by Kiki Archer
Jenna looked back up the quiet slope to check there were no fast approaching skiers. “Should I stop?”
Susan pursed her lips. “Hmmm.”
Jenna elbowed herself closer in to Susan. “What does hmmm mean?”
“It means we’re lying half way down a red run, the chances are we’ll be skied over, or bumped into, or—”
“Kissed,” said Jenna cutting her off mid-sentence and planting her lips firmly onto Susan’s mouth.
Susan dropped her head back down into the cool snow and let the warmth of Jenna’s embrace melt away her objections.
Jenna pulled back. “But you’re right, we may get skied over.” She rolled over and lifted herself up. “This next chairlift’s a long one. I’ll kiss you slowly on there if you like?”
Susan opened her eyes, feeling totally disorientated. “Why am I always the one left in the moment? You walked out of my room last night with such ease and now you’re able to just stop your kiss and get up without a second thought?”
Jenna laughed. “You’d rather I found it a struggle? You’d rather see me unable to tear myself away from you?”
Susan moved her skis into position and laughed. “It’s not a struggle?”
“Not yet.” Jenna watched as her old classmate stood up and balanced on her poles, quickly clipping her boots into their bindings. “But it may become a struggle very quickly. You’re drawing me in, Susan.”
Susan shook her whole body as if freeing herself from the remnants of the fall, but silently knowing she was trying to shake off the aftermath of the kiss: trying to play it cool, just like Jenna was. “It’s a new experience for me, that’s all. New experiences always seem more noteworthy than they actually are.”
“Ooo, was that a dig?” Jenna was grinning.
Susan shrugged. “You do this all of the time. I realise today’s a run of the mill day for you. Kisses before breakfast, snogging on the slopes.” She smiled. “Maybe I just need slightly longer to compute my response to all of this.”
Jenna laughed. “Exactly. You’ve got the time it takes to get to the bottom of this slope to sort out your emotion based keywords.” She jumped forwards in her skis and pushed off with her poles. “Go.”
Susan smiled and composed herself, following on behind and paying careful attention to the bumps up ahead. “I’ll give you one now,” she shouted.
“Oh yeah?” screamed Jenna over her shoulder.
Susan brought her skis together and bent her knees, quickly matching Jenna’s pace. She pulled alongside her and smiled. “Anticipation.”
Jenna nodded, “I like it. As long as it’s not the feeling of expectation then I’m fine. Anticipation’s good, expectation’s not.”
“You’re a psychologist’s dream, Jenna. You know that don’t you?”
Jenna laughed. “Me? What about you and your lack of intimate adult interaction with either of the genders?”
“I’m picky, you’re not,” shouted Susan, bending her knees even further and speeding off ahead.
Jenna shook her head and smiled. “And there’s the pull,” she said to herself. “How can I not be interested in that?”
“Stop talking and ski,” shouted Susan waving her pole in the air.
“Yes, boss,” nodded Jenna, once again enjoying the feeling of second place.
Susan sped down the final section of the slope, enjoying the rush of the run and the buzz of flirtation. She turned sharply to the left and pulled into the metal barriers. “This lift?”
Jenna forced her skis together and pulled to a stop beside Susan. She lifted her arm to the sensor. “Yes, and it’s long.” She pushed through the bar and looked up at the route the chairlift would be taking. It was off-piste and incredibly quiet with clusters of tall pine trees beautifully framed by the imposing mountains. “Make sure you line up next to me,” said Jenna, pushing herself into position and waiting for the yellow barriers to swish open.
Susan did the same and edged into the waiting bay next to Jenna. “Am I about to experience the skiers’ equivalent of the mile high club?”
Jenna gasped, “Susan Quinn! You’re crazy!”
Susan frowned. “What? I thought you wanted to kiss me slowly?” She smiled. “I’m anticipating it.”
Jenna laughed. “You know what the mile high club is, right?”
The yellow barriers opened and both women shuffled forwards. “Kissing on an aeroplane.” Susan rolled her eyes. “Let me guess, you joined it when you were twelve?”
Jenna felt the chair slam into the back of her thighs. “Sixteen actually.” She adjusted herself on the seat and reached for the safety bar. “And it’s shagging, not snogging.”
Susan gasped. “What?”
Jenna continued, “But yes, I am in the chair-affair club.”
“The chair-affair club? You’ve had sex on a chairlift?”
“Uh-huh,” smiled Jenna, “but I have to be honest, you’re moving slightly too fast for me. Can we get to know each another a bit first?”
Susan adjusted herself under the safety bar and placed her poles across her legs. “I’m twenty-six and you’re the third person I’ve ever kissed. Do you really think I’d be suggesting that on day three?”
Jenna narrowed her eyes cheekily. “Maybe. You do have lots of catching up to do.” She smiled. “And anyway I was hoping we might progress to that at some point this week.”
Susan looked away, pretending to admire the snow-topped mountains. “Can we stop messing around and just talk about it properly?”
Jenna laughed. “We are. Humour’s the best way to break the ice after an experience like ours.”
Susan turned back around. “And what exactly is an experience like ours?”
Jenna paused and thought about it for a moment. “Well, neither of us envisioned this happening. We just have to come to terms with it.” She grinned. “But more importantly I want to discuss why you thought the mile high club was about kissing?”
“You can’t have sex on an aeroplane.”
Jenna grinned. “Yes you can, just like you can have sex on a chairlift.”
Susan shifted in her seat. “I’m actually more comfortable talking about emotions.”
“Fine, take it away.”
Susan nodded. “Right. I’ve got my keywords. Let me start.” She composed herself. “When you kissed me last night I felt nervous … apprehensive.” Susan bit on her bottom lip and looked down at the tall trees. She spoke quietly. “But then I might have started to feel a bit excited by it all … A bit aroused. I felt the adrenaline and I was anticipating what was going to happen next, half hoping it would but at the same time praying it wouldn’t.”
Jenna bent her head, trying to get Susan’s attention. “What are you scared of?”
Susan shrugged. “Everything.”
Jenna reached out with her gloved hand and gently lifted Susan’s chin. “But it’s just kissing. What’s wrong with kissing? It doesn’t mean anything. It just means we have a connection and we’re making the most of it. Seeing where it goes.”
Susan wiped her glove along the metal safety bar. “But that’s just it. I’m a planner. I like to know what’s happening. I like to feel in control.”
“And you didn’t feel in control when we kissed?”
“No. Not at all.” Susan re-lived the moment where Jenna pushed her down onto the bed. “I felt totally out of control.”
“But you stopped me?”
Susan shook her head. “Jenna, you’re not understanding me. I don’t do this sort of thing. Ever.”
“With women?”
“No! With anyone.” Susan clenched her fingers inside her gloves. “I’m the lead teacher on a school ski trip, for heaven’s sake. I shouldn’t be re-living my teenage years.”
“So adults don’t kiss, or play around, or get excited by the thrill of secret intimacy?”
“It just feels wrong and I have to admit that I’m still struggling with the whole female thing. I’ve never considered the p
ossibility that I might be gay.” She paused. “I thought Mr Right would show up one day and my life would just fall into place.”
Jenna shrugged. “Okay, so we stop.”
Susan studied Jenna’s relaxed face. “It’s really that easy for you?”
“Yes. I like you, Susan. You intrigue me. We have a connection. Whether that’s from our past or from something else I don’t know.” She raised her eyebrows. “But, we’re not star crossed lovers. This isn’t the next big romance.” Jenna shrugged her shoulders. “We’re just two women who like each other. It’s up to us what we do with that knowledge.”
Susan closed her eyes and listened to the distant sound of laughing skiers. “And what are our options?”
“Look at me then.” Jenna waited for Susan to twist back around and stayed silent until they were facing each other. She lifted her sunglasses and pushed them on top of her beanie hat. “First things first. We stop analysing. Like you said, let’s talk about this once on this chairlift and then never again.”
“Agreed,” said Susan, starting to smile. “How long have we got?”
“Long enough,” said Jenna talking quickly. “Here are our options. Number one. We stop.”
“That’s it?”
“Yes.”
Susan smiled. “Okay, option two?”
“We carry on.”
“That’s it?”
Jenna was the one laughing now. “Yes! It’s that simple. Either we have this experience or we don’t. I get what you’re saying. You’re a novice. You analyse. Things like this seem like they’re a big deal to you.”
“They don’t to you?”
Jenna shook her head. “No! It’s just kissing,” she said, smiling. “And then maybe cuddling, and then…” She grinned widely and showed off her dimples. “We just see where it takes us.”
“So it’s just a bit of fun?”
“Of course it is. Isn’t that what life’s about? Having fun? Gaining experiences? Living for the moment?”
“And what if we become attached to one another?”
“We’re already attached. That’s why we’re sitting here having this discussion.”
Susan fell silent, desperately trying to ignore the nagging questions circling in the pit of her stomach.
“Just ask me,” laughed Jenna.
“Ask you what?”
“Whatever’s playing on your mind right now. I can see your eyes darting around behind your sunglasses.”
“Fine,” said Susan, sitting more upright in the chair and deciding to brave it. “How do I know you’re being serious? How do I know you’re not using me?” She took off her glasses and pushed them on top of her hat. “How do I know this isn’t one big dare set up by Amber? How do I know I won’t fall for you and end up hurt because you seem to move from woman to woman to woman like you’re walking through a department store trying everything on with absolutely no intention of buying.” She paused. “How do I know I’m not just the next in a long line?”
“You don’t.”
Susan frowned. “Should I trust you?”
“Probably not.”
Susan laughed at Jenna’s honest response. “Does this usually work with your women?”
“I don’t usually have in-depth conversations like this. I’ve told you. You connect with someone, you enjoy the experience, and you see where it goes.”
Susan leaned forwards. “But it never goes anywhere!”
Jenna laughed. “It does! Why are you putting me under such pressure?”
“It doesn’t! You said it yourself, you’ve not really had girlfriends and I can’t for the life of me understand why. All I can guess is that you get bored, or you feel trapped, or you get scared of commitment, or monogamy, or both.”
“I’m twenty-six. It’ll happen when it happens.”
“So you’re not averse to falling in love? Truly falling in love and staying with one woman.”
Jenna widened her eyes. “No. Not at all … But she has to be special.” She sighed. “It sounds stupid, but I want the dream. I don’t want to settle for anything less.”
Susan was deeply intrigued. “And what’s the dream?”
“Can we just join the chair-affair club instead?”
“No. What’s the dream?”
Jenna exhaled heavily and turned her head, staring forwards at the never ending line of cable cars that were being pulled up the mountain. “I want to meet the one. I want to know she’s the one without having to ask myself the question.” She shrugged and turned back around. “It’s a cliché but I want to find my soul mate: the person who’ll complete me.”
“And you don’t think you’ve found her yet?”
“Of course not. That’s why I have fun and enjoy myself.” She reached into her jacket pocket and pulled out the small silver hip flask. “Someone told me that love comes when you least expect it.” She unscrewed the lid as carefully as her thick ski gloves would allow and took a sip. “But to be honest I never expect anything from anyone anyway.” She passed the flask over to Susan. “I’m one of those if you want something done, do it yourself, type of people.”
Susan took hold of the flask but didn’t drink. “Who was she? This woman who broke your heart?”
“What?”
“I’m guessing you were early twenties? She was your first true love? She let you down? Or mistreated you? Or left you for someone else? And now you’re deeply scarred and very scared of letting anyone get close to you in case it happens all over again.”
“As if!” laughed Jenna, taking back the hip flask. She lifted it to her lips and sipped again. “Can I tear your persona to shreds now?”
Susan reached for the alcohol. “I didn’t have any, and that’s not what I’ve done.” She lifted the flask and smelt the wonderfully sweet aroma of cherries. “But human behaviour fascinates me. There’s always a reason that explains why people end up the way they do.”
“Uh-huh,” said Jenna, watching Susan take a dainty little sip, “and what’s yours?”
Susan returned the flask and sighed. “That’s easy. I have the ugly duckling syndrome. You remember what I looked like at school? I was awkward and gangly and no one ever really spoke to me.”
“I did.”
“Only occasionally. Yes, you were kind to me, but we weren’t friends. I never had close friends. Us geeky girls stuck together, but we all knew the truth.”
“Which was?”
“We were outcasts.”
Jenna reached over and shook Susan’s thigh. “Oh I wish we could go back. I’d be your friend.”
Susan smiled. “You’re more than making up for it now.” She shrugged. “But seriously, I had my confidence knocked.” She shook her head. “No, scratch that, I’ve never really found my confidence. I kept myself to myself at school, then I went off to Cambridge where it was easy to hide away in the library and be that quiet, studious young woman. I passed my exams and headed back to St Wilf’s to do my PGCE.”
“What about that guy? The one you tried to have sex with?”
Susan laughed. “We did have sex … eventually.” She paused, remembering. “It was underwhelming.”
“But that must have boosted your confidence? Interest from a guy?”
“Not really. He suffered with erectile dysfunction.”
Jenna burst out laughing. “Oh, babe, I’m not sure who’s more tragic.”
“So you agree you’re tragic then? You’re aware you’re not in the place you want to be?” Susan had her eyes directly on Jenna.
Jenna snapped her fingers in her gloves. “Damn, you’re too sharp for me.” She smiled a genuine, but slightly sad, smile. “I’m having fun. It’s fun. But sometimes I might … possibly ... maybe … yearn for a bit more.” She shrugged. “Oh I don’t know. I guess I’m looking for that deep connection. That something special. But I’m not going out of my way to try and find it. Women can be so complex and emotional and I like to keep things simple.” She shifted slightly in her seat, well
aware that her bottom would be completely numb by the time they reached the top. “But we were talking about you, missy! So, you were an ugly duckling when you were younger, but now you’re a swan. Please tell me you’ve figured that out?”
“I’m hardly a swan. I’m more like a moorhen. You know, those little black water birds that dart around nervously, keeping themselves to themselves. They’re interesting to look at for short periods of time, but they’re nothing special.”
Jenna shunted in as close as she could. “You are special, Susan. I just wish you could see that.”
Susan smiled. “And you are worth more than the countless random sexual encounters you insist upon having.”
Jenna resisted the temptation to answer back, choosing instead to lean forwards and kiss Susan gently.
Susan felt the warm, sweet taste of Jenna’s mouth on her own. She closed her eyes, instantly oblivious to the whirring wires above them and the distant sound of skiers carving through the snow. All Susan could hear was her heartbeat. She was totally consumed in the kiss. Jenna’s lips were pushing harder, her tongue was exploring deeper and their moaning was getting louder. Susan pulled away and gasped. “We just see where it goes?”
“We just see where it goes,” whispered Jenna, moving straight back into their embrace.
Chapter Fourteen
Champagne snorted, “This just tops it all off! We spent the morning getting told off by Hugo, the afternoon getting stuck on a chairlift, and now we have to spend the evening with that bunch of chavs from Manchester.”
Jenna tried to stifle her laughter. “Chavs?”
“Yeah that boy with the fake gold chains and that girl with the diamante tracksuit. What are the comp kids doing here?”
“They’ve come to ice skate like us. This is a public rink, Champagne. It must be their designated evening activity.”
Champagne flung her huge pink cashmere scarf over her shoulder and looked onto the ice. “He keeps staring at me. It’s freaking me out.”
Jenna took another step forwards in the queue and lifted her hands to the large open air rink. “Most people are staring at you, Champagne. It’s not often they see a woman dressed head to toe in skin tight pink.”