Beautiful Pain

by J. M. Walker

  “I—”

  “Marketa, don’t argue with me. Please.” A beeping sounded beside me, interrupting our conversation. We both peered at the machine. My heart race increased, pounding in my ears.

  “Dr. Santos,” a tall man dressed in white said as he entered the room. “You’re awake and already stressing your heart out I see.”

  I huffed. “My girlfriend isn’t listening to me.”

  “I don’t want to hurt you,” she said softly, holding my hand.

  “Never.” With as much strength as I could muster, I pulled her down beside me.

  She sighed, giving in and curled against me.

  “Now that that’s finally settled,” the doctor said, flipping through some charts. “You obviously know you had a heart attack. And I understand that in your profession, you deal with stress. Listening to people’s problems day in and day out can’t be easy.”

  “No,” I wrapped my arm around Mae, kissing her head. “But it’s my job.”

  The doctor nodded, flipping over another paper on his chart. “Have you thought of retiring?”

  “Excuse me? And why the hell would I do that?”

  “Matteo,” Mae patted my hand. “Calm. You need to relax.”

  I searched her face, when I found something hidden behind her eyes that I never wanted to be the cause of. Not unless it was intentional. Fear. She was terrified.

  “Can you give us a moment?” I asked the doctor without looking away from Mae.

  “Sure. I’ll do my rounds and come back,” he answered, leaving the room a moment later.

  “Mae,” I said. “You’re not going to get rid of me that easily.”

  Fresh tears welled in her eyes. “Good. Because we need you.”

  “We?”

  She nodded. “Me and our baby.”

  (Mae)

  It was the first time I had said those words since I found out I was pregnant only a couple hours before.

  “You’re pregnant? You are in fact pregnant? When did you find out?” Matteo asked me, his eyes shining. It was the most excitement I had seen in him in weeks.

  “Yes,” I croaked. “I took a test this morning. I am sorry I didn’t wait for you to find out.”

  “I don’t care. I love you.” He cupped my face, smothering me in kisses. “I’m here. Always. I refuse to give up. Fuck everything else.”

  “I need you stress-free,” I told him, between kisses. “I need the strong powerful man I fell in love with. I need my Master. Please don’t fall. Don’t fall into that darkness inside of yourself.”

  “Are we good now?” the doctor asked, coming back into the room.

  Matteo kept kissing me, ignoring the doctor. “I won’t fall. Not again. I give you my word.”

  My breath hitched. I was happy. Finally.

  Matteo rubbed my lower belly while he talked to the doctor about keeping him stress-free and how he needed to take some time off of work. Matteo argued about that but gave in after I begged and pleaded.

  “I’m giving you a clean bill of health but I want to keep you here under observation for one more night,” the doctor said, after checking Matteo’s vitals.

  “Fine,” Matteo grumbled.

  I laughed, snapping my mouth shut when he gave me that dark look of his, daring me.

  “Are you laughing at my expense?” he asked, wrapping a hand around my throat.

  “Who me?” I teased. “Never,” I said, batting my eyelashes innocently.

  A slow grin spread on his beautiful face. “Just because I’m stuck here for another night, it doesn’t mean shit.”

  I searched his face, a lump burning in my throat. A sob left me and I threw my arms around his neck.

  His back stiffened, no doubt shocked by my sudden reaction. “My sweet girl.” His hand caressed my back in small circles. “I’m fine. I promise you. Thinking about the past and talking about it, triggered the heart attack.” He leaned back, kissing me softly on the mouth. “I love you. So fucking much.” He wiped the tears from under my eyes. “And this baby that you’ve blessed me with, I can’t ever thank you enough. You showed me that I can be happy. That I can experience more than just pain. You love me. Even though I can be difficult. You. Love. Me.”

  Fresh tears welled in my eyes. “You were easy to fall in love with.”

  “I was?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

  “Yes.” I nodded. “You were patient. You showed me that I can trust again. You…” I rubbed my lower abdomen. “You’ve given me a baby and I can’t wait to hold it in my arms. I can’t wait to give birth to our…our baby.”

  Matteo’s eyes shone. He cleared his throat. “Everything that happened in my life doesn’t matter now that I have you.”

  No more words were said as we curled together on the bed, holding each other. The heart attack gave us a scare, proving how short and unexpected life could be.

  Matteo wouldn’t take his hand away from my belly, telling me over and over how much he loved me and how he was already falling in love with our baby.

  An hour or so later, Matteo’s father walked into the room. His shoulders slumped with relief when his gaze landed on his son wrapped around me. “How is he doing?”

  I glanced at the man in my arms. My fingers brushed back and forth through the hair at his nape. Matteo slept soundlessly beside me. Every so often, he would pull me tighter against him.

  “He’s doing much better,” I said softly.

  “He scared me,” Edwin said a moment later, ringing his hands together in front of him.

  “He scared me too but Matteo is strong. He needs to remember not to take on so much and that he’s allowed to have breaks. He thinks he can help everyone else but he needs to take care of himself first.”

  Edwin nodded. “You know my boy better than I do.”

  My heart twisted. “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be.” He pulled up a chair beside the bed. “I’m glad he found someone to take care of him. That loves him like you do. Because honestly, I didn’t do a damn thing for him.”

  “You taught him to be the powerful man that he is today,” I told him.

  “I didn’t do shit for him,” Edwin snapped, shifting in his seat.

  “Watch how you talk to my girlfriend,” Matteo bit out. He sat up, pulling me beside him and kissed my head.

  “How are you feeling?” his father asked, folding his hands in his lap.

  “Why are you here?” Matteo ignored his question, stretching his arms above his head.

  “I wanted to make sure that you were okay. You scared me.” Edwin paused before continuing. “I thought I lost you.”

  “You were scared that you would lose me and you felt guilty for treating me like shit my whole life,” Matteo added for him, rising from the bed.

  “Of course. I’m here to apologize. Not because you had a heart attack but because I was going to admit that I was sorry last night. But then you—”

  “I am sorry my heart didn’t like the fact that I was forced into revealing my past. I’m sorry those memories made me almost die. How dare I have medical problems that stopped you from apologizing to me,” Matteo said, his voice dripping with contempt.

  “Matteo,” I said, knowing how he felt but I also knew that his father meant well.

  “What do you want from me?” Edwin held his hands out in front of him, admitting defeat.

  “I want you to be my father!” Matteo shouted. “I want you to ask me what happened and not fucking judge me for submitting to a woman.”

  “I never judged you.”

  “Are you fucking kidding me right now?” Matteo scoffed, pacing back and forth.

  “My love,” I rose from the bed, taking a step towards him. “Please calm down.”

  “Marketa,” Matteo growled. “Sit down.”

  “But—”

  In a quick move, Matteo cupped my jaw, tilting my head back. He leaned down to my ear. “Just because I am holed up here, does not mean that I can’t spank that pretty ass of
yours.”

  “I am trying to look out for you,” I insisted.

  “I know. But I will find something to chain you to this hospital bed if you keep it up.”

  I shivered, keeping my thoughts to myself.

  “That’s what I thought.” He kissed me hard on the mouth, before turning back to his father. “You say you never judged me. But every time you saw me with Morgan Weiss, I could feel you looking at me. You blamed me for what happened to my mother. You told me once that because she died giving birth to me, that’s why Morgan and her men did that shit to me.”

  I gasped, slapping a hand over my mouth.

  Matteo ignored me, continuing on in the tirade towards his father. “I was told over and over that you were kind, caring, a decent fucking man. But I came into this world with a vengeance, killed your wife and you’ve hated me ever since. Deny it. Deny everything. Tell me you don’t hate me. Tell me you don’t blame me.”

  “Yes. Fine. You’re right.” Edwin shoved to his feet, forcing the metal chair to fall backward. “I blamed you. I hated you for my wife dying. I treated you the way I did because it hurt too much to love you. You look so much like her. I couldn’t stand it. I still can’t deal. It hurts. God, it hurts. When I look in your eyes…I see my wife.”

  “That’s not my fault,” Matteo said, his voice softer. “I’ve needed your help. I need your help now. That is why I came over last night.”

  “Shit,” Edwin mumbled. “And I triggered the nightmares by asking about her.”

  “Yeah. You did. But it was a long time coming. I needed to talk.” Matteo glanced down at me. “I still need to talk.”

  “I’ll go get a coffee.” I kissed his cheek and left them alone, praying they could at least work out some of their issues.

  A half an hour later, I headed back to Matteo’s hospital room. Not knowing what the situation would be, I tentatively knocked on the door.

  Soft deep voices sounded from the bed but other than that, nothing happened. No yelling. No tense uncomfortable moments.

  I peeked my head into the room, seeing Matteo and his father sitting side by side on the edge of the bed. They looked up when I entered.

  Matteo gave me a small smile, holding out his hand for me.

  I stepped into his open arms, embracing him in a tight hug.

  “Thank you,” he said, rubbing his cheek against my chest.

  “For what?”

  “Without you, I never would have even considered asking my dad for help.” He kissed my knuckles.

  “We were estranged for so long, we had no idea how to reconnect,” Edwin said, clapping a hand on his son’s shoulder.

  “Is everything good now?” I asked, hopeful.

  Matteo and Edwin passed a knowing glance. “It is what it is. We have lots to work through still but this is a start.”

  My heart swelled. “I’m so happy.

  Edwin said his goodbyes, telling Matteo that they would talk soon and for him to get some rest.

  “Wait,” Matteo said when Edwin went to leave the room. He closed the distance between him and his father. Without hesitating, Matteo wrapped his arms around his dad’s neck.

  Edwin’s eyes widened before he hugged his son back.

  Tears streamed down my face at seeing the father/son bonding taking place in front of me. They had many years to make up for but it was better late than never.

  Matteo had always needed his dad whether he had wanted to admit it in the beginning or not. Edwin leaned his forehead against his son’s, talking softly so only Matteo could hear him. After a couple minutes, they hugged again and Edwin left the room.

  “Matteo?” I said softly, stepping up behind him. Running my hands inside his hospital gown, I placed soft pecks along the tanned scarred skin.

  “Marketa, those lips are going to start something they can’t finish.”

  The deep vibrato of his voice rumbled through me, making my mouth tingle. “I know.”

  He turned in my arms. “What’s wrong?”

  “I almost lost you. Everything happened so fast. All of this did.”

  His jaw ticked. “Do you regret this? What we have?”

  “No, of course not. What we have is the only thing that has kept me going.”

  “Me too,” Matteo said, stifling a yawn.

  “Let’s get you back in bed.”

  He chuckled, smacking me lightly on the ass. “I always want you in my bed.”

  “You already have me in your bed,” I reminded him.

  “Hmm…” he purred in my ear. “Once the doctor gives me the okay, I’m going to rip open your fucking soul.”

  “Promise?” I asked, pushing my rear into his pelvis.

  “Anything for my dirty pet.”

  Mae

  Matteo was finally home. It had been a couple of days since the heart attack. The doctor gave him the okay to leave the hospital but made Matteo promise that he would take some time off of work.

  “What are you looking for?” I asked Matteo one night while he was rummaging through his dresser drawer.

  “I’m looking…ah, here it is.” He winked at me, shoving something into the pocket of his sweat pants.

  “What are you doing?” I asked, watching him saunter towards me.

  “Something I should have done weeks ago.” He sat me on the edge of his bed, getting down on one knee and held my hands.

  “Oh God.” My heart skipped a beat.

  “Not quite but it’ll do.” He winked, kissing my knuckles.

  I giggled, breathing past the racing endorphins rushing through my body.

  “I have never met someone as beautiful or as powerful as you.”

  I almost scoffed but I bit it back, afraid that he would stop talking.

  “I know you think that you’re not powerful. But it’s not every day a Sadist gets forced to his knees and falls in love.” He let out a shaky breath. “I didn’t want to fall in love with you. I was scared. I was terrified that you would hurt me when I was already destroyed once.” His body started shaking.

  “Matteo, you don’t have to continue.”

  “Yes. I do.” He pulled me gently to the floor, staring intently into my eyes. “I need to see your face when I say this.”

  “Okay.” My heart sped up.

  “I love you. I love you more than fucking life.” He brushed the back of his hand over my lower stomach. “You have given me something to look forward to. You’ve…you’ve given me life.”

  “Matteo,” I whispered, swallowing past the lump burning my throat.

  “Marketa Dobry.” Matteo pulled a small velvet box from the pocket of his sweatpants and opened the lid.

  I gasped, my eyes widening at the sight before me. A thick gold band with the biggest diamond I had ever seen, stared up at me.

  “Will you marry me?”

  Not even hesitating, I crashed my lips to his. Sliding my tongue into his mouth, I answered him with a kiss.

  He groaned.

  I took control, brushing my fingers through his hair and tugged his head back.

  “Mae,” he rasped.

  I smiled, breaking the kiss.

  “Is that a yes?” he asked, panting.

  “Yes. Yes yes yes,” I said, covering his face in light pecks.

  He chuckled. “Good.”

  (Matteo)

  The moment Marketa said yes, I felt everything in my life fall into place. The pieces to the puzzle that was my heart fit together, becoming one. She was my girlfriend. She was carrying my baby. And before long, I would make her my wife.

  In the beginning, I never had any intention of making this more than one night. But something about Marketa Dobry drew me to her. I could see the innocence behind her emotionless eyes. Her broken soul called out to mine, begging for comfort. Pleading for me to help her heal but she was the one helping me all along. She made me fight for my freedom. To break the shackles that Morgan had me restrained in for years. I knew I would see her again. I knew she would try and dig the
razor sharp blades of her domination into me. She would get her men and force me to submit like every other damn time I saw her. But I was man enough to admit defeat. With Mae by my side, I knew I could conquer anything. Mae stirred beside me, a peaceful sigh leaving her lips. I kissed her head, my stomach twisting as the walls of my bedroom closed in around me. I could do this. I had to. Funny thing, the heart attack didn’t scare me as much as losing Marketa would.

  I stared up at the ceiling, remembering the conversation my father and I finally had. After all of this time, he broke down, begging for my forgiveness. I didn’t give into my feelings easily but I could see the sincerity behind his dark eyes. He had hurt me for years, not helping me when I had needed him most. But I was too old to live life bitter and hateful.

  When I had hugged my dad, I knew he had been shocked. But then he told me something, the only thing I had wanted to hear from him for years. He was proud of me. He had been for my whole life. I wanted that father/son relationship but I lost hope rather early. My dad apologized, promising to make it up to me.

  “Matteo?” Mae rolled onto her side, cupping my cheek. “Are you okay?”

  “I am now.”

  (Mae)

  It had been a couple of weeks since Matteo came home from the hospital. Even longer since I almost lost him. He was healthy except for the stress that had been placed on his heart.

  He called his receptionist, Cathy, letting her know what had happened. He filled her in on most of the details but kept the nitty gritty ones to himself. I could hear her giving him a lashing through the phone and I told him to pay her a visit to reassure her that he was in fact fine.

  It was a Friday afternoon and Nika and a couple girls from work were coming over for a late lunch. But I had asked Nika to come over ahead of time to help me. I wanted her to be the first one to hear my news.

  “Honey, I’m home,” Nika called out, making her way into Matteo’s apartment.

  I laughed, greeting my best friend with a hug.

  “How’s Matteo doing?” she asked, looking over my shoulder.

  “Good.” I linked my arm through hers, leading her into the kitchen. “He went to his office to talk to his receptionist about everything that has been going on. And he’s also going to start working from home a couple days a week.”