. And a Holloway . . . a Holloway killed Gia.”

  Hearing her name from his lips for the first time left a hollow feeling in my chest. It was so much more than being reminded of the love I’d involuntarily stolen from him. It was as if her name alone breathed life into the vengeance that simmered in his veins.

  “Now they know about you.” One of his hands gently wrapped around the back of my neck to pull me closer. His lip curled. “We’ve been waiting for them. We knew they were going to come for us eventually. But I didn’t think he would wait for you outside.”

  I
knew I wasn’t able to hide my confusion, because his frustrated admission was so opposite of what I knew—what the men who’d been hiding me for years had been telling me and each other.

  I twisted my body to slide onto the couch next to him, curling against his chest and leaving my legs draped over his lap in a weak attempt to hide my emotions. “Why are they coming for you?” I asked, my voice a breath as I tried to prepare myself for whatever he might say.

  I couldn’t handle any more surprises.

  For a long time, he didn’t respond. When he did, the reply was hesitant. “There was a setback. We messed up. Revealed ourselves and our plan too soon. And I know there’s no way they’re going to let it go. They’ll try to prevent it, and the way to prevent it is to take us out first.”

  It didn’t take long to understand what he was vaguely describing.

  The break-in.

  He thought they were coming for them because of the break-in, and Beck and Kieran were so sure that Dare was using it as an aggressive move to keep us scared until they attacked again.

  And suddenly everything began falling into place.

  “Is that why you’re all in this house together?”

  “Of course.” He tipped my head back to look into my eyes. “The best time to attack is when we’re at our weakest. We’re weakest when we’re alone. So, for now, none of my family is alone.”

  “Libby’s been at work,” I reminded him.

  “The bouncers are members.”

  I wanted to be surprised, but I wasn’t. “And you? You’re always alone.”

  “There’s only one way to hurt me, and now they know that way exists.” He dipped his head to pass a kiss across my lips, lingering when he said, “Now you know why it feels like I’m dying every time you force me to watch you leave.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  Wonder filled his eyes as they searched my own. The corner of his mouth twitched into a grin as he whispered, “Goddamn firefly.”

  His mouth fell onto mine in a soft, but breathtaking kiss, his tongue tracing my lips before teasing my own just as the doorbell rang.

  A growl sounded in his chest and his forehead fell to mine. “That’s probably dinner.” Sliding my legs off his lap, he stood from the couch and pulled me up with him. “I’ll meet you in my room with the food.”

  “Something wrong with the kitchen?” I asked wryly as I walked away, a low laugh sounding in my throat at his answering glare.

  But as soon as I was in the hall heading toward his room, my smile slipped.

  There were similarities—so many similarities.

  I’d known the Borello family had lived freely while we’d remained out of sight. Staying on the property or slipping from shadow to shadow throughout town.

  It was why my brothers and I had been homeschooled. It was why most of the Holloway men chose to live in Soldier’s Row, keeping their families in Raleigh. Keeping them a secret from our dark world.

  It was why I’d been mostly kept from the outside world long before my faked death.

  But even with all their freedom, the Borellos were still hiding.

  Dare was hiding them.

  Even if there was a way to stop what was coming—if there was a way for us to be together—it would still be a life of fear and protection and being kept from enemies.

  And yet, even at that realization, I knew I would gladly live that life if it meant a life with Demitri Borello.

  Because living without the man who could touch my soul—the man who had silently put my destroyed heart back together—would be a slow, agonizing death. More painful than anything Johnny could do to me physically, or Kieran and Mickey could inflict on me emotionally.

  That familiar energy slid over my skin a second before his deep voice rumbled, “What is it?”

  I turned to find him watching me intently, a bag of food in hand.

  “What is it that sometimes makes you look like you’re being tortured by something worse than Johnny?”

  “What I want and what I would give up to have it,” I said honestly. Lifting a shoulder in the barest hint of a shrug, I let a sad laugh tumble from my lips. “And what I can’t change.”

  He stepped into the room, setting the food on his dresser so he could pull me into his arms. His eyebrows drew together, his dark eyes begging to understand.

  “Will I ever know?” As patient as he’d been, I could hear the wariness in his tone. I knew he couldn’t handle the half-truths for much longer.

  Then again . . . we didn’t have long left.

  “One day,” I answered with a forced grin as I slipped from his hold. “One day soon you’ll know it all.”

  I grabbed the bag of food off the dresser and slid my hand down his arm to intertwine our fingers, pulling him toward the couch.

  Tilting my head back to look at him, I said, “But tonight, I just want you and me. I don’t want to worry about what’s happening in our lives. I want to eat . . .”

  “Thai,” he answered with a smirk that was quickly widening into one of his blinding smiles.

  I scrunched up my face and teased, “Italians eat Thai?”

  He twisted our joined hands around my back and pulled me close, his fingers digging playfully into my side as he buried his face into my hair. “I’ll show you what I want to eat.” The huskiness of his tone sent a shock straight to my core.

  My head dropped back and my eyes fluttered shut when he ran his fingers between my legs, a plea for him to continue on the tip of my tongue before the bag of food was suddenly snatched from my hand, and he pushed me backward onto the couch.

  When he followed me down, I slid my fingers into his hair and placed a teasing kiss on his lips. “I want to have tonight to know this is real.”

  To remember it was.

  He looked at me as if he knew what I wasn’t saying—as if he could suddenly feel the weight of what was coming for us—and he couldn’t fathom why a time would ever come when we weren’t together anymore.

  The lighthearted moment we’d been in shifted into something else entirely.

  Something profound and devastating.

  “Real?” he asked, his voice pure gravel. “Elle, you made me breathe again. You made me aware I was alive. Nothing’s more real than that. I love you.”

  My heart swelled and my soul cried out.

  My throat tightened and my eyes burned.

  Those words were my greatest pleasure and my greatest pain.

  I would never forget the way they sounded coming from Dare’s lips, but I’d known the second they had that this was the moment I’d been dreading. This was the goodbye.

  “I love you. Until the very end.”

  “After, Elle,” he whispered. “After.”

  Movements slowed. Kisses deepened. The world apart from us was completely forgotten as Dare lifted himself off me, his hands trailing up my stomach, taking my shirt as he went.

  He angled down, his mouth covering my lace-covered breast as he wrapped his arms underneath me and shifted to stand.

  I tightened my legs around his hips, my head falling back when his teeth raked against my hardened nipple.

  Fisting a hand in my hair, he forced my head up in time for his mouth to fall onto my own, his tongue begging for entrance as my back hit the comforter.

  I grabbed for his shirt, my movements slow as I dragged it up his body and over his head, letting it fall to the floor when his mouth moved across my jaw and down my throat.

  My bra and jeans were soon added to the clothing on the floor, but when I reached for the button on his jeans, he gripped my wrists and gently placed my hands over my head.

  Warmth pooled low in my stomach when he nipped the sensitive spot behind my ear and breathed a gravelly, “Patience.”

  With a light squeeze to my wrists, he lightly trailed his fingers down my arms and over my waist, stopping to knead my breasts.

  Each touch was unhurried and alternated between achingly tender and blissfully rough. And with each touc
h, I nearly went out of my mind with need.

  Need to be able to touch him. Need for more. Need for this for the rest of my life.

  His tongue teased and fingers tormented. His teeth grazed and his mouth brushed.

  Everywhere he touched, that connection we’d always shared magnified in a way I couldn’t define . . . in a way I never wanted to end.

  By the time he lowered himself between my thighs, his breath washing over where I was aching for him, I was already panting and writhing against the bed. My core was wound so tight I was sure I would fall over the edge the second he touched me.

  “Jesus, Elle, look at you.” Desire and awe filled his tone as he ran his finger along my entrance, a shudder surging through me at the contact. “Fucking perfect.” The rough way the words fell from his lips had me looking down, my blood heating at the predatory way he was watching me.

  He dipped a finger inside me, the action tentative . . . a tease.

  My thighs clenched and a whimper sounded in the back of my throat when he angled his face so his mouth brushed against me. And with a carnal smirk, he growled, “Come.”

  I cried out, my head falling back when he slanted his mouth over my clit, sucking and raking his teeth over the knot of sensitive flesh.

  I shattered, my body bowing off the bed when he added a second finger, pushing hard and deep. Curling them and hitting that spot inside me that heightened my orgasm and stole my breath.

  Unable to resist any longer, I reached for him, sliding my fingers into his hair and holding tight as he lapped at me, drawing out the pleasure that continued to rock through me.

  I sucked in a sharp breath when he placed another teasing bite to my too sensitive clit, trying to twist away and close my legs even when his broad shoulders prevented the movements.

  A low laugh rumbled in his chest and his dark eyes flashed up to meet mine. With another graze of his teeth along my thigh, he removed his fingers, sliding them down, down, down until my body arched and a plea tumbled from my lips.

  “Fuck,” he groaned, teasing me for another second before he removed his hand and gripped my wrists to place my hands flat on the bed again.