On Agate Hill

by Lee Smith

  Selena tried to make little Junius move into the boys room with Godfrey but he is scared of Godfrey, and with good reason, so he refused, Selena insisted, and then little Junius had a fit where he shook all over and rolled his eyes back in his head and cried so hard that Selena had to give him some of Uncle Junius medicine. All right then, she finally said, but I have never seen such a namby pamby lily livered little boy.

  So now little Junius is sleeping in the bed with me, I can hear him sucking his thumb whenever I wake up in the night. Sometimes I am so lonesome then that I scoot over behind him and put my arms around him so that we lie together like silver spoons stacked up in Aunt Fannies silver chest. I can count his ribs one by one in the dark. And I feel awful, like about a hundred people have left us, not just two.

  December 21, 1872

  The Wedding Day

  The first we heard of it was yesterday morning when Selena lined us all up after breakfast in Liddys kitchen and told us that today was the day, and we should get washed up by afternoon and not go off anywhere because Uncle Junius would wish us to be present— You and little Junius in particular Molly, she said to me. So I am holding you responsible for him, is that understood?

  I was looking down.

  Molly. Is that understood?

  Yes, I said looking up at her finally.

  In the firelight from the hearth, Selena was like a handsome, fiery animal half wild, a horse or a dog maybe, with her hair springing out from her head. Play with him, she said, then bring him back in here for a bath.

  All right, I said.

  Behind her Liddy said nothing, mixing something up in a bowl. Water boiled in the big black pot on the stove behind her.

  We are going to play marbles with Washington, little Junius said, and I winced for now Godfrey and Blanche would want to play too.

  Selena sighed. Just dont get dirty again after you get washed up, she said, any of you. She turned to leave the kitchen.

  Mama? Blanche was twisting her foot back and forth.

  What?

  Do you have a wedding dress, like Margaret?

  Selena snorted, then grinned. Not hardly, she said. You all get on out of here now and let Liddy work. She gave us a little push and left, not seeing Liddy give her a look of purest hatred. Blanche and Godfrey ran ahead out the door while I walked out behind Selena with little Junius clinging to me.

  I want the blue one, he said.

  You can have it then, I said, almost stumbling over Selena who had suddenly stopped on the path ahead, leaning over to vomit in the snow.

  I stopped and held little Junius close. We watched Selena gagging.

  Well? She stood up straight and wiped off her mouth with the back of her hand. Its just the baby. You will see Molly. You will have one yourself sometime.

  But I will not.

  Selena went on into the house while little Junius peered at her vomit making a yellow stain in the hard old snow. The sky was low and gray all around us. Then here came Washington walking across the yard with the bag of marbles.

  This was the longest day in the world Dear Diary, waiting for the magistrate to come. We played marbles out in the barn and Godfrey cheated, then lost anyway, then got mad and ran away. Blanche and little Junius and me had baths in the kitchen and helped Liddy and then got to play with the dominoes and checkers right there.

  Once I came into the house and went upstairs to get my paper and pastels to draw with, and heard a big commotion in the hall when the widow Brown and two other ladys arrived by carriage to see Uncle Junius but were turned away by Selena now very demure in Fannies black and white checked taffeta dress with her hair pulled back in a bun. She slammed the door in their faces nevertheless, then opened Uncle Junius door and said, in answer to his deep gurgling voice, Oh it was nobody. Just nobody. A posse of busy-bodies from town, thats all, with nothing better to do than run around the county getting in somebody elses business.

  Well my dear you made short work of them, Uncle Junius said.

  Then Selena laughed, and went into his room, and shut the door behind her.

  We ate cabbage and roast pork for dinner in the kitchen and you can be sure that Godfrey came back in time for that. He slurped his food and made a mess and kicked little Junius underneath the table.

  You quit that, I told him.

  Little Junius jumped and I knew that Godfrey had kicked him again. In a flash I turned over his chair and got him on the floor.

  Molly, Molly, Liddy said.

  Then Washington stood in the door and said, He is here. You all come on.

  Liddy tucked my blouse in and pulled my hair back and clipped it with the mother of pearl barrette which she picked up from under the table where it had fallen in the fight. Then she led us out the door and into the house and along the brightly lit passage to Uncle Junius room where everybody was drunk, including Spence who loomed in the corner like a tree, grinning from ear to ear. The whisky bottle sat out on the bedside table. They crowded around the bed. There was wild-haired Doctor Lambeth, there was Selena, there was Uncle Junius sitting up in the bed looking like Death itself, attended by Virgil who sat to one side like a black carved statue staring straight ahead with his hands folded in his lap. The fat jolly redheaded man with the peg leg was evidently the magistrate, wearing a green silk vest and a gold cravat and a top hat, smoking a fine cigar which he kept jammed in the corner of his mouth throughout the service. A thin nervous young man with spectacles accompanied him, and a woman named Sadie who reminded me of Selena though she was blonde and not so pretty. Selena and the woman were drinking too, out of Fannies green liquer glasses from Portugal. They flung back their heads and upended the little glasses to toss the liquer down.

  Aha! The arrival of the children! The magistrate said. He was not our regular magistrate from Hillsborough. We had never seen him before. Come, come now, come closer, he directed, lining us up at the foot of the bed.

  A fire blazed in the hearth and candles flickered on the mantel and the writing table and the windowsill and every surface which was not completely covered by Uncle Junius papers and books. The room was hot and bright, smelling of liquor and smoke.

  By the authority vested in me . . . , the magistrate began, putting an arm around the blonde woman who threw back her head and laughed. Then a roar began in my head which blocked out the rest of the words. But then I thought of Fannie so kind and good, I could see her bright face in my mind as clearly as if she were sitting right there, smoothing my hair. It will be all right Molly, she said, but then her face faded away and the magistrate was saying, I now declare you man and wife, and everybody cheered except for Virgil who sat as if made of stone. Selena leaned over to kiss Uncle Junius glowing bony head. His eyes were almost closed.

  Then Selena pointed at Spence who pulled out his harmonica and played Beautiful Dreamer as lovely as it can be played. His slow music wove in and out of the smoke and all the people who stood completely still, as if we were all in a Tableau Vivant. Beautiful dreamer, wake unto me, starlight and dew-drops are waiting for thee . . . I know the words because Julia used to sing it around the parlor fire when I was little. Then will all clouds of sorrow depart, beautiful dreamer, awake unto me. The last haunting note rose way up over our heads, higher and higher before it slowly died away quivering. A deep hush had fallen in the room.

  Doctor Lambeth burst into loud tears and cried like a baby, wiping his long horse face with his handkerchief. Ah Junius! Ah Lord! That it could come to this! Ah Lord, Lord! He cried waving his handkerchief in the air.

  The Lord has got nothing to do with it, Uncle Junius roused himself to say with a strange skeleton smile. Ladys and gentlemen, let us consider the act. Everyone looked at each other. And now, a toast to my lovely bride! All cheered, clinking their glasses together.

  Spence started in fast on Shoo Fly, Don’t Bother Me. The blond woman said something to Selena and poured the whisky all around. When Selena leaned back to drink hers, I saw the wide red hole of her mouth wh
ich seemed to go on and on forever. I clung to little Junius as hard as I could. Soon Romulus came to fetch Spence, he led him away staggering and grinning, still playing his harmonica. Well I had a real good time, Spence said from the doorway, which made them all laugh and cheer again. It is hard to tell if Spence knows what is happening or not. Virgil rose in silence and left with them.

  The roar picked up in my head. Finally the blond woman whispered something to Selena who looked at us then came over and flung her arms around us in a hot fast hug and said, Go on then sweeties, go up to bed now. You take them Molly which made me feel big all of a sudden, and proud. It is not that Selena is so mean exactly, she is just too large and too much to deal with, like a lightning storm or a house afire.

  Liddy stood waiting for us in the passage. She gave us some sweet bread and milk before we went upstairs where the last thing I heard before I fell asleep was that womans loud voice laughing down below.

  December 23, 1872

  Dear Diary,

  As I write, it is early morning and I am so cold here in this cubbyhole, I can see my breath in the air. I have been up for hours.

  Last night I awoke as I often do, yet this time still in my bed with one arm flung across little Junius chest. It was getting on toward morning. I can always tell by the feel of the house. Moonlight came in through the long window slanting in bars across the beds, across Blanche so slight I would never know she was even there except for the funny sound of her breathing, across little Junius whose white face shone in its light.

  Victoria is not here but we know where she is now, Mrs. Bledsoe has taken her in out of pity and given her a chance to improve her lot in life by working in their kitchen. Ha! Selena said. That will not last long.

  Anyway I stood tingling from head to toe in the moonlit room, I felt like screaming or running. I felt like everything was alive, even the furniture, from the big old Chinese chest to the spool beds where Blanche and Junius lay sleeping.

  Something is going to happen. It is happening now. This thought came to me. I put on my shoes and a jacket and tiptoed across the room, grabbing up a coverlet from the end of our bed. I walked out into the hall and stood there, looking all around. Then slowly I was drawn to the door leading out onto the upper piazza, where no one has been in months.

  I pushed the first bolt, leaning into it as hard as I could. At first I didnt think I could do it by myself but then it slid with a screeching sound loud enough to wake the whole house. But I listened, and no one stirred. I put my weight against the second bolt, I knew I could do it now. Nothing. Nothing. Then all at once it slid, fast. I pulled on the knob as hard as I could and at last the door gave inward toward me with a whooshing sound. Cold air poured into the hall.

  I stepped out and pulled the door shut behind me. The wide porch lay bare except for piles of furniture stacked against the house and dead vines and drifts of snow over by the railings. The full moon shone like midday. Wind blew steadily across the fine new snow which had covered all tracks from yesterday so that the whole world beyond Agate Hill lay shining, changed and new.

  Then all of a sudden I saw something I had not noticed before, a strange beast moving all humpbacked and slow down the lane. Or was it even moving? What was it? I held my breath and gripped the rail, peering. It was almost down to the first barn. Could it be a horse, with a pack on its back perhaps? Two horses? No, it was not moving. Fine crystals of snow blew into my eyes so that I had to shut them and then when I could open them again I saw that it had moved, it really had. It was moving so slow that you could not tell it. I stood and watched. I knew that something important was happening. And it was familiar, that figure, whatever it was. It was familiar to me. A faint glow of pink appeared on the horizon as I watched, above the line of hills.

  The dark figure left no tracks as it passed down the long lane, picking up speed as the dawn came on. The wind blew across the snow. The figure moved faster and faster until I could scarcely see it. Snow blew off the railing and into my eyes. But a knowledge was growing in me, all along, blooming slowly in my mind like a flower. It was two people, walking together, carrying their belongings piled up on their backs. It was Virgil and Old Bess. The sky grew lighter and they moved faster, faster and faster, until they were flying over the snow like a great black bird, skimming the stand of cedars, flying over the river, heading over the hills. The sky turned silver and the snow turned pink. King Arthur was crowing. A horse neighed. My teeth knocked together like a baby rattle.

  I opened the door and stepped back into the hall and closed it, screeching the bolts. It didnt matter. Sounds and voices were already coming up from below. But Blanche and little Junius slept on like angels as I passed back through the bedroom and the closet and entered this cubbyhole where I now write to you Dear Diary.

  Virgil and Old Bess are gone. They were with me every day of my life, from South Carolina to Agate Hill. But I am glad they are gone, to think of it makes me feel good. There is a song Liddy sings sometimes,

  The little baby gone along,

  The little baby gone along,

  The little baby gone along,

  For to climb up Jacob’s ladder.

  So now they are gone along. But Liddy and Washington are in the kitchen, I see smoke coming up from the chimney. And all of a sudden I want some coffee the worst in the world. Its cold up here.

  Christmas Eve 1872

  The top that is myself continues to spin and spin, I dont know who is pulling the string, I go faster and faster. Too much has happened too fast Dear Diary. What I want is for nothing to happen at all. I dont even want good things any more, I just want nothing. As I write I look over at the box of phenomena in the corner of this cubbyhole, where Margaret and Robert E. Lee lie as if buried in a mass grave.

  Victoria is back but we dont play dolls any more. Mrs. Bledsoe sent her packing, just like Selena predicted. Mrs. Bledsoe said that Victoria can not be trained to rise above her nature. Victoria and Selena fight all the time now, Victoria sticks out her bottom lip and will not obey. She sleeps here in the girls room with us but snuck out once to see the Irish boy down in the barn. Tis too cold for courting, he said, and has not come back. Victoria is downcast, as in a novel. She is only fifteen but she looks almost grown, it is not only her boobies. There is a faraway look in her eyes now. I am just biding my time, she says. She talks to me because there is no one else to talk to, and guess what? I am glad of it.

  Uncle Junius is in mourning for Virgil. One of the finest men I have ever known, he said. But this was his home. Agate Hill was their home.

  They were damn lucky to have a roof over their heads, Selena said.

  I would also like to know how the hell they got out of here in such a hurry. Uncle Junius sounded more like himself for a minute.

  You can ask HER about that. Selena tossed her head back in the direction of the kitchen. Or maybe Rom. But they wont tell you, of course. There is not a one of them that wouldnt stab you in the back if they got the chance.

  Selena, Selena. Uncle Junius shook his head, falling back against his pillows. It smells bad in there now, like sickness and whisky and camphor and filth. I guess she keeps it as clean as she can.

  Washington says that Virgil and Old Bess had not been paid for over a year, not since Fannie died and Uncle Junius turned all that over to Selena. Washington says Liddy is the only one getting paid on the place now and every time, Selena says it is the last time, there is no more money.

  So Mama Marie is very sick and Uncle Junius is very sick but Christmas is coming anyway. You dont have to celebrate it but you can not stop it, Selena said, though she has stopped Julia and Rachel. She got me to write out the letter telling them not to come as Aunt Cecelia is gone and we are not receiving.

  Social Life is over. People stay away from Agate Hill now as if from a plague house, except for old Doctor Lambeth who still comes out to see Uncle Junius then stays on drinking whisky with Selena. I think he brings it to her. Last time, she staggered out int
o the hall and then stood clutching the newel post for dear life when he left. I was trying to pass unobserved but she saw me, reaching out with her quick strong hand to grab my shoulder. Well? Well, Molly? I know what you are thinking. Her hair fell down in her face and she pushed it back and I saw to my surprise that her eyes were filled with tears.

  I am not thinking anything, I said.

  Its not what it is cracked up to be, Selena said, but not really to me, as if to herself. Its too hard. It is all of it too goddamn hard. Then she seemed to forget me and let go of my shoulder and set off wobbling down the passage toward the kitchen, leaving Uncle Junius door open behind her. I went over to close it so as not to lose the heat. The spirit lamp hissed in the corner. The wood was getting low. He raised his head. Selena? he said.

  I closed the door.

  All he ever says now is Selena, its like she has bewitched him.

  Christmas is coming, you can not stop it, she said. But does Uncle Junius not remember how it used to be? Am I always the only one who must remember everything? Does he not remember how it smelled for instance, when Rom and Spence brought big armfuls of red holly and cedar boughs and pine branches in from the woods to tie along the staircase railing, to line the mantels and stick in the big Chinese vases on either side of the front door and in the parlor? That sharp smell still prickles my nose as I think of it. It meant Christmas along with the smell of the oranges that came from faraway in a wooden box and were much prized for we never saw them at any other time of year.

  Fannies fruitcakes were lined up in the cold corner of the kitchen for weeks on end, drenched with whisky. Julia and Rachel made divinity fudge, and Liddy made fried apple pies. Sometimes we had ham for Christmas dinner but more often it was a big wild turkey which Spence had shot in the woods. It was roasted all day then served on the ironstone platter surrounded by parsnips and sweet potatoes dug up from the cellar. Fannie and Liddy scrimped and worked for weeks on that dinner, and Uncle Junius said the blessing.