My Lucky Days: A Novel

by S. D. Hendrickson

  He stopped singing. “Okay. I’ve been working on it awhile now. You’ve heard pieces of it. But I finally finished the words this week. And I’m trying to sort out the notes.”

  “It’s okay if it’s rough.”

  “You do like it rough.”

  “Stop!” I giggled as his lips found their way onto my neck. “Just play the song.”

  “I am. But I want you to know, I really was going to play it for you today. That’s why I was trying to finish it before you woke up.”

  “Okay.”

  He took the pick from my fingers and started strumming slowly across the strings. The notes came out soft and then his voice came out deep, sending a warm rush through my body.

  A thousand minutes may pass.

  And a hundred thoughts may come.

  But all of those disappear.

  When I’m sittin’ in the sun.

  Starin’ into your green eyes.

  Watchin’ them change with your smile.

  Wantin’ to kiss your lips.

  ’Cause I need to taste them for a while.

  A glimpse of your smile.

  Won’t ever be enough.

  ’Cause my heart keeps telling me.

  I need more of this stuff.

  Watchin’ you as the moonlight shines.

  I keep askin’ myself,

  Could this girl really be mine?

  So I pull you in close, kissin’ you softly.

  And then your hands are in my hair.

  My lips are on your skin.

  I get lost in the feel of your body

  As you let me touch you again.

  A glimpse of your smile.

  Won’t ever be enough.

  ’Cause my heart keeps telling me.

  I need more of this stuff.

  And even when the sky is full of snow.

  And the ground is nothin’ but ice.

  I feel the beat of your heart.

  And the warmth inside.

  I crave the taste of your lips.

  The way your body moves against my skin.

  And the way you let go as you close your eyes.

  And your heart lets me in.

  A glimpse of your smile.

  Won’t ever be enough.

  ’Cause my heart keeps tellin’ me.

  I’ve fallen in love.

  My mind scrambled to process the words. That last line haunted me as I tried to figure out if it was just another hook in a song or his true feelings. And then Lucky sang the last verse again without the music. His lips were close to my cheek and his voice came out with a velvet softness.

  Lucky moved the guitar out of the way as I twisted around in his lap. I needed to see his face. I needed to look into his eyes. They were completely serious. No humor or laughter.

  “Do you love me, Katie?” he whispered.

  A tear fell down my cheek. I wasn’t sure why it suddenly surfaced in this moment. But the emotions inside came with a force I couldn’t control. I felt everything. I felt his words. I felt his heart as he put it out there for me to take.

  “Yes,” I whispered. “I love you. And I have for a while.”

  His lips brushed against mine. “Good, because I love you. Deeply and madly. I love you in a way that can’t be captured in music. And I will probably spend the rest of my life trying. ’Cause you’re the only girl I ever want to be in here.”

  He took my hand, placing it on his bare chest to where his heart was beating rapidly under his skin. “I think there was only one slot in here. And it was meant for you.”

  I smiled, feeling another tear fall down my cheek. “I think you might have that song after all.”

  “Maybe,” he whispered, but that was the last word I heard before his lips captured mine and his hands slid under my T-shirt.

  I would never forget that Christmas morning. I would never forget the exact moment Lucky said he loved me. The room smelled of firewood and leftover apple pie. And my heart was full with the possibilities of our future.

  Lucky left after New Year’s. I drove him to the airport and he flew to Nashville for a few days before the first show in Asheville, North Carolina. They were traveling in a bus. That alone made me realize this tour was a bigger deal than I had believed in the beginning.

  He said it was an old bus that smelled like gym socks and jock straps. But it was still a bus. And it was devoted to him and his band. They were scheduled to play small venues in big cities, big stages in hole-in-the-wall towns, some music festivals, a few fairs, and even one amusement park somewhere in Georgia.

  I was happy for him. I really was. But it was tough, maybe a little more than I expected. I tried to feel comfortable with his absence. But I don’t think a person ever got used to loving someone who was always away.

  We talked most nights. Sometimes late in the early-morning hours after a show. When I started student teaching, those late hours became increasingly difficult for me to maintain and still function the next day. So we did our best to talk in the sliver of time after I got off work and before his performance.

  I was depressed some days and our house had never been cleaner. But even a mop and Windex couldn’t fix my situation. I wondered what he was doing. I had a calendar of his travel schedule. Sometimes I just stared at it, hoping the days would pass quicker.

  Peyton asked if I was worried about him being away from me. Girls were everywhere. And a guy like him wouldn’t even have to try. My roommate didn’t understand my actual frustration. I wasn’t concerned about him cheating on me. I trusted him. As Lucky said, he’d never hurt me on purpose.

  No, my problem wasn’t fear. It was my loneliness. I knew how to cope. How to manage. I knew how to exist. But this was different than in the past. I felt a loss inside me, deeper than anything I had ever experienced in my life. I had never loved someone the way I loved Lucky.

  I missed his smile. I missed his laugh. I missed those December days. This guy had come into my life and turned it upside down. And I missed the way he made me feel. The way I acted with him. I felt different in his presence. I felt like I could do or say anything, and it was fine. I loved that feeling.

  Student teaching was the piece that saved me. My mind was focused on lessons, grading papers, and fun activities for the kids. I absolutely loved my class. Their sweet little faces melted right into my heart.

  I made sure I got to know each and every one of them. On the first day that I was their official teacher, I had the students tell me their names and favorite stories. And then I went to the store and bought a copy of those books.

  Each day, I read a favorite story during class, letting that particular student sit in a special chair as the king or queen for the afternoon. They loved it, and I was excited for them. Turns out, it was relatively easy to make a six-year-old feel important at school. And I wanted to keep doing it.

  One day in February, I walked out the door to my car. It had been a long couple of weeks. I had caught every cold and sore throat floating through the school. The curse of being a new teacher. I wasn’t immune to the suffering yet.

  I looked out toward my car as I felt the afternoon sunshine on my face. I stopped walking as my heart beat faster, and then he waved.

  Lucky was sitting on the tailgate of his blue truck, wearing his black leather jacket. I dropped my bag in the dirt parking lot as he wrapped me up in his arms. He squeezed me tight against his chest.

  Somewhere in the bone-gripping hug, his lips found mine. So soft and warm. I fell into his kiss and I never wanted to let go. But I did since we were still at school.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “My show got canceled in Jackson. There were some electrical issues. I’m only here for about twenty-four hours. But I wanted to see you. I’ve missed you.”

  He was kissing me again. And his hands ran over the back of my dress. The passion and longing were burning inside of me. I wanted to feel him against me all twenty-four hours he was here.

  I finally pulled
back, glancing around us. Mrs. Frazier, the music teacher, was staring at us curiously before jumping quickly into her car. She always wore her hair in a tight bun with her lips in a permanent frown—I assumed from the pain.

  Turning back to Lucky, I took a good look at him. He was different, I think. More confident, maybe. More rugged. My hands cupped his cheeks, rubbing against the permanent layer of scruff.

  “Run away with me, Katie.” He grinned.

  And I smiled back at him. “Okay.”

  “Can you leave your car? I’ll bring you back in the morning.”

  “Yeah. Let’s leave it.” I looked over at Mrs. Frazier again. Her Mazda was still in the parking lot. “I think the music teacher is afraid you are abducting me.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah.” I laughed. “Oh, wait, I think she might actually be writing down your license plate number.”

  Lucky opened the door to his old truck, and I climbed in the seat. He went around to the driver’s side, getting behind the wheel. “Well, I guess that means they like you here. She’s worried about your safety.”

  “No, not really. She wants to be the busybody who gets to answer the questions when I go missing.” I altered my voice to that high-pitched, nasally sound that always came out of her mouth. “I saw that girl get in this truck with some hoodlum. Long hair. I think he cooks meth.”

  Lucky burst out laughing. “So does she think I’m Walter White or Jessie Pinkman?”

  “I’m pretty sure she’s never watched Breaking Bad.”

  “So do you think I look like some meth dealer too?”

  “No.” I leaned across the seat, placing a kiss on his lips. “I think you look like the handsome guitar player who is about to be a huge star.”

  “Wow. That might be the best compliment I’ve ever gotten from you.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Momentary brain lapse from the trauma of being kidnapped.”

  He started laughing. “I’ve missed that smile of yours, Katie Darlene Jenson.”

  We drove back to Stillwater with his hand holding mine across the seat. We talked and laughed. I think his eyes were more on me than the road. The sun was bright and everything seemed suddenly perfect. Lucky rolled the windows down, letting the cool February breeze flow inside the cab.

  I wasn’t much better. Even though the world was beautiful outside today, I kept my eyes on him too. His hair swirled in a wild mess around his face as the truck sped down the road. As he smiled back at me, I felt it inside my heart.

  “I’ve really missed you,” I said.

  His eyes locked onto mine as he slowed the truck down, pulling onto the grass next to someone’s barbwire fence. He turned the motor off and then scooted toward the middle of the seat.

  “Come here.”

  “What are you doing?”

  His smile took on a hint of mischief. “You know what I’m doing.”

  “We can’t. I mean. People drive down this road. Like a lot of people,” I babbled, feeling the adrenaline build up. “Like, me. I drive by here every day.”

  My heart was pounding. I looked over my shoulder at the empty road behind us and then back at Lucky. This was crazy. But then he kissed me. I felt his tongue touch my lips. I was melting into the feel of his mouth against mine.

  It had been so many weeks since he had kissed me like this. I was getting breathless. His hand was on my knee, rubbing softly against my black tights. And then his fingers went slowly up my thigh and under my dress as his lips moved down my neck. My eyes closed, and I didn’t care if I was on the side of a road or in the middle of a park.

  “Okay.” I pulled away. “But give me a second.”

  I unzipped my ankle boots. Reaching under my dress, I pulled the tights down my legs followed by my black-lace panties. Lucky watched me with an amused grin while his eyes betrayed the thoughts inside his head.

  I gave him a timid smile as the butterflies moved around in my stomach. I saw a car go past us on the road. It was late afternoon. People would be on their way home soon. My heart beat faster.

  Lucky unbuckled his belt and then unzipped his jeans. Grabbing my hips, he pulled me across his lap so I was straddling his thighs.

  “I want you, Katie.” he whispered. “So much that I need you right now.”

  I nodded yes, because I wanted him too.

  His lips were on mine and my hands ran over his shoulders and up into his hair. He pushed up with his hips, causing me to gasp as he slid inside of me. I knew we were connected in the most intimate way possible and yet I saw nothing because of our clothes. It felt so secretive and private, despite the deep rush of knowing someone could drive by at any moment.

  My fingers dug into his shoulders as he moved us together. Every time he made love to me, I got a little braver with him, a little bolder, and more comfortable with our physical relationship. And right now, being on top of him, I wanted to be the one in control for a change.

  Pulling his hands off my butt cheeks, I put his palms down on the seat. “No touching.”

  His eyes were heavy with desire. “I haven’t seen you in weeks. And I can’t even touch you?”

  “No.” I grinned.

  “You don’t play fair.”

  “I want to be the one to do this. Will you let me at least try?”

  “Okay.” He settled back against the seat with a lazy grin. “Go for it.”

  I moved slowly against him, lifting up with my knees and rocking back down. Putting my hands on his chest, I steadied myself so I could go a little faster. I felt his heart beating under my fingers.

  “It’s driving you crazy, isn’t it?” I whispered.

  His fingers clenched the truck seat. “You are definitely driving me crazy.”

  “Like it’s just enough out of your control that you hate it. But you like it too.” My hands ran over his shoulders as I moved quicker against him. A sheen of sweat dusted my face as the cool air blew in the open windows.

  “You’re taunting me now.” He sounded breathless.

  “Maybe. Like I can feel you breathing. And I can feel your skin. And I can feel you—”

  “Sorry, Katie, but I can’t.” Lucky’s arms went around me.

  Our hearts beat together and our bodies moved in sync as the world disappeared into a hazy blur. Nothing in my life had ever felt as right as this moment. I collapsed against his chest, feeling him hold us tightly together. He buried his face against my neck. “I’ve missed you . . . so much.”

  He held me for a while as our breathing slowly returned to normal. And like the sun outside, reality slipped slowly back into the cab of the truck.

  His lips brushed my cheek. “That was the best welcome home I’ve ever gotten. I like this side of you, Ms. Jenson. The teacher has gotten feisty and bossy while I was away.”

  I rose up to look at him. “You know I’m only like this with you. Somehow you bring this side out in me.”

  “I know,” he whispered, kissing the tip of my nose. “It’s one of the reasons I love you.”

  I climbed off his lap, picking my clothes off the floor. He fastened his pants back as I pulled my tights up my legs. A truck drove past us, slowing down.

  A man with soft white hair and a beard smiled as he rolled down his window. “Y’all need any help?”

  “No, we’re good,” Lucky yelled back. “Just needed to make a phone call.”

  “All right then. Y’all take care.” The old man gave a friendly wave.

  I held my breath until the brown Ford was half a mile down the road. “Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. That was—I don’t even know what to think. Three minutes earlier and—”

  “He would have seen exactly how much I love you.”

  A crimson blush filled my cheeks. “And I might have died at the age of twenty-one from a sudden aneurism.”

  “You’re funny.” He laughed as he started the truck. He reached across the seat, taking my hand. “It should always be like this, Katie.”

  “What do you mean?”

>   “When we are together, I want to feel everything with you. Live in the moment and have no regrets. And when I’m back on that shit-hole bus next week, I want to remember how it felt just now and the look in your green eyes when I was inside you.” He smiled softly. “I know this has been hard for you, Katie. But maybe that’s how we need to deal with the in-between times. Give it everything we’ve got on the days we have together.”

  As the Oklahoma wind blew through the windows, I felt his sweet words capture my heart. “Don’t forget this world is temporary. So love someone with all you got. Isn’t that the words?”

  “Something like that.” Lucky smiled as he pulled out on the road, and then he started singing the song from the night we first met.

  Don’t forget this world is temporary,

  And each day that ends is one less you see.

  Make sure you share a little happiness,

  With everyone as you pass by.

  And read your Bible each night,

  Even if you don’t understand why.

  And make sure you love someone,

  With everything you got inside.

  And if life leads to heartache,

  Don’t ever be afraid to cry.

  Lucky left the next day. I cried. This time was harder than the last time at the airport. He held me in his arms, whispering he loved me against my hair. I didn’t want to let go, but I eventually walked away.

  As the spring days got longer, the nights felt colder. I always put on a smile, hoping he wouldn’t hear the sadness through the phone. But when I hung up, everything always fell apart.

  I cried silent tears.

  I hated that he made me cry. But my heart hurt, which sent my emotions in every direction. One minute I was crying and the next, yelling at Peyton for leaving a sink full of dirty dishes. Her eyes had gotten huge. We both knew I wasn’t a person who yelled. But she gave me a hug and then silently put them away in the dishwasher.

  I hated this version of myself.

  I needed a project.

  I needed to stay busy.