‘What’s the matter?’ She ushered him through to the kitchen. A cup of tea seemed like a better bet than wine. Clearly he had something he wanted to talk about.
As she made the tea and placed the cups on the table, he looked at her. ‘I think—we should stop, Raina.’
Stop? Stop what exactly? It wasn’t like Alistair to come straight out with something, he always thought about it first, and he’d obviously done his thinking without her.
‘What...do you mean?’ She sank down into a chair at the kitchen table, wrapping her hands around her teacup.
‘I think that we should end our relationship. That doesn’t make any difference to the work we’ve been doing at the charity. Gabriel will make sure that all of Anya’s needs are met going forward, and I’ll ask him to take over my work with you on the parent support programme...’ He sat down slowly. ‘But you and I can’t be together any more.’
It made all the difference. To everything. Raina had dared to think that, in time, Alistair might be a husband again. A father this time.
Steady. Steady... She had to think about what he was saying, not just blurt out the first thing that came into her head. Raina took a breath, sipping her tea.
‘Alistair, if this is about what happened last Friday, then...’ She shrugged. ‘Don’t beat yourself up about it. Anya was all right, everyone was all right’
She’d made the same mistake all over again, and told him that it didn’t matter whether he was there or not. Raina saw Alistair’s face darken.
‘You’re saying it was easy to go to the hospital and fetch her?’
‘No, it was harder than I’d thought it would be. I couldn’t help thinking about her in that hospital bed after Andrew and Theresa died. She was so small, and she’d lost so much, her parents, her arm...’ Tears started to run down Raina’s cheeks. Alistair reached forward as if to brush them away, and Raina batted his hand to one side.
‘Don’t do that. Not when you’re talking about leaving me.’
He nodded, as if he understood. Damn him, if he understood this anger, this pain, he wouldn’t just walk away from her.
‘What happened last Friday made me think about who I can and can’t be. I just can’t be what you both need.’
‘Ah, and it’s all your father’s fault, is it?’ He was going, and she may as well say it. ‘It’s not. It’s your choice and you need to own it, Alistair. This is nothing to do with me, or what I expect from you, and it’s nothing to do with your father. It’s about you.’
He stared at her and for a moment Raina wondered whether he’d been listening at all in the past few weeks. The blank-eyed look that invited her to throw whatever she wanted at him because he could take it was exactly the same one that had watched her leave the last time.
Well, this time he was going to have to do the leaving. Suddenly his face softened, and Raina wondered if he could go through with it. Then what would she do?
‘Raina, I know. All I’ve ever achieved, everything I’ve done right is my work. I realise I have to reassess those priorities if I’m to be a part of your life, and I’m not sure that I can.’
‘And you won’t even try?’ Raina knew now. This was the second time he’d done this to her, and she couldn’t forgive him. Not even if he begged, and she was quite sure he wouldn’t do that.
‘I can’t risk...’ He was silent, shaking his head. Apparently she wasn’t going to be privy to what Alistair could and couldn’t risk.
‘Go, then. Just go.’ She would have shouted the words if Anya hadn’t been asleep upstairs. But lack of volume didn’t change the way they sounded. Bitter and hurt. Which was just the way Raina felt.
He stared at her for a moment. Then he got to his feet, turning his back on her and walking out of the kitchen and into the hallway. Raina leaned forward, watching as he opened the front door. One last, treacherous impulse made her silently beg that he’d turn and look back.
But he didn’t. The front door closed quietly behind him. If she knew Alistair at all, he definitely wasn’t coming back.
She walked slowly to the door, laying her hand on the latch. The last thing he’d touched. Sadness and anger clawed in her heart, and she slammed her fist hard against the door, then sank to the floor behind it and started to cry.
A sound from upstairs stopped her short. She must have woken Anya. Raina wiped at her face with her sleeve, trying to rub away the tears. Taking a breath to steady herself, she walked upstairs to Anya’s room.
‘Mummy...?’ The little girl was sitting up in her bed, rubbing her eyes drowsily. Raina hugged her, laying her back down again.
‘What’s the matter, sweetie?’
‘I heard a noise.’
‘Ah. Well, everything’s all right. Mummy just dropped something.’ Dropped and smashed. Into so many pieces that it could never be put together again. ‘Go back to sleep, darling.’
Anya nodded, closing her eyes, and then opened them again. ‘Don’t do it again, Mummy.’
Raina smiled, kissing her daughter. ‘No, sweetie. I promise I won’t do it again.’
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
‘WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, Alistair?’ Gabriel blustered into his office, slamming the door. ‘It’s been two weeks!’
‘Take a seat, Gabriel.’ Alistair waved his friend towards the armchairs at the other end of his office and Gabriel ignored him. Alistair’s Italian wasn’t up to much, but he knew when he was being cursed and called an idiot.
Heidi was outside, pulling her coat on to leave for the evening. She aimed a wave at the office, and then made herself scarce. These explosions happened from time to time, and they always blew over.
Gabriel was pacing, waiting for Heidi to go. When the outer office was empty, he walked over to the desk, planting his hands onto it. ‘What did you do to her, Alistair?’
‘Who?’ He was too tired to feign ignorance and be convincing about it. He hadn’t been sleeping and every waking moment had been consumed with thoughts of Raina. The happy times gave him as much pain as the bad times.
‘You know who. First of all you ask me to help Raina with the induction course...’
‘I explained all that to you, I’m trying to catch up on everything else. How’s she doing?’
‘Fine. Really well. You’d know that if you took the time to come over to the training suite.’
The training suite had been a life-saver. Alistair had been wondering how they were going to find the space to run induction courses, and DeMarco Pharmaceuticals had offered the training rooms in their London office. Raina had been spending all of her time there, and she obviously felt the same way as Alistair did. That they had nothing more to say to each other.
‘As I said, I’ve been busy. And I do appreciate your stepping in.’
Gabriel rolled his eyes. ‘You mean you appreciate me helping you to avoid Raina. She looks as if she hasn’t had a wink of sleep, she doesn’t come here and you don’t go there. Normally I’d assume that you were engaging in an affair and being over-discreet about it, but she’s miserable as well. I caught her crying the other day...’
Raina had been crying? Alistair wanted to rush to her, but that wasn’t going to do any good. His presence in her life again would only make things worse.
‘What...? Did you ask her why?’
‘No, I just left her to it.’ Gabriel’s tone took on a note of sarcasm. ‘Of course I asked her why. She said it was nothing. Which I took to mean that it was something. You...’ Gabriel pointed accusingly at him.
Guilty as charged. ‘If Raina didn’t want to tell you, I’m certainly not going to.’
‘Oh, for goodness’ sake, Alistair...’ Gabriel turned and started to pace again. ‘I’m your friend.’
‘Yes, and I appreciate the concern.’ There was no doubt in Alistair’s mind that this was concern. A little too much for him to deal with
at the moment, but that was Gabriel’s way.
‘Look...maybe I can help. Not that I’m really the one to ask about relationship problems...’
‘Clara might disagree.’ Alistair switched the subject to the one person who was guaranteed to make Gabriel smile.
‘Well, Clara’s the one relationship I’ve managed to get right. I put that particular miracle down to her, not me.’
‘You were the one who dropped everything and went to Mexico.’
Gabriel shrugged. ‘I couldn’t help that. Look, if Raina makes you happy...’
He had been happy. And being without her was tearing Alistair apart. ‘We divorced, remember? It didn’t work for us.’
‘There’s such a thing as a second chance, Alistair. You can’t walk away and leave her hating you.’
Alistair shook his head. Gabriel didn’t understand, Raina had told him she’d never hated him...
‘Did she say that, Gabriel?’ Hope began to tear at him as he realised just what his friend had said.
‘What, that she hated you?’ Gabriel shrugged. ‘Does it matter? Clearly she does.’
‘It matters. Did she say it?’
Gabriel pursed his lips. ‘Well, I tried to get her to talk, and... Yes. She said it. More to shut me down than anything, I think.’
Alistair shot to his feet, rounding the desk and enveloping his friend in a bear hug. ‘There’s something you can do for me.’
‘What’s that? Write a prescription?’ Gabriel was looking at him as if he’d gone completely mad.
‘No. A favour...’
* * *
Raina knew that the blonde woman who had entered DeMarco Pharmaceuticals’ training suite had to be Clara. Not because she was obviously in the early stages of pregnancy, or because Gabriel greeted her with a kiss on the cheek. Gabriel had a habit of kissing anyone he hadn’t seen for a while. It was because they seemed two parts of a whole somehow.
They were engrossed in conversation, not touching but the closeness was palpable. Then Clara smiled at her husband and turned, walking towards Raina.
‘Hi, I’m Clara.’ She held out her hand, her smile frank and open. Raina liked her already.
‘I’m Raina. What do you think?’ She swept her finger, pointing at the display boards that had been fixed to the walls.
‘I think it’s great. I was looking at them just now, and it’s just the right mix of information, along with a little something to stir the imagination.’ Clara grinned, pointing towards the image of Anya, using her prosthetic hand to play with her bricks. ‘That’s your daughter?’
‘Yes. Anya...’ The one little piece of light in the gloom. Raina had held onto her little girl, trying to subsume her sadness into a determination for a brighter future. That future was for Anya alone, though.
‘She’s beautiful.’
‘I hear you’re expecting twins. Congratulations.’
Clara grinned. It was nice to see someone so happy. ‘Thank you. Gabriel just happened to mention it, did he?’
‘Once or twice. He seems to be doing pretty well with the father-in-training routine.’
‘Just wait until he finds out about changing nappies.’ Clara chuckled. ‘Gabriel says that it’s Anya’s birthday in ten days’ time, and that you’re planning a party.’
Planning a party wasn’t quite the description. Gabriel had asked what Raina would be doing for Anya’s birthday and she’d told him that she’d asked a few friends to the house.
‘I haven’t really decided what to do yet.’
‘That’s what I wanted to ask you about. We’re having a party this weekend, and we’ve had a marquee put up in the garden. As it’s there, we wondered if you’d like to use it for Anya’s party.’
‘That would be great but—you don’t want half a dozen kids with their sticky fingers all over your house, do you?’
‘I don’t mind. And as you say, Gabriel’s in training. He hardly flinches when I drop jam on the carpet these days.’
The image of red wine stains on the carpet hit Raina from nowhere. Alistair’s bedroom and making love. He’d dropped his glass and they hadn’t noticed the stain on the carpet until the following morning. Alistair had just smiled, telling her that they’d just made a memory.
One that hurt now. Raina took a breath. ‘How big is the marquee?’
‘It takes forty people. And there’s room for a bouncy castle as well...’ Clara was clearly making plans.
‘There are a few extra people I could ask. Heidi and the Dream Team have been so good to Anya.’
‘That’s great. Ask them all.’
‘I’ll come and help decorate the marquee...’ Raina was beginning to get excited about the prospect.
‘Let me.’ Clara leaned forward. ‘I’m already a bit fed up with this bee that Gabriel’s got in his bonnet about my resting all the time. It’ll be my pleasure.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘Positive. Give me your number and I’ll call you if I have any questions. I expect I’ll have plenty.’
‘Thank you, Clara. This is really nice of you and Gabriel.’ Raina suspected that this was a plan that they’d cooked up between them to cheer her up. But Anya would love a party in a marquee, and Raina was already beginning to look forward to it.
‘I’m so glad you’ve agreed.’ Clara reached into her bag, locating her mobile phone immediately. Raina would have to mention that when she became a mother, her handbag might be less organised. Another jab to the heart, as she remembered the joke about the safety pins in Alistair’s mother’s bag on their wedding day.
Leave it. Don’t think about that, just look to the future. Raina found her own phone, the screen smudged with sticky finger marks where Anya had been playing with it. She’d made a friend today, and if Gabriel and Clara were close to Alistair, then they seemed to both understand the situation and were tactfully working around it.
‘You’re really sure about this? When I give you my number it’s a done deal.’ Raina grinned.
‘Quick, then. Give me the number.’
* * *
It was a bright, warm September day. Anya was running around, squealing with excitement, in the little pink princess costume that Raina had made for her, granting wishes with her sparkly wand. Raina’s had already been granted. Seeing her little girl so happy was all she wanted.
She’d offered to go and help with the preparations for the party this morning, and Clara had given an obstinate no. An hour early would be more than enough. When she parked outside the house, the swathe of pink and mauve balloons around the front door showed her that she was in the right place. Gabriel flung the door open before she and Anya had even got out of the car, and Anya ran up the front steps.
‘Happy birthday, Anya!’ He scooped her up in his arms and Anya tapped him on the top of his head with her wand.
‘Wish granted!’
Gabriel chuckled. ‘Thank you. Let’s see if we can find a few wishes for you, shall we?’
Outside, a bouncy castle sat next to a large marquee, one side of which was covered with a hoarding that had been painted to look just like a castle, with turrets and people along the battlements. Gabriel showed Anya where to tap her wand, and the door swung open.
The inside of the marquee continued the castle theme. A long banqueting table stood at one end, low enough for the children to sit at. Around the edge of the marquee was a frieze with medieval lords and ladies painted on it, and on one side there were doors to open and tunnels to run through. There was a dragon, with a wide grin on its face, holding a cauldron in one hand and a red sparkly button in the other, and Clara walked up to it, bending down to press the button. The lid of the cauldron swung open and Clara could see small gold-wrapped packages inside.
‘Gabriel! This is gorgeous. How long did Clara spend doing all of this?’
Gabri
el dismissed the question. ‘Hardly any time at all. You like it, Anya?’
Anya nodded, running to explore the rest of the tent. Every part of it contained something different and imaginative to catch a child’s attention. Clara must have had professional help with this.
‘That’ll be a yes.’ Raina turned to Gabriel. ‘She loves it and she’d like to thank you and Clara very much.’
Gabriel chuckled. ‘No thanks needed. As long as she enjoys herself...’ He turned, as the sound of the doorbell echoed faintly through from the open back door. ‘That’ll be the unicorn.’
‘The what?’
‘Actually, it’s a Shetland pony. But it has a horn on its bridle and Clara reliably informs me that it’s impossible to tell the difference. I’ll have to get them to walk it down the road and bring it through the alleyway at the back as it might take fright and stampede if we bring it through the house. Where’s Anya got to?’
‘Hiding in the magic forest.’ In one corner of the marquee there was a selection of small artificial trees, with twinkly lights in them. ‘Anya...’
Anya appeared from behind a tree, running back to Raina and trying to pull her back to the forest for a game of hide and seek. Gabriel bent down to her, tapping her on the shoulder.
‘Would you like to come and see the unicorn with me? Mummy can stay here and guard the castle.’
Anya looked at Raina and she nodded. ‘That sounds fun. Where’s Clara, Gabriel? I have to go and thank her, this is so beautiful.’
‘Um...lying down. Give her fifteen minutes. I’ll bring you a glass of wine to fortify you for the fray...’ He shot the words over his shoulder as Anya tugged at his sleeve, propelling him out of the tent.
A moment later he was back, a chilled glass of white wine in one hand and Anya’s hand held firmly in the other.
‘Mummy, there’s a unicorn! I saw it out the window!’
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