Breaking the Code

by Gyles Brandreth

  At lunchtime we had been to Worcester where we all wore paper hats and I entertained Peter Luff’s Ladies (a mature group) to my usual knockabout. It was a much jollier affair.

  Last night we went for supper at Clive and Sarah’s439 where Michael Cockerell440 was a guest and he and his third wife seemed quite surprised by the contempt in which we seem to hold the press. He seemed genuinely shocked when I told him that I had counselled Ken Clarke strongly against letting him make a TV portrait of him. But wasn’t it sympathetic? Didn’t it do him more good than harm? Didn’t it show the human side of the man? I said that I didn’t believe it had done much harm, that it had probably reinforced the ‘good bloke’ image of KC, but it didn’t add anything to his standing. He didn’t need it. Cockerell seemed an odd mixture of vanity and naivety – proud of his work (fine), but overrating its significance quite ludicrously and thinking that he was in some way a key part in the political process, getting to grips with the politicians themselves, probing behind the mask etc. Sally Burton,441 who was sitting next to me, said later that she finds now that you daren’t trust any journalist and consequently most of the time – and certainly in any vaguely public place – you’re on your guard. On Thursday night we were at the Elton John Aids Benefit at the Albert Hall and when Elton said, ‘Let’s line up all the press and machine gun them’ the audience cheered and cheered.

  Paul Gambaccini442 told us that next year there are going to be ‘Elton John condoms’ – ‘that’s the nearest you and I are likely to get to star-fucking’. We were at the Albert Hall as guests of the ever-generous Clelands.443 John told us that Meatloaf had just given a concert in aid of the Prince’s Trust. Prince Charles arrived, not looking forward to it. John hadn’t been looking forward to it either, but it turned out to be sensational. Said John, ‘All of Charles’s people were there, all ages, all types, a true cross-section of the British public, having a great time in aid of the Prince’s Trust. And what did HRH do? He put in his earplugs and looked sad. As he left he said, “Dreadful, wasn’t it?”’

  We have just been over to Tim and Alison Heald and had the literary encounter of the year – with the lady who has written the novel based on the Gold Blend TV commercial! Love Over Gold has sold 177,000 copies to date. (She is now working on a sequel to The Secret Garden.) Wendy Perriam444 revealed that the man Sir Kenneth Dover tells us he wanted to push into suicide445 was not only her tutor but one of her first lovers – ‘and he was suicidal then, and a hopeless lover, but he had a nice prick. I can see it now.’

  TUESDAY 6 DECEMBER 1994

  At 12.45 I was standing on the steps of No. 1 Parliament Street waiting for the Chancellor of the Exchequer. His office had said he would be coming by car, even though the Treasury is literally only across the street. In the event, it might have been better if he had. He came over on foot, pursued by a Father Christmas carrying an anti-VAT-on-fuel placard and a small posse of photographers. I got him up to the Astor Suite and he did his stuff like an old pro – ten minutes of mingling with the Chester faithful, a bullish ten-minute speech, a couple of questions and then we were off. Anti-VAT Santa was still at the door and the posse of photographers had grown to a crowd. We made our way into the basement and after scurrying along assorted corridors eventually found the Derby Gate exit. Ken chuckled happily at the nonsense of it. He said he wasn’t sure how the vote would go tonight (‘our party seems to have taken leave of its senses’) so he has been preparing for ‘all contingencies’.

  Heseltine gave a gloriously rumbustious performance opening the debate. He has a standard technique: he begins slowly, head down, reading, and gradually works himself up into a frenzy so that he ends with a real barnstormer. It worked surprisingly well, given there was such a thin house. By the time KC rose for his wind-up at the end of the evening the place was packed and there was much gallows bonhomie on the front bench – to the extent that the hacks in the press gallery seeing the relaxed demeanour of the PM and the Chancellor assumed we’d won. In fact, Ken arrived ready for defeat, a three-page contingency statement tucked in his pocket. During his speech he threw £10 million in additional insulation grants to Harry Greenway and £110,000 to Andrew Bowden446 which made everyone think that had done it. In the event, we went down by eight votes. It isn’t good. For the last vote I found myself crouching next to Richard Ryder [the Chief Whip], all pasty-faced and puffy. He saw Neil Kinnock come into the Chamber. ‘Is he still a member?’ he yelped. Talk about clutching at straws.447

  WEDNESDAY 7 DECEMBER 1994

  I spent the morning at the BBC while the Chancellor and the Governor met and decided to put up interest rates. I had my hair cut at Simpsons and emerged into Jermyn Street to see Malcolm Rifkind climbing into his car. I cadged a lift and asked Malcolm how he is getting on with the new US ambassador. He says Admiral Crowe has far less acumen and clout than Ray Seitz, but far greater direct access to Clinton. Crowe’s best line to date: ‘In my experience as an admiral I have only come across one kind of ship that leaks from the top and that is the ship of state.’

  Judge Tumim448 came to the Penal Affairs Group and described himself as an old buffer – a civilised and shrewd old buffer I’d have thought. Of those now in prison 75/80 per cent are under thirty, uneducated and from broken homes. The majority of offences involve drinks, drugs and cars and the offenders will be inside for twelve to twenty-four months. What we should be doing while we’ve got them is offer intensive education – from basic hygiene and civic values to training. His manner was a caricature of the good-hearted, slightly dotty Englishman. I warmed to him, but I could see how he was irritating one or two of my colleagues.

  Hartley Booth approached me. Incredibly, he is planning to produce an anthology of love poetry and wondered if I had any suggestions. I did not know what to say. Matthew Corbett came to lunch and fell foul of the security people. ‘What have you got in this case, sir?’ ‘Sooty,’ said Matthew. ‘Now, don’t try and be clever with us, sir.’

  Dinner with Stephen D. and John Kingman with ‘How to improve perceptions of the Secretary of State’ as the main agenda item.

  We did not get very far.

  THURSDAY 8 DECEMBER 1994

  We had a late night. Because it was the European Finance Bill the whips were taking no risks. At the final division, at about 1.00 a.m., there were twenty-three of them and 295 of us! As a consequence I failed to make it to Harold Elletson’s449 birthday breakfast at the Carlton Club (kidneys and claret at 8.00 a.m.) but (to oblige Nick Winterton) I managed lunch with the CanWest Global Communications Corp – where our host was called Israel and at which I heard his son say twice: ‘And Moses said to Israel…’

  KC was magnificent in the presentation of his mini-Budget restoring the lost billion from the negated VAT on fuel. (Clobber the motorist, drinker, smoker.) It wasn’t the matter but the manner that swung it his way. It was a perfect example of how the right approach in the Chamber can make all the difference. Gordon Brown failed to score. More chattering in the Tea Room: ‘Why oh why isn’t Ken Clarke our leader?’ ‘Because he’s a Euro-nut. Otherwise he’d walk it.’

  FRIDAY 16 DECEMBER 1994

  I’m on the train travelling to Chester, my last constituency weekend of the year. When I get to the other end I will step off the train and unveil a plaque marking the refurbishment of the station. It’s shaming to confess it, but I like unveiling these plaques, feeling I’ve left my little mark here and there. I’m particularly chuffed at the thought of the one in the old folks home in Blacon. It was once council run, then taken over and revamped by a delightful Indian family who invited me to perform the reopening ceremony. I pulled the little rope, the curtains parted and I read the words: ‘This plague was unveiled by Gyles Brandreth MP…’ True.

  The news is that we lost Dudley West by a margin of 20,000!450 We are now the most unpopular government on record. The Labour Party is standing by for an early election.

  WEDNESDAY 21 DECEMBER 1994

  The first day of th
e Christmas recess. I am on my way to Sir Jack Temple’s funeral in Chester Cathedral. Is this the final perk for a member representing a city seat – a cathedral send-off?

  Rod Richards, impetuous boy, has hit the headlines. The junior Welsh Office minister tells us the people of the Valleys ‘have no sense of self-worth’ and the Welsh in general suffer from an inferiority complex. Best of all, Labour councillors in the principality are ‘short, fat, slimy and fundamentally corrupt’.

  At last, a minister not frightened of the truth. I imagine he’ll be gone by Christmas.451

  346 James Mackay, Lord Mackay of Clashfern since 1979; Lord Chancellor 1987–97.

  347 1928–1999; MP for Plymouth Sutton 1974–92, Kensington & Chelsea 1997–9; GB had been reading Clark’s Diaries.

  348 Duncan resigned as PPS to the Minister of State at the Department of Health. He had only been appointed in December.

  349 20th Earl of Caithness, a government minister in the House of Lords 1984–94.

  350 1949–2005; shadow National Heritage Secretary, 1992–94; later Secretary of State for Northern Ireland; Labour MP for Redcar 1987–2001.

  351 Editor of The Guardian 1975–95.

  352 Guardian journalist.

  353 MP for Billericay 1955–9, Holland with Boston 1966–97. Boston & Skegness 1997–2001.

  354 A former Westminster City councillor; MP for Milton Keynes South West 1992–7.

  355 1938–97; in the Whips’ Office from 1989; MP for Dorset North 1979–97.

  356 Sometime mistress of Cecil Parkinson and mother of their daughter Flora.

  357 The Prime Minister’s Press Secretary, 1990–94, was leaving No. 10 and returning to the Treasury.

  358 MP for Brighouse & Spenborough 1979–83, Keighley 1983–97.

  359 1929–1994; journalist and broadcaster; when he was Editor of the Manchester Evening News, 1969–75, he gave GB his first job.

  360 GB’s elder daughter was seventeen.

  361 Deputy chairman of the Conservative Party; MP for Aberdeen South 1983–7, Winchester 1992–7.

  362 Julie Kirkbride, Daily Telegraph political correspondent; MP for Bromsgrove 1997–2010.

  363 MP for Worcester 1992–7, Mid Worcesteshire since 1997.

  364 MP for Grantham 1979–97, Sleaford & North Hykeham 1997–2010. Hogg was then Minister of State at the Foreign Office, Hanley Minister of State at Defence.

  365 1907–2001; Quintin Hogg, father of Douglas Hogg; Lord Hailsham of St Marylebone from 1970; MP for Oxford City 1938–50, St Marylebone 1963–70.

  366 MP for Preston North 1979–83, South Ribble 1983–97.

  367 MP for Colne Valley 1987–97.

  368 MP for Scarborough 1992–7.

  369 1935–95; Labour MEP for Leeds 1979–84; MP for Hemsworth 1991–5.

  370 Peter Tatchell, gay rights activist.

  371 Labour MP for Islington South & Finsbury 1983–2005; later Baron Smith of Finsbury; Westminster’s first openly gay MP.

  372 1935–2008; MP for Faversham & Mid-Kent 1983–2001.

  373 MP for Perth & East Perthshire 1979–83, Tayside North 1983–97.

  374 MP for Workington 1976–9, Hertfordshire South West 1979–2005.

  375 MP for Greenwich Woolwich West 1975–83, Eltham 1983–97, Worthing West since 1997; married to Virginia Bottomley since 1967.

  376 Treasury officials: Sir Terence Burns, Permanent Secretary to the Treasury 1991–8, later Barons Burns; Robert Culpin, Director of Budget and Public Financial Directorate 1994–2003.

  377 Alistair Burt, MP for Bury North 1983–97, North East Bedfordshire from 2001; then Under-Secretary of State for Social Security.

  378 Kenneth Clarke first became a frontbench spokesman under Edward Heath in 1974; he had been a Minister since 1979. He was still a minister in 2014.

  379 MP for Blackpool South 1992–7, Surrey Heath 1997–2005.

  380 The proposed enlargement of the European Union would mean adjustment to the rules on Qualified Majority Voting, reducing the ability of a minority to block proposals supported by the majority.

  381 Labour MP for Edinburgh Central 1987–2005, Edinburgh Central since 1987; later Chancellor of the Exchequer.

  382 MP for Colchester North 1992–7, North Essex since 1997.

  383 MP for Chelmsford since 1987.

  384 Dame Jill Knight, MP for Birmingham Edgbaston 1966–97; later Baroness Knight of Collingtree.

  385 Sir Peter Emery, 1926–2004, MP for Reading 1959–66, Honiton 1967–97, East Devon 1997–2001.

  386 Gielgud’s celebrated wartime production of Oscar Wilde’s The Importance of Being Earnest, in which he played John Worthing, and, in London, Edith Evans played Lady Bracknell and Margaret Rutherford played Miss Prism.

  387 MP for Aberdeen South 1992–7.

  388 MP for Fulham 1987–97; later Baron Carrington of Fulham.

  389 MP for Luton West 1979–83, Luton North 1983–97.

  390 MP for Welwyn Hatfield 1987–97.

  391 Bryan Gould had announced he was returning to his native New Zealand.

  392 MP for Rugby 1979–83, Rugby & Kenilworth 1983–97; chairman of the Conservative Backbench Education Committee 1985–97.

  393 MP for Ealing North 1979–97; former Deputy Headmaster.

  394 MP for Brent North 1974–97; former Headmaster.

  395 Labour MP for Rotherham 1994–2012.

  396 1929–2012, MP for Sheffield Hallam 1987–97; in the Whips’ Office 1989–95.

  397 1933–2005, MP for Paddington 1966–74, Chelsea 1974–97; Minister of State for Social Security and Disabled People 1987–94.

  398 Editor of The News of the World, 1994–95.

  399 Labour MP for Brent East 1987–2001; first Mayor of London 2000–08.

  400 MP for Hertford & Stevenage 1979–83, Hertford & Stortford 1983–2001; newly appointed to the Whips’ Office in succession to Michael Brown.

  401 1928–2003, MP for Colchester 1961–83, Colchester North 1983–92; Minister for the Navy 1972–74.

  402 John Prescott’s parents were constituents of GB’s.

  403 Chief Executive of Channel 4 1988–97.

  404 MP for Liverpool Wavertree 1974–83, South Ham 1983–1997, Totnes 1983–2010.

  405 Labour MP for Islington North since 1983.

  406 David Tredinnick, MP for Bosworth since 1987.

  407 Labour MP for Workington 1979–2001; later Baron Campbell-Savours.

  408 MP for Teinbridge 1983–2001.

  409 Chairman of the Chester Conservative Association who had lost his legs while serving in the RAF.

  410 MP for Mitcham & Morden 1982–97; deputy chairman of the Conservative Party 1992–7.

  411 MP for Wyre Forest 1987–97.

  412 Political commentator for The Times 1991–2010.

  413 John Kingman, Principal Private Secretary to the Financial Secretary.

  414 John Wakeham had been in the government since 1979; MP for Maldon 1974–83, Colchester South and Maldon 1983–92; as Baron Wakeham Lord Privy Seal and Leader of the House of Lords 1992–4.

  415 MP for Peterborough 1979–97, Cambridgeshire North West 1997–2005; later Baron Mawhinney.

  416 Viscount Cranborne, 13th Baron Cecil of Essendon, son and heir of the 6th Marquess of Salisbury; MP for Dorset South 1979–87.

  417 Hayden Phillips, Permanent Secretary at the Department of National Heritage 1992–8.

  418 4th Viscount Astor.

  419 2nd Baron Strathclyde; he was thirty-four.

  420 GB’s three children were now nineteen, seventeen and sixteen.

  421 Charles Hendry, MP for High Peak 1992–7, Wealden since 2001.

  422 Tom Sackville, MP for Bolton West 1983–97, and his wife Katie.

  423 1946–2005, Robin Cook, Labour MP for Edinburgh Central 1974–83, Livingston 1983–2005.

  424 City of Chester Conservative Association Treasurer.

  425 MP for Leeds North East 1987–97.

  426 Chairman of the Conserva
tive Backbench Constitutional Committee; MP for Southampton Test 1970–74, 1979–97.

  427 The Prince of Wales had cooperated with the broadcaster Jonathan Dimbleby on a book and television series about his life and, for the first time, had admitted his own adultery.

  428 The Welsh Secretary had seen a delegation including some of GB’s constituents about a local employment issue.

  429 Egyptian entrepreneur who acquired Harrods, the Knightsbridge department store, in 1984. The acquisition was controversial, opposed, among others, by ‘Tiny’ Rowland, founder of Lonhro, and the subject of a DTI inquiry in 1987. Fayed, anxious both to retain his ownership of Harrods and to be granted British citizenship, sought support from Members of Parliament and did so by retaining the services of Ian Greer Associates, parliamentary lobbyists.

  430 1913–2007; Lord Deedes from 1986; MP for Ashford 1950–74; Editor of the Daily Telegraph 1974–86.

  431 Ulrika Jonsson, television presenter, a colleague of GB from TV-am days.

  432 Liberal Democrat MP for Montgomery 1983–97.

  433 Chairman of English Heritage 1992–2000.

  434 Lyricist, friend and neighbour of GB in Barnes.

  435 MP for Portsmouth South 1987–97.

  436 Christopher Gill, MP for Ludlow 1987–2001 and determined Eurosceptic.