Alice-Miranda at School

by Jacqueline Harvey

  “Hello, Alethea,” said Alice-Miranda, looking up.

  “Hello, Alethea,” Millie echoed less enthusiastically.

  Alethea walked into the room and immediately plonked onto Alice-Miranda’s bed. She snatched up Brummel Bear and pinched his nose.

  Alice-Miranda glanced around and then continued with her homework. “That’s Brummel Bear. He’s very pleased to meet you.”

  “You’re such a baby.” Alethea threw the bear back onto the bed and laughed in disgust. “Are these your parents?” She picked up a silver-framed photograph from a pair on Alice-Miranda’s bedside table.

  “Yes, that’s Mummy.” Alice-Miranda stopped what she was doing and walked over to Alethea. She picked up the other frame and showed it to her. “And that’s my darling daddy.”

  “I’ve seen them before somewhere. Are they famous? My daddy’s famous. He owns an oil company. But I suppose you knew that already.” It wasn’t really a question.

  “Really? Good on him. That must be very exciting. I imagine he flies all over the world visiting different countries and giving jobs to thousands of very poor people,” Alice-Miranda replied.

  “More like stealing from third-world countries and making people work for next to nothing in the most hideous circumstances,” Millie said under her breath. A recent geography lesson on oil drilling had left her with no false impressions about exactly how Addison Goldsworthy had made his fortune.

  “What was that, Freckles?” Alethea’s tongue flicked like an asp’s.

  “Nothing, Alethea. I was just thinking how lovely it must be to have a daddy who can buy you everything you would ever want.” Millie rolled her eyes, keeping her head firmly in her books.

  “Yes, it is wonderful. I mean, I wouldn’t know what it’s like to be poor. Fancy having to be here on a”— Alethea gulped as though the words were stuck in the back of her throat—“a scholarship.”

  “Well, I think it’s wonderful that we have girls here on scholarships,” Alice-Miranda replied. “Winchesterfield-Downsfordvale has so many things to offer—it would be terrible if you could only come here because your parents were rich.”

  “You have a lot to learn, little one.” Alethea pulled Alice-Miranda’s ponytail.

  “Ow,” Alice-Miranda couldn’t help squealing.

  Millie looked around, wondering about Alethea’s next move. This wasn’t a social visit. Alethea’s visits never were. Alethea had something on her mind and Millie feared that they were about to find out what it was.

  “Did you enjoy your mineral water?” Alice-Miranda asked innocently.

  “It was horrid, actually. Don’t know how you drink the stuff.” That seemed to remind Alethea about the reason for her visit. “So, I’ve decided that tomorrow morning you’re going to wash my hair with it instead. Then you’re going to wash Lizzy’s and Danika’s and even Shelby’s nasty mop. By the way, I think she has lice, but I’m sure that you’ll manage to comb them out first.” Alethea smiled thinly.

  Millie protested. “You can’t make Alice-Miranda wash your hair. That’s disgraceful. Howie will have something to say about that.”

  Alethea lay back onto Alice-Miranda’s bed.

  “Howie is off this weekend. It’s her son’s wedding or some other vile family event. Shaker’s on, so, my dear little girls, this weekend you are both mine.” Alethea twisted a strand of blond hair menacingly around her forefinger much the same way she planned to twist Alice-Miranda and Millie.

  Millie looked crushed.

  Alethea jumped up off the bed and turned on her heel.

  “See you tomorrow, little slaves,” she said, and flounced down the corridor.

  “That’s gross,” Millie sighed. “I don’t want to touch her hair.”

  “It could be worse,” said Alice-Miranda. “So who’s Shaker?”

  “She comes when Howie’s not here, which thankfully is hardly ever. She’s about ninety and she’s as deaf as a beetle and her eyesight is failing too. She thinks Alethea is a darling and now that Alethea is Head Prefect it will only be worse. There’s no use complaining to her because she really wouldn’t know what to do anyway.”

  “Surely it’s not that bad.” Alice-Miranda tried to sound positive. She began to laugh. “Anyway, Alethea might regret that decision.”

  “What do you mean?” Millie looked puzzled.

  “Well, my mineral water from Switzerland is delicious. But it’s not very good at all for washing hair. When I went with Mummy and Daddy to visit their old friend the baron last year, Mummy commented how simply splendid it would be to have water as beautiful as this to wash her hair in. The baroness did not agree. Apparently she had tried it and found that the water was far too hard. Her hair lost all its shine for a month. It was terribly dull and flat,” Alice-Miranda explained. “I really should warn Alethea.”

  Millie giggled. “No, that’s perfect. Alethea needs to learn that she has no right at all to order you about. She loves her hair. She spends half the day preening those delicious blond locks. If it means that she’s about to go from golden-haired Barbie to flat and dull Bertha, I won’t mind one bit.”

  On Saturday morning at breakfast Miss Reedy made her usual round of announcements. She directed girls to their various games and read a list of activities that were available over the weekend. But it was her final point that caused a buzz.

  “Alice-Miranda Highton-Smith-Kennington-Jones, you must go immediately after breakfast to see Miss Higgins.” She peered over her glasses at Alice-Miranda from the dining room lectern.

  The room was suddenly alive with gossip. The usual staccato chinking of spoons on bowls and light thuds as cups were set back down on tables was overrun by loudly whispered speculation.

  “She’s getting kicked out already,” Lizzy gloated.

  “No, she probably has to do that test.” Danika leaned her head forward around Alethea to meet Lizzy’s gaze.

  “She’d better not be going today. It’s hair-washing day,” Alethea hissed, loudly enough to be heard by the girls sitting with Alice-Miranda at the next table.

  “Oh, she’s so awful,” Ashima whispered, and shook her head. “Don’t worry, Alice-Miranda, it’s probably nothing at all.” She crossed her fingers under the table.

  “It’s all right. I’m not worried. Perhaps Miss Grimm wants to talk to me about my letter. I wrote to her earlier in the week to ask if she would reconsider her decision about Jacinta and the championships. It’s probably that.” Alice-Miranda went back to munching daintily on her cornflakes.

  “I’ll have to wash all that hair on my own,” Millie groaned, pointing over her shoulder toward Alethea’s table.

  “No you won’t,” Madeline chimed in. “The four of us agreed that we’d help. Then it will all be over in less than an hour and we can go off for some games.”

  Ashima, Ivory and Susannah nodded in agreement.

  “You guys are the best,” Millie said, and smiled.

  “And don’t worry, I’ll be back soon,” said Alice-Miranda. She hopped up and gathered her dish and spoon. She deposited them on the food counter and asked Miss Reedy if she might be excused.

  “Certainly, Alice-Miranda. And if it’s about that test,” she lowered her voice, “well, I’m rather hoping that you might have some time to study. Perhaps you would like to come and see me this afternoon and we can go over a few things?”

  “That would be lovely, thank you, Miss Reedy.” Alice-Miranda smiled. She couldn’t believe some of the things the girls had said about her. Miss Reedy didn’t seem the least bit like a fire-breathing dragon with a toothache.

  Alice-Miranda left the dining room and started out across the flagstones.

  “Morning, Miss Alice-Miranda,” Charlie called from the other side of the courtyard. He tipped his hat and smiled.

  “Good morning, Mr. Charles,” she called back.

  He grinned widely. There was something about that child, he thought, and smiled to himself, before picking up the arms of his wheelbar
row and trundling toward the greenhouse.

  Alice-Miranda knocked loudly on the office door.

  “Come in,” Miss Higgins called.

  “Hello, Miss Higgins.” Alice-Miranda beamed. “Is Miss Grimm in?” She looked toward the oak doors that led to the study.

  “I’m afraid she’s very busy this morning.” Miss Higgins was flicking through some pages on her desk. “But she did ask me to give you this.” She passed Alice-Miranda a large envelope with her name on the front.

  “Oh, I hope she’s changed her mind about Jacinta. Has she?” Alice-Miranda asked, clutching the envelope to her chest.

  “Please don’t get your hopes up, Alice-Miranda. I haven’t known Miss Grimm to change her mind—about anything, really.” Miss Higgins looked doleful.

  Alice-Miranda carefully opened the envelope. It held a very official-looking letter on the school letterhead.

  Winchesterfield-Downsfordvale Academy for Proper Young Ladies

  Dear Miss Highton-Smith-Kennington-Jones,

  As you are aware, a list of school regulations was read out in the morning assembly on Monday. It would appear that these new rules apply to you, as you are seven and one-quarter years old. I have outlined the following schedule for you to undertake the activities discussed.

  1. WEEK TWO: Monday Three-hour academic test

  2. WEEK THREE: Monday–Friday Wilderness Walk: a 20-kilometer hike over five days

  3. WEEK FOUR: Friday Sporting competition in a game of your selection against the current school champion

  Each of these tests requires your utmost attention. Whether you pass or fail will be wholly at my discretion, although you should take the following as a guide. Your mark for the academic test will be not less than 95%. You must complete the Wilderness Walk without any assistance and survive, and you must win the sporting competition. Failure to complete any or all of the above will result in your being asked to leave the school. Given that any return may be distressing for the other girls, there would be no place for you, even when you have turned eight.

  May I suggest that the remainder of your weekend be spent studying a range of subjects, including English literature, mathematics, science, history and geography. Although I will not guarantee that the test will include any of the above.

  Yours sincerely,

  Miss Ophelia Grimm

  Headmistress

  P.S.: In response to your letter regarding Jacinta Headlington-Bear, the answer is no, she may not attend the championships. There will be no further discussion of the matter. Her parents are well aware of her totally unacceptable and insolent behavior and support my decision without reservation.

  Alice-Miranda’s shoulders slumped. “But that’s so unfair.” She put the letter on the edge of Miss Higgins’s desk.

  “I gather it’s not good news.” Miss Higgins looked at the piece of paper.

  “Go on; please read it for yourself, Miss Higgins,” sighed Alice-Miranda. “I don’t mind at all about the first part. If I have to prove that I belong here then I know I can do that. It’s the last part. It’s so awful. Poor Jacinta will be heartbroken. Do you know how good she is? I’ve seen some pretty fantastic gymnasts but she’s amazing.”

  “Well, you did your best, Alice-Miranda. You tried and that’s more than any of the other girls would do for Jacinta. She’s not exactly the easiest person to get along with.” Miss Higgins gently touched Alice-Miranda’s cheek.

  “I know. Goodness, when I met her last weekend she was having the most fabulous tantrum. But when she calmed down, you know, she was really quite reasonable. I think she’s lonely. Her parents didn’t even take her home for the holidays. I can’t imagine Mummy and Daddy not coming to pick me up—no matter how busy they are.”

  “I suppose her life is rather complicated,” Miss Higgins replied. She stared at the papers on her desk, deep in thought, then looked up and smiled. “However did you get to be so wise, young lady?”

  Alice-Miranda glanced at the grandfather clock in the corner of Miss Higgins’s office.

  “Goodness, it’s already after nine!” She folded the letter and returned it to its envelope. “I need to get back to the house and help poor Millie with Alethea’s hair.”

  “You need to do what?” Miss Higgins’s eyes widened.

  “It’s a long story, Miss Higgins, and I’m sure you don’t have time for it now. I should go, otherwise poor Millie and the other girls will have to do all the work without me. Considering it was my mineral water that caused the problem in the first place, that would be awfully unfair.” Alice-Miranda walked toward the door. “Perhaps before I go back I should find poor Jacinta and tell her that Miss Grimm hasn’t changed her mind.” Alice-Miranda tapped her finger on the envelope. “It’s just that I hate to disappoint her.”

  “No, Alice-Miranda, don’t do that just yet. I have another idea. Jacinta’s parents are awfully well off. Perhaps if I suggest to Miss Grimm a donation of some sort, she might just reconsider.” Miss Higgins rested her chin in her hands.

  “So Millie was right.” Alice-Miranda sighed and placed her hands on her hips.

  “About what?” Miss Higgins asked.

  “Well, Millie said that the only reason Alethea is Head Prefect is that her father paid an enormous amount of money to build the new library. She said whoever pays the most gets the most. I think that’s just awful. What about the girls who are here on scholarship? Their parents could never afford to pay extra. I’m sure they struggle just to manage the uniforms and things. My mummy came here and my grandmother and all my aunts and they have only ever said that this was the most wonderful school, with so much … what’s the word I’m looking for … it starts with i, I think …” Alice-Miranda’s voice trailed off.

  “Integrity. That’s the word you’re looking for.” Miss Higgins looked ashamed. “I’m sorry for suggesting it, Alice-Miranda. It’s just that in the last ten years, Miss Grimm … Well, things have changed and I couldn’t say for the better. I shouldn’t be telling you this; in fact, I can’t understand why I am even thinking about telling you. You’re a child and you don’t need to be thrown headlong into the awful world of grown-ups.” Miss Higgins’s eyes glazed over and Alice-Miranda thought she was about to cry.

  “What is it, Miss Higgins? What happened to Miss Grimm?” urged Alice-Miranda.

  “I can’t.” Miss Higgins turned away, then stood and walked to the filing cabinet behind her. Hurriedly she pulled open the top drawer and began flicking through the files. Without looking up from her task she said, “Off you go, Alice-Miranda. Please don’t say anything to Jacinta. I will see if Miss Grimm will change her mind, and I won’t mention anything about a donation. But you should go and see Miss Reedy. She’ll help you study for the test. Please work hard. It would be so terrible …” Her voice quavered.

  “What would be terrible, Miss Higgins?” Alice-Miranda was standing in the doorway holding the envelope rigidly.

  “To lose you,” Miss Higgins whispered, and motioned with her hand for Alice-Miranda to go.

  Only when she heard the door click shut did Miss Higgins dare to look up. Two fat tears tumbled from her eyes, splashing onto Alice-Miranda’s file. They couldn’t lose her—Winchesterfield-Downsfordvale needed a girl like Alice-Miranda now more than ever.

  The hair washing went mostly without incident. Alice-Miranda arrived just in time to do Alethea’s hair herself. Alethea had spent the first half-hour bossing Millie and the other girls about, telling them exactly how she thought things should be done. The fact that the whole exercise had to take place in the dormitory bathroom added somewhat to the drama. Alethea decided that she must have a proper salon with chairs and basins. The hand basins would do, but she sent Shelby and Lizzy to see Charlie. They demanded that he come to the house and set up a row of chairs at exactly the right height so the girls could lean their heads back into the sinks, like in a real salon. But they had to be comfortable, which any person who’s ever sat in one of those salon chairs kno
ws is almost impossible. The only thing that makes having your neck angled at ninety degrees even bearable is the thought of the delicious head massage. So after considerable stamping of feet and screeching from Alethea, Charlie somehow managed to angle the chairs toward the basin at what seemed to be the right height.

  “Alethea, lean back, please,” Alice-Miranda begged. She was standing on a footstool that Charlie had found for her. “I can’t reach if you keep on leaning forward and you’ll end up with water all down your back.”

  “But it hurts,” Alethea complained. “Hurry up and get on with it. And you’d better do a good job—or perhaps you’d like to do this every Saturday morning for practice?” she snapped.

  “I’d rather wash Charlie’s gardening socks,” Millie sighed under her breath.

  “That could be arranged,” Alethea replied. Millie flinched when she realized Alethea had heard her.

  A pile of empty mineral-water bottles littered the tiled floor.

  “What a waste,” Madeline whispered as she began picking them up and depositing them into a large garbage bag, which Charlie had brought up earlier. He had sensed that there was something not quite right about the situation but knew well enough that if it involved Miss Goldsworthy it was far better left alone. Besides, Alice-Miranda had an army of assistants and if anyone could handle a tricky situation it was that little one.

  Alice-Miranda found that running a comb through Alethea’s blond locks was more difficult than she had expected. The mineral water seemed to strip the conditioner away, leaving a tangled mess.

  “Ow, ow, ow!” Alethea squealed. “You’re hurting me!” She grabbed Alice-Miranda’s arm and began to inflict a very nasty Chinese burn.

  “Stop it, Alethea!” Alice-Miranda commanded. “Now you’re hurting me.”

  Alethea withdrew her hands immediately, startled at being told off.

  “You wanted me to do your hair and I am doing my very best. There are a few knots and I am trying to untangle them. So if you don’t mind, please be quiet and enjoy having your hair done,” Alice-Miranda demanded.