Almost Loved

by Mira Toria

  I was coming out of my earlier high and I tried to find familiar smells and sounds, but I couldn’t hear anything except my heart beating.

  “Lyris.” He was so quiet I thought I had imagined him speaking until he spoke up again. “I’m really sorry.”

  My head was spinning so painfully slow, as if the gears in my head were rusty and chipped. It was painful for me to even keep my head up and each time it bobbed, I felt a wave of nausea wash over me.

  “What are the after effects supposed to be?” I gasped. I found that holding my breath helped with calming down some of the turmoil that was going on in my head.

  I was about to speak again, but then I heard an unfamiliar voice coming to us.

  “Well, well, well, looks like the girl’s awake,” he said. The stranger sounded robotic and hostile, like he could care less what would happen to us.

  By the sound of the footsteps there was more than one person pacing back and forth. The thought of it sent panic through me because suddenly the whole situation became a lot creepier.

  I felt a finger run down my jaw line and I suppressed the whimper that threatened to escape. The touch sent every wrong chill down my body and even when I tried to squirm away, I was restricted by where I was bound.

  “This one’s pretty, Brad.” The heat of his breath on my cheek caused a shuddering breath to escape. He knew exactly the effect he had on me.

  “Don’t touch her!” I could feel Bradley fighting against the ropes that bound us to the chairs. It wasn’t hard to figure out what the guy meant. “Don’t fucking touch her!”

  “Calm down, boy.” The man laughed robotically, amused by the show put in front of him. “Let’s give his girl something to see.”

  The blindfold was pulled roughly from my eyes. Blinking several times because I only started to get used to the light, I saw two men around me, both donning ski masks and sunglasses.

  I couldn’t look away. I felt that the moment I took my eyes off of them, they’d strike. I was in the same bedroom as last night though. There was a bleak moment of relief knowing that, but it didn’t make the situation any better.

  “Now girl.” One of the guys with the mask got up to my face. “Why don’t you tell your boyfriend how much you want to get out of here?”

  I stayed silent because I wasn’t sure what he was talking about.

  “Maybe she needs to be persuaded,” the second man suggested. The only difference between this one and the other man were the colours of their shoes. This man wore white sneakers while the others were black. Miniscule details, but I needed to see something that set them apart. “And I have just the thing.”

  “Lyris, it’ll be okay!” Bradley’s frantic voice shot tremors of fear through my body; the idea that he was scared made me wonder what the thing was.

  “Do you feel this, girl?” The man with the white shoes laughed as he dragged the tip of his gun down my face, watching me flinch in response. “Do you know what this is?”

  I still didn’t answer because I knew I would start crying if I did. It was disgusting. I felt violated with them looking at me as if I was a freak show.

  “From what I know, you’re not mute.” He fell back and opened the barrel so I could see the single bullet. “Do you know the game of Russian Roulette?”

  I felt my stomach drop as fear in its purest form petrified me.

  “Still playing mute?” The man waved over the other guy. “Untie this one and hold the boy.”

  The man yanked me out of it before spinning me to face Bradley across the room. I was right, he was tied up but he looked much worse than I expected. His face was completely bruised and it looked like his lip was bleeding profusely.

  The cool metal of the gun touched my face again, once again bringing my attention to him. “What – is – this?” The man pressed it harder into my cheeks as he enunciated each word.

  I gasped as the gun dug into the hollows of my cheek, but I still couldn’t say anything. The words stuck to the roof of my mouth, refusing to get out even with my life on the line.

  “Looks like this girl wants to be mute.” He clicked the gun. “Tell me you know what this is or else you really will become one.”

  “It’s a gun!” The words fell out before my mind even registered speaking them. “It’s a gun!”

  “Good girl. That wasn’t too hard, was it?” He put a finger on my chin and faced it forward so I was staring right at Bradley, who was still being restrained by the man with black sneakers. “Now, watch me play.”

  “No!” Stupidly, I clung onto the man’s arm. “Please don’t do this!”

  The thought of screaming out for help occurred to me, but I didn’t know if anyone would come before they shot either myself or Bradley. They had to be confident or else they wouldn’t have held us hostage in Jeff’s house.

  “This is getting boring R.J.” The other man pointed at me. “Let her try.”

  R.J, the one standing close to me with the white sneakers, laughed through the voice changer. “And here I thought you had no brain, A.J.”

  R.J handed me over the gun, a smile evident under his ski mask, enjoying every moment of fear that I exhibited. “You point it anywhere else and I will kill him before you can even draw the nerve to pull the trigger on us,” he warned me.

  On cue, A.J brought out a knife and placed it against Bradley’s neck. As if I needed to be convinced further, he pressed it deep enough to draw blood.

  “Now,” R.J’s breath stuck to my skin as he came closer. “Pull the trigger when I say so.”

  He drew my arms up for me and kept it steady, as if he was my instructor. My hands were shaking so badly there was a chance I’d kill Bradley because of how poor my aim would be. I tried to tell myself to aim somewhere that wouldn’t be fatal, but the position kept changing no matter how hard I willed myself to stay still.

  “Now,” R.J whispered, “shoot baby.”

  I looked at Bradley and I couldn’t believe what I was going to do.

  “Pull the fucking trigger and chance killing your boyfriend or I’ll make you watch as A.J slits his throat.”

  Everything happened at once and it all happened in a blink of an eye.

  “Lyris, do it!” Bradley shouted. “DO IT!”

  “Pull the damn trigger!” R.J snapped.

  I don’t know what came over me, but I screamed, shut my eyes and pulled.

  Click.

  No bangs.

  No screams other than my own.

  I collapse into a pathetic heap on the floor as I reeled in from what I had done. My hands wouldn’t stop shaking and I wondered how it was possible I hadn’t passed out in fear.

  “I need you to do something for me.” R.J walked around and swung the gun around his forefinger. “Your friend here thought he could use without paying.”

  “I said I’d get you the money!” Bradley shouted.

  “Shut up!” A.J silenced him by punching him in the stomach. “We want your girl to get the money and a few other things since you’ve proved yourself useless.”

  I nodded willingly. I didn’t know what they wanted, but I knew I couldn’t stay in the house. If I could get out, I would be able to give us a chance if I screamed for help. “I’ll do it. Whatever it is, I’ll do it.”

  R.J grabbed my hand and wrapped his around it tightly. “Get into my pants and pull out my money maker.”

  A.J howled with laughter and I felt cold. Frozen. Like someone had just thrown me into a pool of ice.

  My mouth was parched and I could barely speak. “Excuse me?”

  “You heard what I said.” He flipped open the button on his jeans and stood there.

  His entitled smirk did nothing to help my nerves and I found myself hyperventilating when I realised what he wanted me to do. I wanted to protest, but I lost my voice when I heard the click of the gun. A.J casually pointed the gun at Bradley, as if he sensed my wavering loyalty.

  Every part of me protested as my hand reached out towards R.J, but my
mind had absolutely no control of my body movements. Tears welled up in my eyes, but I couldn’t stop. The closer I got to R.J, the more I felt like I was losing myself. Everything that was happening was unbelievably demeaning.

  “You really are a fucking slut.” R.J pulled back and howled with laugher as my hand shot back to my body.

  The two of them were watching me, like they were planning out how the next act would play out. They knew that physical restraints weren’t necessary because fear was one of the most dangerous self-inflicting paralyser to exist.

  I inched my way towards Bradley, desperate to be near someone I knew. I needed someone to physically touch and to keep me from completely losing it.

  “Lyris?” I knew he was close by, but he sounded so far away.

  Maybe it was me that was drifting further.

  “Yeah,” I said softly. “I’m here.”

  “Are they still here?”

  “We are.” Both men pushed me towards Bradley and A.J cocked the gun. “Now, I want you to tell your little boyfriend how much you love him.”

  Something churned in my stomach and I nearly collapsed, but A.J stopped me.

  “What the hell is your problem?” He asked, holding me steady.

  “I – can’t – I – can’t –” I was gasping until I gurgled and hurled without warning.

  No one was there holding my hair back as I spat out the acid in my stomach. I was painfully aware that I was alone and the bitter bile that stung my throat only added to the sting. Wiping my mouth with the back of my hand, I tried to get up, but my legs buckled beneath me with each attempt.

  R.J looked at me as if he was contemplating something, but he just shrugged instead; “A.J,” he said. “Help her up.”

  As A.J came over and pulled me roughly towards Bradley, I reached out and clenched onto Bradley’s arm, not wanting to let go.

  “I’m so scared,” I whimpered. “I don’t know what to do.”

  “You’re going to run,” he murmured into my ear. “You’re going to run and get help when I tell you to, okay?”

  “I can’t leave you.” It was silly to say because we both knew someone had to run, but I still had to say it.

  He kissed me softly on the cheek. “I know what I’m doing. I got the bonds loose, and I’m going to stop them from coming after you so you can run, okay?”

  “How do you expect me to leave you?”

  “If we don’t do this now, we’ll never have another shot,” he said gently. “Ly, I have to make things right. Promise me, Ly.”

  I wanted to argue further but the rational part of me won out. “I promise.”

  “That’s enough.” R.J pulled me away from Bradley. “Now where’s my money?”

  I had to make up something that was believable. “It’s inside his mattress to keep his parents from finding it.”

  “If all of you go, it’ll be suspicious,” Bradley added.

  “I’m not an idiot,” R.J sneered. “I’m not letting her run off to the authorities. Do I look stupid to you?”

  “Actually, yeah, you do.” Bradley said, taking on the same tone R.J used. “Even with my eyes covered, I can see you’re a fucking idiot.”

  R.J advanced towards him, shoulders tight with anger at Bradley’s insubordination. “Say that again,” R.J dared him. “What did you fucking say?”

  “That you’re – a – fucking – idiot,” Bradley enunciated. “Are you deaf now as well?”

  It was the moment R.J picked Bradley up by his shirt that Bradley screamed at me.

  “Run! Lyris, RUN!” Bradley shout sounded faraway but I did exactly what he asked.

  I ran.

  I never felt my legs move that fast my whole entire life. I thought I heard a shot echo from behind me, but I kept going without turning to look back. I had to keep going, it would only go from bad to worse if I stayed – anyone one of them could catch up to me right now and I couldn’t afford to waste time trying to fight when I knew I would lose. I needed help.

  Someone grabbed my waist and I shrieked, but then as quickly as everything started, everything went black.

  When I woke up, it felt like my head had been run over by a truck and the light streaming through the window was blinding as I opened my eyes. I immediately shot up into an upright position. I was in bed. I canvassed the room, trying to see where I was, but there was a familiarity to what I saw. I was in Bradley’s house.

  “Hello?” I called out, hoping someone would reply to me. “Anyone?”

  “Hey,” Jeff’s voice reached me as he tapped me on the arm. “You’re safe now, but you do look like shit.”

  I reached over to him, giving him a big bear hug as relief washed through me. “What happened?” I asked.

  “You fell when you were running down the stairs.” He looked uncomfortable as he moved out of my hug. “If you’re wondering, Bradley’s fine.”

  Guilt flittered through me when I realised he wasn’t the first thought that popped into my head, but knowing he was safe was comforting and my shoulders relaxed with tension I didn’t know I had.

  “We need to call the police,” I said, trying to get up from the bed. “I don’t know who those guys are, but they’re not going to get away from this.”

  Jeff put a hand on my shoulder to prevent me from moving any further. “Bradley and I already gave our statements. They said that as long as you were fine, you don’t have to give one if you don’t want to. Bradley mentioned something about it being unfair for you to have to relive through, especially if he was there when it happened. Same situation and whatever.”

  I thanked Jeff for letting me know and slumped back into bed. He was always a little awkward so I didn’t try to read too much into how he was acting. What bothered me was thinking about how close I was to death, and how no one would’ve known anything because I shut them out.

  I grabbed Jeff’s phone from the counter and dialed a number, hoping that Leon would pick up even though the number was unknown.

  “Hello?”

  The words were at the tip of my tongue, but it took a few tries before I could actually speak. It was then I realised how much I missed him. “Hi Leon.”

  I had no idea if Leon was going to hang up or if he was trying to figure out how to call me out for being an awful person. He was quiet for a while until he replied stiffly, “Hello yourself.”

  It was time for me to grovel because there wasn’t anything else I could do. “I’m sorry,” I said in a small voice. “I’ve been a real idiot.”

  “I know.”

  “Do you forgive me?”

  “Whenever mullets come back into fashion – and that is so never going to happen.”

  I giggled a bit and I felt like crying right then; I really missed him. “I’ll make it up to you.”

  “I still need a mannequin,” he admitted. “But I’m not paying you and I need you to stay still no matter how many times the needles may jab you.”

  “It’ll be a reminder of the hypothetical needles I jabbed into your heart.”

  “Damn right, bitch.” He laughed on the other end, lightening up as we bickered. “I’ve missed you, but you have some serious grovelling to do.”

  “I know,” I said. “I know I screwed up really badly and you have no idea how sorry I am.”

  “Good.” Leon sounded satisfied that I got it and moved onto the next topic. He always had a short attention span. “Call me some other time in the next two days or so – I’m busy with a few things so I won’t be able to talk.”

  “Okay.” I felt myself nod. “I’ll call, kay?”

  “You better,” he warned. “I don’t believe in third chances.”

  “You never did believe in second chances either.”

  “When you have little friends, you can’t be a picky,” he said, laughing at his own joke. “See ya.”

  I had only gotten off the phone when the doors to the room opened and Bradley rushed over to the bed, kissing my forehead, my cheek and every part of my face he cou
ld reach. “I can’t believe they would’ve gone so far to take the both of us hostage for money.”

  I wrapped my arms around him without thinking about his bruises or how close we were to dying because of him. A little voice in my head reminded me that he saved me - saved us – because he was willing to risk his life.

  How could I not forgive someone like that?

  I thought I was safe. I really did. But maybe that’s when you’re most vulnerable, when you believe you’re truly safe. It was a wave of relief when I really thought I was never going to have to see those guys again. it was because I was intoxicated by the idea that I wasn’t going to see those guys again that I didn’t ask the questions I should’ve.

  Everything felt like it had gone back to normal. I really thought I was starting to get the hang of balancing my time with my friends and Bradley. Even though I spoke to them regularly, I couldn’t get to the topic of that night with Leon or Evey. It wasn’t long before Evey sensed that I was holding something back.

  Evey and I were video chatting one evening and she was chewing on a granola bar. “Ly, I love that you’ve found a balance with love and friendship, but you’re not telling me something. You always look like you want to say something and then you psyche yourself out of doing it.”

  “Please,” I said, stuffing a piece of brioche into my mouth. “What could I be hiding from you now?”

  “I don’t know,” Evey said. “It’s as if something happened that made you see I was right about you being all over Bradley.”

  “Maybe it’s because your words finally got to me.”

  “Please, as if I’d believe something that self-depreciating from you.” She narrowed her eyes but didn’t press any further.

  “You’re not going to ask and instead you’re just going to make me sweat and talk, huh?” I made a face at her when I realised I just fell into her plans. “You’ve been hanging out with Kyle on your spare time, haven’t you?”

  “Hey, don’t mess with the agent,” Evey laughed. “Lexa was feeling lonesome so she invited me and West over for a double date with Kyle and her. Let’s just say Kyle is definitely not someone I’d cross. They miss you, you know that, right?” she added.