by Ella Jade
Walking cautiously over the slippery grass, she spotted Leo near the goal end of the field, forming the kids into two lines to practice their kicking. He had his back to her and she utilized the opportunity to ogle his butt, looking mighty fine in the black jeans he wore so well. From the sideline, Kate waved her over so she went to stand with her, well aware of her wildly flipping tummy, and quietly loving the reason why.
“You look happy today.” Kate stamped her feet a few times to keep her legs warm. “How did you enjoy our game on Thursday?”
Maggie scrunched her nose. “Ugh, I was terrible. I totally missed the goal that could have won us the match.”
“Oh please. Just having the opportunity to go for goal makes you a better player than I’ll ever be. Hey, would you and Patrick like to come for dinner tonight? Nothing fancy, just some soup and garlic bread.”
“Bugger. I wish we could, but Patrick is staying with his dad until tomorrow afternoon.”
Kate rubbed a gloved hand over Maggie’s arm. “How’s all that going?”
Her sigh gave away her real feelings, but she tried to remain positive. “It’s fine I suppose. On one hand, I want Patrick to spend more time with Felix, because it’s important for him to be close with his father.” She glanced at Kate, whose wide eyes were full of sympathy. “But on the other, I wish he could just be gone from our lives.” She shoved her hands into her coat pockets, focusing on a blade of wet grass caught on her shoe. “I’m pretty sure that makes me an awful person.”
“Oh, honey. Of course you’re not.” Kate rubbed her arm again. “It must really suck having to share your son with someone you don’t like very much. Was it an awful break-up?”
Maggie sniffed as her nose began to drip in the freezing air. Or at least she hoped that’s what Kate thought. “It was actually an awful marriage, and the longer I’m away from him, the more I realize it.” She blew her nose on a tissue Kate passed to her. “He cheated on me for years, and I never suspected a thing. When I finally found out, it was like…a punch to the face. I felt as though…he’d treated my life as a joke.” Tears fell now and Maggie wiped them away, embarrassed. “Sorry, I’m blubbering all over you.”
Kate’s arm went across her shoulders and gave an affectionate squeeze. “No apologies for blubbering. It’s a rite of passage between friends.”
“Thanks, Kate.”
“You know, there is a positive in all of this.”
Maggie offered a weak smile. “There is?”
“Yep. You’re free now to do whatever you’d like. It’s your turn, Maggie. Your time to start fresh. Have a hot love affair. Have ten!”
Laughter felt good after the bout of tears, and as she and Kate giggled like schoolgirls, Maggie’s gaze was drawn to Leo. He still had his back to her, but turned in her direction, as though able to hear every dirty thought running through her mind.
His smile did wonders for her mood, and she kept him in sight as he covered the distance between them, long legs striding confidently. He hadn’t shaved this morning, and the specks of gray in his facial hair were so sexy that everything else became a blur.
“Good morning, Leo.” Kate spoke first and Maggie simply smiled, remembering the feel of those delectable lips.
“How are you both?” The question might have been for the two of them, but he looked directly at Maggie as he asked it.
“Freezing, but good,” Kate said. “Oh, sorry, I can see Henry’s dad calling out to me. He probably wants to pay the fees. I’d better go.” She dashed away, leaving them smiling at each other like they shared a naughty secret.
He took a step closer, lowering his voice. “Did you get grounded?”
“No, just a lecture from my mother, and the silent treatment from my father.”
His grimace wasn’t very convincing, accompanied by a chuckle. “I’m not sure what’s worse.”
“The lecture. Definitely the lecture. Although you might be pleased to know that you’re off the hook. I think my mum has a crush on you.”
Leo snorted and looked out to the field where the kids were no longer in their lines practicing goal kicks, but running around in circles, attempting to tag each other on the butt. His sigh was only just audible. “I’d better get back. Will I see you after the match?”
Maggie nodded, hugging herself as he stepped away, as though he’d taken all the warmth with him.
Ten minutes into the first half, Kate returned to Maggie’s side and they were cheering as Isaac and Harrison got the ball down the field, passing cleanly to Patrick, who kicked a goal straight through the keeper’s legs. All the parents whooped in excitement, shouting loudly and waving their arms.
“That’s our boy,” a voice whispered, uncomfortably close to her ear.
Maggie spun around to see Felix, instantly recoiling from the mere sight of him. He was sporting a ridiculous hairstyle, piled into a bun at the top of his head, and somehow seemed shorter than she remembered. She glared, too startled to manage any words.
He leaned in, planting a kiss on her cheek. “It’s good to see you, Mags.”
“Don’t call me that.” Maggie wiped her cheek. “What are you doing here?”
“I came to watch our son play soccer. From what he tells me, he’s pretty good.”
“When did you talk to him?”
“We talk every night. You know I gave him a phone, right?”
She nodded, trying to hide her surprise. She’d known about the phone, but had no idea they’d been communicating so regularly. Guilt rushed through every crevice of her body. Patrick had hidden this from her, probably thinking it would make her upset. Her poor baby, caught up in the middle of his parents’ ugly divorce. All this time she’d thought he was coping so well. Talk about denial.
Maggie watched Patrick chasing after the ball, encouraging his teammates, while his curly hair flapped in the breeze. When had he gotten so tall? What else had she missed during the last months of his life while she’d been so preoccupied with trying to keep things normal? It wasn’t normal. A ten-year-old boy being separated from his dad and shipped off to a new house, new school, new everything was not normal.
Her chest hurt. She rubbed it, trying to ease the pressure, brushing off Kate’s worried gaze with a shake of her head and a forced smile. And for the next torturous thirty minutes she plastered that fake smile to her face. Knowing only too well that if she dared remove it, she’d crumple and burst into tears.
At the end of the match Patrick came running over, jumping into Felix’s open arms, more excited than Maggie had seen him in a long time. She made her smile wider, covering the guilt that was now firmly cemented within every bone, every artery, every pore. She closed her eyes, desperate for a few seconds of respite, certain that everyone around must be thinking what a bitch she was for breaking up Patrick’s family.
She couldn’t bring herself to look at Leo, despite being acutely aware every time his gaze headed her way. The memory of last night seemed so far away—his mouth on hers, hands in her hair, on her bare skin. She shivered.
“Let’s say we go get a milkshake!” Felix deposited Patrick back onto his feet, one arm slung casually across his shoulders.
“Yes, yes!” Patrick’s eyes brimmed with happiness.
“Sure, off you go. Have fun with Daddy.”
“Come with us, Mum.”
“Yeah, come on, Mum, come with us!” Felix mimicked Patrick’s puppy eyes. They were so much alike, Felix so baby-faced he could easily be mistaken for Patrick’s older brother. She suddenly felt old.
“Please, Mummy?” Patrick took hold of her hand, linking the three of them together.
As if she could refuse. “Okay.”
It was a five-minute walk to the closest café and Maggie trailed behind Felix and Patrick, trying not to replay the hurt she’d caught in Leo’s eyes as she’d left without saying goodbye.
She watched the two ahead, impressed by the natural ease between them that had been missing in Sydney. Patrick had so
often been moody, Felix impatient and terse. It was reassuring to see them getting on so well.
They found a booth inside, shrugged out of their winter coats, and ordered morning tea—coffee for the adults, a chocolate milkshake for Patrick, and three servings of warm banana bread. Maggie dived in when it arrived, covering her anxiety with food.
She stared at Felix across the table, trying to figure out her exact feelings among the array of emotions whipping through her system. There was anger, definitely, but not as intense as it once had been. Sadness and a real grief over what had been lost. Disbelief that he’d treated her so poorly, and at herself too for being so naïve. Of course, there was her own sense of shame in there as well. That somehow Felix wouldn’t have wandered if she’d been a better wife. And then guilt. Ever-present guilt that never went away.
Did she still love him? She took a sip of coffee, eyes wide over the mug as Patrick and Felix chatted happily, oblivious. She’d once thought she’d burst from having so much love inside her. Felix had told her that she felt too much. That he wasn’t capable of reciprocating to the same degree. That should have been her first warning sign, but at the time, she hadn’t minded. She’d thought her feelings would be enough for the both of them. That he could somehow share her quota. But now there was nothing left to share. She cared for Felix, but love? No. Not anymore.
“Hi, Patrick!”
Maggie shifted toward the voice and saw Isaac, Leo, and an older woman making their way to a table. Isaac was grinning from ear to ear. Leo was most definitely not grinning, while the woman looked slightly amused.
“Hi, Isaac. Great game today! Hi, coach.” Patrick was full of fervor.
Leo couldn’t quite match the enthusiasm, although he tried hard and it tugged at something deep within Maggie. “Awesome game, buddy. You were our star player today.”
“That’s because my dad was there!”
The gentle tug realigned to a slicing dagger. Maggie felt the fake smile return.
“Right, of course. Hi, I’m Leo.” He extended his hand over the table.
“I’m Felix, Maggie’s husband.” Felix had to half-stand to reach Leo, and they shook awkwardly, while Maggie watched in horror.
Neither man said anything more and they released their grasp, Leo nodding once before they headed for their own table.
They sat behind Felix and Patrick, so that from Maggie’s position she had eye contact with Leo. He utilized it, watching her, no doubt full of questions. She couldn’t hear the conversation at their table, but when he got up and went to the back of the café, she presumed he was headed to the bathroom.
Her mind swam with indecision and she inhaled as deeply as possible, letting the breath go quietly. It allowed enough time to make up her mind, and she slid out of her seat, giving the excuse of needing to wash her hands, before heading in the same direction.
Pushing through a door that screeched as though it was in pain, Maggie found herself in a long walkway, with so many corridors jutting out from either side it was like being in some kind of maze. She took a breath to steady her nerves, not sure if she was unsettled by the creepy silence of the concrete walls, or the uncertainty of how Leo might react toward her.
She walked tentatively, stopping at an intersection where arrows indicated the men’s room to the left and ladies to the right. With another deep breath, she took a cautious peek left.
It was yet another hallway, albeit shorter and ending with a white bathroom door that virtually glowed among the gloomy, concrete surrounds. Leo stood about half way, resting his butt against the cold, gray wall.
Maggie opened her mouth to start explaining, but could imagine only too well what Leo must be thinking, so she snapped it closed, alarmed to feel her lips forming that stupid smile she’d faked all morning.
Leo shook his head, chuckling softly. “You know, that smile tells me a lot.”
He opened his arms wide, inviting her in, and Maggie covered the distance between them, filled with relief as she pressed against him and found his mouth with hers. Leo’s arms wrapped snuggly around her, and she relished the warmth and strength he offered.
How did he manage to feel so good, smell completely amazing, and make her forget all the unwanted drama? She opened her mouth wider, desperate to capture more of him, wishing they were somewhere more romantic than the grimy alleyway of a public toilet. But they weren’t. She pulled away, breathing heavily.
“Not yet.” His voice was barely a whisper and he shook his head, kissing her again, brushing her tongue with his own. She gasped as his hands cupped her breasts, buried under layers of clothing yet so responsive. A low moan left her throat, dissipating among their shallow breaths and the bristles upon Leo’s face. His lips changed shape as he smiled and then slowly, reluctantly, left hers.
She rested her forehead against his, loving his goofy grin, knowing that hers was probably the same. There was no sound apart from their unsteady breaths, until the squeaky hinges of a door made them both jump. Maggie stepped away, tracking the sound of feet pounding down the concrete hallway, accompanied by children’s laughter. It was Patrick and Isaac.
A sense of panic started to travel its way through her body. Her son could not find her here with another man. She just wasn’t ready to face that yet.
Leo opened the door to the men’s room, wincing when it creaked noisily. “Go in.” His voice was hardly audible. “I’ll distract them.”
She didn’t stop to ask questions, dashing through the door into the unexplored territory of the male bathroom. The odor hit first. Strong, and utterly horrific. Fighting back an urge to gag, she took a wary glance around, scrunching her nose at the sight of pee on the floor. Ugh!
Trying to ignore the grossness of the trough urinal, she located a mirror above the sink and made a beeline for it. Oh no. How could she possibly hide this from Felix and Patrick? Her face was bright red, flushed beyond belief. She might as well wear a sign saying I just made out!
Turning on the cold water, she scooped a handful over her cheeks, praying it would miraculously make everything better. She spied the paper towels, pulling out two sheets and dabbing her face as the boys came in.
“Mum! What are you doing in the boy’s toilet?”
Despite everything, Maggie couldn’t help giggling at Patrick’s utter shock. “They were cleaning the girl’s, so I had to use yours.” Through the mirror she saw their horror fade somewhat, and she let out a loud gasp. “I hope I won’t turn into a boy because I came in here!”
Isaac doubled over, holding his tummy as he laughed, while Patrick just rolled his eyes. Maggie planted a kiss on his head as she passed, going out the door she’d just come in.
Inside the café, Felix was waiting at the table alone. He smiled as she approached, then surprised her by taking her hand when she sat down.
“Mags, today has been so great. I want to go back to the way we were. Come back to Sydney with me.”
Her mouth dropped open.
“Don’t say anything yet. Just promise me you’ll think about it. Look how happy Patrick’s been today having us both around.”
“Felix—”
“You can’t deny it. He’s so much better off with us together. This divorce idea of yours is crazy.”
“No, what’s crazy is the way you disregarded our marriage. You treated me like garbage for years. I can’t just go back!”
“I’ve changed, Mags.”
“Yeah, sure.” She glanced toward Leo, and judging by the way his jaw was clenching overtime, he’d heard every word. She sighed, getting out of the booth, as a wave of fatigue set in, leaving her voice almost monotone. “Come by the house, I’ll have Patrick’s things ready for his sleepover.”
Chapter 6
“Use the inside of your foot, not your toe.” The extent of Patrick’s furrowed brow would normally make Maggie smile, but she was far from in a good mood. She was infinity away as her son had so delicately put it before dragging her to the oval for some soccer pract
ice.
She’d been uptight since Felix’s visit last week. How dare he suggest they get back together! He kept claiming that he’d changed, that he’d stay faithful, that he loved her. Bullshit. The most annoying part, though, was that tiny, niggling part of her brain calling out quietly what if it’s true?
To make matters worse, Leo had disappeared. He’d sent her a text message earlier in the week saying he’d be out of range for a while. She had no idea what that meant. Was it some kind of cryptic code saying he was no longer interested? She hadn’t bothered replying. He’d still been suspiciously absent from their soccer match on Thursday night, and one of the other dads, Frank, had taken over as coach. They were slaughtered, eight goals to nil.
Maggie took a deep breath, trying to steady her anxiety induced chest pain, and gave the ball an almighty kick.
Patrick’s shoulders drooped. “I’ll go get it.”
She’d meant to kick the ball into the goal net, a mere fifteen feet away. But once again had managed to send it flying way further than intended. At least it was still daylight and they’d be able to find it this time.
Taking another deep breath, she let her head fall back and closed her eyes, extending her arms out to each side. The late afternoon winter sun felt surprisingly warm, and she wriggled her fingers, stretching her arms as far as they could reach, and then started spinning. It was quite liberating to simply spin around on a huge, grassy oval, and—channeling her inner Maria from The Sound of Music—she turned and swayed, faster and faster, keeping her arms wide and her eyes shut.
“Having fun?”
Maggie’s eyes flew open. Leo and Isaac were looking at her with matching levels of confusion and amusement. Actually, they weren’t standing. Their bodies were doing all sorts of weird contorting, bending in places she was fairly certain healthy people weren’t meant to. The grass was behaving oddly too, rising up like ocean waves. It was a bit freaky, and her legs suddenly gave way, causing her to stumble sideways. Leo lurched forward, supporting her under her bent elbows.