by Gabrielle G.
Knowing her, she wrote and deleted that text a couple of times before sending it. Glancing around, I see Peter is back on the floor and go to my office to reply. I wouldn’t be against us texting more either. I’ve been craving her words and her attention. Sitting on my chair, I Iet my thumbs tell her what she needs to hear.
Me: I’ve been here waiting for you to give me a sign.
Tessa: A kiss emoji a day isn’t enough of a sign for you?
Me: Not if it’s the only sign I receive. I knew it meant you were thinking of me, but I also knew you were keeping me at arm’s length.
Tessa: And thank you for not pushing for too much.
Me: Thank you for opening the door to communication again. So how have you been?
Tessa: I’ve been good. I’ve found a new coach, got a job in engineering again, getting my life back on track.
I should be happy, or at least, feel happy for her. It’s great news. But my heart sinks thinking that she’s making roots in Virginia. A new coach, a new career, that doesn’t seem like a good omen for her to join me in New York ever, but I can’t be selfish.
Me: That’s great. So proud of you.
I know I promised no bullshit but I can’t be an asshole either.
Tessa: Yeah it feels good. Mark and Quinn helped me a lot, pulled some ropes and made some phone calls. I’m getting back on track. I’ve spoken a lot with Andre too.
Me: That’s good.
I’m not touching this with a ten-foot pole. I don’t want to talk about her stepdad or her mother. I want to talk about her, what she’s doing and how she’s feeling.
Tessa: And you, how are you doing?
Me: Good. Therapy is fine. Learning a lot about grief and avoidance. Letting go of my guilt isn’t always easy, but I’m working on my obsessions.
Tessa: That’s good. I want you to be happy.
Me: And I want you to be happy too.
Tessa: I mostly am.
Me: Well let’s make you fully happy then. What are you missing?
I pray she’ll answer she needs me but I know better.
Tessa: It’s just not easy to reconcile having found someone like you and accept our timing was off.
Me: And it’s not easy texting with a hard dick. But again, we do what we can. I’ll be there Tessa. I’m not going anywhere.
I’m again facing my two doors. Denial and Truth. I don’t tell her that this conversation is killing every hope I have of us being together, I still open the truth door in front of me and step past the threshold.
Tessa and I are likely never going to happen.
We’ll be a distant relationship with a faltering connection.
Having hope isn’t going to help me move on.
Some love stories aren’t meant to be happily ever afters. Maybe she was meant to only mend me. Maybe she was meant to get me back on the saddle of love. Maybe she was meant for me but we aren’t meant to live a beautiful love story. Maybe…
Me: I have to go, Blue-hair. Text me whenever you want.
I cut the conversation short and put my phone away. Maybe I would have preferred a kiss emoji after all.
Chapter Thirty-Three
TESSA
“That’s too much for my brother, Tessa. You freaked him out.” Anna says looking over my shoulder. I arrived in New York a little more than two weeks ago and as she promised Mark, Anna’s been helping me settle down while keeping it a secret from her brother—and letting me know every day how she dislikes being secretive about it. We’re hanging out in my kitchen, standing around the little table I have there, commenting about the texts I send Oliver as if it was a live television event.
“No I didn’t, Anna. He’s just busy.”
“Show me,” Naomi steps in the conversation and takes the phone from my hand while handing me her baby.
The kid is always in someone's arms, never with his nanny but I don’t think it’s my place to say anything. So I take Aito and snuggle with him while Naomi goes through my messages with Oliver. I tried to keep those two girls at arm’s length, but it was quite impossible once they understood my reasons for not following Oliver right away. They all had freak-outs and as a boss lady, Anna was very supportive of me not wanting to have Oliver as my provider while I was getting my life together.
I told them everything. How at the beginning, I was really walking away from him. But the ten days following my decision, I felt worse than after King died. Okay maybe not worse but at least as depressed.
Quinn got worried.
He was a doting friend and after a few days of me not moving from my bed and drinking only my tears to subsist, he decided to call my therapist. He explained it all to her and once she learned that the man I was crying for was Oliver Spencer, she came to my place and we talked about him. Not as a therapist, but as Oliver’s quasi mother. I was in shock and amused by the situation. This lady surely loves Green-eyes more than my mother ever loved me.
She went on and on about how much strength it took him to take the step he did with me and opened my eyes to all the reasons I thought I had to stay in Virginia were “a pile of bullshit,” compared to the love story I could live.
Her and Quinn, called Mark who then called Anna and a full plan was put in place. I had a support system if I wanted to move to New York but I didn’t have to rely on him. I saw it as a win-win. Dan and Anna rented me one of the apartments they own in the city for a ridiculous price. I found a job as an engineer for BMW in Woodcliff Lake, NJ, and train at the racing tracks close by. The commute is a bitch, but I have to do what I have to do. As for my therapy, Dr. Saman is FaceTiming me every week. It isn’t conventional, but I refuse to go see anyone else.
“Oh yeah, you spooked him bad girl,” Naomi says. “Already the kissing emojis were a bad idea, but there you just told him you’re building a life without him, then you tell him your timing was off. Knowing Ol, he’s ready to jump into anyone’s arms so he can forget you. That’s something the Spencers do.” She winks at Anna who laughs. There is certainly a story there I’m not part of yet.
“I just need a little more time,” I tell them, rocking Aito back and forth in my arms.
“For what?” Anna asks. “Do you think I was ready when I jumped on to a plane going to London? I was freaking out, and I hate flying. But the guy I had feelings for needed me so there I went. End of story.”
I turn to Naomi for her to tell me her story with Lars. Isn’t it how these things go? One friend shares something and then the other friend tells you also how it went down for her and how dumb you are? Naomi shakes her head.
“Don’t look at her,” Anna says, “Lars and Naomi were the dumbest people when it came to their love story. They didn’t talk for months because they couldn’t see what everyone else saw… they were in love from the start! So fucking stubborn.” She rolls her eyes and moves her bangs to the side.
“I gave you a nephew, stop being an asshole, Anna!” Naomi shrugs, still holding my phone. They told me they used to work together, Naomi was Anna’s assistant in Montreal, and I can barely believe it. Because of Anna working in Montreal, and Naomi being full time in New York with Lars—mostly because of Oliver being here and Aito’s shared custody—I’ve seen Naomi more than Anna, and I don’t see her being the assistant of someone. She’s like the boss of everyone. The dynamic between the two might have been interesting.
“Of course, I’m the asshole, not you who—” Naomi lunges for Anna and puts her hand on her mouth to prevent her from finishing her sentence.
“We’re done with you saying it Anna Spencer Darling! Done. Your brother is still my best friend and the father of my child. Do not bring it up again!”
Let’s make sure I never piss off Naomi. The girl is badass. She makes me think of this Leo girl I met in Virginia who helped with Oliver’s rescue.
“Ladies, can we go back to Oliver?” I ask. “Did I really fuck it up?”
“Yes,” they both answer in unison, Naomi still holding Anna by the neck.
>
“Look,” Anna says after freeing herself from Naomi’s hold. ”You wanted a month before telling him you were in town but I don’t think you have the time anymore. Like Naomi said, he’s going to jump back in to old habits and fuck anything with a pulse. Up to you to know if you’re ready to let him go for good. But then it makes that move in the city a little obsolete.”
Anna is good at trying to manipulate me but I can see she’s full of shit. I decide to call her out on it.
“You’re saying that so you can be here for the reunion and not stuck at work in Montreal while we’re all in New York having fun,” I smirk. Naomi bursts out laughing which reminds her son of her existence and makes him fuss a little.
“She knows you so well already,” Naomi tells her friend. “Listen Tessa, he will certainly fuck around a little if he thinks he has no chance with you anymore, but his heart will be loyal, because that’s who Oliver is. The most loyal friend and a pretty skilled lover.”
“Please,” Anna gags, “it’s my brother you’re talking about. For once he met a girl who wasn’t one of my friends, why did I have to befriend her.” She throws her hand on her forehead in a dramatic way.
Naomi and I ignore her. Aito moves around wanting his mother and I gesture to give him back. “No,” she says, “you’d better get used to calming him down and taking care of him, because he’s the extra cuteness that comes with Oliver.”
“You’re the most understanding ex-girlfriend I know,” I tell her. “Not many women would be so helpful with the girl in love with their ex.”
“That’s because I was never his. We aren’t exes. We’re best friends who used to have a lot of benefits but now only have a bundle of love to share. You changed him. You fixed him. And you would be very fucking stupid not to claim him.” She takes my phone from the table and hands it to me. “Call him and tell him to meet you in half an hour.”
“No,” I say. “Hell no. Thirty minutes is too early.” My stomach churns at the idea of seeing him in less than an hour. I would already need fifteen minutes to shower, then another fifteen to get ready and that’s if I find the right outfit on the first try. Then I need to go wherever we will meet and…
“She’s thinking about it,” Anna muses. “Well done, my friend!” She high-fives Naomi.
“You don’t need to shower, or to put makeup on. He didn’t fall in love with your looks but with your soul and your heart. You could walk in with a potato bag as a dress and he would still be glad you’d be standing in front of him telling him you want to love and date him.”
“True,” Anna says. “Just give us the baby though. He might get in the way.”
“Or take the baby and show him how ready you are to be part of his life.”
“Yeaaaah, like a romantic comedy. All mushy lovey and butterflies everywhere.” Fed up with these two, I give Naomi her son back and walk away toward my bedroom to at least have a glance at what I look like.
“I think we’ve upset her,” Anna says following me.
“Or we’re so annoying she prefers to run toward him than stay with us.” Naomi adds, also right behind me.
“You two are annoying,” I finally snap while trying to find my hairbrush.
“We’re romantics at heart,” Naomi says with her voice dripping of sarcasm.
“Yeah what she said,” Anna laughs.
“How is the Adrenaline Junkie feeling now?” Naomi asks.
I flip them the bird and roll my eyes, not showing them how glad I am to have found friends in Oliver’s entourage. They’ve accepted me without hesitations and didn’t even blink when I told them I needed a little adrenaline in my veins to live life fully. They even helped me find tracks where I could train and just reminded me it was forbidden to jump off buildings in NYC.
“Is your heart jumping out of your chest?”
“Are your panties wet?” Naomi adds.
“Seriously, it’s still my brother we’re talking about!” Anna chastises her.
“One day I’ll tell her how we made your nephew at your bachelorette party…” Naomi jokes.
“I thought you were drunk and didn’t remember?”
Naomi shrugs and doesn’t answer. I don’t listen to their conversations while I try to find a T-shirt that makes me look somewhat sexy and presentable. I still haven’t texted him but I’ve made up my mind. I don’t know how, and I don’t know where, but it’s time to claim what’s mine.
“I love how determined you look. It’s very sexy.” Anna says.
“That’s what Ol loves in a woman. Well except for Julie!”
“Who’s Julie? I ask, frowning.
“A dumbass!” - “A friend!” Naomi and Anna both say at the same time.
They continue to bicker about the topic while I abandon my leggings for a pair of jeans. Looking at myself in the mirror, I pause when I realize my eyes are sparkling like champagne in the sun. I’m terrified but happy about taking that next step.
“Sorry to interrupt your friendship quarrel but I’m ready.” I tell the girls.
“Ok so how do you want to do this?” Anna asks.
“Aren’t your men at the bar?” I ask. They both nod. “Ok so here is what I want to do.”
While I lay my not so wonderful plan to my new friends, I glance at King’s picture on my dresser. And maybe it’s my imagination, but his smile looks brighter too. And as I close the door behind me, I hear him say “Go get the guy,” but again, I’m sure it’s a product of my imagination.
Chapter Thirty-Four
OLIVER
“Okay, brother-in-law dearest, let’s go!” Dan barges into my office, stripping me away from my thoughts about Tessa and our compromised future. I’ve been trying to find a solution, to find arguments to convince her, but I keep coming up blank. As unfair as it is, I’m not relocating my son, or asking his other set of parents to move to Virginia so I can be with the woman I love.
We’re not in a movie.
Reality kicks you in the balls when you’re in love.
If she’s not moving to New York, if she’s settling roots away from me, I think we’re done.
But the idea doesn’t sit well with me.
There must be a solution.
Maybe if I talk it out with Mark, he can find me a job and I could be in Virginia every other week when I don’t have Aito. It still means I would see my son less than now, but it could be a compromise. I wouldn’t have to sell the bar, just trust Peter and Joe a little more. He did a good job when I was away after all and maybe I don’t need to be breathing down his neck all the time.
But does Tessa even want me there with her?
“Oliver… We don’t have all day.” Dan is an impatient man and a major pain in our asses when he wants something. I’m not in the mood for one of Dan’s conversations—he’s a little hard to follow—nor for an intervention. There is a big chance, him, Lars, Naomi and Anna are going to sit me down and tell me I’m an absolute dumbass to have not fought a little more for Tessa to come with me, or for at least asking for her to come.
“Where are we going?” I sigh. I walk around my desk and check that the window is closed. I’ve been working hard to kick the ass of my bad habits and talked to my entourage about them, but under stress I tend to return to my old self. Difference is now, I asked my friends to tell me to stop so I can try to snap out of it.
“Stop it, Oliver. Don’t start your crazy behavior.” I give him a stern look. “I can say crazy, that’s what I am.”
I shake my head, my heart sinking for his daily reality. It always bothers me when he speaks that way about himself. An ex-girlfriend cutting all your shirts with scissors or a fan running you over, that’s crazy. A mental disorder has nothing to do with crazy.
“Dan, you’re not but my sister is...” I try to lighten up the conversation. Even if Anna had her reasons—her ex was a scumbag—she went a little nuts and shredded his shirts one by one. It’s my duty as a brother to make fun of her for life.
Dan laugh
s, “she sure is… and that’s why she needs you at our apartment right now. Something about your parents, nothing bad, but enough to make her go in one of those long monologues on the phone that I don’t know how to deal with but you’re an expert at. So let’s go.”
I dread anything to do with my parents. They are cold-hearted bastards who are into weird shit and would have preferred not to have kids.
“What have they done now?” I ask, getting my keys from my desk to close my office door. Waiting for Dan’s answer I do it once and then unlock the door to do it again, and once more. I’m on my fourth ritual when Dan takes the keys from my hands and locks it once and for all.
“They’re coming. Seems they want to meet their grandchild.”
I choke on my own saliva hearing the news. “My parents are coming? They didn’t come to your wedding, haven’t set foot anywhere outside France in years but they are coming? Here?”
Dan nods while handing me back my keys. “I can’t wait to finally meet them,” he says sarcastically. I close my eyes and take a deep breath.
“What are we talking about?” Lars asks.