Hive Queen

by Sinclair, Grayson

  She shrugged. “Oh, I don’t mind. I completely understand. The Alice isn’t known for her kindness, and I’m sure her contract was probably as ruthless as she is.”

  “That’s putting it mildly,” Raven replied.

  “Anyway, Sam trusts you, and that’s good enough for me.”

  “How do you know that?” Raven asked.

  Eris smiled at her and let her hand go, turning to me. “Because we are bonded, I can feel what he feels, but even without that, it’s plain in his eyes, his bearing. He relaxes around you, which tells me he trusts you, and that’s all I need to know.”

  Raven beamed at her. “Thank you, but I still think Duran isn’t exactly comfortable with the arrangement. If it’s his choice, I will unbind with him.”

  “I think we can table that discussion for another time,” I said, gesturing around the empty room. “I’m in desperate need of a bath and to catch up on my sleep. We can talk more in the morning.”

  “Of course.”

  We filed out of the guildhall and to the third floor, I showed Raven to her room, the one Eris had been staying in when this all started. I told her to come get me if she needed anything and bid her a good night.

  After heading back to our room, Eris and I took the longest bath ever, and by the time my pruned and shriveled skin had soaked up a gallon of water, we got out and dried off, falling into bed together.

  “Sleep,” I moaned.

  “Not quite, my love,” Eris said, despair filling her eyes.

  “Right.” I sat up and pulled the tie from my hair. Guess we’d better get this over with.

  I couldn’t stop the anger and betrayal from creeping back from where I’d locked them away. They came willingly, and my heart burned in anguish.

  “You slept with someone else. The spider queen, if the notification is any indication.”

  “I did,” she said with hardly any emotion.

  I shot up from the bed and whirled on her. “Why?”

  “Because I needed her power, and that was the price she asked of me. That doesn’t excuse what I did, though. I knew it would hurt you, but I still chose to agree to it.” Eris paused. “I’m sorry I hurt you, my bonded. I am. But I needed Reina’s blessing.”

  “So that makes it okay?”

  I threw my hands up and paced the room, trying not to scream at her. The pacing helped while I waited for her response.

  Eris didn’t say anything for a long time, her head down and her arms folded over her chest as she sat on the bed.

  “I nearly died, Sam. It was so close, and I know you felt what I felt. I nearly died because I’m weak, weaker than anyone here, and that can’t continue. I refuse to let it continue.” She stood and padded over to me, her hand found mine and she gave it a squeeze. “I love you. I love you as much as I’ve ever loved anyone, but Reina reminded me that I’m not human. And I shouldn’t hold myself to human ideals.

  “There is absolutely no love between Reina and I. It was simply an exchange of favors. My kind thrived on the practice, as I told you. It was business.”

  Her response was clear, logical, and I hated it. I hated that I understood her motivations. But I knew she wouldn’t have just done it because she wanted to. She isn’t that kind of person. I knew she had to have a very good reason to sleep with someone else. My anger is just because she did it.

  My rage boiled to the surface, and I turned away from her, slamming my fist into the wall. Bone cracked, and the skin over my knuckles split open. “Godsdamn it, Eris. I get it!”

  I turned and sagged to the ground, completely ignoring the pain in my hand. She was right, and I hated it.

  My rage slipped out as cold apathy gripped me. I was too worn down. Too much had happened in the last few days, and I couldn’t handle it. I brought my knees to my chest and laid my head on my arms.

  “You’re right. You’re not human, and I can’t stop you. Do whatever you want, I don’t care.”

  Chapter 24 - Acceptance

  Eris

  Sam’s words cut deeper than any blade, and I sucked in a breath as a cold weight pressed down my chest. As he hung his head, his voice defeated, I couldn’t stop the tears that rushed over my cheeks. I’d hurt him so bad, and I didn’t know how to fix it.

  I dropped to my knees and crawled across the stone to him. My hands tugged at his warm skin. He tensed as I touched him, and my heart broke again. I grabbed for his hand, the one he’d damaged.

  I tore my shirt off and ripped a long strip from it. He gave me the hand I gingerly wrapped and tied a knot to keep the bandage from falling off. When the blood stopped dripping, I just held his hand in mine, unsure of what to do.

  Sam refused to look at me, his head hidden by his knees.

  I couldn’t take it. I pushed in between his legs and cupped his head in my hands.

  “Sam, look at me.”

  He didn’t move, and my desperation grew.

  “Sam, please.” My voice broke and I choked as I sobbed. I clutched at him, my hands digging into his shirt. “Please.”

  His head lifted as I devolved into hysterics and bawled into his chest. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” I didn’t know what else to say, and my voice failed me as I cried.

  Sam’s powerful arms wrapped around me and brought me closer. I only cried harder at his touch and clung to him with everything I had.

  His warm cheek brushed against mine, and he held me for a very long time before he spoke.

  “I forgive you.”

  I only cried harder at his words, I cried until I had no more tears to cry and my throat hurt from the strain. Sam eventually picked me up and held me tight as he took me to our bed.

  He didn’t say another word as he leaned back against his headboard and ran his fingers through my hair. We stayed that way for hours, until eventually the emotional drain and exhaustion settled in and I fell asleep, still holding onto him.

  ***

  I didn’t know what time it was when I finally awoke, but from the way my eyes stuck together, I guessed we’d been asleep for a very long time. The events of the night rushed back to me, and a well of emotions rose in my chest.

  Sam had forgiven me; his words and his touch told me that, but I wasn’t sure if I’d forgiven myself, not of the act itself. I knew that I’d made the right choice there, but the pain that I’d caused him was something I didn’t know if I could ever forgive myself for.

  Sam breathed gently as he slept on his side beside me, his bare back presented to me. I never tired of staring at him, at his muscles as they rose and fell with every breath.

  I placed my hand in between his shoulder blades and caressed down his back ever so slightly, just to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. Words can’t express how much I missed you, Sam. I leaned over and kissed his cheek, trying not to let his stubble tickle my cheek.

  “Sleep, love. You’ve earned it,” I whispered.

  It was early, just after sunrise, and I should’ve been tired considering how much I’d slept the night before, but I guess we both needed the sleep. I’d never felt as refreshed as I did now. Though a slightly soured stench wrinkled my nose. I need a bath.

  When I was clean, I dressed in a copper-colored tunic that perfectly matched Sam’s hair and a pair of black pants that Yumiko had let me borrow.

  Sam hadn’t had an easy time the past few weeks, so I let him sleep.

  Guess I’ll train. I tied back my hair and crept out of the room to pad down to the second-floor training room. I was alone when I entered and quickly began warming up like Evelyn had taught me. When I was limber, I started on several exercises, called calisthenics, in order to increase my endurance and flexibility.

  They were tough, and afterward, I was heaving and dripping sweat. All right, stretching time.

  It was another of Evelyn’s routines, and after I spent nearly thirty minutes trying to dislocate my limbs by contorting them to every possible angle, I was ready for my archery training.

  I grabbed a washrag
and doused it in a metal bucket with a sliver of fire stone inside to heat the water. I cleaned the sweat off as best I could and drank deeply from a waterskin hanging on a nail by the door.

  The archery range was outside the castle in a courtyard beside the inner bailey. By the time I reached the walled-off stone area, the sun was bright over a cloudless sky. I ignored the rising heat and grabbed a wooden recurve bow from the covered rack next to the range.

  I nocked an arrow and lined up at the circular straw target twenty-five yards away. The world dimmed as I focused on what Evelyn had taught me, slowing my breathing and waiting for the space between heart beats. I released the arrow, and it struck home several inches off center.

  “You’re tensing at the release,” a voice said, breaking the silence.

  I jumped and whirled around, trying not to shout as I stared at Yumiko, bow and quiver in hand, leaning against the side wall next to me.

  She laughed and smiled at me. “Sorry, didn’t mean to sneak up on you, but I figured with your hearing, you’d have heard me coming. I wasn’t quiet.”

  “I was focused on my breathing and listening to my heartbeat.”

  Yumiko came up beside me and slung her quiver over her shoulder. She drew and nocked an arrow in a flash and released it just as quick. It struck dead center in her target.

  “The way Evelyn trains isn’t wrong. Hell, she taught me most of what I know, but her method isn’t exactly right for you, not with how adamant you are about sticking close to Duran—and given his penchants for trouble, you’ll be getting into more fights and don’t need the beginner’s version of her training.

  “Here, let me help you.”

  She set down her bow and came up right behind me. Her hands were light on my skin, but her thick calluses rubbed roughly as she adjusted my form ever so slightly. “Now, nock and draw.”

  I did as she told me and readied my arrow. I sighted up my destination and waited for her instruction. “You’re holding in your breath while aiming and letting it out too fast when firing. It’s causing you to twitch just so. It takes practice, but you must keep breathing. In slow and out slow, fire at the end of the breath. It takes a lot of practice, but it’ll help you when you can time your shots to coincide with your breathing.”

  She backed off and told me to give it a shot. I focused on what she told me and didn’t hitch my breathing while going through the motions. I had my shot, and I released at the exhale. It landed just above the center, but it was closer this time, and it was smooth, rather than jerky.

  Yumiko brushed a loose strand of hair over her ear and nodded. “Better. You won’t master it overnight, but you’ve got the basics down enough. Just keep practicing, every day if you can. You’ll get there,” she said and began her own training. “Oh, and one more thing. Never let Harper try and train you. That idiot is a damn good shot, but his skill can’t exactly be taught, and he has too many bad habits.”

  I told her I would only let her or Evelyn teach me, and we spent the next hour or so going through dozens of arrows. Little by little, shot by shot, I was getting better, more comfortable with the weapon in my hands. Even Yumiko praised me a few times, and that made suffering under the beating sun all worthwhile.

  When I’d done as much as I could, and my arms started shaking with fatigue, I called it quits and went to take a bath and wake Sam. He was still sleeping when I came in, so I padded over and kissed his hair before taking the second bath of the day. It was much shorter than the first, and by the time I’d changed, my stomach was rebelling at the lack of food.

  “Sam, time to get up,” I called as I exited the bath.

  “Ugh, don’ wanna.”

  I chucked as I changed clothes and slid next to him in bed. I kissed his neck all the way up to his lips and lingered just above his lips. “Don’t make me get the spiders,” I said, teasing.

  His eyes bolted open to see my smiling face peering down at him.

  “You’re evil.”

  “Yep.” I kissed him softly. “Now let’s get up. I’m starving.”

  “Uh-uh.”

  So fast I didn’t have time to react, Sam grabbed me and locked his legs around the back of my knees. He rolled with his whole body and pinned me to the bed.

  I yelped in surprise as he smiled down at me, all traces of the anger and pain last gone from his eyes. Only love remained, and it mirrored the look in my eyes.

  “We have unfinished business, love,” he said with a smirk.

  “And what would that be?”

  He leaned down and pressed his lips to mine. I returned his kiss and pried his mouth opened with my tongue, meeting his and pulling him close to me. I ran my tongue around his mouth, and my eyes widened when I passed over his teeth.

  I pulled back, catching my breath before I spoke. “Sam, your teeth?”

  He shook his head softly, letting his copper strands fall over us like a curtain. “We can talk more later, but I think we both deserve a proper homecoming, don’t you?”

  I couldn’t agree more, and I told him with my touch as I grabbed him by the collar and pulled him down to me.

  An hour or so later and after another bath, we got dressed.

  Sam went to fix his nest of copper hair. By the time he came out a few minutes later, he looked much more refreshed. He wore a royal blue shirt and gray washed pants. As I was walking toward the door, his hand grabbed mine and stopped me.

  “What is it?” I asked, my stomach gurgling loudly.

  His expression darkened. “There’s something I need to tell you, should’ve told you yesterday, but we had so much going on I didn’t want to add to it. But you need to know, and I don’t have the right to keep it from you.”

  Sam’s expression was forlorn, pained. Whatever he had to tell me was hurting him, and that worried me. “What is it?”

  “When I was brought to Magnus, I met someone. Her name is Aliria, and she’s y─”

  “She’s an entomancer. I know, Reina told me about her.”

  He paused, his eyes haunted. “No, Eris. Aliria is your mother.”

  That familiar age-old pain shoved a dagger through my chest and caught my breath. Chills crawled over my skin, and my mouth went dry. “What? That’s─that’s impossible.”

  “I know, I can’t explain it either.”

  “No!” I shouted, my hands going to my temples as blood pounded too loud through my head. “I watched her die; you watched her die in the Mnemosyne. It’s not her, it can’t be.”

  He stepped to me and pulled me close, holding me tight while my strength failed me.

  I had no more tears to cry, and after a while of fighting my emotions and trying to understand what he’d told me, I finally took a deep breath. Calm down. I need to calm down. I dabbed at my puffy eyes and blew my nose as Sam stroked my hair and cheek.

  “Are you sure?” I asked, terrified of the answer either way.

  His chin pressed to the top on my scalp as he nodded. “She looks just like you, and she knew things that make it unquestionable. It’s her.”

  “How?”

  “I don’t know. My first guess is Magnus. His power is unlike anything any of us have seen before. He said he wasn’t, but I think he’s manipulating the system somehow.”

  I wrapped my hand around his. “What does that mean?”

  Sam sighed, his breath blew soft through my hair. “I can’t really explain it; it wouldn’t make sense to you. But basically, I think Magnus has powers that exceed the bounds of this world. He can do things that shouldn’t be possible, but are.”

  I stood from the bed, too many conflicting emotions running through my head. I needed some time to think, to process.

  “Thank you for being honest with me, but I think I need to be alone right now,” I said, my heart in tatters.

  Sam came over and kissed the top of my head. “I’ll be here when you need me.”

  I left the room, unsure of where I wanted to go, but knowing I couldn’t just sit in Sam’s room. I’d fall t
o pieces if I did. I wandered around at random, barely acknowledging the presence of the maids and guards who walked by. I soon found myself outside, along the walls of the castle.

  The gray stone shrank in the sunlight overhead and tempted my skin with sweat. I walked around until I faced Lake Gloom. A subtle breeze rolled through, bringing the pungent scent of the water rising to my nose. It’s peaceful here. The sun is hot against my skin, and I’m surrounded by nature.

  Mother is alive.

  She’s alive.

  I couldn’t put into words how that made me feel, but it was something that I had to face, had to deal with. I just didn’t know how.

  The sun sat high in the sky when I arrived, but by the time I roused myself from staring at the water, it had begun to fall back over the horizon. I’d spent hours trying to sort through my emotions, and I was no closer than when I started.

  Maybe this isn’t something I can understand. Maybe I just need to go see her. I’ll understand everything then.

  It wasn’t much, but it was a goal. Something I could wrap my head around and push toward. It would have to be good enough, and if it wasn’t, I knew Sam would always be there. Despite my actions, despite the storm I stirred up with what I’d done, we’d both come out the other side relatively unscathed. I was grateful for that, that we could still be ourselves after what happened. That’s really all I need. We can work through anything as long as we’re together.

  My spirits were up, which was the best I could’ve hoped for, and I turned to head back inside when I found someone walking towards me.

  It was Raven, the shapeshifter Sam had befriended. We hadn’t spoken but briefly when he arrived back. She was gorgeous, but that hardly mattered when it came to my bonded. He said she was kind, and that was much more important. Though, her beauty isn’t a bad thing.

  Her silken pitch hair was so dark, it could rival the void; her face held a softness that didn’t match her blood-red eyes. They were the eyes of those who’d seen the worst of the world. They mirrored Sam’s eyes perfectly.

  I snorted. Mine too, probably. We’ve all seen things no living creature should witness and survive, yet we have, and somehow found our way into each other’s lives. Maybe it’s fate.