Strings of the Heart

by Katie Ashley

  “What changed your mind?” I finally croaked.

  “One day my mother sat me down. She told me that regardless of how I felt about my dad and Nancy, you were an innocent in what had happened, and you didn’t deserve my hate. She had never wanted me to be an only child, but she’d barely been able to have me, least of all give me a sibling. She explained that you would need a loving big brother, and that I could benefit from the pure, unselfish love of a little sister.”

  Although I never got to know Susan that well, there wasn’t another woman around with such a loving, giving heart. While she had every reason to hate me, Susan had been worried about me enough to try to bridge the gap between her son and me.

  “So I finally agreed to visit Dad for the weekend. Mom bought an outfit and some toys for me to give to you.” He shook his head with a wry smile. “The whole drive to Atlanta, while I sat with that damn package on my lap, I fantasized the whole time about rolling the window down and chucking it out onto the interstate.”

  A nervous giggle escaped my lips at both his sentiment and the expression on his face. “After Mom dropped me off, Dad and Nancy gave me my space. They didn’t force you on me to start with. Finally after roaming around the house and playing basketball with AJ, curiosity finally got the best of me. I found you in the living room. You were in this frilly bassinet thingy. When I walked over to you, I had a thousand horrible thoughts running through my mind about what harm I’d like to do to you.” At my horrified gasp, Jake grimaced. “I said I was a punk kid, didn’t I?”

  “Yes. But it’s just terribly hard for me to imagine that you would ever think such horrible things.”

  “Ah, that’s the unfailing love you have for your big brother speaking. I was a real bastard then.”

  “What changed your mind about me?”

  With a ragged sigh, Jake jerked a hand through his hair. “You.”

  I furrowed my brows in confusion. “Me?”

  “It all changed the moment I bent over the bassinet to look at you. Even though I probably stared down at you with such hate on my face, do you know what you did?”

  “What?” I questioned softly.

  Tears shimmered in Jake’s dark eyes. “You smiled at me.”

  Witnessing Jake’s emotions caused tears to sting my eyes as well. “I did?”

  He bobbed his head before dragging his sleeve across his face. “And then just like that—” he paused to snap his fingers, “any hate or anger I had toward you evaporated. The longer I stood there, the longer you kept smiling and cooing like I was the best thing you had ever lay eyes on. Nancy came in the room and asked me if I wanted to hold you. Never would I have imagined saying yes, but I did—I wanted to feel you in my arms, snuggle you against my chest.” With tears streaming down his face, Jake smiled. “And from that day on, I’ve loved you with all my heart, Allie-bean.”

  I hiccupped a sob at his words. Fumbling out of the chair, I couldn’t seem to get to him fast enough. When I threw my arms around his neck, Jake pulled me down beside him on the couch. “Oh Jake, I love you so much,” I murmured, as I hugged him tight.

  “I know, baby girl. I know. I love you just as much.”

  Relief flooded me when Jake’s arms came around me. They felt safe and comforting just like they always did. I hoped that meant that he had forgiven me for what he had witnessed earlier. Pulling away, I stared up into his handsome face. “Nothing will ever change my love for you or how much I need you as a big brother. Not even my feelings for Rhys.”

  Jake’s expression darkened at the mention of Rhys. “I just can’t believe he betrayed me by going behind my back with you.”

  Shaking my head, I replied, “He didn’t betray you. It takes two, and I’m just as guilty as he is.”

  “Allison, you’re just a kid, but Rhys is a man. He knows better. Just the thought that he seduced you for his own selfish, bullshit reasons makes me want to throttle him again.”

  “He didn’t seduce me.” When Jake started to protest, I held up my hand. “Didn’t you hear me say that I’ve been in love with Rhys since I was thirteen years old? Trust me, no one wanted this more or consented more than I did.”

  Jake’s brows creased with confusion. “What are you saying?”

  “There’s never been and never will be any man in the world for me but Rhys.”

  “But how?” Jake croaked.

  I laughed. “Are you asking me to explain why I love him? Because I don’t necessarily think I can. Just like I’m sure it would be hard for you to explain why you fell in love with Abby despite your differences and the fact the world was against you guys.”

  Jake winced as if he knew what I was saying was true but hated to admit it. “I promise you that Rhys never set out to seduce me into his bed and make me one of his conquests. More than anything, he fought against what he felt for me because he didn’t want me to get hurt. But Jake most of all, he didn’t want to jeopardize your friendship.”

  “Really?” Jake asked, his brows rising in surprise.

  “Yes. Runaway Train is the only true family he has, and he didn’t want to do anything to risk it, even if it meant throwing away his own happiness and mine to keep the peace.”

  Running his hand through his hair, Jake gave a ragged sigh. “I had no idea.”

  “No, you’ve been too much of a stubborn ass to see anything past your own feelings,” I replied.

  Jake’s eyes momentarily bulged. “Hey now.”

  Cocking my head at him, I gave him a tentative smile. “It’s the truth on some level, and you know it.”

  With a sheepish expression, Jake said, “Yeah, I guess it is. You know me too well, Allie-Bean.” He then glanced down at his hands and sighed raggedly. “Hell, I knew Rhys’s home life was fucked up, but I had no idea how strongly he needed the band. Not only do I feel terrible about hitting him, but I feel like a huge ass for all of the horrible things I said to him. The truth is he’s never been like me in the way he treated women. I shouldn’t have called him out for behavior that wasn’t really his. It’s just hard to think any man would ever be fucking good enough for my baby sister, Allie-Bean.”

  “All you have to do to make it right is apologize.” When Jake gave a frustrated grunt, I brought my hand to his cheek. “Rhys isn’t the type of guy to hold a grudge. The most important thing in his life is harmony between those he loves. You can make things right because you love him and because you love me.”

  Jake brought his gaze to mine. “Fine. I’ll fucking apologize, okay?” he growled.

  “Can you work on your tone a little before you try?” I teasingly asked. He plastered on a hideous fake smile. “Well, that is truly frightening.”

  He chuckled. “You’re really busting my balls, kiddo.”

  I grinned. “Just go easy on Rhys, okay?”

  Jake nodded. “For you, I will.”

  “Don’t just do it for me. Do it because of your love for him. He’s your family.”

  Rolling his eyes, Jake gripped my waist and then set me on my feet. “Fine, fine. I’ll get all mushy and sentimental and do it for our—” he paused to make air quotes, “bromance. How’s that?”

  “Very good.”

  Motioning to the door, he said, “Go send him in.”

  Although I felt like everything was good between us, I was still a little scared to have Jake talk with Rhys. “Alone?”

  “Yesss,” Jake hissed, as if he couldn’t believe I doubted his ability to be civil.

  “Okay, okay,” I replied, heading for the door. Peeking my head out into the hallway, I saw Rhys pacing back and forth. It warmed my heart to see that he had stayed relatively close in case things went bad. “Rhys?” I called.

  His head snapped up, and he whirled around to stare expectantly at me. “Is everything okay?”

  “It’s fine. Jake’s ready to talk to you now.”

  Rhys’s brows shot up. “Really?”

  I nodded as he exhaled his breath in one long whoosh. As he strode u
p to me, he gave a shaky smile. His being nervous would have been quite comical if I hadn’t been so apprehensive myself. “So should I be worried about more bodily harm?”

  With a laugh, I replied, “No, I think you’re okay.”

  “And we’re okay?”

  “We’re great.”

  He leaned in and gave me a tender kiss. “I’m glad to hear that.”

  I was almost too overwhelmed with emotions to respond. I felt like pinching myself to make sure this was really happening. It felt too good to be true. With a gentle nudge, I pointed Rhys in the direction of the doorway. “Go on, face the music, and get it over with.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” he replied, before giving me a mock salute.

  After he disappeared inside the room and shut the door behind him, I couldn’t help saying a prayer that everything would finally be right between us—and that meant all of us.

  While I tried masking my nerves about Jake in front of Allison, I was still a basket case inside. Sure, I had made my argument and stood my ground, but there was still a pansy-ass part of me that dreaded facing Jake. Somehow I couldn’t help being a little apprehensive about actually sitting down with him to talk man to man about what I had done. Throwing back my shoulders, I gave Allison a reassuring smile. Then I took in a deep breath, bit the bullet, and headed inside the room.

  When I shut the door, Jake raised his brows at me and then winced in pain. “You look like hell,” he mumbled, as he rubbed his forehead.

  “Yeah, some crazy fucker punched me,” I replied, with a wry smile.

  The corners of Jake’s lips turned up a little. “Guess we’re going to give Darla a run for her money in the makeup chair tonight, huh?”

  “Yeah, I think she’s going be pretty pissed at us.”

  “Have a seat,” he said, motioning to the couch across from him.

  After I eased down onto the sofa, I glanced expectantly at him. “Your right hook is pretty intense,” I said, trying to ease the tension that hung heavily in the air.

  Jake chuckled as he flexed his fingers. “It’s been a long time since I’ve had to throw a punch. I wasn’t sure I still had it in me.”

  “So glad I could help get you back in the ring.”

  “Yeah, whatever,” Jake replied.

  We sat in an uncomfortable silence for what felt like a small eternity. Finally, I bit the bullet and went straight to the heart of the matter. “Look man, I’m really fucking sorry you had to find out about Allison and me the way you did.”

  Jake cringed. “Yeah, me too.”

  “We really haven’t been dating behind your back, Jake. It was only yesterday that we came together as a couple. I had every intention of coming straight to you and openly discussing my intentions toward Allison, but she wanted to wait. She felt certain of how you would react and wanted a little time for us to enjoy some happiness before shit hit the fan.”

  Jake gave a small smile. “I see.” He then leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “So Allison gave me her side of the story. What do you have to say?”

  “Just that I’m sorry.”

  With his brows shooting up in surprise, Jake asked, “That’s it?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know what else to say, but that I’m so fucking sorry. Our friendship has always been in the forefront of my mind, so I feel like shit for keeping Allison and me a secret from you. I don’t want my love for your sister to fuck with our friendship, man. But sometimes you can’t help the path your life takes, and when it comes to Allison, mine derailed in the best damn way possible. She’s one hell of an amazing woman, and I can’t help but love her with all my heart.” When Jake remained uncharacteristically silent, I continued on, “Trust me, I fought like hell not to give in to what I was feeling. But I’m sorry if I’m a selfish bastard for finally deciding that her happiness and my happiness meant more than how you could have felt about us.”

  Jake weighed my words. “How am I supposed to believe that you’re not going to break her heart?” he questioned. Before I could respond, he continued on. “I mean, you’ve barely had any long-term relationships since I’ve known you.”

  Cocking my head at him, I countered, “Yeah, I’m pretty sure I could have said the same thing to you when you decided to date Abby.”

  Jake grimaced. “Are you and Allison ever going to stop throwing Abby’s and my relationship in my face?”

  “No, because it’s the only thing I can think of to get you to see reason. In so many ways, our relationships are similar. I’m hoping that fact will help you to see that you have nothing to be worried about. I’m going to love Allison as completely as you do Abby. I will honor her and protect her all the days of my life.”

  “That last bit sounded like wedding vows.”

  I shrugged. “Maybe it did. We’re not planning on running off to Vegas anytime soon. We have a lot to work on in our relationship before we get married. Plus, she’s still young. I want her to be able to finish her degree and get established in the fashion world before I tie her down.”

  “I won’t lie that it does make me feel better to hear you say that. But at the same time, there’s still worry in the pit of my stomach. I just don’t want to think that in a couple of months you’re going to get tired of Allison and leave her.”

  I shook my head furiously. “How could I, Jake? Every day I discover something new about her, and I can’t wait to get to spend more time discovering every little quirk she has. None of us can predict what the future holds, but I promise you that I will work my ass off to make her happy.”

  Jake stared at me for a moment. Then he exhaled noisily. “I guess she could have picked a worse guy to fall in love with,” he mused.

  “Easy there,” I countered, with a smile.

  “You know I will have to kill you if you ever hurt her again.”

  I held my hands up. “I’m willing to take that chance.”

  Jake shook his head. “You’re really fucking sincere about this, aren’t you?”

  “You act surprised?”

  “I guess I expected to hear Allison profess her love for you. It just seems surreal that you’re really sitting here before me claiming you love my sister.”

  “It’s the truth. Each and every word of it.”

  Jake pursed his lips before easing forward on the couch. After he rose to his feet, he threw his hand out. I couldn’t help staring at it in surprise. “Then welcome to the family.”

  “You really mean it, man?”

  He gave me a genuine smile. “Yeah, I really meant it. Since we formed the band, you’ve been my brother. One day in the future, you can be my brother-in-law.”

  I returned his smile. “Fuck, yes.” I rose off the couch. Instead of shaking his hand, I reached over to hug him. “I love you, man,” I said.

  Jake squeezed me tight. “Love ya, too, bro. Still wanna throttle you good but I love ya.”

  I laughed. “I’m sorry—really fucking sorry.”

  “Yeah, well, for now, I think it would be best for you to continue riding on Jacob’s Ladder’s bus.”

  Pulling away, I stared at him in shock. “And why the hell would I want to do that?”

  He scowled at me. “I just can’t hack waking up in the middle of the night and hearing you two going at it, okay?”

  Oh, hell no. I could not believe after all that had been said and done, Jake was still acting this way. “You’ve got to be shitting me? We just got together. How would you have liked it if after you and Abby started dating, her brothers demanded she ride Jacob’s Ladder’s bus, rather than with Runaway Train?”

  Crossing his arms over his chest, Jake replied, “I would have told them to fuck off.”

  I cocked my brows at him. “Oh really?”

  His scowl grew even deeper. “Can’t you for one second imagine what it’s like for me?”

  My mind went to Ellie and what it would be like if things were different with her. I guess Jake had a point because I sure as hell wouldn’t want to have
to see or hear her getting busy with a dude. At the same time, I wasn’t ready to give up my intimate time with Allison. We’d had so few chances to really be together. “Maybe we can find a compromise. Like what if Allison came with me some nights on Jacob’s Ladder’s bus?”

  Although his expression told me that he didn’t like the thought one fucking bit, he did manage to bob his head. “Yeah, I guess so.”

  Since I knew how much it pained him, I replied, “Thanks, Jake.”

  He jerked his chin to the door. “Think we should go out there and put Allie-Bean out of her misery? I’m sure she’s pacing the floor all worried that I’m about to kick your ass again.”

  “Excuse me? Who said you kicked my ass? I thought we were pretty even,” I countered.

  “Dream on, McGowan,” Jake replied, with a grin.

  “You’re such a smug motherfucker.”

  “Damn straight.” He then opened the door. After stepping outside, we saw Allison and Abby leaning against the wall across from us. Allison gnawed on her fingernails while Abby wrung her hands. At the sight of us, their brows rose in unison.

  “Well?” Allison asked tentatively.

  Jake glanced at me before he spoke. “Not that my opinion really matters, but I guess you can date this ugly bastard if he makes you happy.”

  Allison squealed with happiness before throwing her arms around Jake. “Thank you, Jake. Thank you for accepting us!” She kissed his cheek before pulling away to bound over to me. As I wrapped my arms around her, Jake took Abby into his arms. He spoke softly into her ear, and by her changing expression, I knew he was making things right between them.

  After they walked on ahead of us, I kept my arms firmly around Allison. She felt too good to let go of yet. “Oh Rhys, I don’t think I could ever be happier than in this moment!” Allison exclaimed, the decibel of her voice almost busting my eardrum.

  “Me too,” I said, closing my eyes to savor the feeling of holding my love—the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I never imagined that I would know this feeling. Although having been around my bandmates had shown me that marriages could be good, happy, and wonderfully life-altering, I had always felt embittered by my parents’ sham of a relationship. But now that I had the right woman by my side, I no longer felt that way. I was truly and completely changed.