My Soul to Win

by Robin Roseau

  He nodded, and then Hyacinth asked, “Jake, could I go home with you tonight? I don’t want to be alone. We don’t have to do anything. I just wouldn’t mind if someone held me.”

  “I’d like that, too,” he said. Then he turned to Beth. “Could I have another of those glasses of water before we go?”

  “Of course,” she replied gently.

  “Teigan needs to go to bed,” Grace declared. “Anyone who wants to stay here is welcome. You all know where the supplies are.”

  She and Marley led me to bed, and once I was settled, Sue Ellen slipped in with us, too. She crawled into bed and said, “The guys went home, but Kate, Naomi, Beth, and Rachel are nesting. May I sleep in here, though?”

  “Of course,” Grace said.

  We slept. I felt loved.

  * * * *

  I think Marley was awake first, but Grace was the first to move. I heard her use the bathroom. When she came back, I rolled to face her. “We need to call everyone today. Jake may need counseling. And I want you to talk to Marley and Sue Ellen, and maybe Griffen, too.”

  “I’m fine,” Sue Ellen said. “But what time is it?”

  “Are you coming to prayer breakfast?” Grace asked.

  Sue Ellen sat up. “Yes. Mom, will you come to prayer breakfast?”

  “I wouldn’t miss it,” Marley replied, barely stirring. “In three hours.”

  Grace snorted. “If you intend to shower, you might want to get up soon.”

  Sue Ellen groaned, but she slipped from bed and ran to the bathroom. After a minute, I heard the water. “That little cheat,” I muttered. “I’ve got my legs crossed here.”

  “There’s a ladies’ in the church,” Grace pointed out.

  “And I had a shower last night,” I replied. I pulled her to me and kissed her cheek then leaned over Marley and brushed her cheek, too. “I love you,” I whispered to her.

  She rolled over and cupped the back of my head. “Thank you for coming back to us, Teigan. I’ve missed you so much.”

  I kissed her nose. She wrinkled it and then edged sideways to look at Grace. “Thank you for sharing.”

  “Marley, discounting the stress of what is going on, I couldn’t be happier,” Grace replied. “I’m very glad you’re here, and you may know how much I love Sue Ellen.”

  Marley smiled. I patted her cheek then said, “I really am crossing my legs.” I slipped from bed and then went digging for clothes. I pulled something on and made a dash for the church.

  * * * *

  Prayer Breakfast was packed when we arrived, but the room grew hushed, and everyone turned to face us. Lisa Jean hopped over to her friend. The two looked at each other a little awkwardly, but then Grace whispered, quite sotto voce, “Just hug already.”

  There were chuckles, but the two girls took her advice, and after that, they stood with arms around each other.

  I turned to Grace. “I’d like to help cook.”

  “Of course,” she said. “Who wants to help Teigan Dove in the kitchen?” Sue Ellen and Lisa Jean lifted their hands, as did about half the room. Grace laughed and said, “I’ll handle it here.”

  “Come on, girls.”

  In the kitchen, we got started. A few other women came in to join us, so we kept the conversation light.

  But people kept finding opportunities to touch me. I didn’t really like it, but I didn’t say anything.

  Then Kate was there, and she had two large shopping bags slung over her shoulders. She plopped them down and said, “I don’t know where anything goes, and I’m a horrid cook, but there’s ten pounds of bacon, another ten pounds of breakfast sausages, eggs, more eggs, and…” She poked her nose in one of the bags. “Five boxes of pancake mix. One gallon of milk and a new bottle of cooking oil.”

  “Thank you, Kate,” I said. “When I didn’t see you, I thought you went to work.”

  “Unless you kick me out, you’re stuck with me, Teigan. Why am I not surprised you’re hiding in here.”

  “You know me well,” I said. “How are you?”

  “Me? I’m fine.”

  “Kate.”

  “I’m fine,” she said again. “Someone tell me where these go.”

  “Take over from Lisa Jean,” I said. “You can flip pancakes. No one screws that up.”

  “I could be the first.”

  “Wash your hands first,” Sue Ellen said. She pointed to the sink.

  I smiled, watching Kate take orders from the teenager. But she washed up and took the spatula from Lisa Jean.

  “We could use some of that bacon,” said Mavis May. “And I’d love some breakfast sausages today. Thank you, Kate. I’m Mavis.”

  Kate waved with the spatula. “My pleasure.”

  We made plenty of food, sending it out in shifts and cooking until Grace came in and said, “You can’t all hide in here all morning. I think this should be good.”

  “Three minutes,” Kate said. “Mavis is teaching me how to turn sausages.”

  We finished up. I brought things to the sink. Everyone else carried things out, but Kate stepped up beside me. I looked over my shoulder at her. “You topped off somewhere.”

  “I did,” she said. “Not here, if you were concerned.”

  “I wasn’t,” I said.

  “Teigan, you could use a top-off yourself.”

  “I’m fine.”

  “No, you’re not. You have the weight of the world on your shoulders, and you’re not Atlas. I intentionally overate, so to speak. Now, kiss me.”

  “I’m not kissing you.”

  “Kiss her,” Grace said from the doorway. “Then both of you come eat.”

  “I don’t know how to do it the way Evaline does,” Kate said. “I can take, but giving isn’t easy for me, Teigan.” I didn’t resist as she turned me, and I didn’t resist as she kissed me.

  Her energy filled me, and then she brushed cheeks and whispered, “Better?”

  “Did you mark me?”

  “No, but if Evaline saw you, she’d know what I’d done. I don’t think she can complain.”

  “No, I don’t think she can.”

  “Well,” Grace said. “Now, Teigan Dove.”

  I laughed. “Coming.” I pulled Kate behind me.

  * * * *

  Grace offered a prayer. She asked if I would, but I said, “I’m not really good with prayers. Rachel, would you offer a prayer for us?”

  “Me?”

  “You,” I said. “Please.”

  “Of course,” she replied. She stood, and then she offered a beautiful prayer of thanks.

  We had a lovely breakfast. Then there was the reading. I sat quietly while the discussion flowed. I was a little surprised, but Kate appeared to be paying rapt attention. But when she caught me looking at her, she offered a wink.

  No one tried to get me to talk. Eventually, the prayer breakfast wrapped up. Lisa Jean and Sue Ellen stepped over to me. “Teigan,” Sue Ellen asked. “Is it safe for me to go to the mall with Lisa Jean?”

  “What does Marley say?”

  “She said to ask you.”

  “I think it’s fine,” I said. “But I think I want someone to drive you, and I want you to stay inside until someone picks you up.”

  “My mom said she’d drive us,” Lisa Jean said.

  “I’ll pick them up,” Beth offered.

  I nodded then took hugs before they hurried off after Sasha.

  * * * *

  I asked Grace to put me to work. She sent me outside to do some gardening. Kate went with me, and I was deeply surprised when she began tending to the plants beside me. “What?” she asked, catching my look. “It’s an elf thing.”

  “I thought you didn’t like that word.”

  “Lighten up, Teigan,” she said. “We’ve been to Hell and back, and we lived to tell the tale. I think I should get a tee-shirt.”

  “Have you ever worn a tee-shirt in your life?”

  “I’m sure I haven’t.” She offered a smirk. “I’m a touch frustrate
d with you, Teigan.”

  “I’m sorry. Why?”

  “You didn’t let me stab anyone.” I laughed. “You wouldn’t let me feed off that soul, either.”

  “I’d rather you didn’t abuse the souls. The ones that might taste good don’t deserve it, and the ones that deserve it probably taste terrible.”

  “You’re probably right,” she agreed. “That only leaves stabbing.”

  “Right. I’d rather there wasn’t any stabbing. Violence only begets violence.”

  She sighed dramatically. “I suppose you’re right.”

  “Kate, it’s difficult to believe you’re doing this because it’s amusing.”

  “There’s nothing wrong with a good adventure now and then. That’s what’s wrong with the modern world. No swashbuckling adventures.”

  “Uh, huh,” I said.

  We worked for a minute and kept stealing glances at each other. Finally, she said, “Evaline and I became friends, of a sort, anyway. And don’t let this part go to your head.”

  “I’m glad to be back,” I inserted, before she could say something sappy.

  She paused then said, “Right. What happens when this is over?”

  “I have no idea,” I replied.

  “Do you go back-”

  “No idea.”

  She turned her head to look square at me. I met her gaze. “I wouldn’t mind if you stuck around. But I suppose…”

  “There’s a lot about Earth I never missed,” I told her. “But I missed my friends. I didn’t have many, or didn’t think I did. But I valued them.”

  “Do you count me in that list?”

  “I never knew what to consider you,” I admitted. “You can be hard to get a handle on.”

  “I suppose that’s fair.”

  “It was Beth that put us together,” I reminded her.

  “I’d almost forgotten that,” she said. “Thirty years ago. A lot has happened.”

  “Back then, I wasn’t in your league.”

  “That’s bullshit.”

  “I was just a cop,” I said.

  “You were never just a cop, and frankly, no one is just an anything, but you more than most.”

  “That’s how I saw it. I was just a cop, earning a cop’s salary. And you were a powerful lawyer. I thought you were helping me as a charity case. If I hadn’t been so afraid of what was going to happen, I never would have accepted.”

  I turned back to the plants. “Theophania destroyed most of what I used to be.”

  “The two of you seemed to get along well,” Kate observed.

  “I suppose. She told me it would get easier once I fully accepted my new life.”

  “Did you ever?”

  “For the most part. I was sure if I died, I’d become one of those souls. I thought that was worse than anything else that was happening to me. That fear kept me motivated.”

  “I imagine it would. Teigan, at first, I took you as a client largely to get under Beth’s skin. But you were interesting. That is about the biggest compliment I can give someone. You were interesting. I like winning. Being a lawyer fits me.”

  “I can see that.”

  “But I looked forward to our lunches like no others. We weren’t friends, but we were something. I don’t know what to call it.”

  “We became friends,” I said. “Of a sort, once you started dancing.”

  I glanced at her, and she was smiling. “It would be a shame if you go through all this, and then we lose you again, Teigan, but I suppose Heaven is better than here.”

  “I wouldn’t really know,” I replied. “I’m not really part of that… I’m not sure what to call it. Pantheon? I’m the descendant of the Greek goddess of Truth. I think you should consider me on loan.”

  “So, the Elysian Fields instead?”

  “I don’t think that’s where I was. She said she made a place for me. I was alone, except when she visited.”

  “I think I’d hate that.”

  “It was what I needed, I suppose.”

  “Do you know what you want, Teigan?”

  “I’m not really thinking of that, or trying not to. I’m not giving my soul back to Evaline, so I don’t know what that means between us. I don’t know how Grace fits into everything.”

  “Do you want to go back to being a cop?”

  “I don’t know how that would be possible. I’ve been gone for 25 years. I don’t know anything. Grace had to show me how to use a computer. I don’t dare touch a car.”

  “They drive themselves. You just tell them where to go.”

  “You know what I mean, though. No contacts. Most of the people and systems I once knew are gone. The laws are probably different. Everything is different. And the person I used to be is gone.”

  “No, Teigan, she isn’t. She’s changed. Better in some ways.”

  “A lot worse in some ways, too.”

  “A bulletproof cop who can read someone’s soul would be pretty damned awesome, Teigan.”

  I snorted.

  “Or maybe a judge.”

  “I don’t want to be a judge,” I said. “I could handle the guilty or not guilty part, but I don’t want to pass sentence. And that’s law school. Besides, the world thinks I’m dead.”

  “No. The world thinks you’re missing. We never declared you dead. Frankly, I couldn’t stand in front of a judge and proclaim you dead when I knew you weren’t. I followed our agreements, but they never required you to be declared dead.”

  “Fine. Teigan St. Claire is close to retirement age. Do I look like that woman? But there’s no history of me as this body. I’m sort of an illegal alien.”

  She laughed. “True, but I don’t know if you’re from Heaven or Hell.”

  “Neither do I.”

  “I don’t have many friends, Teigan. Please, may I consider us friends?”

  “I’d like that.”

  “Good.”

  We worked quietly before she said, “There are ways to assume a new identity.”

  “Legal ways?” I asked.

  “There’s a concept. I wonder what some official will see if you show your badge.”

  “I imagine a piece of metal.”

  “I imagine he’ll see whatever he needs to see. Care to test it?”

  “Not really. You know; I’ve been pretty caught up in my own shit. I don’t know if I’ve asked how you have been?”

  “Oh, you know me. I always come out on top.”

  “Seriously, Kate.”

  “Actually, I am serious. I’m a highly paid lawyer for a very successful legal firm.”

  “Uh, huh. Keep going.”

  She sat down in the grass and pulled her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. It was the most un-fae-like thing I’d ever seen her do. I sat back, stretching out my own legs.

  “I’m good,” she said. “I missed you, and Evaline wasn’t really as much fun with you gone. We’d call each other from time to time, but that became decreasingly likely.”

  “Did you know she was gone?”

  “Yes, but I didn’t realize where.”

  “Any special lovers?”

  “They’re all special, Teigan. I’m serious about that part. They’re all special. So maybe not the way you mean, but I haven’t any complaints.”

  “A committed relationship isn’t in your agenda?”

  “Of course it is. They’re all very, very committed to me.” We laughed together, but then she said, “I’m serious about that, too.”

  “I bet you are.”

  “What’s the best surprise for you?”

  “Grace.”

  “Okay, that’s not what I meant. About the world.”

  “Ah. Right. That it’s still here.”

  “You had to know it would still be here.”

  “I didn’t know if we’d get our shit together about climate change.”

  “You haven’t really done all the investigation you should, if you think we did.”

  “The cars are electric a
nd the air is clean.”

  “Yes, true. And no one is building coal-fired power plants anymore, either. But we’re past the tipping point on the ice caps. There are plans to sequester carbon again, but no one is paying for it. So while we’ve stopped dumping more CO2 into the air, we’re not doing anything to pull it back out. Real estate prices in Florida and all the gulf states have plummeted. The coastline hasn’t changed yet, but it’s only a matter of time.”

  I didn’t say anything, but finally nodded.

  “I’m sorry I’m a downer.”

  “Not your fault,” I replied.

  “Do you have a plan, Teigan?”

  “Do what I do. Follow the clues.”

  “We have a name. Do you know who owns the name?”

  “No, but I know who will.”

  “Who is that?”

  “A demon named Nifili. She may be happy to see me. We’ll find out.”

  Part Three

  Nifili

  We stood before the massive doors leading to Nifili’s home. There were again nine of us, and I was thankful for all of them. I checked everyone once more, and then I lifted my voice. “Nifili, you have visitors.”

  We waited. There was no response. These demons seemed far less aware of what was going on in their own domains than I had expected. Eventually I stepped up to the door and simply knocked.

  “That’s no way to knock,” Griffen said. He stepped past everyone else, lifted a fist, and then banged heavily three times. “That’s how you knock.”

  “Thank you for the demonstration,” I said.

  There was a pause, and then the doors began opening outward.

  “See?” He said. “Works every time.”

  “Right.” I raised my voice again. “Nifili, we’re not here to cause trouble.” There was no reply, so I stepped through the doors. The others, in a cluster, followed behind me.

  The foyer was dimly lit. I paused, letting everyone’s eyes grow accustomed. And that was when I saw her, standing before us. Her eyes were closed, her head bowed, and she was nearly invisible in the gloom.

  I heard metal on metal, but I quickly turned and set my hand on Kate’s wrist, the sword three quarters clear of the scabbard. “No,” I said. “We’re not here for that.”