by Lola Gabriel
A week into her stay, Holly asked, “What would your mom think, if she knew?”
Rowan could only look silently at her. This lasted a minute or so before he spoke.
“She loves you, Holly. So, I have no idea.”
Holly took this as best she could. It was what she had been expecting. But still, she teared up a little. “No one is going to be okay, are they? With this?”
Rowan looked at her for a long time, and she looked at him, so she became fixated on his dark-blue eyes with their flecks of silver. She couldn’t imagine how he saw her.
“I don’t know,” he answered, “and I don’t want to say no. I can’t. I will move to a cave with you if it means we get to be together, Holly.”
She closed her eyes and kissed him, but it didn’t change anything.
The next morning was when Holly began to feel ill.
After puking, Holly went to the town hall to see Rowan.
“I’m bored,” she said, barging into his office. “When you’re done, can we go somewhere? Hike? Start a fight? Go to a roller disco?”
“Lock the door,” Rowan said.
“One track mind!” Holly replied, but she was turning the lock.
“I just want you on my lap!” Rowan pushed his chair away from the desk, and Holly acquiesced. She came and sat, putting her arms around his neck and kissing him quickly.
“Okay,” she said, “fair. Who wouldn’t?” Despite Rowan’s arguments for propriety, she could feel him beginning to press against her. She smiled at him, and he looked slightly cowed. Not really, though. She kissed him once again. “I mean, if you want to. In your office, that’s pretty great.”
Rowan made a noise like a kitten, close into her ear. Holly pulled him to her and began releasing his shirt from his waistband. He was making little noises like she’d never heard him make.
“You like this?” she asked. He pressed his face into her chest, and then he looked up at her.
“I think you know I do, but we probably need to save it.”
Holly kissed him again and stood up. Rowan stood as well and put his arms around her, smiling, a respectable distance from making out.
“I know there’s no good time to talk about it,” he said, “but they’re still around.” She was distracted. She genuinely did not know who he could be talking about. “The not-hikers,” Rowan reminded her. “Your father’s people? Maybe?”
“Crap.” Holly stood up. “Damn it.” She ran her hand through her thick hair. “I thought maybe he’d checked up on me and disappeared. He hasn’t even tried calling…”
“Because he’s angry?” Rowan asked, and Holly shrugged.
“Maybe,” she said, “but he’s my dad. I didn’t think he could be angry enough to hate me. To cut contact or… worse.” She hadn’t expected to need his pack to accept her, but suddenly, she did. “We need to stop lying.”
“Who are we lying to?” Rowan looked genuinely confused.
“Everyone! You don’t think me being different is a lie? You know… no one will think it’s possible!” Rowan stood, walked to her, and put his arms around her waist.
“What, you and I being mates?”
Holly kissed him. She couldn’t help herself with him being so close.
“If they’re still around, then it’s my father, and he knows… probably all four wolfpacks will know soon enough. And then… well, I don’t know what will happen, but it won’t be good. It might be war.” Briefly, Rowan closed his eyes. He took a deep breath.
“So I should prepare for that?” he asked.
Holly felt awful. She didn’t want to put this on the man she loved. But she nodded. She had to—it was true. She couldn’t know what her father would do. She hadn’t expected him to send spies in brand-new jackets to watch her. She had never thought of him as violent or vengeful. But all of this ran deep; the alliances and the expectations on female children. Probably the other pack leaders knew already, and even if her big, silent, gentle father didn’t want some kind of conflict, the others would.
“I’m sorry, Rowan,” she told him. Rowan held her, and she pressed her head into his shoulder.
“You’re being brave,” he said. “If you didn’t break this chain, how many women would be married off to keep these alliances? Have your people ever had female alphas?”
Holly laughed into his shoulder. “No!”
“We’ve had a few.” Rowan kissed the top of her head. “All rather legendary. It’s always the first child, but that’s almost never a girl. Maybe our nature itself is misogynistic!”
Holly stepped back and wiped away her few tears. “Gender theory of shifters?”
Rowan smiled. “You’re smart.”
“I went to college in the ‘70s,” Holly said, “when I looked about the right age.”
Rowan was still holding one of her hands. He squeezed it. “We’ll work this out, Hol. I promise.”
“Yeah,” Holly said, nodding “Together. So, shall we brainstorm?”
Rowan opened his mouth and closed it again. Holly knew he’d meant they’d work it out later, but she needed to think about something now. She needed to get away from other niggling suspicions. And she was scared. She walked around Rowan’s desk, sat on his chair, and swiveled a little. Rowan pulled up one of the wooden chairs on the other side and leaned his elbows on the armrests.
“Okay,” he said. You’ve got me. I guess we need to go and confirm the reports and see how many of them there are.”
“Tonight?” Holly asked.
“Tomorrow, Holly, I’ve got to gather a few friends. Think about who won’t ask too many questions.”
“That makes sense. We need enough people to spread out around the edges of the city. And maybe ask if anyone’s been seen in Anchorage? Acting strange or whatever. However detectiving works.”
“Good idea,” Rowan said. “So, I guess I’ll go see some friends this afternoon, and maybe make some calls.”
“Okay,” Holly said, “I’ll come.”
“You don’t need to…”
Holly crossed her arms. “I’m sorry, Rowan, which of us is the better bullshitter?”
“Okay,” Rowan sighed. “If my mother asks, we were on a date.”
“Imagine!” Holly smiled. “A date!”
Rowan looked worried. “I’m sorry. This has all been… We’ll go on dates, I promise.”
Holly got up, walked around to her pink-cheeked boyfriend, and took his hand where it was on the armrest of his chair.
“We have our whole lives for that, right?” she said. Then she put a hand to her forehead. “Woah. Dizzy.” Rowan pulled her quickly onto his lap.
“Are you okay?” he asked as she blinked the black spots in her vision away.
“Yeah.” Holly gently shook her head. “I’m okay. Just stood up too fast, I guess.” As she stood, still slightly unsteady, Rowan looked up at her.
“Are you getting sick? Maybe you shouldn’t come today.”
“Rowan! I’m fine!” she cried, although she was far from sure of this assertion.
13
Rowan
This was the third door they were knocking on, and Rowan had to admit, Holly was doing a fantastic job. Of course she was. People loved her. She could make friends with a rattlesnake.
Xander answered quickly, looking flustered. He smiled widely when he saw Rowan.
“Hey, man,” he said. “Long time no see. I’m sorry; been busy, obviously.” Next to Rowan, Holly gave a little wave. “I heard you had a lady in town!” Xander added. “You must be special. Permanent bachelor over here.”
“I am,” Holly said with a smile. She held out her gloved hand. “Holly.”
“Oh, sorry!” Xander took her hand. “Xander,” he said. “My brain is, well, not at its best, I guess. Lack of sleep.” He pushed his curly blonde, too-long hair out of his eyes and called over his shoulder, “Hon, guess who’s here?”
A tall woman with brown hair tied in a loose bun walked into the hallway. She
was holding a baby to her chest.
“I can hear his voice from the kitchen, Xand. Our fearless leader. Hi, Rowan!” Then her eyes moved to Holly. She grinned. “And you’re the famous Holly! You’ve been the talk of the town.”
“And Xander here didn’t even remember my name!” Holly said. The woman shot Xander a look.
“He’d forget his head if it wasn’t screwed on,” she said. “Please, come in. I’m Eve.”
Holly stepped in first, Rowan after her. She was amazing. People liked her so much, they didn’t ask any questions… or barely any. He thought of how she had just come up to him in that bar in Seattle. How easily she could not have, and they could never have met. How confident she had been. His heart felt like it was doing a little flip. In a way, she was his opposite, a complement to him like he had never had before.
Eve walked down the corridor into the kitchen, and the other three followed her. She turned to Xander.
“Can you take her?” she asked, stroking the head of the baby.
“Sure,” Xander said, “sorry.”
Eve smiled. “I’m just heating up her milk, not guilting you.”
“Hi, sweet cheeks,” Xander said as he took his daughter. Then he turned to Holly. “This is Chloe,” he introduced her. “Rowan has met her, of course, and despite being alpha of the largest bear pack in Alaska, he’s afraid of her.”
“I’m not!” Rowan protested, looking at the baby’s tiny rosebud lips and the way her fingers gripped so tightly and perfectly, despite their miniature proportions. “I just… I just don’t want to break her.” He could see the look Holly was giving him, looking him out of the corner of her eyes with a sly grin.
“She’s lovely. May I hold her?” Holly put out her arms, asking for the baby.
“Of course!” Xander said. “Needs all the friends she can get with an alpha like Rowan on her side.”
Rowan was trying his best not to look huffy. He knew his face always gave him away.
Holly took Chloe in her arms.
“Hi,” she said. “I’m Holly. I’m going to teach your uncle Rowan to like you.” She put her face close to the baby’s to boop their noses and then let her hold her finger. Chloe kicked and gurgled. Eve turned from the fridge and smiled.
“She likes you, Holly. And babies are an excellent judge of character.” With a grimace, she added, “I would offer you a drink, but we have water or breastmilk…”
“We’re fine.” Rowan laughed. “Actually, I needed to talk to Xander…”
Holly shot him a look. “We needed to ask you guys a favor. Kind of a big one.”
Eve raised her eyebrows.
“Should have known it wasn’t a social visit.” She was warming the milk from the fridge in a pan of warm water.
“Don’t worry,” Holly said. “Chloe and I are best friends now, we’ll be over here all the time.” She walked over to Rowan. “Right, Ro?”
Rowan felt uncomfortable but said, “Sure.”
“Just let her hold your finger,” Holly suggested. “She won’t bite.”
Gingerly, Rowan held out his hand. The baby grabbed for his ring finger, pulling it to her mouth. Her hand was sticky but also soft. He watched Chloe’s round blue eyes search his face, her expression changing second to second as she took him in.
“Want to hold her?” Holly asked.
To his surprise, Rowan did want to hold the baby. Afraid as he was of dropping her, she had a strange pull.
“Yes,” he said, “but she needs feeding, and we have things to talk about.”
“You two can feed her.” Eve said, testing the milk on her wrist, “and we can listen better that way. To whatever this business is.”
Rowan saw the hopeful, cunning look Eve shot Xander. It reminded him of how Holly looked at him when she knew she’d persuaded him of something. He felt bad he’d seen so little of his friends since they’d had Chloe. He put his arms out like Holly had.
“Support her head,” Holly instructed, “and hold her up a little, ’cause she’s feeding.” She looked at Eve. “Little cousins,” she said. “Older girls end up as perma babysitters.”
“Don’t I know it.” Eve nodded. She passed Holly the warmed bottle, and everyone sat down.
Rowan couldn’t take his eyes off Chloe. His heart was hammering. He was sure he was about to drop her or squish her or just… something, anything bad.
“Rowan,” Holly said, inserting the tip of the bottle into Chloe’s mouth and shifting it until she latched. “Have you reached almost two-hundred without ever holding a baby?” Rowan, of course, felt the blood rush to his face.
“I’ve… played with children.” Everyone laughed. Rowan wanted to shrug, but he was scared to move.
“Take the bottle,” Holly said. “She’s fine, Rowan, she’ll have it all down her in a few minutes.” Chloe’s eyes were almost closed, and her fists balled as she drank her meal. She looked so content.
Once Rowan had the bottle, Holly looked up. Eve was keeping an eye on Rowan and Chloe, but she didn’t look worried. In fact, she took her eyes off them to raise her eyes at Holly over the table. Rowan was glancing from the baby to the conversation. Holly took the lead.
“Right,” she began. “So, we need some help. It shouldn’t be dangerous, but it could be. My father has sent some spies to watch me… I shouldn’t be here. I was part of a promise. A marriage over land and power. But then, well…” She gestured to Rowan. Both Xander and Eve smiled. “Tomorrow night,” Holly continued, “we just need to go out and see how many of them there are; if possible, who they are. I might be able to tell from descriptions. And then, we can know what kind of a mess Rowan and I are in.”
“And, by extension, the pack,” Rowan said, looking up. He needed to acknowledge the danger to everyone in the room. Even the baby.
“How did the pack members get here so quickly?” Xander asked. “I don’t know of any Alaska packs who don’t work with love matches.”
“Witch assistance,” Holly said. “We’re from way down south, but of course we have a witch network. There’s no love lost with anyone up here, though.”
It was almost terrifying how good a liar Holly was. She’d even remembered the witches part. But Rowan was glad of it.
“She’s finished,” he said about Chloe. “What do I do?”
Holly leaned over and gently took the bottle from Chloe’s mouth. “Don’t let her suck in too much air, she’ll get uncomfortable. Maybe Eve should take her for burping. She looks almost asleep.”
Eve stood up and gestured for Rowan to pass the baby over the table. This seemed like an advanced move, and when it was done, Rowan was so tense that he wanted to shake himself out before sitting down. Holly put a hand on his knee and squeezed. He put a hand on hers. He hoped she was telling him he’d done a good job.
Xander laughed at Rowan. “Dude, you look like you’ve just survived a duel.”
Rowan smiled. “No, that’ll be when you ask me to change a diaper.”
“Okay,” Eve said, rubbing the baby’s back, “so tomorrow night, recon mission?”
Rowan nodded, leaning his elbows on the table. “I mean, do you need to stay and look after…?”
Eve shook her head.
“No,” she said, gesturing to Xander. “His mom can do it. She loves to play grandma. Honestly, I’m so bored that a moderately dangerous walk in the woods sounds great. If only our friends visited more…”
Rowan fiddled with his fingers. He looked at the table. Holly rubbed his knee.
“Don’t worry,” she said. “We’ll be back soon.” Xander was looking at Eve.
“Are you sure?” he asked. Eve stared right back.
“Yes,” she answered. “You can stay home and watch her if you like. But the more of us are out there, the better a job we’ll do helping Rowan and Holly.”
Rowan looked at his friends. “It’s true. And thank you. I know it’s asking a lot.”
“How long have we been friends, Rowan?” Xander shook his
head. “And, well, I want to see you happy!” Quickly brushing over this statement with a little clearing of his throat, Xander went on. “Who else is coming out?”
Rowan counted on his fingers. “Both of the Hearten brothers, Lou, Cary, and Bruce, and I’m going to call Caleb and Isaac.”
14
Holly
Holly was exhausted. She had tossed and turned all the night before, worried about how strange she was feeling and about Rowan and his friends helping her—about what would happen when they found out and which of them would hate her. What would happen if her suspicions were right and the pack kicked her out? Would she go home? Could she?
At about two, Rowan had woken up from her movement and pulled her close.
“I love you,” he’d muttered into the nape of her neck.
“You love me whatever?” she’d whispered back. Rowan wriggled against her and pulled her into him, his arm over her hip, his hand on her stomach.
“Mmhmm,” he’d groaned, still mostly asleep, “forever and ever.” He’d kissed her neck, then laid his head down. “Oh, a rhyme.” He’d laughed lightly and fallen asleep again. She had closed her eyes and concentrated on sleeping, trying not to let tears of worry well up and roll down her cheeks.
They had told Rowan’s mother half the story. Holly had run away from her pack, and there might be people searching for her. Miriam pursed her lips, clearly holding in questions.
“Take enough warm clothes,” she said as she watched them dress, “and pocket flashlights. Do you need food?” she asked, opening a kitchen cupboard.
“Mom!” Rowan protested, but Holly took a couple of cereal bars.
“Thanks, Miriam,” she said. Rowan had left the room to get something from upstairs. Miriam laid a hand on Holly’s face.
“Sweetheart,” she said. “I don’t know what you’re up to, or where you come from, but I know my son loves you. And you’re good for him. Look after him, okay? Please? And yourself. You seem worried. And it’s only been a couple of weeks, but clearly, you’re becoming a part of this little family.”