Almost Loved

by Mira Toria

  “I –” The words stuck to the roof of her mouth and she grimaced. “I think . . . I think I really like him, Eves.”

  “About time you admitted that, moron,” Evey said. “It’s nice knowing you’re finally admitting this. I guess this is kind of like the time when I admitted how I felt about you know who.”

  “Who’s this you know who?” Lyris could hear West through the phone. “Babes, if you have a thing for Voldemort, that’s probably one role playing thing I have to say no to.”

  “Ly.” Evey had taken the phone back from West. “Ly, what’s wrong?”

  “How is it possible that I’ve let him break every one of my rules?” she whispered. “He did it without me even knowing. No one has ever done that before.”

  “That’s how love works – it just happens whether we want it to or not. Besides, Hale isn’t just another person to you,” Evey told her gently. “He’s the exception because you made him the exception.”

  Don’t fool yourself. It was what you wanted it to be and you know why? It’s because it was all in your head.

  “I need you to tell me this isn’t all in my head.” It was the last thing she had ever heard Bradley say to her and she needed to reassurance from Evey.

  “If it’s all in your head, we’re all crazy,” Evey laughed. “Good luck, Ly.”

  Hale looked up when she came back into the kitchen and had a sheepish look on his face as he dried his hands. “I thought that maybe you were having issues in the bathroom so I figured it’d be better if I left soon.”

  “No, no!” Lyris flushed with embarrassment because she was in the bathroom for longer than normal. “It’s just – I – I’m just really bad at this.”

  “You just lost me there, Lyris.”

  “This,” she said, waving her finger between them. “This whole relationship stuff is just really hard for me to wrap my head around because of how hard I’ve tried to stay away from it. It’s not like riding a bicycle at all.”

  He exhaled and his eyes softened as he understood what she was saying. “I can say I know a little something about past relationships having an effect on you now. You’re not the only one that has a hard time trying to figure this out.”

  “If we’re both trying, that has to count for something, right? I’m surprised you aren’t scared off yet,” she added, her voice barely above a whisper. Fear crept into her mind, but for the first time the thought of breaking away from the chains she held herself down with was tempting.

  “You scare me alright.” His laughter kissed her as he chuckled under his breath. “You don’t even understand the things you’ve made me think about the past couple days. Past relationships that I’ve been trying hard to forget – you’ve just made me face them again and everything else I thought I was done with.”

  “And you’re still not running,” she whispered.

  “If we’re both trying, it counts.”

  “I want you to know that I’m not sure where any of this, where we are going. I don’t know what will happen to us.” She swallowed hard and made sure she was looking at him as she asked him the question that scared her most. “What makes you think any of this is worth it? I’m sure there are other people out there that can give you what you want a lot quicker than what I can do. What makes you think this is worth the wait?”

  Her question had barely made it out before his lips crashed onto hers.

  It didn’t seem possible how intensely her body reacted to the touch of his. The hunger in her response was almost inconceivable and even more surprising, he seemed to share the same feelings.

  His mouth parted beneath hers as she wrapped her arms around his neck, trying to pull herself closer to him. So that she could feel him press up against her.

  She shivered in his arms as she felt his tongue trace her bottom lip. It should’ve been impossible for someone to make her feel so helpless and needy in such a short amount of time. She had never felt like she needed someone like this before.

  This was better than anything she could’ve dreamt.

  He slipped his tongue in and wound it around hers. Tangling one of his hands in her hair, he deepened the kiss by tilting her head back.

  She curved into his body and gripped onto him as he gently nipped on her bottom lip, sending a frenzy of heat down to her legs. She withered against him, using his shoulders to hold herself up as he bruised her lips in the most pleasant of ways.

  Maybe he read into her body language or maybe it was because he wanted something more as well. It didn’t matter what his reason was because when he put a hand to hitch her legs around his hips, she eagerly went with his direction.

  “Oh my God.” The last of her breath escaped her when he slammed her against the wall, using that to hold her up. She wasn’t even sure if that was a plea or a moan because all she knew was that it felt so good.

  He pulled away from her but before she could whimper a protest, he pressed small kisses down the length of her neck and slipped a hand under her top. The way he touched her, the way he was able to elicit such raw responses with such the brush of his finger, made her wonder why she kept away for so long.

  “You can say stop anytime you want.” His voice, rough and ragged, was a contrast to how he ran his hands around her body, soft and carefully as if he wanted to take his time memorising every curve. “Are you okay with this?”

  Lyris nodded and because words eluded her, she put her hands around his face and kissed him. Her breath was stolen when his hands wandered past her ribs and under her bra. Her head tipped to the side as he brushed a finger across her, creating a consistent pulse of heat that ran to the tips of her toes.

  She pushed herself high up against the wall, guiding him to bring his kisses lower.

  For his kisses to touch her everywhere.

  He kissed the tops of her breasts, moving his free hand under her bra as she dug her nails into his arms. His touch was almost painfully gentle, the tips of his finger just barely touching her until she pressed harder against him, silently asking him for more. He chuckled near her ear, tickling her with his laughter before he did what she wanted, pulling and teasing until she started whimpering and squirming under his control.

  She couldn’t get enough of him.

  It was like a deprived addict having his first high again after a relapse, an alcoholic that couldn’t resist that world’s finest wine. It was the feeling of reliving and relishing in something that had been depriving from her for so long.

  That was what their first kiss felt like.

  The phone rang, scaring both Lyris and Hale from their haze and they both looked at one another, her breath still short and his eyes bright and lips wet. Unblinkingly and without taking their eyes off one another, Hale lowered her gently to the floor.

  She felt breathless as her fingertips tentatively touched her lips, not at all understanding how any of her reasons to stay away were good enough before. Looking up at Hale, she saw that he looked shocked from how a simple kiss between the two of them turned into something more intimate than they imagined. He tugged at her sweater, smoothing it out before he spoke, sounding as breathless as she felt.

  “Yeah, I’d say that was worth the wait.”

  Lyris ran around her room trying to find a pair of socks that matched. The past couple nights have been hectic on both their parts; Hale was running around to manage his bars and there had been a large order of wedding cakes the past couple days to the café and Lyris had been spending late nights at the café. They saw one another briefly, an hour at most every day, but they both agreed they needed a night where they weren’t distracted by work.

  “Your house today?” she asked.

  “My house?” Hale sounded a little wary over the phone.

  “I’ve been with you for a few weeks now. Is it a big deal for me to see your house for the first time? But that’s not my point,” she added, “I have wedding cake photos all over my house. I can’t help but feel like I have to work with all this stuff around me.
”

  “I have to make one more stop before I’m done, but I’ll come pick you up.”

  Lyris stopped moving in her room and sighed, hating how Hale sounded. “Hey, if it really bothers you, we can just stay at my place or we can reschedule.”

  There was a slight tremour of uncertainty in his voice. “It’s just – I haven’t had anyone over for a while and it takes a little bit to get used to.”

  “Hale¸ if it’s –”

  “No.” His voice cut across hers roughly. “I just have to get over it, Ly. We said we’d both try to go into this relationship with an open mind and I intend to keep that promise.”

  Getting off the phone with Hale, Lyris dropped onto her bed and eyed the drawer to the side of her bed. Her body felt like it was made of lead as she reached over and pulled out the picture. She hadn’t looked at it for weeks now.

  It should’ve never existed, but it did. And for once, she was glad of the fact.

  She waited for the longing that inevitably came whenever she looked at the picture, but it never came. It was just . . . simply a picture now. She almost laughed out loud when she thought about it.

  “It’s just a picture now,” she whispered. “I – I can’t believe this is just a picture now.”

  The picture was crumpled in the corner because of her grip, but the compulsive to flatten it out never surfaced. She felt as if she’d just woken up from a deep slumber, one she hadn’t realised she was even under.

  I intend to keep that promise.

  If Hale was trying to put his past behind him for her, she would do the same.

  Before, the thought of throwing the picture made her feel as if she were a failure of some sort – that she failed to hold onto someone she loved – but now, she couldn’t find a single reason to why she should keep holding on. This was the last thing Bradley had over her head and she was going to cut all ties once and for all.

  Heading over to the bathroom sink, Lyris lit a match and watched as the pictured burned into a pile of ash. It was so simple how physical memories could be destroyed in a matter of seconds when it could take a lifetime to stop your mind from bringing up old memories.

  It felt cathartic to watch the remains wash away in the sink. She should’ve done this sooner – probably when she was throwing everything out – but the time she chose now, it felt symbolic to her because this was her goodbye to Bradley.

  My final goodbye.

  The car ride to Hale’s place was almost unbearably quiet. Hale was tense behind the wheel and seemed to be on auto pilot because he looked so lost in his own head.

  “Would you tell me why you’re so nervous about this if I asked, or would you just ignore my question?” She didn’t wait for his answer before she just asked another question. “What is it about inviting people over to your house that’s so nerve wreaking for you? I’ve never seen you look less than confident about anything, but then when I even mention or allude to your place, you clam up.”

  He pulled into his garage and turned off the engine before he exhaled. “I haven’t brought anyone to this house.”

  “You’re scared I’ll cramp your bachelor pad?”

  A smile cracked through and he shook his head. “My grandparents passed this house down to me. This place felt more like home to me than my own house when I was growing up, and I never wanted anyone to ruin that feeling.”

  Lyris wasn’t expecting his reason to be something so personal. Knowing anything she had to say wouldn’t be enough, she just placed a hand over his, hoping the contact would be enough.

  Following him inside, she walked around his place and noticed that there were lots of photos of scenery and objects, but none of anyone else, let alone himself.

  “You do photography on the side?” She touched a photograph of a piano, littered with sheet music.

  “I hardly have time to sleep properly,” Hale laughed. “Korres took the pictures and framed it for me. She insisted that she had no more room in her place and she was sure mine was in dire need of colour.”

  “Are you sure I’m the first person to be invited in?”

  The nerves he had earlier weathered away as his amusement for her jealousy took over. “She said her assumption was based off my personality.”

  “Well in that case . . .” Lyris laughed as Hale beaned her with a pillow on the couch. “You were the one that said it! I was only agreeing!”

  Ignoring his exaggerated claims that he was anything but boring, Lyris walked to the bookcases and realised that they were filled with records. Packed neatly on the shelves, he had records from Jimi Hendrix to The Beatles and The Five Sharps.

  Running her fingers around them, her eye caught the record player on the end. “You never told me you were a vinyl guy. Do you have a favourite?”

  “Depending on my mood I guess.” Hale came over to see what she was flipping through. “My grandfather would listen to them all the time,” he added nostalgically. “I put a record on every once in a while as homage to him.”

  “You were really close to your grandparents, weren’t you?” Lyris selected a record before taking his hands in hers as music filled the room. “Take me to the moon, Hale.”

  She wasn’t expecting him to dance with her, but he indulged her whim and swayed to the music around the room like he’d done it a thousand times with her before.

  “When did you learn to dance like this?” Lyris asked with surprise as he spun her around.

  “Grams used to tell me if I grew up and puberty backfired, it wouldn’t matter as long as I knew how to dance like Fred Astaire,” Hale said smugly. “And seeing how I’m easy on the eyes, this is just an added bonus.”

  She tossed her head back laughing as she imaged an awkward 15 year old Hale listening to his grandmother lecturing him about mannerisms. “I’m not sure what you’re going on about, but you forgot to add modesty to that list,” Lyris grinned. “I’m guessing this is the only thing in your repertoire.”

  Hale chastised her by flicking her nose. “Shh, you weren’t supposed to know that.”

  The song ended and she expected Hale to stop, but he continued dancing to an imaginary beat, humming words with each step.

  “Winter, summer, spring. Loving you. Ba da dum.”

  She couldn’t stop herself and giggled, ruining Hale’s little serenade. “I seriously hope you never considered singing as a profession. Aside from how bad the melody is, you messed up the lyrics.”

  “I think I’m more suited for acting anyhow.” He dropped to his knees, feigning shock before crying out dramatically. “If thoust does loveth me, let me sing without the act of mockery for my heart is drenched with blood from your cruelty.”

  She was shocked at first but then she played along with him, feeling happily foolish in her abandon. He had a way of making her act in ways she would’ve never before and from how his eyes lit up, she somehow had the same effect on him.

  “Oh dear heart that is hurt, I apologise!” Lyris dropped to her own knees and placed a hand on his cheek as she tried hard not to laugh. “What can I do-eth for thee?”

  “Kiss-eth me a thousand times.”

  She fell to the floor, holding her sides as she tried to catch breaths between yelps of laughter. “Shakespeare is rolling in his grave right now,” she wheezed.

  “I think he’d be impressed with our improv.”

  “Some people have suspected that Shakespeare was a woman,” she pointed out.

  “Man or woman, it doesn’t matter, they’ll be impressed considering what this leads up to.” He turned and pinned her down with his weight. “Especially impressed.”

  She kissed him back instinctively, feeling her smile grow as he swept a lock of her hair away. The kiss started off slow and simple until he brushed the tip of his tongue along her bottom lip, enticing her to part her mouth.

  Everything about him was intoxicating and she held onto him, never wanting him to stop kissing her. She pressed herself to him, feeding off his energy and feeling weightles
s as his fingers branded themselves through her clothes, tracing from her shoulders and down her forearms before they came to a rest on her hips.

  He pulled back, his eyes bright and alive with an unsaid yearning for something else. It was a silent question and she didn’t want to ruin it with silly words. The kiss took her breath away, tearing apart any second thoughts that threated to surface. She felt a low rumble in his chest as he coaxed and claimed her responses, sending her mind into a dizzy frenzy.

  “I can’t get enough of you,” he murmured, his lips brushing on her cheek with each word.

  She took his hand and moved it down her torso. “Touch me.”

  “Lyris.” He looked almost pained as he spoke her name. “I don’t want you to –”

  “Trust me, I don’t feel pressured.” She almost laughed because she thought it would’ve been clear how badly she needed him to touch her. “I need you to.”

  He looked as if he wanted to say something else, but his resolve broke down easily as she leaned forwards to kiss him again.

  Tugging his bottom lip, she grinned as she heard a groan. But when he touched a part of her waist, she jerked underneath him and giggled.

  He stopped moving almost immediately before looking at her. “I don’t think this is a laughing matter, Miss. Bond.”

  “I have a ticklish spot.” She shifted away from him slightly and bit her lip. “Trust me, this isn’t something I want to laugh about.

  “I think I hear a challenge.” He propped himself and placed his hand on her breast, then slowly brushed a finger over her. “Ticklish here?”

  Her nipple instantly pebbled at his touch and her back arched, begging for more.

  “Hmmm,” he shook his head. “Not there I guess. Anywhere along here?” His hand grazed along her torso down to her hip until he reached the button of her jeans. Holding her gaze, he flicked the button and dragged her jeans down unhurriedly.

  Lyris’ breath shortened and she watched as he toyed with the waistband of her panties.

  He placed a fleeting kiss just above her waist, his breath fanning her as he asked, “Still not laughing?”