by Lola Gabriel
Holly was suddenly looking over Rowan’s shoulder, and her face was frozen wide-eyed.
“Caught you!” His mother cried from the doorway, and Rowan’s stomach dropped to his boots. “Love birds,” she continued, “sneaking off for time alone.”
He relaxed, sort of. Holly slid her hand off of his.
“Holly, your father is an alpha?” Miriam asked, proceeding into the kitchen. “What a match, Rowan! Knocking it out the park.” She had to stand practically on her tiptoes to kiss her son’s cheek. “What pack, Holly?” she asked. Holly smiled and began to open her mouth. Rowan jumped in.
“Mom, can I help with anything? Can I make a salad?”
Miriam gave him a bemused look. “A salad?”
“I mean… whatever would be helpful.”
“I’m just taking out the nibbles now,” his mother said. “Don’t worry yourself, go and talk to your cousins. Goodness knows someone needs to babysit them!”
On their way out of the room, Holly gave Rowan’s arm a squeeze. He knew it meant, Thanks for the save, and yet it left him tingly. Maybe Holly was right about the full moon heightening all shifters’ senses. It was tomorrow, after all.
For the rest of the evening, Holly asked a lot of questions. She was either very, very interested in the mechanics of the lie-down straw, or filling all conversational space so that no one could ask about her background. They should have come up with a specific lie. She could have said any old pack, now that Rowan’s mother had overheard the alpha thing. Maybe they could say she was from Florida or something. Were there even shifters in Florida? Maybe manatee shifters or some other animal?
Holly nudged Rowan, and he looked up from his food. “Your mom was just saying you’re very quiet, Ro…”
Rowan shot her a quick glance at the nickname and looked to his mother.
“Sorry,” he said. “You know, the flight wiped me out. I’m really tired…”
Able chuckled, and Alice gave his mother an eyebrows-raised look.
“They want to get straight to bed, Miriam,” she said. Rowan, of course, blushed. His mom put a hand on his shoulder.
“Never been able to hide a thing, this one,” she said. “But that’s a good quality, I think. Don’t you, Holly?”
He could feel Holly’s smile, even though he was looking at his mother still.
“Yes,” she agreed. “I very much do.”
8
Holly
Holly didn’t know what to wear to bed. They were sharing, of course, keeping up appearances.
“Can you unbutton me?” she asked Rowan, and he did so, sort of averting his eyes. “It’s just my back,” she teased him. “Chill out.”
Rowan ran a thumb down her spine. He didn’t say anything, and neither did she, and then she pulled on a t-shirt and let her dress fall to the ground. She leapt as quickly as possible into the bed, where she was covered.
“Jeez,” Rowan said, “it’s just your legs!” Holly snuggled down into the covers.
“I have very nice legs,” she said. “Very provocative.”
Rowan smiled, pulling off his undershirt. “You do, actually.”
Holly batted her eyelashes at him. “The flirtation continues!”
He turned, walked to the light switch, and turned off the main light. The bedside lamp was still on, throwing warm light across the duvet and leaving Rowan in relative shadow. He was in his boxer shorts, but he didn’t seem awkward this time, not even as he climbed in bed next to her. It was a big bed, but the room was chilly. Holly pulled the covers up to her chin.
“Are you cold?” Rowan asked from behind her, “I can turn the heat up in here.”
“No.” Holly shifted to face him. “I like being cozy in bed in a cold room.”
Rowan smiled. “Good. Me too.”
“Night, Ro,” Holly said. Her heart was beating a little faster than usual. And when Rowan reached to turn off the lamp, she watched his gentle touch, the movement of the muscles in his arm. Did she have… butterflies? Well, that would be an irritating twist. Then, in the dark, Rowan curled himself around her, big spoon, and put an arm around her waist.
“Is this okay?” he murmured into her hair. She mumbled her consent, stroking the arm that was across her.
Holly knew she wasn’t going to sleep. The moonlight was strong enough, even tonight, the night before it was full, to be pouring in through the slightly cracked curtains. Her mind almost blank.
“The room is so silver…”
Rowan lifted himself up on an elbow and asked, “Should I close the curtains?”
“No,” Holly replied. “I like that, too. Cold rooms and moonlight…” She thought of their conversation on the plane. “Is it making you restless, do you think, the moon?”
Rowan laughed softly. “Something is. I guess we’ll see if it’s worse tomorrow… I’ll have to go to a town meeting in the afternoon. And there’s probably work waiting for me. Stuff to sign. Being an alpha sounds so romantic, but there’s a lot of signing, honestly.”
Holly was facing him now. She wanted to stroke his cheek.
“I’m going to want to run around as a wolf tomorrow night,” she said. “I mean I don’t have to…”
“No,” Rowan interjected. “I’d like us to see one another. Shifted, I mean. And we can go somewhere...” Holly knew what he meant. She wondered if he was blushing—it was impossible to tell in the moonlight.
“Me too,” she said and reached for him under the covers, finding his hip, drawing small circles on his skin with a thumb. Definitely butterflies.
Neither of them spoke for a while. Rowan’s eyes seemed to be searching her face, and she was content feeling his warm skin under her hand and where their legs were now tangled. He put a hand up to her face and pushed back her wild hair.
“You’re very pretty,” he said. Holly smiled.
“Not really,” she argued, “but thank you.” Then, after a few moments more of silence, Holly added, “It’s okay, you know, if we just want to… I don’t know, play at not being lonely.”
Rowan’s brow knotted, and he touched her face again, just like she had so wanted to touch his a few moments ago.
“Is that what we’re doing?” he asked.
Holly half-shrugged. “I suppose so. It would be nice to sleep in someone’s arms… even if it’s just that.”
To her surprise, Rowan leaned forward and kissed her. It was just a soft peck, but it made her want more. She leaned into it, but he pulled away quickly.
“Okay,” he said, “good night, Hol. I’ll be your big spoon. Big not-lonely spoon.”
When Holly woke up, Rowan was gone. He’d somehow extracted himself from bed without waking her, though they had slept laced together. The butterflies had gone, too, thank goodness, and Holly was inclined to blame the wine and moonlight and the comfort factor that last night had whipped up.
Rowan had left a note, obviously; thorough and worried Rowan. It just said:
Have a nice day. Feel free to come and save me from my duties… I’ll be at the town hall most of the day. Also, my mom made muffins. Bring me one!
Getting out of bed, Holly stretched and took a look outside the window at those mountains again. Then she checked the time on her phone. It was eleven-thirty! She’d slept like a teenager. In more ways than one, she supposed, semi-platonically snuggled up with someone she, realistically, hardly knew, and also for eleven straight hours! Well, she was on vacation, she supposed. Sort of.
9
Rowan
Being alpha in a city the size of Anchorage was a lot like being a politician, except with more ritual. Rowan had been away only a few days, but several concerned citizens had things to talk to him about.
Old Olaf Jennings was complaining about a nest of fairies in his attic. Rowan spent a good half hour trying to explain to Olaf that fairies hadn’t inhabited North America for hundreds of years. This made him wonder how old Olaf was. Certainly, he predated birth certificates. Eventually, Rowan agreed
to send someone to look into the attic, and Old Olaf left happy enough.
In the moments between knocks on the door, Rowan was trying very hard not to remember the feel of Holly’s lips last night, or waking up to the smell of her shampoo and her skin and having to disentangle himself and slip into the cold of his bedroom, away from her warmth.
Pretending not to be lonely. Only, Holly really stopped him being lonely. She was hilarious and smart and… damn it, he was thinking about her again.
None of it mattered. She couldn’t be his mate—she was a wolf. He just liked her. Which was silly. She was most likely right: they probably were both just lonely and needy, and friendship could sometimes get confused with more…
“Hi!”
Rowan almost jumped out of his skin. It was Holly. He’d been looking down at a contract someone from the shifter school had sent him to sign. He hadn’t been reading it.
“Holly,” he said. “I was just… I mean, don’t you knock?”
“Apparently not,” Holly shrugged. She held up two muffins. “Brought you one, and it’s lunchtime. Also, I slept until eleven-thirty, can you believe that? How did I not even hear you leaving?”
Rowan pushed his chair back from his desk and stood up. “Did you just carry those muffins over here, no bag, no tupperware?”
Holly nodded and bit into the top of the muffin in her left hand.
“Yep,” she confirmed. “Couldn’t find anything, and I didn’t want to get into a conversation with your mom in case she asked for my father’s address and social security number, or whatever.” She waved the second muffin at Rowan. “They’re good,” she said, “orange and something.”
Rowan laughed, taking the muffin. “And you say I’m weird.”
Holly raised her eyebrows, chewed, and swallowed a large bite of muffin. “I’m trying to look out for us and our hairbrained scheme, dude! Starting to wonder what we’ve gotten ourselves into.”
Rowan was leaning against his desk. “You and me both.”
Holly walked up to him and touched his shirt.
“Muted,” she said, “and tucked in. Very sophisticated. In my… where I’m from, alphas are more the type to run around the woods, making deals and… Actually, I have no idea, really. Protecting us. Sometimes by selling their daughters to the highest bidder.”
Rowan wanted to take Holly’s hand from his shirt and hold it. Kiss her fingers. Jesus, had he ever wanted to kiss anyone’s fingers before? He moved left, evading her touch. He pretended to look at something on his desk.
“Yeah,” he said, “there’s a lot to manage here. Actually, a couple of kids said they saw strangers hanging out in the woods. It’s probably nothing to worry about—sometimes, there’s hikers this time of year—but some of the older guys get paranoid. Remember when we were at war with Sitke, and before that, Juneau. Basically, when everyone was trying to kill each other.
Holly nodded. “God, I wonder if that will happen to us, because of me not… I don’t want to think about it.”
“No,” Rowan said, pulling on a coat. “I mean… neither do I. Let’s just get through a few days, and a fake break up, shake up your father, make my mom sad… but hopefully overall more hopeful?” He glanced at the door, which was still open. “We need to be much better at being sly. Are we awful at this?”
Holly laughed and nodded. “I think we are.”
“Well, suppose we should get better. Are you coming?”
Holly had finished her muffin and was wiping her crummy hands on her sweater. “Coming where?”
“Out to the woods! Got to go check out these terrifying hikers. Like a proper alpha. And, well, it gets dark pretty early. Good excuse for us to get away from the city and have a run about. I mean, if you still want—”
“I do,” Holly cut him off.
“Great.” Rowan zipped up his jacket. “Get a move on then; my car is in the lot.”
The drive to the woods in the foothills was about forty-five minutes.
“Do you want music, or a podcast or something?” Rowan asked Holly after about ten of those minutes.
“No,” Holly said. “I like the silence. I like watching the landscape change.” Rowan smiled and took his eyes off the road to glance at her.
“I love it out here,” he told her. “I used to spend a lot of time in the woods with my father. We have a cabin not far from here, actually. I haven’t been for years…”
“How did he die?” Holly asked, staring out of the window. Then she turned to Rowan, “Wow, sorry, that was so blunt. I’m sorry. I think it’s the full moon. Impulse control.”
“It’s fine,” Rowan assured her. “It was a boating accident. Or, well, those old shifters who get suspicious, they’re not so sure of the accident part. Either way, the water is cold around here. It’s quick, at least.”
“Crap.” Holly winced. “Rowan that’s awful!” Rowan shrugged.
“It was. But it was also a long time ago.” He didn’t think he could look at Holly right now. Again, he could feel her watching him. “Okay, keep your eyes out for hikers or enemy spies,” he said as he turned off the main road onto a track. Losing his dad had made him excellent at deflection, at least.
“The kids said they were wearing really new looking cold weather gear… so, could just be rich hikers. It’s getting cold, though. Kinda late in the season. Also could be kids being idiots and sending me on a wild goose chase.” Rowan stopped the car. He turned to Holly. “Want to hike up to the lookout point and see if we spot anything?”
Holly nodded. She was looking at him with those eyes, the ones that had followed him for months after his father’s death.
“Don’t,” Rowan said.
“Don’t what?” Holly slammed her car door and followed Rowan along the beginnings of a trail.
“Don’t feel sorry for me. Or do, if you must, but don’t let it make you feel awkward.”
“I wasn’t feeling sorry for you,” Holly replied. “I was thinking about how strong you are. How strong you must have been for your mother.”
Rowan could feel a blush coming, and he was glad he was ahead of Holly so she couldn’t see it. “Are you… being serious?”
“What?” Holly asked. “Would I joke about your dead dad?”
“I don’t know,” Rowan answered, leading them deeper into the woods. “You’re not the most serious… I mean, you like to… you know…”
“Mock you?” Holly guessed. “Sure, I do, but not about this.” She put a hand out and touched his shoulder. “You know I care a lot about you, right?”
“Thanks,” Rowan said. And then they were quiet for a while, just walking.
“Maybe… I don’t know,” Holly eventually said, twigs snapping under both their pairs of boots, Holly’s a little small and borrowed from Rowan’s mother. “Should I be stronger for my family? Should I just bite the bullet, keep the alliances alive? Women must have been doing it for generations. Why am I better?”
Rowan stopped and turned around.
“Because you just are,” he said. “Because this is the strong thing for you to be doing, Holly. There are other ways to create alliances. So, no, don’t bite the bullet. Besides, I don’t want you to.”
They looked at one another in the fading light, their breath coming in clouds.
“Oh,” Holly said just before Rowan pulled her to him.
10
Holly
It was one of those kisses. Or, no, it was that one kiss—a kiss like no other Holly had ever experienced in her whole, long life of kissing.
They were wearing coats and gloves, and almost no parts of their skins were touching, but it didn’t matter. She wanted Rowan so badly, she would have frozen to death for it if he hadn’t pulled back a little, nibbled her bottom lip, and put a gloved hand to her face.
“I think it’s getting a little dark to look for mysterious characters,” he half-whispered.
Holly nodded. The puffs of her breath were mingling with his, coming hot and fast.
/> “Yeah,” she said. “Hikers will be all cozy in their tents by now… or long gone, at home—”
She never finished her rambling sentence, because Rowan was kissing her again, and she was pushing her body as close into his as she could manage through their layers of clothing. She was trying to find his zipper, even though that was a ridiculous idea in the cold, when he pulled back just a little.
“I promise,” Rowan mumbled between smaller kisses, “I didn’t plan this, but that cabin—”
“Yes,” Holly said. “Go, go.”
They practically ran back to the car, and on the short drive, they kept their fingers intertwined between them, gloves off. It was like energy was running between them. It reached every inch of Holly’s body, just from holding hands. Holly wanted to say something, but she didn’t know what. She wanted to ask if this was a terrible idea. She wanted to ask what the hell was happening. She wanted to tell Rowan there was no one in the world she felt closer to, even though she had only known him a few days. She wanted to tell him that was a terrifying thing to mix sex with… She wanted to tell him he was giving her butterflies again, and that she was nearly on fire with the simple touch of his hand on hers.
She didn’t say any of these things. Where would she start, and which would she choose? They were contradictory, anyway. She stayed silent, and so did he.
The cabin was more like a cottage. Rowan fumbled in his pocket for a ring of keys and then fumbled on the ring for the correct key. Eventually, though, they were inside. Most of the furniture was covered in dust sheets, and Holly paused for a moment on the threshold. When had Rowan last been here?
But he seemed fine; more than fine. He snapped on a gas heater and pulled blankets from a cupboard. Although everything looked at least thirty years old, somebody must have been coming to clean and maintain the place.