Soul Fire

by Legacy, Aprille

  I fidgeted uncomfortably, trying to find the right words to begin what I wanted to say. I opened my mouth, still unsure of what was going to come out.

  “Don’t,” he pleaded suddenly. “Please don’t do what you’re about to do.”

  Ice shot through my veins.

  “I’m sorry,” I heard myself say. “But, Dustin, you can feel it too, can’t you? You know that this is the-“

  “Don’t say ‘the end’,” he got up and paced to the other side of the room. “How about a break? For a week? You might feel differently then.”

  I highly doubted it, but I felt myself nod curtly. One more week, and then it would be over.

  “Alright,” I murmured. “But, Dustin, I don’t think-“

  “Please,” he came back over to me and pulled me to my feet. “One week to think about it.”

  He kissed me before I could stop him. He was comfortable and familiar but there was no flame there anymore. I suddenly wondered what kissing Phoenix would be like...

  I broke away from him. I wasn’t about to look him in the eye.

  “I’ll see you in a week,” I mumbled, and then hurried out of his room and to my own.

  I slumped onto my bed, Morri perching on my bed head, peeping every now and then. I hugged my knees to my chest, feeling like I was going to burst. Tears welled up and spilled down my cheeks. I felt absolutely awful. Why couldn’t I like Dustin? I had in the beginning, I knew it. It was new and exciting, I thought about him as I went to sleep and day dreamed about him. But now all I felt towards him was annoyance and frustration.

  Why do you have to be so clingy? I wondered angrily, though more tears gathered and overflowed. Why do you have to make this so difficult?

  I cried into the night, because I knew I was going to hurt him and I didn’t like being that type of girl. I’d seen them back at my old high school, the girls who would flirt and lead a guy on and then just toss them aside like rubbish.

  Was I that type of girl? The thought brought on a fresh wave of tears. I needed someone to talk to desperately. Though the night was slowly beginning to bleed to the cobalt hue of midnight, I padded down the hall to Dena’s room. I knocked quickly, hoping I wouldn’t wake her up.

  She opened the door a few seconds later, in her pyjamas, but she’d been reading; she still had her glasses on.

  “Sky, what’s wrong?” She pulled me into her room and sat me on her bed. “What is it?”

  I told her everything quickly, about how Dustin didn’t want the relationship to end but I was done, I was done and he was dragging it out for another week. I cried a lot, and was furiously embarrassed about it but Dena just kept fetching me tissues and hugging me around the shoulders.

  Was this what it was like to have a best friend?

  “Am I a horrible person?” I asked finally, sniffling.

  “No,” she said without hesitation. “This is completely normal. Some people just fall in and out of like. It just means you’re not meant to be.”

  “Ok,” her words were like balm to my wounded heart. “I mean, there were some girls at my school who just casually strung boys along and then just ditched them without a second thought. I don’t want to be like that.”

  “I know,” she said, patting my shoulders. “And hey, look how upset you are! At least it shows you care.”

  She was right. I bet the girls at my school didn’t feel as wretched as I did right now.

  “Thank you,” I mumbled, throat still swollen.

  “Don’t think twice about it,” she replied. “Now, how about you try to get some sleep? It’s late and we have class tomorrow.”

  I headed back to my room and crawled into my bed. Morri perched on my statue’s head, rearranging his feathers. I thought that after all my emotional turmoil going to sleep would be difficult, but the moment my head hit the pillow, I was asleep.

  The next few days were strange. I felt like I was in limbo, and despite Dena’s comforting words, I still felt awful about the situation. I threw myself into my studies to try to forget about it, and as a result quickly became more powerful than any of the other students.

  We continued hand to hand combat and soon I could throw even Petre and Ispin, who was surprisingly strong. Theory remained only slightly interesting, until one afternoon Watt taught us something that stuck in my mind for a long time. It was a Tuesday, and theory was the last lesson of the day. I was bitterly wondering what would be on offer in the mess hall for dinner when I began to pay attention to what she was saying.

  “One thing a mage cannot live without is their magic; the only way to kill a mage is to drain him of magic. However, magic can also be restored by an act of true love.”

  Many of the guys in the class snorted, and so did I.

  “Well, it has yet to be recorded,” Watt relented. “I’m yet to see a mage revived by love, but the fact remains that the legends tell it, and the legends are based on truth.”

  That night I wandered sadly up to my room, mulling over what she had said. It didn’t really matter much to me, it was just the last thing I’d heard and it was rolling around my head like a song on replay. When I got to my empty room I changed from my uniform and then headed to the stables. They had become my sanctuary, where I could dream and think.

  Echo greeted me the same as ever; as a treat carrier. I’d remembered to snag her some carrots on the way and she wolfed them down as I handed them to her. I let myself into her stall and began grooming her, though one of the Academy’s stable hands already had that day. I pulled the brush over her glossy coat and patiently worked out every little tangle in her mane and tail. By the time I had finished, I’d worked my horse into a stupor. I sat down in the straw like I did every day, trying not to fall asleep. I did though, but I was woken by someone coming into the stables.

  Please don’t be Dustin, I pleaded silently. Please oh please don’t be him.

  I stood up, peering through the bars of Echo’s stall to the next one, and saw Phoenix coming up the middle aisle. He stopped dead when he saw me peering through the bars.

  “Sky? What are you doing here?”

  “Giving Echo some love and attention,” I replied carefully. He continued past me to Validus’ stall. “What are you doing here?”

  “Virtually the same thing,” he answered, letting his horse pick sugar cubes out of his hand. “How are… things?”

  I looked up at him curiously. Was he trying to pick up a conversation?

  “Alright,” I lied. I noticed that he was looking all over the stable for something. “Have you lost something?” I asked.

  “No no, I was just… looking around.” He replied, and I raised an eyebrow at the obvious lie. He was a terrible liar. I told him so.

  “Alright,” he rubbed his horse’s nose. “I was looking for the stable boy.”

  “I think he’s out the back. Do you want me to call him?”

  “No! No, it’s alright,” he was acting very strangely. “I was just wondering if he was… here.”

  He looked at me as though he wanted to say something more, but then he shoved his hands in his pockets and strode past me. When he got to the door, he turned back and opened his mouth, but then thought better of what he was going to say and strode out of the door. I shook my head, utterly confused. I’d almost forgotten about Dustin and all of that unpleasantness.

  ~ Morri stuck by me all day every day, and let me pet him absentmindedly as I did my homework in my room in the evenings. I was becoming very fond of the bird, and unfortunately had taken to talking to him. He didn’t understand much, except for his name and words like ‘food’ or ‘bread’ or ‘bad’. I only had to use ‘bad’ when he annoyed me so much that I kept crossing out sentences, driven to distraction by his antics. When I told him ‘bad’ then, he flew off and perched on my statue of Queen Fleur, watching me with his little yellow eyes, until I’d cave and hold my arm out to him.

  I was becoming a common sight around the Academy with my bird on my shoulder and my satche
l bag slung over the other. Everything was peachy until one day when I saw Netalia – though we rarely saw her walking the halls

  - approaching from the other end of the corridor.

  I quickly picked Morri up and Dena pointed towards my bag.

  “I’m so sorry,” I said to the bird, and put him in my bag, latching the buckle before he could fly out.

  “Good afternoon,” Netalia said as she drew closer. “I trust you’re all studying hard?”

  We nodded in unison just as Morri began peeping angrily to be let out.

  “Goodness, what is that whistling noise?” Netalia asked, looking around for the source.

  “Sorry,” Ispin piped up from the back. “It’s me. I’ve got a bit of a cold.”

  He made a whistling noise with his breathing, very similar to the one Morri was making. Netalia looked at us all a bit funny, and we all plastered on the same bad poker face.

  “Alright,” she said finally. “I hope you get better soon,” she said to Ispin, and then breezed past us.

  When she rounded the corner, I broke into a run to reach the end of the corridor. Once I’d made it there, I opened my bag and Morri leapt out, taking off and flying around us, making a terrible screeching noise as he did so.

  “Bad!” I commanded finally, and he quietened down, floating back onto my shoulder where he crawled under my ponytail in shame.

  Though we all laughed about it later, I realised just how dangerous it was to be walking around with Morri on my shoulder, though I didn’t know why Netalia and Iain would care. I left him in my room from then on, and the bird’s absence was noticeably saddening.

  ~Chapter Eighteen~

  Though I had fun with my group – it was almost impossible not to - on my own I fell into a bit of a slump. I’d taken to staring at my homework for hours on end, not seeing it, not caring at all about it. I just wanted this week to be over, so that I could tell Dustin that it was well and truly over, then both of us could start healing and my food would regain a bit of taste, the world a bit of colour. I just wasn’t used to this emotional turmoil; it was something I saw on television, something I saw the other girls at my school exhibit. It was something I’d never experienced myself and I felt lucky I hadn’t.

  I was stuck in a bit of rut until Jett held us back at the end of Fitness. “In just a few days you will all be embarking on a three day camp, completely self-reliant. You will plan for yourself what you need, and take what you need with you.”

  I nodded, thinking it would be a good chance to get away from all of this misery and awkward encounters with Dustin in the halls.

  “You will be accompanied by your soul mates on this camp.”

  I looked up, my emotions raging. Part of me was apprehensive, the other was utter disbelief; I couldn’t see that this trip would turn out anything good. Phoenix hadn’t even made eye contact with me since the stables, much less offered an explanation for his strange behaviour.

  The day of the camp arrived, and Phoenix and I collected the equipment and rations we would need and set out. In the classes leading up to it, we’d spent time pouring over maps, and plotting our course through the forest, although this had taken place in silence. I had just finished telling Morri to watch my room while I was gone when Phoenix approached me.

  “Ready?” He asked me.

  I nodded slowly, the bird alighting from my arm and beginning to fly towards my open bedroom window.

  Eleanora ran up to him and I turned my back as they ‘said’ goodbye. Dustin waved at me a little sadly. I just smiled back, though the smile didn’t feel natural.

  We set out along the trail, the noises of our classmates fading behind us. We walked all day in silence, stopping only to have a snack and a drink, checking the map to make sure we were on course. The further we got from the Academy, the happier I was. It was as though a weight was being lifted from my shoulders with every step. The birds sang to me and the wind wound lazily around the trunks of the trees.

  The trail we were following, little more than a deer track someone had taken the time to plot on our map, began to ascend. I pushed my legs up the slope, revelling in the slow burn of my muscles. The air grew colder as we went higher, and as the sun began to slip behind the mountain peaks, it grew frigid.

  “Remind me why we chose this course?” I asked, hoping to start up a conversation, but he didn’t reply.

  We trudged in silence until it began to grow dark. According to my copy of the map, this is where we’d planned to stay a night, though I don’t think either of us realised how cold it would be.

  “Phoenix.” I called, and pointed to my map.

  He nodded and set down his pack in the middle of a clearing just off of the rapidly thinning deer trail. We quickly set up, and for some reason I was dismayed to see that we only had one large tent.

  “Why didn’t we bring two tents?” I asked, trying to act casual.

  He looked up.

  “Because it was easier to carry one,” he replied. “Don’t worry; I don’t snore.”

  I set a fire and lit it with a touch of magic. Pulling out one of the pots I’d nabbed from the storage shed (Phoenix had sent me in because I was small; I could dart around everyone else and get the best stuff), I set some water to boil and then dunked in two of our dehydrated ration packs. I stirred the water as the cakes of dehydrated food began to separate, and soon it was bubbling away over the fire, the smell lending a somewhat homey feel to the clearing.

  It wasn’t so bad, I thought to myself, this camping thing.

  I was sitting close to the fire to keep an eye on the food. Phoenix had gone off in search of more firewood so that we’d be able to bank the fire overnight. I was hunched in front of our fire, balancing on the balls of my feet so I didn’t sit in the damp leaves that covered the clearing. Though the trees were thin, it was impossible to see a few metres into them; there were just too many. My mind had just started throwing up all these images of what creatures could be watching me right now when Phoenix stomped back through them, with an armful of dry wood. He saw me perched awkwardly on my feet and dumped the wood next to me.

  “Wait here,” was all he said, and then disappeared back into the woods. He returned a few minutes later carrying two large rocks that looked far too heavy for one person to lift. I jumped up and took one from him, pulling it off the top of the other one so he couldn’t stop me.

  “What do I do with this?” I asked, holding the rock in both arms.

  For an answer, he dropped the rock he was still carrying next to the fire, and sat down on it. I copied him, groaning as I stretched my sore feet out next to the fire. I glanced inside the pot and then scooped some out, burning my tongue as I tried to eat it immediately. I then had to hand the spoon to Phoenix because I couldn’t tell if it was indeed ready or not.

  He said it was. I pulled out two tin bowls and began to ladle the hot casserole into them, passing one to Phoenix. We ate in silence, and with full bellies, stretched out next to the fire on the ground that had dried from the heat, looking at the stars over-head.

  I remembered laying on the beach with Dustin, asking him about the constellations. My stomach twisted, and I forced myself to stop thinking about it.

  I think I dozed off a little, worn out after a day of walking. I woke up when Phoenix began digging through the coals of our low burning fire, building it up to a steady flame.

  “What are you doing?” I asked, sitting up, pulling leaves out of my hair as I spotted them.

  “Making an after dinner food,” he replied, pulling his pack up next to him.

  I watched him pull out a range of ingredients that he would have had to have begged Chef for. Instead of measuring anything out like I would’ve back home if I was cooking something, he just tossed it into his casserole bowl. He began to mix it all together, and I realised it was some sort of dough.

  Next in this bizarre cooking method was to find a stick. It had to be the perfect stick, not any of the twigs I was handing him he
lpfully. He eventually found two that he deemed good enough. As I watched in disbelief, he began lathering the dough onto the stick, until it became some kind of strange hotdog looking thing. He handed one lathered stick to me.

  “Hold it over the fire, and make sure it cooks evenly,” he said, demonstrating.

  I did as he said, watching the dough begin to cook, going golden and crispy. I pulled mine out of the flames when he did.

  “Let it cool,” he instructed. “Then pull it off the stick.”

  I did, not waiting as long as I should’ve, bouncing the roll around in my hands. Eventually it cooled down long enough to hold, and Phoenix passed me a little jar and a knife.

  “Now put jam in it and eat it.”

  I scooped some strawberry jam out of the jar and stuffed it into the hole left by the stick. I passed him the jam jar so he could do the same, and then began to eat it.

  It was heavenly. It reminded me of damper from back home, or hot scones with cream and jam. It crunched as I bit into it, and I had to chew a few bits for a little while, but I finished it too soon. To my dismay, Phoenix rolled up the rest of the dough.

  “For tomorrow night,” he said, following my disappointed look to his pack.

  We climbed inside the tent as it began to grow colder outside. I almost balked when I saw that we only had one double sleeping mat too. Wrestling with the instinct to run, fast, I set up my bedroll and climbed inside, grateful that I decided to bring it. As I dropped off to sleep, part of me wondered why I was reacting this way. Surely it wouldn’t be thatbad to cuddle up to him when it was so cold…

  My eyes flew open, my heart pounding. Phoenix was sleeping peacefully, facing away from me. I eventually calmed down and lay back down to sleep. And I would not, I decided, ask myself that question again.

  The next morning began with Phoenix gently shaking me awake. He was already dressed and ready to go. He shoved a cold pasty into my hands and pushed me out of the tent so he could begin pulling it down. I watched, still half asleep, as he packed up our tent.