On a Dark Wing

by Jordan Dane

  Near Healy, Alaska Hours later

  After we left Fairbanks Memorial Hospital, it was too late for Tanner to go back to Palmer, even if his parents would have let him, which they didn’t. If the one-sided conversation he had with his dad on the phone was any indication, tomorrow would suck for Tanner. Because they’d have two cars to drive back, both his parents were driving to Healy to pick him up. That would not be good and Tanner knew it.

  His last night of real freedom would be spent with us in our cabin. I made up the couch for him to sleep on. It was the first time I’d had him at the cabin, but if I had anything to say about it, it wouldn’t be the last.

  To distract Tanner from the misery of facing his parents tomorrow, I stayed up with him, talking by the fire. Dad snored in his bedroom. With a boy in the cabin, my father had good intentions of being a typical dad. He hadn’t closed his door when he went to bed. Guess he figured he could spring into action if Tanner went into predator mode with me, but Dad never got the chance to show his stuff. The late night at the hospital and the road trip back to Healy had taken a toll on his parental stamina. After I heard Dad catching his share of Zs, I knew I could really talk to Tanner.

  I told him everything.

  Saying the angel’s name aloud had been the hardest. Hearing the words Angel of Death brought a rush of emotions I hadn’t seen coming. Even though I covered up the fear I still felt about the nightmare I’d lived through, that scare would shadow me. The wound felt too fresh to make light of it and the other thoughts I had about Death would take longer to figure out. I guess that showed, too. I must’ve sounded like a delusional psycho to my best friend.

  But Tanner surprised me.

  I’d expected typical Lange mode, a mix of questions and smart-ass remarks, but that’s not what happened. He sat beside me in his wheelchair, staring into the fire, listening to every word I said without interrupting. As I stared at him, telling my crazy version of the truth, I realized something.

  I’d let Tanner cross a line that made him more than a friend. I’d kissed him and liked it and I wanted more, but I wasn’t sure I deserved a guy like him. Maybe that wouldn’t be up to only me. I knew Tanner liked me, too. I mean, really liked me…like a regular girl. But I felt scared that I’d screw up our friendship.

  “You’re kind of quiet,” I said. “What are you thinking, Tanner?”

  While I waited for his answer, I took a mental snapshot of him. I always wanted to remember Tanner like this. The flames flickering on his adorable face stirred something in me. Being alone with him, talking like a real guy and girl, poked at my heart in a way I’d never felt before.

  “Yeah, well…I’ve got lots of questions about you facing down the Grim Reaper,” he said. “I mean, what the hell were you thinking, seriously?”

  Tanner didn’t expect an answer and I loved that he totally believed me, without making fun. But when his expression changed, I braced for what I knew would come.

  “I’m having a hard time getting past the kiss. You kissed Nate Holden, Abbey.”

  “He kissed me…first.” The minute I said the word first, I knew it had been a mistake. Tanner was too damned smart to let that go.

  “You kissed him more than once?” He shook his head and couldn’t look me in the eye. “I know you’ve had a crush on the guy. That’s not something you can switch on and off. It just…hurts, Abbey. I mean, angels and demons aside, you thought you were kissing Nate Holden and he still goes to our school. I don’t think I could deal with—” He didn’t finish.

  As the silence built up between us—filled by the crackling fire and Dad in the next room—I wanted to say anything that would make him feel better, but I had no idea what that would be.

  “This is my problem, not yours,” he said. “Guess I haven’t been very honest. I pretended I didn’t care that you liked the guy, but surprise.” He held up both hands, pretending it was party time, but his eyes sent another message. “I do care, Abbey. I couldn’t stand it if you can’t shake your feelings for him. I feel like a…damned jerk.”

  I didn’t want to smile, but I couldn’t help it. Hearing Tanner’s roundabout confession made me feel good, despite the fact that he looked totally miserable.

  “Hey, quit calling my best friend a jerk. Only I get to do that.” I reached for his hand and laced my fingers in his and he let me.

  “Since we’re on an honesty bender, it’s my turn.” I squeezed his hand. “Somewhere I crossed a line with you that I didn’t see coming, Tanner. Yeah, I had a crush on Nate, but those feelings weren’t anything compared to how I feel about you. Nate was like a wake-up call. He made me realize that I was ready to have a special boy in my life, but you made me see that I already had one. You’re not just my best friend. You’re more than that, but that’s what scares me. I’m afraid of screwing up what we have…and losing you. That would kill me.”

  “Yeah?”

  I nodded.

  After a long silence, he smiled and said, “Then we won’t screw this up.”

  We both knew it wouldn’t be as easy as that, but for one night, simple worked. No drama felt like a vacation. He told me how much it hurt him that I didn’t share my guilt over my mother’s death and we talked about his four-wheeler accident, too. He shared things he never told me before, things I always imagined that he’d tell a real girlfriend. He told me how it hurt to find out who his real friends were after the accident and how sometimes, he could still feel his legs. I thought I knew Tanner, but I realized after tonight that I had only scratched the surface of discovering him.

  “This reaper guy.” Tanner shook his head. “Whenever you talk about him, you act like he’s…human, like he’s a regular guy, but that’s not what I saw. Which is it? Human or the next star of a Wes Craven horror flick?”

  “You got a glimpse of something that scared me, too. I guess I’m still sorting through it all, but it’s not that simple…for me.”

  Tanner smiled and leaned over to kiss the back of my hand, not taking his eyes off me.

  “I’m real proud of you, Abbey. What you did took guts.”

  “Well, I don’t know about guts, but I sure got a lot of mileage out of pissed.” I grinned. “Thanks for trusting me.”

  Tanner only nodded and teased me with his dimples. When we were done talking, I curled up in his lap and kissed him. The friendship we shared made that easy, yet a part of me felt really scared. We’d stepped over a line that we’d never get back and if something happened between us, I risked losing my best friend and someone I’d made a home for in my heart.

  But with his arms around me and the warmth of the fire at my back, it felt easy to love Tanner Lange. I couldn’t imagine a planet or an alternative universe where that would ever change, but tomorrow would test the new feelings we were discovering for each other.

  After hospital security lost interest in me, my dad made a promise to Mrs. Holden that he’d bring me by the hospital to see Nate tomorrow. I knew Tanner would want to come, but after our big reveal, any time I spent with Nate alone had the potential to weird him out. Tanner told me he understood, but his eyes communicated something his mouth hadn’t said. His brain might have understood, but his heart would be another story.

  I hoped that by seeing Nate Holden, I’d put an end to the chapter in my life when my crush on him ruled everything. Ready to move on, I didn’t feel like a kid anymore.

  Mostly, I prayed that I’d never hurt Tanner again.

  Fairbanks Memorial Hospital The next day

  Round after round, doctors came and went, even ones not involved with Nate’s case. He watched them flip every page of his med chart, looking for a reason that they never found. “You’re a miracle,” they told him.

  Nate had survived a documented brain swell as if it never happened. The only thing left behind had been an anno
ying headache and a trail of nurses who gave him way too much attention. Some of them even brought coworkers to point and stare at him through the glass, whispering as they shook their heads or smiled and waved.

  He felt like he was on the wrong side of a cage at the zoo.

  Yeah, he’d been damned lucky, and so had Josh. He hadn’t seen his best friend, but later today hospital staff promised to bring him for a visit if Josh felt up to it. The only reason Nate remained in ICU was for observation, but later he’d be moved to a private room so Zoey could visit. If things went well, he’d go home soon.

  Home. He loved the sound of that word, but something in him would never be the same again and he knew it. Nate wanted his life back. He wanted to feel bulletproof again, but that wouldn’t happen. He had almost died and that changed everything. The strangers in and out of his room were a reminder of that. He heard the media had covered his story, too. Because of that, things would be worse when he got out. He wouldn’t get his old life back—at least, not soon enough.

  He wanted to be left alone with his family and even though he didn’t understand what happened to him, he suspected Abbey Chandler could shed some light. His life and any hope he had of getting back to normal would depend on her.

  His mother had arranged for Abbey to visit him. That’s why he waited with his eyes on constant alert for any movement outside his room. He’d asked his family to give him space and they’d left the hospital for a bite to eat. He needed to talk to Abbey alone. With the clock ticking down, he got jumpier.

  What the hell was wrong with him?

  Nate ran a hand through his hair. After he poured a cup of water, he took a gulp as he heard a voice at the door. A girl’s voice.

  “Hey, Nate,” she said. “I know I’m early. Is it okay if I come in?”

  A chunk of ice went down the wrong way. He nearly gagged.

  “Uh, yeah, no p-problem,” he choked. “C-come on in.”

  Abbey Chandler looked prettier than he remembered her. Instead of wearing sweats or oversize clothes like she sometimes wore at school, she had on jeans and a pale pink ski jacket that brought out the color on her cheeks.

  But seeing her face-to-face—up close and for real—had turned into a déjà vu Nate didn’t know what to make of. He stared at her now, trying to put her face in context to a memory, but all that came up were weird images of seeing her through the eyes of someone else. It took him a moment to realize that he stroked the cut on his hand, the wound that had jolted him into seeing her in the first place, by that fire. He felt trapped, suffocating in a sudden wave of claustrophobia. Glimpses of her reminded him of slasher flicks where the camera shot through the eyes of a predator as it watched its victims.

  Why was this happening?

  In vague glimpses, he remembered seeing Abbey at school and around Palmer, but it wouldn’t be until he got trapped in a crevasse on Denali that her face triggered the best and the worst of what he’d experienced. Why her? He hadn’t officially met her before she came to the hospital. Why would he conjure her out of thin air, literally? Looking back on what happened to him after the avalanche, he couldn’t be sure any of it had been real. Maybe his memories on Denali were nothing more than strange hallucinations.

  His head trauma could have caused everything.

  “Your mom said you wanted to see me.” Abbey looked nervous and she had a hard time looking him in the eye.

  Truthfully, he felt the same.

  “Yeah, I did. I mean, I do.” He pointed across the room. “Pull up a chair. If it’s okay, maybe we can talk.”

  “Sure.”

  He forced polite conversation, stalling. Bizarre things had happened and with his brain still sorting things out, he couldn’t be sure what he wanted to say to her.

  The ranger who found him on Denali said he didn’t have a pulse—that he’d been dead—but Nate knew that the extreme cold might have made his pulse slow to virtually nothing. Doctors later told him that his body had shut down. Like a bear in hibernation, only his essential functions kept going. Every ounce of reserves that he had left went to keeping him alive. After he’d been rescued, his body had been jumpstarted again by paramedics. That’s what it must have been.

  Telling anyone about the strange creature that had invaded his body—a memory that he still couldn’t accept—would have made him sound like a freak. Every kid in school would never let him live it down, especially if Josh couldn’t back him up. Hell, even if he could, why would he? Head trauma and his near-death experience had put his mind and body through a wringer. That would be an easier thing to believe and talk about.

  Dismissing the weirdness of his ordeal would have been easy except for the one glaring reason looking at him now. Abbey Chandler sat by his hospital bed, staring at him like she knew him. She’d brought him back from wherever he’d been. That, he felt pretty sure of, but why he’d been so certain scared him. He always thought that he understood what “normal” meant, but for the first time, he wasn’t sure.

  For the first time, he didn’t feel safe. Before he made his trek up Denali, he had a future ahead of him, but in one dark instant, all that changed. He almost died. Abbey Chandler would always remind him of that.

  She could confirm or deny, and tip his world over the edge. In a small town the size of Palmer, she could make his life a living hell if she spilled her guts and cut loose with all the wrong stuff. He didn’t know her well enough to trust her. They could both mess each other’s lives up, when all he wanted was to be left alone.

  Everything hinged on Abbey.

  “I remember you from school, but I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m kind of hazy on stuff. How did we meet?”

  “Well, um. Here’s the thing…”

  As Abbey talked, Nate only half listened. He’d made up his mind about the girl. For whatever reason—however he would explain it later—he knew one thing remained clear in his memory.

  Abbey Chandler had played a part in his ordeal, a very big part. He would always be grateful to her for pulling him through it. Even if he’d been the one who conjured her up, for some strange reason he had latched onto her as his savior, a feeling he’d probably never shake or explain. He may not have remembered much about Abbey Chandler before, but in the blink of an eye, everything had changed.

  I see you now, Abbey.

  He’d also made up his mind about one other thing. He would never talk about the being that had taken over his body. Not to her. Not to anyone.

  Ever.

  Abbey

  I’d never actually talked to Nate Holden, unless I counted the fantasies I’d had about him. The Nate in my dreams had always been perfect, but the guy who nearly died on Denali looked…vulnerable. After being with Tanner, I knew when someone really listened to me and Nate wasn’t. He looked distracted and nervous. I’d never seen him like that before.

  But even under the influence of his near-death experience, with the haunting shadows under his eyes from his ordeal, seeing him up close still had an effect on me. I didn’t know who I actually saw anymore.

  “You look better today,” I said.

  I forced a smile as my stomach reminded me that I hadn’t eaten much. I felt too jacked up to eat my usual cereal.

  When his lips curved into a smile, I had to ask, “What?”

  “Considering I was practically in a coma, better is not exactly a lofty goal.”

  “Well, when you put it like that…” My chuckle fell flat and sounded strained.

  Another awkward silence. I waited for Nate to bring up what he had on his mind without me pulling it from him. I could tell he had something he wanted to ask or say and I wasn’t sure how much he remembered.

  “Did you drive up from Palmer?” he asked. “I mean, why did you come? How did you know…about me?”

  Catchin
g him up on what had happened felt weird. It felt as if he was making fun of me, like he knew more, but was only testing me.

  “I was already near Healy. I came with my dad after school let out. We have a cabin there.” I nodded. “When I saw the news, I came…to see if I could help.”

  “Help?” He narrowed his eyes. “How?”

  Okay, I hadn’t handled that well. If I intended to walk away from Nate and close the chapter of my life that had his name on it, I had to do better. I went on the offensive—to see how much he remembered.

  “Honestly, I don’t really know. Since we went to school together, I just had to come.” I shrugged. “On the news, it sounded really bad. I thought you and Josh had…died.”

  “Still here.” He tried to laugh, but his heart wasn’t in it. “Josh got the worst of it. He’s the lucky one.”

  “You both are.” I shrugged out of my jacket and laid it on my lap. “Do you remember much…about what happened on Denali, I mean?”

  Nate had a hard time meeting my gaze. I knew what it felt like, to survive steep odds that made no sense. As a kid, you never think bad stuff will happen to you. When it does, it knocks you flat on your ass and I swear, you never want to get up again. Eventually you have to and the flip side of your life can either make or break you. The jury was still out on me.

  For Nate’s sake, I hoped he’d be stronger.

  “Not really. All the bad stuff is a blur.” Stalling, he grabbed his cup and downed more water.

  “But when you saw me here yesterday, you acted like you knew me,” I said. “I don’t mean how you knew me from school. You looked at me funny, like you knew something I didn’t. What was that all about?”

  After a long moment, he eventually said, “I don’t know. I was pretty out of it. Guess I don’t remember.”

  “You grabbed my arm. You yelled, ‘No!’ You don’t remember what that was for?”

  “No, why would I?” he asked. “I had a concussion.”