One of Them Girls

by Cala Riley

  It’s cold to the touch. Not warm like it usually is. His chest isn’t moving. His eyes aren’t fluttering behind the eyelids. His skin is pale, a bluish tint setting in.

  My heart cracks, looking at my best friend. My brother. The tears fall easily as my head pounds with the pressure. I cling to that cold hand, willing my life force into his.

  I can’t live without him. How am I going to live without him?

  This is all my fault. I shouldn’t be here, he should be. He was the responsible one. The good child.

  I pull his hand up to my lips, pressing a quick kiss to it before turning and running from the room.

  No one calls after me. No one runs after me.

  I’m all alone.

  I lost him.

  Ryan.

  That same cracking feeling hits my chest, warning me I’m about to crumble.

  “Cassi?” Tinsley’s voice drifts to me, but I can’t answer her.

  Instead, I shake my head at her, backing away from the door. Her eyes hold concern, but I can’t. I can’t go in there.

  “I can’t do this. I’m sorry,” I sob.

  Then I’m running.

  This isn’t the same hospital. This isn’t even the same city, but the feeling is the same.

  The helplessness. The desperation. The complete and utter desolation of my heart.

  I don’t stop running until I’m in the stairwell, bent over attempting to breathe through my tears.

  I hear the door open behind me, but I can’t acknowledge anyone.

  “Come here.”

  Before I know it, I’m in Jack’s arms as I sob into his chest. I stand there, letting the raw emotions pour from my body until I’m weak.

  “Let’s get you home,” Jack murmurs.

  I let him lead me out of the hospital, away from the memories.

  Away from Xavier.

  Xavier

  My phone rings as I slide into my car.

  “Hey, give me a sec to connect the Bluetooth.”

  “Sure.”

  I start my car and wait for the Bluetooth to connect. “Alright. What’s up?” I ask as I slide my phone into the holder on the dash, making sure the camera can see me.

  “Just checking in,” Tinsley says, making me sigh.

  “I’m fine,” I say as I pull out of the parking lot.

  “Yeah, but your single.” She pouts.

  “Isn’t the first time, won’t be the last,” I tease as I drive. “Now tell me something good.”

  Tinsley fills me in on what’s new with her and her family.

  “Sage bought home a puppy the other day and let’s just say that Reed isn’t too thrilled.”

  “Oh? Why not?” I smirk as I pull up to the stoplight.

  Tinsley giggles, making me smile. “The dog may or may not have an obsession with eating all of Reed’s left shoes. Doesn’t matter if it’s a dress shoe or one of his chucks, it’s always a left one.”

  “So he only has right shoes?” I laugh.

  “Yep. It doesn’t even matter if he puts them up. Somehow the little sucker gets them. Sage thinks it’s hilarious.”

  The light turns green and I go. “Because it is.”

  Right as I pull into the intersection, I see a flash out of the corner of my eye. I turn my head and see it right before it happens. First, I feel the impact, then another, mixed with the screeching of metal and Tinsley’s screams.

  “Oh, fuck! Reed, get the plane!” a male voice says over the speaker right as everything goes black.

  I groan, trying to turn over, but find something stopping me.

  “Hey, it’s okay. Don’t move too much.”

  My eyes flutter open. “What?” I attempt to say, but my throat is dry.

  “Hold on. The nurse said I could give you some water if you woke up.”

  My eyes take in the room, coming to land on the face for the voice. After she brings the straw to my mouth and I’m able to wet my throat, I speak again.

  “What are you doing here, Tins? What happened?”

  Her eyes are sad. “We were on the phone when you got into a car accident. We got on the first plane here.”

  “We?”

  She laughs. “Finley, Sage, and Reed.”

  I go to laugh, but wince at the pain.

  Fuck, my head hurts.

  “How bad am I hurt?”

  “You fractured your arm. I’m afraid you’ll set off metal detectors for the rest of your life. Other than that, just some scrapes and bruises.”

  “No wonder I feel like I got hit by a truck.”

  Her eyes widen at my phrase, but I chuckle then wince again.

  “Don’t joke like that. I thought we were going to lose you.”

  “Nah, you can’t get rid of my man that easily,” an unfamiliar voice says from the door.

  I smile when I see Jack, holding the biggest teddy bear in his arms, comes waltzing in the door.

  “Here you go, boo. The lady downstairs in the gift shop assured me this is the best gift to show you want the person you care about to get better.”

  “Don’t make me laugh, asshole. It hurts.”

  He smiles widely at me. “Oh come on. You complaining about a fractured arm? You pussy.”

  I know he’s joking, using his humor to hide his concern. I can see it on his face. He was worried.

  “I know, right? Looks like no video games for me for a while.”

  He laughs. “That’s okay. I’ll just play with Ace.”

  My heart twinges in pain.

  Cassi.

  “Who’s Ace?” Tinsley asks.

  Jack’s face sobers. “Cassi.”

  “Oh.” Tinsley turns to me. “She was here, you know.”

  My heart stutters. “What?”

  “Yeah. She was here, but when she got to the room, she took off.”

  My heart aches for her. I bet she hasn’t even been to a hospital since Ryan. My body aches to reach out to her.

  Ignoring Tinsley, I turn to Jack. “Is she okay? You should be with her right now.”

  He gives me a sad look. “She’s okay. She was a little shook seeing you like this, but I took her home. Rebecca stayed with her. She said she’d keep me updated.”

  “I’m fine. I need you to go watch over her. She needs someone.”

  He walks over to the bed. “She has someone. She has Rebecca. Rebecca said she was planning to head home for the break on Friday, anyway. I’ll go check on her until then, but then she’ll be with her parents.”

  “Go take her dinner. Please, man. I know you’re concerned, but Tinsley is here with me. She needs you more.”

  He sighs. “You really love her, don’t you?”

  Swallowing hard, I nod, not caring about the pain.

  “Fuck. Fine. I’ll go check on her, but when you’re discharged, I’m taking your ass home. No question.”

  “Deal.”

  I watch as he heads back out, bringing my attention back to Tinsley.

  “Is she going to be okay? I didn’t understand why she left, but you make it sound like it’s a big deal.”

  I sigh. “It’s not my story to tell, Tin. Hospitals hold bad memories for her. I’m surprised she was even able to walk in. It’s killing me I can’t be with her right now. If she’d even want me with her.”

  She gives me a sad smile. “I think she wants you more than you realize. I think she’s battling her own demons right now, though. Give her time. She’ll come back around.”

  “I’ll give her all the time she needs.” Changing the subject, I clear my throat. “So what does it take to get some more water?”

  She shakes her head, laughing. “Why are men such babies when they get sick or hurt? Finley acts like he’s dying when he gets a cold.”

  “Hey, I got hit by a truck.”

  She sighs. “Yeah. Yeah. That was so five minutes ago.”

  I shake my head. “To think, I made you my power of attorney.”

  She laughs. “Hey, you’re the one who trusted me
.”

  “I know. Thank you for coming Tinsley.”

  She smiles at me. “Anytime. Your family.”

  18

  Cassi

  The past couple of days have been a mess. Even though Jack assured me Xavier is fine, that block on my chest is still there. Add in the whirling emotions leftover from the hospital and I’m not sure where my head’s at anymore. Part of me wanted to see him, but I didn’t want to upset him in his condition. I know he would see it was a step in getting back together, when I’m not sure I’m ready for that yet.

  I know Xavier came home yesterday, and I knew it was only a matter of time before he came to see me. Jack told me he was recovering well and even received clearance to drive.

  “I’m so happy to have you home.” Mama squeezes me for the umpteenth time.

  “It’s only for a couple of weeks. I do still have school. Besides, I come home on the weekends all the time.”

  She smiles. “I know, but I still miss you when you’re away. Jerry, look at our baby all grown up. Coming back from her first semester at college.”

  “Stop smothering the girl or else she won’t come back next time,” Dad teases.

  “As if you could keep me away.” I walk over and hug him.

  “This will always be your home, baby girl. Even when you have your own children running around,” he reminds me.

  “Then I’ll be dropping them rascals off with you every time they cause me trouble,” I warn.

  “Then we will ply them with sugar for hours and send them home just like Mama always did to us.” Mama comes around to wrap her arm around Dad.

  “Evil. Pure evil,” I glare.

  “Karma. Pure Karma.” Mama winks.

  “Whatever. I thought we were going to bake some cookies.”

  She smiles brightly at me. “Of course we are. Let’s get to baking.”

  “That’s my cue to get out of here.” Dad pats my shoulder, heading out of the kitchen, toward the living room.

  “He doesn’t know it, but I bought him a new TV for Christmas. It’s an eighty-inch, much bigger than the sixty. You think he’ll like it?” Mom whispers.

  I giggle. “I think he’ll love it.”

  “Good.”

  We work in silence for a little bit, each knowing our task at hand. I’ve been making cookies with my mom for years. I don’t think I even need to look at the recipe card anymore, even though it’s sitting on the counter next to me. Ryan used to sit with Dad sometimes, but other times, he would sit at the counter, taste testing each batch. He’d always say, “I’m testing to make sure it’s not poisoned.”

  We knew he was full of it, but Mom let him do it.

  “Honey, are you okay?”

  I startle at Mom’s words. “What?”

  That’s when I feel it. The tears falling down my face.

  “You’re crying. What’s wrong?”

  I shake my head. “I was thinking about Ryan.”

  She wipes her hand on her apron, moving to pull me in for a hug. “I miss him too.”

  “I think we all do. Jared’s going to counseling, you know.”

  She gives me a sad smile. “Laura told me. It seems to be helping him a lot.”

  “I think I want to try it.”

  She nods. “Then that’s what we will do. There’s no shame in going to therapy. Your father and I went for a couple months after Ryan.”

  “What? Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “We tried talking about it with you once, but you shut down. We decided it was best to wait until you were ready.”

  “Thank you. I’m so sorry I was so selfish all of them months.”

  “Don’t be. I think we all were a bit selfish, working through our own stuff. No need to apologize for it now.”

  “Thanks, Mama.”

  We get back to baking, laughing, and joking the entire time. Then once we’re done, we start on dinner. It’s the best day I’ve had in a while.

  That’s why a knock at the door catches me off guard.

  “I got it,” Daddy calls from the hall.

  I hear the murmur of voices. Curious, I move closer, straining to hear.

  “Hey, Jerry. Happy Holidays.”

  Xavier. I would recognize his voice anywhere.

  “Happy Holidays. What did you do to your arm, son?”

  “Car accident. I’m okay though. I just wanted to drop this off for Cass. Can you make sure she gets it?”

  “You can give it to her yourself. Cass, the doors for you.”

  Rounding the corner, my heart catches in my chest.

  I haven’t seen Xavier since the day at the hospital when he was hooked up to all the tubes and wires.

  He looks much better now. His arm is in a cast as he holds it out to the side awkwardly. He has a box in his other arm, but other than that he looks good.

  Then his eyes meet mine and I’m frozen.

  Then he glances away, releasing me.

  I let out the deep breath I was holding, revealing myself to them.

  “What are you doing here?” I step closer to the door.

  “Cass,” he breathes out. “How are you?”

  I look behind me to see my dad still watching. I grab my jacket from the hook, ushering him outside.

  “I’ll be right back, Dad.”

  “Yeah, no problem. Maybe Xavier wants to stay for dinner?” Dad asks.

  “Maybe. I’ll ask.” I shut the door behind me.

  Xavier steps forward. “I won’t stay for dinner unless you want me to.”

  I move past him, leading him closer to the car he must have rented since his was totaled.

  “What are you here for? You shouldn’t be driving.”

  He gives me a small smile. “I was cleared for driving. I just wanted to give you, your Christmas gift.”

  “I don’t need anything.”

  “I know, but I wanted to get you something.”

  “I didn’t get you anything.”

  “I don’t need anything.”

  “Do you have an answer for everything?”

  He laughs. “No.”

  “Well, I don’t feel right accepting it from you.”

  His eyes fall. “It was made especially for you. I can’t take it back.”

  I let out a deep sigh. “Okay.”

  I reach out, grabbing the box. His finger brushes against mine, making my heart stutter.

  “I know you were mad at me before,” he starts, his finger lingering on mine. “I wanted to apologize. I know I made a mistake, and it was wrong. I don’t deserve your forgiveness for the way I acted, but I hope you find comfort in my words. I hope you have a Merry Christmas.”

  My walls crack as he walks past me to his driver’s door. I remember what he said on Thanksgiving.

  What if he doesn’t have anywhere to go?

  “Wait.” I spin, unable to keep myself from asking, “What are you doing for Christmas Break?”

  He turns, giving me a sad smile. “If I said nothing, would you invite me to stay with you?”

  I bite my lip, considering his words.

  Would I?

  He lets out a laugh. “I’m joking. Don’t worry about me, Adra. I can take care of myself.”

  I take a couple steps forward, setting the gift on his hood before grabbing his uninjured arm.

  “Seriously, Avi, where are you going for break?” I look up into his eyes.

  For half a second, I worry that he’s going to tell me he’s going to spend it with Tinsley. Why it would matter, I don’t know. I know they are just friends. I’m not even jealous of her anymore. Or at least I shouldn’t be.

  Didn’t I end this? Aren’t I the one keeping us apart?

  One word could keep him here.

  Stay.

  That’s all it would take for him to wrap me into his arms and accept me back.

  One word caught in my throat because of fear. Fear that I can’t trust his feelings. Fuck, I can’t trust my own feelings right now.

  �
�I’m going home with Jack. I hear his mama makes a mean brisket for the holidays. I can’t wait to figure out what that means.” He steps closer to me, pulling me into a brief hug, before backing up to pull my face to his.

  It’s just a ghost of a kiss across my lips, but the heat it spreads throughout my body is an inferno. The memories it elicits causes me to shiver.

  “Sorry. I had to have one last taste of heaven. I’ll be fine. I don’t want you worrying about me. It’s cold out. You should get inside to your family. Have an amazing holiday. Maybe when classes start back up, I’ll see you on campus.”

  He opens his door then, getting inside the car. When the door closes, it jerks me from my frozen place.

  I grab my gift, making my way back to the door. I turn to look before going in and smile. He waves at me once before motioning for me to go inside.

  Ever the gentleman.

  Once inside, I peek out the side window and watch him leave.

  “He didn’t want to stay for dinner?” Dad asks from behind me.

  “He did, but he’s spending the holidays with his friend Jack. He didn’t want to make him wait too long.”

  “Ah. He’s a good one. Always considerate. He’s taken quite a liking to you, pumpkin. What is it he got for you?”

  I hustle toward the stairs. “It’s private, Daddy. I’m not going to open it until Christmas. I’m going to put it in my room.”

  “Okay, but hurry back. Mama says dinner’s done.”

  I rush up to my room, placing the gift on the dresser. Part of me is curious what he might have bought me. What does Xavier think I want for Christmas? I could find out now, but that’s not me. I’m not the one who opens gifts early and begs to know what I got. I love the spirit of Christmas. I love giving gifts more than receiving, but even then, I like being surprised by what someone might think I want.

  Smiling, I rub my hand across the perfectly wrapped present. I can’t wait to find out what he thought I would want.

  -

  Xavier

  “You sure you are good? I can take you to the airport,” Jack says as he zips up his last bag.

  “Yep. My flight’s not for a while. I’ll get a cab there or something.”

  “Alright, man. If you change your mind or come home early, call me. Ma would love to have you.”

  “I know. If Tinsley lets me come home early, I’ll call you.”