by Freya Barker
In a relatively short timespan, I’ve all but moved in here. Even if the reasons were protection and safety, and the move is only temporary, I can’t deny that I could easily get used to this. The reality is, that not that long ago, I watched as Jared fucked another woman right out there on the dock. And I’m pretty sure he wasn’t wearing a condom then.
It’s not really fair to feel resentment over something that happened before I came along, and yet it eats at my gut. More so this morning than anytime before, I have to admit. Maybe this is all moving too fast. I feel like I’ve become caught up in a windstorm and I’m desperately trying to grab onto something solid. It’s not that I don’t believe he loves me. He’s really done nothing to make me doubt the validity of his feeling. Nor do I doubt my own. It’s just that instead of feeling like a changing tide, as Rueben so eloquently described it, this feels more like a tsunami. And having unprotected sex is only an invitation to more chaos.
I was set to talk to him, as soon as I could get some time with him alone this afternoon, but then the next wave hit with that damn interview. Oh, I put on a good front, but for all my bluster, I’m shaking inside. The stress of everything is closing in on me.
I find myself standing in front of the window, looking out over the water at my own cottage. My little sanctuary that has served me well for many years. I think of my garden that has been ignored for days at a time and my nightly paddles on the lake. The soothing comfort of steady routines. Part of me realizes that I can’t go back there, not now, not after I’ve had a taste of all I’ve been missing. It comes with complications, though. Life is messy, and unless you want to live alone on an island, completely cut off from the world, the mess will find you.
Just then the door behind me opens. I already know it’s Jared before his arms slip around my front, and I feel the press of his lips against my neck.
“Penny for your thoughts,” he rumbles, and I can’t hold back the snort.
“Believe me,” I assure him. “You don’t want in my head right now.”
“You would be wrong,” he says, turning me in his arms. I tilt back so I can look at him. “I very much want in there. I want in your head, I want under your skin, and I really want in your body,” he finishes, lowering his head to brush his lips over mine. He gives me the opening right there and I take it.
“You already are. In fact you were so much inside my body last night, I could still feel you on me this morning,” I tell him, watching his face go from smug to concerned.
“Shit,” he whispers when realization hits.
“Yeah...shit is about right,” I acknowledge. “Look, I hate to bring this up, but remember I saw you with her. On the dock,” I clarify when he looks a little lost. It helps, because his face immediately turns remorseful. Before he can form the apology I know is coming, I lift up on my toes and get a little closer to his face. “You were not wearing a condom then, either.”
“Shit,” he repeats, this time dropping his arms from around me and running a hand through his hair. I feel the distance immediately.
“Right,” I soldier on. “So I’m not on anything, but I’m not too worried about pregnancy. It would constitute a miracle for me to get pregnant.”
“Why?” His reaction is instant and a little bit startling.
“Because other than one miscarriage almost fifteen years ago, I was never able to get pregnant again,” I explain clinically, and I pretend not to see the flinch passing over his face. “I’m more concerned about disease.” This time there’s no ignoring the expression on his features.
“I’m clean,” he says, barely able to disguise a hurt I couldn’t quite place. “I was checked not long after...after that incident. I would never have come near you, covered or uncovered without making sure of that.” He barks out a harsh laugh. “Amazing, how one minute you make me feel ten feet tall and the next like pond scum.”
There it is, the reason for the pain on his face. Trust. Or rather the lack thereof—from me. I can justify my right to be concerned, but the truth of it is, I slapped him with a past he can’t undo, even though he has done nothing since to give me reason to doubt him. Emotion chokes the words of apology that want to escape, when he opens the door and is about to step through.
“And for the record?” he says, turning in the doorway. “I wasn’t concerned about any of it. Not disease and certainly not pregnancy. Because I never even considered the first to be an issue, and wouldn’t have been able to see the last as anything but a blessing.”
When the door slams behind him, I sit down on the edge of the bed and let the tears fall.
-
I never came out of the room after that.
Hours I spent listening to the boats on the water, ignoring Jordy’s occasional soft knocks on my door, my mind in turmoil. Until the sun started going down and I finally stripped off my clothes, and in just a tank top and my underwear, I slipped under to covers and cried myself to sleep.
I’m not sure what time it is, when I feel a pair of strong arms slip around me and cradle me close.
“I told you I’m no good at this.” Jared’s voice sounds thick with emotion and immediately my tears well up again. “I overreacted. Turns out, I don’t just have a temper I didn’t know I had, but I also can hold a mean grudge.”
I can’t believe he’s here apologizing when that should be me. The shame I felt earlier is back in full force and then some.
“Please don’t,” I sob, turning around and immediately burying my face in his neck. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean...”
“Shhh,” he hushes me, using his hand to hold my head even closer. “I know you didn’t, Beautiful. So much is going on—I feel so fucking much, I don’t know which way is up. It’s making me stupid. Life gets crazy, and it’s all I can do to hang on, but as long as I can hold on to you, I’m grounded. Don’t let me go.”
I wrap my limbs around him so there’s not a lick of air that can get between us.
“Will it always be like this?” I finally ask when my crying jag runs its course.
“Sure as fuck hope not. Not if I have any say in it,” he mumbles, tilting my head back, kissing the wet from my face before he softly presses his lips to mine. His eyes look heavy with fatigue but genuine and warm, and I finally close mine, letting sleep take me.
TWENTY-FOUR
Jared
My sister is already rummaging in the kitchen when I untangle myself from Mia and leave her sleeping a bit longer.
“Did you fix it?”
First thing in the morning and she’s already throwing attitude. Granted, she’s the one who threatened physical harm last night, if I didn’t get my dumb, knuckle-dragging ass in there to make things right, but wait for the damn coffee before chirping at me. Instead of going on the defensive, I crowd her against the counter and wrap her in a hug.
“Morning to you too, sunshine. Got coffee?”
“Well, did you?” she repeats, pushing away. At least this time she fills my mug with my morning essential. Living with my sister isn’t always easy, when she has a tendency to be all up in my face about stuff, but she knows how to set me straight and does a damn good cup of coffee.
“We’re fine.”
“That’s it? That’s all I’m gonna get?” she sputters.
“All I’m gonna give you. We talked, we slept, we’re fine.” I hide my smile behind the rim of my coffee mug. I know damn well she’d like a blow-by-blow, so she can chew on and analyze every word that was exchanged, but it’s frankly none of her business. She opens her mouth to protest, but Ole chooses that moment to announce he’s awake, so all I get is a glare. I quickly kiss the top of her head as I pass her on my way out of the sliding doors to have my coffee in peace.
That’s where Mia finds me a little later.
“Need fresh?” she asks when she reaches me, indicating my empty cup.
“Maybe in a bit. Need a kiss though.” I tilt my head back and wrap my arm around the back of her knees, when she bends d
own to make good on my request. “Morning,” I mumble against her lips, while stroking the back of her leg.
“Morning.” I like the soft smile on her face when she echoes me. “I need to work in my garden today,” she says, sitting down beside me and glancing over to her place. “I think I’m going to have to do some canning or else a lot of my crop will go to waste.” I reach over and put my hand on her knee.
“I can help,” I offer. “I need to be in Toronto for the three o’clock meeting, but I have time this morning.” I have no damn idea about gardening—or canning for that matter—but I have a feeling it might be a dirty job, which requires getting clean after. My mind has no problem seeing us doing either or both of those. Plus, we’ll be all alone.
“What are you grinning about?” she asks, tilting her head as she watches me with a half-smile of her own.
“Nothing,” I lie, putting on an innocent face. “Look forward to getting dirty.”
“Riiight,” she drawls, a twinkle in her eyes.
-
I’m not having so much fun about two hours later when the fun of watching Mia bend over, sticking her ass in the air, has worn off a little. Weeding seriously sucks. She’d tried me on the tomatoes, but after I squeezed a few too hard when picking them, she reassigned me to weed duty, which is killing my back and making my knee throb. Never figured gardening to be physically challenging. I straighten up and stretch my lower back, glancing over at the two bushel baskets filled to the top with vegetables.
“Want those inside?” Mia lifts her head from where she had it buried in the pepper plants.
“If you don’t mind.”
I’m at her sink, scrubbing the dirt from under my nails, when she walks in and closes the door behind her. When I look up she’s leaning her back against it, a little smirk on her face.
“This is dirty work,” I observe, wiping my hands on the towel.
“I know, isn’t it fun?” The smirk spreads to a genuine smile as she tries to blow a curl sticking to her forehead.
“Up for debate, but I’m pretty sure the getting clean part can be fun,” I point out, stalking toward her. She ducks under my arms and snickers, skipping down the hall to her bedroom. Baby wants to play.
I’m just in time to see a glimpse of her disappear into the adjoining bathroom. The pile of dirty clothes on the floor tells me she’s not wearing much and I hurry to dump mine on top as I hear the shower turn on. The simple plastic curtain is drawn when I follow her into the bathroom, but I can see the outline of her body and stop to admire her for a minute. Mia is not tall, she just reaches my chin, but she fits there perfectly. Instead of the tall, lean, and tight bodies I used to be drawn to, hers is much different.
Curved, soft in all the right places, and wholesome in a way that makes me want to bury myself in her and plant my babies. I can say with conviction that thought never entered my mind with anyone but Mia. She’s not some fantasy—she’s a real flesh and blood woman I can’t see myself ever tiring of.
“Are you coming in or are you just gonna stare?”
Pulling back the curtain, I step under the stream of lukewarm water and immediately wrap myself around her slick, wet body.
“You’re beautiful.”
Her face lifts up and she treats me with a brilliant smile.
“Hardly,” she says. “But I’m happy that’s what you see.”
“It’s all I see,” I admit, bending to kiss her deeply.
The feeling of skin sliding against skin, her fingers tangling in the hair at the nape of my neck, and the rub of my dick—already hard in anticipation—pressed against her soft belly, has me moan against her mouth. My hands slide down and each grabs a handful of her ass cheeks, and I can’t help squeezing the soft flesh. It elicits a responding moan from her, muffled by our kiss. I let myself sink to my knees, pulling Mia down with me, and with one hand in the small of her back and the other coming up to cup her head, I lay her down on the shower floor.
“Jared...” she mumbles when I lift my body away from hers.
“Shhh...” I soothe, one hand, fingers spread wide, stroking her front from the base of her neck, down her chest and belly to the soft hair of her patch. I lazily caress my fingers through her folds, already slick with want. The flush high on her cheeks, and the slight purse of her parted lips, evidence of her need. But it’s the deep green of her eyes that betrays her heart. Trust is all I see there as she lies back with the water streaming down on her, completely open to my hands and eyes.
I watch those eyes widen slightly as I reach for the handheld showerhead. A twist of the dial, and the water flow changes to the pulsing stream I was hoping for. I can hear her sharp intake of breath when I spread her pussy lips with the fingers of one hand, and with my other, aim the stream of water for her mons. She moans and lifts her hips into the pulse of the shower, moving so it hits at the top of her slit. Everything she feels is laid out plain as day on her face, and I can’t drag my eyes away. I struggle to keep my hands still as I watch her get herself off with just the slightest of shifts against the water and my hands.
“Fuck, baby...you take my breath away,” I groan, feeling her body wind up for release.
An urgent need to be inside her has me toss the shower to the side, and drop down between her legs. Already she has her hips tilted for me, and in one move I bury myself to the root. I fight for control but lose, as her core clenches around my cock. I can’t do anything to stop the surge of my hips, mindlessly chasing my own release as Mia falls apart around me, my name from her lips bouncing off the tiles.
I can still hear the echo when I feel the hot stream of my seed pump into her.
“Mia? Are you here?”
Mia
“Shit!”
I’m frozen until I hear Jared’s hissed curse and try to scramble out from under him, but his body continues to pin me down.
“Jared!” I hiss back, only to feel his body start shaking with laughter on top of me.
“Give us a minute,” he yells, humour lacing his voice, while I close my eyes and die of embarrassment.
“I’ll just be on the porch!” Steffie hollers back, clearly amused as well, and I listen for her footsteps to disappear down the hall.
“I’m not going out there,” I whisper, as Jared gently pulls me to my feet. I drop my head to hide my burning face, but he won’t let me. He lifts my chin with his fingertips and leans his forehead against mine. Our noses are almost touching.
“Oh yes, you are,” he insists. “We’re both going out there. We both have some fences to mend with your friend. Right after we get cleaned up.” He gives me a quick brush of the lips and then quickly puts the shower back in order so we can rinse off.
“We did it again,” I point out, as he hands me the bar of soap, much calmer than yesterday.
“I know,” Jared declares with a grin, which only grows bigger when I glare at him. “Look,” he adds, a little more serious as he cups my face. “You said the likelihood of pregnancy is very remote, and I like the thought that every time I’m inside you, we allow destiny to take its course. I’ve got to admit, I get a kick out of even just the possibility we might be creating something beautiful beyond that moment.”
Damn him for making my knees buckle with his words, when my friend is pacing a hole in the floor of my porch.
“Jared...” I start a feeble protest, but I don’t get far. His index finger firmly presses against my lips.
“Just go with the flow,” he whispers, right before he steps out of the shower, grabbing a towel off the rack and disappears into my bedroom.
Right.
By the time I’m dry and dressed, I can already hear the sound of their voices coming from outside. I pause for a moment, listening for any tension between them, but all I hear are Jared’s low chuckle and Steffie’s excited chatter. Griffin snorts softly in greeting when I walk past his bed, giving him a distracted scratch behind the ears, on my way to the sliding door.
“There she is,”
Steffie greets me, a massive smile splitting her face before I disappear in her embrace. “And I’ve gotta say, getting some looks good on you.” I roll my eyes to the ceiling at her lack of filter, but per usual she ignores me as Jared tries hard to hide his shit-eating grin. “And you’ve gotta forgive me,” Steffie plunders on. “But getting told off by my best friend, whom I’ve never even heard raise her voice, was a shock to the system. No way I wasn’t going to come check things out for myself.”
I groan and drop down on the couch where Jared tugs me close and kisses the side of my head.
“On that note, I’d better check in with Jordy and get changed before I head out,” he says standing up and facing Steffie. “Will you be staying?”
“Oh, hell no,” Steffie answers, waving her hand dismissively. “I’m driving back after dinner. I’ve got a six a.m. induction and I’d like to try and get some sleep. Tomorrow’s gonna be a long day.”
“Well in that case, you might be gone before I get back,” he says, nodding at Steffie. “Nice putting a face to the name.”
My friend beams before blurting, “Nice putting a body to yours.” I snort when I see Jared’s eyebrows shoot in his hairline and a faint blush stain his cheeks. Steffie is her own brand of forward. “My Doug’s gonna shit himself when I tell him I caught The Enforcer with his pants down.”
With a quick distracted peck to my forehead, Jared makes tracks out the door, leaving Steffie and me in tears of hilarity.
“I like him,” she says, unapologetically watching him make his way around the inlet, all the way into his house.
“Yeah, I like him, too,” I admit when she turns to face me.
“You love him. You’d never have gone off on me like that if you didn’t.” She points her index finger at me and I swat it away.
“I might,” is all I’ll give up, but the smile on my face is too obvious.