by Freya Barker
Just like that, whatever wrinkle popped up in our friendship, is ironed out again.
-
“I made some fresh pasta sauce, do you want me to bring some over?”
Steffie helped me process this morning’s harvest and a few very gratifying rows of jars of salsa, pickled beets, onion relish, and chutney filled my counter. With the remainders I’d been able to put together a thick tomato based sauce, most of which is in containers in the freezer, except for one large pot on my stove. I just got off the phone with Jared, who said things went well, but that he’d likely be late since Brian had something else lined up for him. I promised him I’d check in on his sister.
We didn’t discuss this morning. Doesn’t mean it isn’t on my mind. Things are moving fast and it feels like I’m being swept along, but then I’m not exactly doing much to put the brakes on either. It’s terrifying, and liberating at the same time.
“You don’t have to. There’s plenty of food here,” Jordy answers, a little distracted.
“Well, I can give you a little break from Ole,” I offer, struggling to get my mind back on the conversation.
“Actually, someone’s already offered to bring me dinner,” she admits. “I think we’re good.”
I don’t have to guess at who that someone might be, I can hear it clear in her voice.
“In that case, say hello to John for me and I’m right here should you need me.” The soft giggle on the other side makes me smile. “Want me to shoot Jared a message to come here instead of there?”
“God no! John has a shift starting at ten. This’ll be breakfast for him.”
I’m still smiling when she ends the call.
“Busy place,” Steffie concludes, tilting her head in the direction of the other house, where the now familiar black and white SUV rolls to a stop in the driveway. We both watch the tall, uniformed man get out, holding a few brown paper bags and a pretty bouquet of flowers. I pull Steffie away from the screen and usher her inside, when we see Jordy opening the door.
After dinner, and helping me store away the jars for winter, Steffie gathers her things.
“Promise me you won’t hang up on me again,” she says, folding me in a bear hug. “I understand why, but it freaked me out.”
“Promise,” I mumble, my head buried against her shoulder where she is holding it. “And bring Doug and the kids next time. Maybe on Labour Day weekend?” I finally manage to untangle myself from her hold.
“I don’t think he’ll need much persuading,” she says, already moving down the steps. “Call me, I want to stay up to date.” She nudges her head in the direction of the OPP vehicle, still parked in the driveway on the other side of the water.
I watch until her taillights disappear behind the trees before calling Griffin inside and closing the door.
Steffie’s last words have me emotional. In all the years I’ve lived here, it was always me who asked her to keep me up to date on her life. I simply didn’t have enough of one to have anything new to report. But I have a life now.
The sound of a sliding door closing draws my eyes to Jared’s house. Backlit by the indoor lights, I see Jordy’s shape make its way to the end of the dock where John is rising from his seat. Almost seamlessly she slips in his arms and tilts her head back as his bends low.
I immediately turn and go inside.
Their first kiss should be theirs alone.
TWENTY-FIVE
Jared
“We need to move up the interview.”
I’m surprised to find Brian on my doorstep and that’s the first thing he says. From the look on his face, it’s clear between last night, when I left the meeting with the Barrie Colts he’d managed to organize on short notice, and this morning, something happened.
“I thought we agreed we would wait until next week to give the Colts a chance to write up a proposal,” I question him, as he steps past me into the house and heads straight for the kitchen.
I’d come in close to two this morning. After doing a quick check of my house, finding Jordy and Ole sleeping but no Mia, I made the trek to Mia’s cottage. She’d been asleep too, and I wasted no time crawling in bed with her, exhausted from the long day.
Right now she’s in the bathroom with my sister, giving Ole his bath. The two have been whispering since breakfast, their conversation stalling every time I come near.
“Things have changed,” Brian says, shaking the coffee thermos to see if any is left before he grabs a mug from the cupboard. “Have you heard of E!Online?”
“E? I thought that was a TV gossip show?”
“Same difference. This is their online site. My secretary called me first thing this morning, I asked her to keep an eye on any reports that might pop up in the media. Apparently something did overnight.”
I rush to my office and snatch up my laptop, carrying it into the kitchen and set it on the counter between us. Brian does the honours of calling up the website.
“What the hell? I thought we had this covered?” flies from my mouth, when I see the images on the screen. A picture of my car, my head visible behind the wheel and Jordy beside me. You can see the outline of Mia who was sitting in the backseat. The next shot is of her getting out of the car at her therapist’s office, and a third shows me carrying the baby seat, my arm around my sister as we walk into the clinic. It’s Complicated? Is the heading with a promise for more exclusive photos on the next page. I brush Brian’s hands aside, twist the screen so it faces me, and click on ‘next.’
Former NHL heartthrob and Calder Trophy recipient, Jared Kesla, appears to be enjoying his recent retirement from hockey. He has been spotted around the small town of Bracebridge, Ontario, where local sources claim Kesla seems to have settled in—along with two women and a baby?
Below the paragraph of text are two further images. Both are clearly taken from the water. One with the morning sun coming up, showing me sitting at the end of the dock, with my head tilted back and Mia’s riot of curls bending over me from behind, kissing me. The next one is also my dock but this time at night, a grainy shot of another kiss. This time the woman is not Mia, and I’m pretty damn sure that man is not me.
“Jordy!”
My sister rushes into the kitchen, putting on the brakes when she sees Brian.
“What’s the matter?” she wants to know, sounding a bit breathless.
“Who’s this?” I turn the laptop to her. She leans in for a closer look, before cursing under her breath and straightening up. I know that defiant tilt of her chin well.
“You know damn well who that is, Jared,” she bites off impatiently.
“Fine. Then maybe you’d like to enlighten me how long this has been going on?” I’m not sure why I’m pissed at her, except that she’s an easy focus for my anger.
“Oh give it up, Mr. High and Mighty, I’m not fifteen. That shot was taken last night, if you must know. Your picture is right next to it, you know,” she points out.
“They’re implying it’s me in both shots.”
“So what?” Jordy retorts. “You know it’s not, I know it’s not—who the hell cares what the idiots who read this trash think?”
“All right, children.” Brian raises his hands. “This is not productive. I didn’t drive all the way up here at the butt crack of dawn to listen to you two go at it.” He turns to Jordy, a soft look on his face. “You’re right this isn’t a big deal, at least it wouldn’t be if we weren’t in the middle of negotiations with the Colts. Impressions like this getting out there, just as you’re trying to get a position teaching and mentoring kids, may not work out in your favour. It won’t even matter if it’s true or not.” Swiveling around to me, his expression is not nearly as kind as it was for her. “And you—lay off your sister, she’s in her fucking thirties and doesn’t need you to defend her honour. They’re quoting local sources, so you might want to worry about your own romantic entanglements; you’re in enough shit as it is.” He’s barely said the words and Mia walks up, handing Jordy the baby, withou
t taking her eyes off Brian.
“Are you referring to me?” she challenges my agent, one hand on her hip and the other grabbing on to the counter. Her hand is squeezing so tight it’s forcing the blood from her knuckles. She doesn’t bow under though, as she sticks her nose up and her chin out. She is sexy as shit, looking at Brian like he’s a piece of crap she just scraped off her flip-flops. It’s clearly impressing Brian as well as he flinches at her words.
“Not exactly,” he says, visibly withering under her gaze as he offers her his hand, which she pointedly ignores. “I’m Jared’s agent, Brian.”
“I know who you are,” she interrupts, and I decide it may be better for all involved, if I take over the introductions from here.
“Mia, this is Brian, my agent. Brian, meet my girlfriend, Mia.” I don’t know who of the two looks more surprised at that declaration. Although I think it has less to do with the accuracy of my statement and more with the fact I actually said that out loud.
I spend the next few minutes explaining to Mia what is floating around the Internet, trying to be cautious, but she surprises me.
“They’re idiots,” she spits out. “Just out for a cheap thrill, and people who actually read that garbage are idiots, too.” I almost burst out laughing when she clearly directs that last accusation at Brian.
“My secretary,” he scrambles to explain. “She was keeping an eye out. I’m just here to try and do damage control.” Mia’s eyebrow shoots up.
“Damage control? That seems simple enough; contact that creep for The Sun and tell him he can have his exclusive a little early.”
I have my mouth open a few times to intervene, but it appears that’s not necessary. Mia clearly has things well in hand, even though she’s starting to wear on Brian, who puffs up his chest.
“That’s exactly what the plan is,” he says.
“Perfect, I’ll leave you guys to it then, keep me in the loop. I’ve got more vegetables that need canning.” With a smile for Jordy, a peck on the cheek for me, and a toss of her curls I’m sure is for Brian’s benefit, she walks straight out the front door, Griffin scrambling to keep up.
“You’re in the dog house, Brian,” Jordy pipes up from the couch, where she’s feeding the baby, a grin on her face. “You called her shit.”
“I did no such thing!” Exasperated, he throws his hands up. “Why do I even bother explaining myself when my words get twisted anyway.”
“I heard you call her shit quite clearly,” I poke at him a little more, making Jordy snort out loud. Laughing is a welcome way to break the high tension in the room. At least it is for Jordy and me, because Brian doesn’t appear amused at all.
“You’re both assholes,” he declares as he gets up off the stool. “When you’re ready to act like grownups again, I’ll be in your office, making phone calls to try and fix your mess.”
When he’s out of earshot, I turn to my sister. “I’m gonna quickly check on Mia. Be right back.” Her answer is to wave me toward the door.
I catch up with Mia and Griffin, just as they make the bottom of the front steps of her cottage. She must’ve heard me come up behind her and turns to face me. The sight of her wet eyes shocks me to the core.
Mia
“What the heck?”
I’d been able to hold it together long enough to get halfway down the pathway, before I gave in. They’d clearly not heard me come in, and I was a little thrown by the tension in the room. I clued in quickly to what was going on when I picked up on the conversation, but when that man started talking, I could hear the unspoken implication in his words. Local sources. He’s an idiot if he thinks I would ever talk to the press, or anyone else for that matter.
“Mia? What’s going on?” When I don’t immediately answer, Jared grabs me by the shoulders and shakes me lightly.
“He doesn’t like me much,” I finally manage, to which Jared throws a brief glance toward his house before turning back to me.
“Brian? Why would you say that?” He looks genuinely surprised.
“Were you not listening? He was all but accusing me.” He doesn’t stop me when I head inside.
I’m rummaging around the kitchen, putting away the dishes that were drying in the sink, when he walks up, reaches around me, and stills my hands. The tears I’d successfully forced down, instantly start flowing again.
“Talk to me?” His breath plays through my hair as he rests his cheek against the side of my head. “Brian can be an ass, especially when he’s in protective mode, but there’s no way he thinks you’re in any way responsible for any of this. What’s going through your head?”
I find myself leaning back into him, instinctively searching for stability, and I curse my body for it.
“It’s too much,” I blurt out, forcing myself away from him. “Too much, too fast, too overwhelming. I tried...I did, but I can’t catch my breath. It feels like barrelling down a steep hill without brakes, and you seem to like it that way, but every day my simple, peaceful existence is further out of reach. What if I can’t find it back? Everything is changing around me and it terrifies me.”
Jared reaches out but I take a step back. My breath shortens, my heart is racing, my scalp feels tight, and I want to pull my head between my shoulders like a turtle.
He doesn’t get closer, soothing me with only the sound of his voice, although I’m beyond understanding the words. My knees give out and I sink down on the floor, my back against the cupboard. I vaguely register Griffin’s wet nose nudging my bare leg. Dark floods my vision, slowly forcing out any light.
“Just go.” I’m not sure if I yelled or whispered, but right before everything goes black, I hear Jared’s response clearly.
“Not a chance in hell.”
-
I wake up to the smell of my own sheets. For a moment, I think he’s done what I asked. I’m alone, with only Griff’s big body curled against my back for company—but then I hear the porch floorboards creak. Squinting carefully, I can just make out it’s still light out, although the sun is low. My head throbs, my throat is parched, and I have to pee like a racehorse. Griffin immediately jumps off the bed when I move. He knows damn well he’s not supposed to be on here, but we have a system that works for both of us. I let him pretend he’s getting away with murder and he doesn’t rub his disobedience in my face. Besides, I like the weight of his big body against my back.
I pad into the bathroom and avoid looking in the mirror, since I have a pretty good idea of the kind of devastation that would stare back at me, and take care of business. When I walk out, I’m startled to find Jordy standing beside my bed—I’d expected Jared.
“He’s over at the house with Brian,” she says when she notes my surprise. “They’re on the phone, trying to sort through this mess. Been at it for hours.”
“Where’s Ole?”
“Sleeping on the porch in his car seat. Jared told me you weren’t feeling well and he asked me to stay with you. I made some tea, you should come have a cup,” she said, walking out without waiting for an answer. I duck back into the bathroom to splash some water on my face and sort my thoughts before I follow behind.
“Look,” I start when Jordy puts down a cup of tea on the table in front of me. I struggle with the temptation to pick the baby up for a snuggle, but instead leave him sleeping and sit down in my chair beside his seat. Jordy sits down on the couch and contemplates me over the rim of her cup. “Thanks for coming over, but—”
The slam of her cup on the table startles me and wakes Ole, who starts crying immediately. Before I have a chance to pick him up, she’s already out of her chair and grabs him from his seat. Bouncing him on her arm, she starts pacing back and forth.
“No buts,” she snaps, clearly agitated. “Don’t you dare tell me to go like you did Jared. I know this situation is not easy on you. Jesus, Mia, it’s not easy on any of us, but it passes. Jared and I went through this right after my parents died; Jared was still the new kid on the block, but the drama was t
oo good to resist for some of the gossip rags. He did what he had to do, to protect me and eventually they went away. Off to the next victim.” She stops right in front of me. “Don’t break his heart, Mia. Please. Give him a chance to set this right.” I watch as her eyes fill up.
“I just need a chance to catch up,” I implore. “A chance to get my life back on track.” Jordy snorts at that, taking a seat on the couch and pulling up her shirt to feed a squirming Ole.
“Really, back on track? You mean another decade in hiding, sitting on your porch, and watching life pass right by you is more like it.” My eyes shoot up at her. I never told her the details of what happened to me and am wondering whether Jared shared. “All he told me that something happened to you the same night our parents died, Mia,” she says, reading my mind. “So you should know by now that life has no track. It just bounces you around. But if you want to enjoy the good stuff, you have to take the bumps that come along with it. You can’t control it—that’s an illusion—because the moment you’re in control, you’re no longer living—you’re merely existing.”
Jared
To say I’m taken aback when I see Mia follow my sister in the door is an understatement.
All afternoon, I’ve agonized over the defeated tone of her voice when she asked me to go. I thought it had been a simple misunderstanding I needed to clear up when I went after her, but it had been so much more than that. I’d held her, trying to talk her through her panic attack, but it was clear she didn’t hear me. I’d put her to bed and called Jordy over, determined to give her the space she wanted. It killed to leave her like that.
I watch, almost detached, as Brian stands up and walks over to Mia, his hands loosely on her shoulders as he softly speaks to her. I’d talked to him earlier, asked him straight out whether there was anything to what she’d told me, and he’d been mortified. The reference he made was to my indiscretions before Mia came along—he was concerned for her, not worried about her.
Mia’s head nods lightly as she takes in what he’s saying, until finally her eyes find me and a ball of anxiety threatens to choke me. For some reason, it’s important she come to me, but it’s almost impossible to stay seated on the stool. As she starts moving toward me, I want to rush and meet her halfway, but I don’t.