Beautiful Pain

by J. M. Walker

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered, closing her legs.

  “Don’t ever be sorry for how your body responds to me. It turns me on.” I emphasized my point by cupping my erection. “Hottest fucking thing I have ever seen.”

  “I’ve never done that before,” she muttered, smoothing down her dress.

  “And that turns me on even more.” Female ejaculation was highly erotic and for me to make Mae come that hard, it almost made me blow a load in my pants like a prepubescent boy. “Did it feel good?”

  She nodded.

  “Good. That’s all I care about.” I brought my hand to my lips, licking off the sweet essence of her. “So fucking good.” I kissed her hard on the mouth. “Now you’ll be dripping down your inner thighs and if I get a craving, I can inch my hand up under your dress.”

  “Oh…my…”

  Exactly.

  (Mae)

  Never in my whole life, had I experienced such an intense orgasm. My body releasing all over the seat and Matteo’s hand was embarrassing at first but when he licked the juices off of his fingers…I shivered.

  He must have known that he could make my body do that when after, he wasn’t surprised at all.

  Matteo glanced at me every so often, winking and giving me that sexy smirk of his.

  My cheeks heated as I no doubt blushed like a teenaged girl being spoken to by their first crush. But this wasn’t a crush, was it? No. It was so much more. It was so intense, it controlled me.

  “What are you thinking about?” Matteo whispered, brushing his lips along the shell of my ear.

  “How much I love you.” I smiled up at him.

  His eyes searched my face, his jaw clenching and unclenching. “Nervous?” he asked a moment later.

  “Yeah.” I cleared my throat and exited the SUV. I wish he could see how much I loved him. I wish he could feel it. He doubted me constantly even though the words never left his mouth.

  “Marketa,” he said, coming up behind me. His voice took on that deep commanding tone that I had grown to love and cherish. “Talk to me.”

  “I love you. Don’t ever doubt that.” I walked away, heading towards the doors of the large mansion.

  “I’m sorry,” he said, his voice small.

  I paused, stopping in my steps.

  “I haven’t experienced love in my time so it’s hard for me to accept it. I love you. And I know you love me. But I am sorry if I have my moments where I doubt that.”

  His honesty made my stomach flip and all I could do was nod.

  He let out a heavy sigh and reached for my hand, waiting.

  Without any hesitation, I grasped onto it, sliding my fingers between his. “This place is huge,” I said in awe, needing to change the subject.

  “It is. It’s been around for a while. The owner inherited it when his father passed away some time ago.”

  “Are you a regular here?” I asked as we walked hand in hand towards the house.

  “No. I’m friends with the owner so I know this place is always open to me. Heavy is my club of choice…” His voice trailed off. “Or it was.” When we reached the double set of doors, Matteo turned to me. “This place is different than any club you have been to.”

  “I…” I swallowed past the bile that had risen to my throat.

  “Marketa,” he said, his voice firm. “This club is different. Do you want to know why?”

  I nodded, chewing my bottom lip.

  “Because, pet,” he pinched my chin, tilting my head. “You are here with me because you want to be. Not because I forced you. Remember, you have full control. Anytime you want to leave, use your safeword and we’re out of here. Do you understand?”

  “Yes, Sir.” I breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank you.”

  “This place is safe. It’s intimate. Only a few people can afford to actually be a part of this club.”

  “I don’t want to be scared anymore. I want to enjoy this with you. I want…” I inhaled a shaky breath.

  “My beautiful girl. Everything that happens once we step inside this club is because you consent to it. The owner has dungeon monitors to make sure that you are safe. You are in control. Always remember that.”

  “Okay.” I braced myself. “I can do this.”

  “We can do this. Together. I’ll always be by your side. No one will hurt you here and if anyone makes you feel uncomfortable, let me or the owner know.” Matteo kissed me softly on the mouth.

  “Thank you.” I took a deep breath. “Let’s do this.”

  Matteo chuckled, knocking on the door.

  It opened a moment later, revealing an older man dressed in a tuxedo. “Ah, good evening, Dr. Santos.” The man smiled, holding out his hand.

  “Hello, Fin. It’s been a while.” Matteo returned the butler’s handshake.

  “It has. And who is this pretty lady?”

  “Marketa Dobry.” A familiar voice sounded from behind Fin.

  “Duncan?” I asked, surprised to see the customer from Cello’s.

  “You two know each other?” Matteo asked, glancing between us.

  “I eat at Cello’s every so often.” Duncan clapped a hand on the back of Matteo’s neck. “You two together?”

  “Yes,” Matteo and I answered in unison.

  “Good. It’s about time.” Duncan stood against the door, indicating for us to enter the house.

  “What does that mean?” I asked, frowning.

  “I’ve watched you for a while, princess,” Duncan confessed. “I’ve seen the light shine behind your eyes since you started dating. I had no idea it was Matteo here but now I am glad to know it is.”

  “Me too.” I held firm to Matteo’s hand, smiling up at the two Dom’s. “Are you the owner of this club?” I asked, curious to find out more about the man playing host.

  “He is,” Matteo answered for him.

  “How long have you two known each other?” I knew I was prying but I also needed to stall the inevitable for a little longer. The club screamed for me to join it. The anticipation building to the point of suffocating. Never in my life, had the lifestyle called to me in such a heavy way.

  “He’s my patient,” Matteo said, low enough for only me to hear.

  “Oh.” Duncan had always been quiet whenever I served him at the diner. The only thing I knew was that he was ex-military and got in trouble with the law, spending several years in jail. Other than that, I knew nothing.

  “I had a feeling you’d end up here,” Duncan told me, leading us down the red carpeted hallway.

  “Why is that?”

  “He’s the Master of Pure. The most prestigious BDSM club in the country. He knows all.” Matteo rolled his eyes.

  “I appreciate the pimpage but I’m not that awesome.” Duncan laughed.

  “Maybe not but the part about the prestigious club is true,” Matteo pointed out.

  “Where is the club?” I asked, looking around.

  “Right this way.” Duncan winked at me.

  My heart started racing, knowing that with each step I took, I was getting closer and closer to the next point in my relationship with Matteo. I was excited but nervous. Antsy but ready. We had come so far but still hadn’t reached our maximum goal. Trust. But was it enough?

  When we approached a double set of doors, Duncan pulled them open.

  “You ready for club Pure?” he asked, his gaze locking with mine.

  I nodded, anticipation coursing through me.

  “Give us a moment,” Matteo said, grabbing my arm.

  “You know where to go,” he told Matteo. “Take your time.”

  When Duncan left us alone, Matteo turned me to face him. “Are you okay?”

  “I am.” And I was. To experience something new with Matteo was erotic and thrilling.

  “Do you trust me?” Something dark passed over his face.

  “I trust you with all of me.”

  He let out a sigh, his shoulders slumping with relief.

  “Do you trust me?” I asked
, grazing a hand down his chest.

  Matteo grabbed my hand, kissing the tips of my fingers. “I trust you. I know I have some shit to work on but I trust you more than anything. …” He hesitated. “Please don’t lose your trust for me. No matter what happens.”

  “What are you talking about?” My heart jumped.

  “Promise me,” he demanded, his eyes glacial.

  “I promise.” My stomach twisted. “Now teach me, Sir,” I said, knowing the subject needed to be changed for the moment. “I want to know everything that you crave. I need to know all of your thoughts and fantasies. Show me the way through your darkness, my love.”

  A firm kiss landed on my mouth. “Fuck I love you.”

  “Take me to your world, Matteo.”

  He kissed me again and held the door open for me. “After you, pet.”

  Mae

  When I walked by Matteo, a slight tug on my nipples made me yelp. I became so used to the burning pain that I completely forgot about the gold jewelry clinging to the hard peaks.

  “Remember who you belong to. I own you,” he murmured in my ear. “Every single inch of you. You will call me Sir and nothing else. Understand me?” He emphasized his question by pulling on the chain.

  “Yes, Sir,” I squeaked out.

  “Good girl.” He tugged again. “Don’t defy me or I will show you what it’s like to be publicly humiliated.”

  And I didn’t want that. Nightmares from my past pushed their way to the forefront of my mind. Whenever I was with Matteo, they had calmed, disappearing almost until they were only a shadow of my imagination. But at moments like this, when Matteo threatened the public display of dominance, it dredged up the past. He knew this. It was a trigger. And I couldn’t work on it without him.

  A soft sensual beat sounded through the next set of double doors at the end of yet another long hallway. It rolled over my skin, vibrating deep into my bones. It drew me forth, capturing me in a state of euphoria.

  “It’s the music and the atmosphere,” Matteo said, his voice low. “Duncan has lavender and eucalyptus oil blowing in the air conditioning as a way to relax the mind and soul. It’s for newcomers to make you feel at peace and to help ease your nerves.”

  “My body feels light,” I told him, swaying to the music.

  “You’re extremely responsive to it,” his brows narrowed. “I should have known you would be with how you react to me.”

  “I need to sit down,” I mumbled, my head feeling fuzzy.

  Matteo wrapped an arm around my waist, holding me up.

  “Everything okay here?”

  I looked up at the sound of the deep voice.

  An older man headed towards us, walking with a limp. His eyes were dark, no emotion hidden behind them. He was large, wide shouldered and built like a house. His gaze zeroed in on Matteo before glancing at me. He took a step closer, his face coming into the light of the dim room. “Are you okay, pet?”

  I swallowed a gasp. Half of the man’s face was burnt, the scars sliding down his neck and disappearing into the collar of his shirt. But his eyes…one was completely grey…the other was dark. Pure black. If there was a shade deeper than black, his eye would be it. The man was scary. More so than Matteo. This man oozed power. I never thought I would meet someone that had no life behind his eyes. No emotion. No nothing. He was an empty shell. Travelling the earth until God took him to a better place.

  I inched closer to Matteo’s side.

  The man noticed, the corner of his lips twitching. “Pet? Are you okay?” he repeated.

  “I’m…” I looked at Matteo.

  He nodded. “Tell him the truth.”

  “I’m just light headed and need to sit down,” I told the older man.

  “Alright,” he handed me a bottle of water. “Take care of your sub,” he told Matteo. “You know where the private rooms are if she needs rest.”

  “Thank you,” Matteo responded, leading me into a large room lined with tables and chairs.

  “Who was that?” I asked him when he sat me down.

  “That was Jericho.” Matteo’s jaw clenched.

  “Oh.” I looked around the room, wondering where the large man went. “He scares me.”

  “As he should,” Matteo mumbled. “I’m going to get you some more water and chocolate.”

  “Okay.” My brows furrowed, worry settling deep in my belly.

  “Hey,” he brushed a hand over my head. “I’ll be right over there.” He pointed towards the bar at the other side of the room.

  I told him to go and that I would be fine. I needed to stop this fear from controlling me. Dropping my head in my hands, I rubbed my temples. Not quite sure what was coming over me, I took deep cleansing breaths.

  “Marketa?”

  I glanced up at a woman heading my way. “Emily?”

  Emily Griffin, another employee at Cello’s, smiled down at me. “Are you okay?”

  “I am.” I shook my head, glancing back at the bar.

  Matteo caught my eye and blew me a kiss

  I smiled, letting out a satisfied sigh. “I’m a little shocked to see you here,” I told Emily.

  She laughed. “Yeah. I’m dating a new guy who wanted to try this club out.” She shrugged. “Doesn’t hurt.”

  “Guess not.”

  “Good thing he’s paying because this place is off the charts expensive.” She laughed. “Well it’s nice to see you out on a night off.” Emily looked around her. “I gotta go. See you at work.” And with that, she quickly walked away.

  Matteo came back to the couch, watching Emily leave the large room. “Who was that?”

  “Emily Griffin. She works at Cello’s,” I said, accepting the bottle of water and chocolate bar Matteo offered me. “You’ve probably seen her there before.”

  “She’s the hostess isn’t she?”

  “Yes.”

  Matteo sat beside me, cupping my cheek. “How are you doing?”

  “I’m…” A thought came to me. “What if Emily tells Nika that she saw me here?”

  “So what if she does?”

  “I don’t want her to judge,” I mumbled, playing with the label on the bottle.

  “Don’t always think the worst in people.”

  “Maybe if I thought the worst in people when I was a young girl, what happened wouldn’t have happened.” I snapped my mouth closed. Those words were not supposed to leave my lips

  “Mae, you can’t think like that,” Matteo turned me towards him. “What have you told me?”

  “That it’s not your fault,” I grumbled, wishing right now that I never said those words in the first place.

  “Exactly. And it isn’t your fault,” he insisted. “Please, my beautiful girl.”

  I nodded slowly. “I’m sorry, Sir. Just having a moment.”

  His eyes searched my face. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

  I shrugged, swallowing past a hard lump. “I don’t know.”

  “Here. Eat this.” He broke off a piece of milk chocolate. “Open.”

  I accepted the chocolate, savoring the sweetness on my tongue. It helped ease the anxiety creeping in my stomach and the lightness in my head. For the moment, I felt better and not like I was going to cry over nothing,

  “Feel better?” Matteo asked me.

  “Yes. Thank you.”

  “Want to walk around?”

  “Please.” Did I ever. When I stood up, my gaze landed on a woman strapped to a wooden cross. A large man wearing only black leather pants and boots, held a long whip in his hand. He walked back and forth behind her, like a predator stalking its prey. The woman stayed absolutely still, waiting for her Master. He petted her head, whispering in her ear. She nodded every so often. I was intrigued, wishing I could hear their conversation.

  The man stepped back, cracking the whip in the air. By this point, a small crowd had formed in front of the scene before us.

  “Watch what happens next, pet,” Matteo said, his voice low. “Look at the way she
acknowledges her Master just by speaking through her body.”

  The man mumbled something and she responded with a waggle of her hips.

  “She’s teasing him,” Matteo pointed out.

  A crack snapped through the air. The whip moved so fast, I didn’t even know it had hit her until the red slash appeared across her back. She never moved. Never even flinched.

  He repeated the movements.

  Snap. Snap. Snap.

  My body buzzed, my skin becoming hyper aware of the intensity she was going through. But I found myself wondering, how would it feel? To have the leather slash across my skin. The blood rushing to my head as my body moved into the crack of the whip.

  “Are you intrigued?” Matteo asked, brushing a finger down the length of my back.

  “I…I am. The trust you can see…no, feel,” I corrected. “It’s amazing.” It was overwhelming. I wanted that. I wanted to feel Matteo’s marks all over me.

  “It is. Do you want to feel that pain?”

  I nodded, watching the couple.

  The woman could no longer stay still as the whip tore across her body. After a couple more minutes, the whipping stopped. The man dropped the leather, rushing to the woman’s side. He unshackled her, pulled her free from the cross and carried her down a dark hall. When they disappeared from sight, the small crowd dispersed.

  “Where did they go?” I asked, wanting to see their connection once again.

  “He took her to a private room to give her the aftercare that she needs,” he explained. “Tell me what you’re thinking, pet.” Matteo brushed his thumb up and down the length of my neck.

  What was I thinking? Did I want to experience the full wrath of Matteo’s sadistic side? Did I even want to see that part of him? Knowing he could full well give me the ecstasy that I craved, I wasn’t sure if I could handle it.

  “Marketa.”

  “I want that,” I blurted, turning in his arms. “I want what that couple has. I want to experience that side of you, the side that can strip me completely, giving me the beautiful pain I crave. I need it. I need to feel all of you. I want you to let me in, so deep that I can feel your soul.”

  “You want me?” he husked.

  “I want all of you. Every single piece. Let me see your sadistic side. The monster that scares you. Let me be the beauty to your beast.”