proximus eiusdem properabat Acilius aeui
cum iuuene indigno quem mors tam saeua maneret 95
et domini gladiis tam festinata; sed olim
prodigio par est in nobilitate senectus,
unde fit ut malim fraterculus esse gigantis.
profuit ergo nihil misero quod comminus ursos
figebat Numidas Albana nudus harena 100
uenator. quis enim iam non intellegat artes
patricias? quis priscum illud miratur acumen,
Brute, tuum? facile est barbato inponere regi.
[94] Next to him hurried Acilius, of like age as himself, and with him the youth who little merited the cruel death that was so soon hurried on by his master’s sword. But to be both young and noble has long since become a prodigy; hence I would rather be a giant’s little brother. Therefore it availed the poor youth nothing that he speared Numidian bears, stripped as a huntsman upon the Alban arena. For who nowadays would not see through patrician tricks? Who would now marvel, Brutus, at that old-world cleverness of yours? ’Tis an easy matter to befool a king that wears a beard.
nec melior uultu quamuis ignobilis ibat
Rubrius, offensae ueteris reus atque tacendae, 105
et tamen inprobior saturam scribente cinaedo.
Montani quoque uenter adest abdomine tardus,
et matutino sudans Crispinus amomo
quantum uix redolent duo funera, saeuior illo
Pompeius tenui iugulos aperire susurro, 110
et qui uulturibus seruabat uiscera Dacis
Fuscus marmorea meditatus proelia uilla,
et cum mortifero prudens Veiiento Catullo,
qui numquam uisae flagrabat amore puellae,
grande et conspicuum nostro quoque tempore monstrum, 115
caecus adulator dirusque ~a ponte~ satelles,
dignus Aricinos qui mendicaret ad axes
blandaque deuexae iactaret basia raedae.
nemo magis rhombum stupuit; nam plurima dixit
in laeuum conuersus, at illi dextra iacebat 120
belua. sic pugnas Cilicis laudabat et ictus
et pegma et pueros inde ad uelaria raptos.
[104] No more cheerful in face, though of ignoble blood, came Rubrius, condemned long since of a crime that may not be named, and yet more shameless than a reprobate who should write satire. There too was present the unwieldy frame of Montanus; and Crispinus, reeking at early dawn with odours enough to out-scent two funerals; more ruthless than he Pompeius, whose gentle whisper would cut men’s throats; and Fuscus, who planned battles in his marble halls, keeping his flesh for the Dacian vultures. Then along with the sage Veiento came the death-dealing Catullus, who burnt with love for a maiden whom he had never seen — a mighty and notable marvel even in these days of ours: a blind flatterer, a dire courtier from a beggar’s stand, well fitted to beg at the wheels of chariots and blow soft kisses to them as they rolled down the Arician hill. None marvelled more at the fish than he, turning to the left as he spoke; only the creature happened to be on his right. In like fashion would he commend the thrusts of a Cilician gladiator, or the machine which whisks up the boys into the awning.
non cedit Veiiento, sed ut fanaticus oestro
percussus, Bellona, tuo diuinat et ‘ingens
omen habes’ inquit ‘magni clarique triumphi. 125
regem aliquem capies, aut de temone Britanno
excidet Aruiragus. peregrina est belua: cernis
erectas in terga sudes?’ hoc defuit unum
Fabricio, patriam ut rhombi memoraret et annos.
[123] But Veiento was not to be outdone; and like a seer inspired, O Bellona, by thine own gadfly, he bursts into prophecy: “A mighty presage hast thou, O Emperor! of a great and glorious victory. Some King will be thy captive; or Arviragus will be hurled from his British chariot. The brute is foreign-born: dost thou not see the prickles bristling upon his back?” Nothing remained for Fabricius but to tell the turbot’s age and birthplace.
‘quidnam igitur censes? conciditur?’ ‘absit ab illo 130
dedecus hoc’ Montanus ait, ‘testa alta paretur
quae tenui muro spatiosum colligat orbem.
debetur magnus patinae subitusque Prometheus.
argillam atque rotam citius properate, sed ex hoc
tempore iam, Caesar, figuli tua castra sequantur.’ 135
uicit digna uiro sententia. nouerat ille
luxuriam inperii ueterem noctesque Neronis
iam medias aliamque famem, cum pulmo Falerno
arderet. nulli maior fuit usus edendi
tempestate mea: Circeis nata forent an 140
Lucrinum ad saxum Rutupinoue edita fundo
ostrea callebat primo deprendere morsu,
et semel aspecti litus dicebat echini.
[130] “What then do you advise?” quoth the Emperor. “Shall we cut it up?” “Nay, nay,” rejoins Montanus; “let that indignity be spared him. Let a deep vessel be provided to gather his huge dimensions within its slender walls; some great and unforeseen Prometheus is destined for the dish! Haste, haste, with clay and wheel! but from this day forth, O Caesar, let potters always attend upon thy camp!” This proposal, so worthy of the man, gained the day. Well known to him were the old debauches of the Imperial Court, which Nero carried on to midnight till a second hunger came and veins were heated with hot Falernian. No one in my time had more skill in the eating art than he. He could tell at the first bite whether an oyster had been bred at Circeii, or on the Lucrine rocks, or on the beds of Rutupiae; one glance would tell him the native shore of a sea-urchin.
surgitur et misso proceres exire iubentur
consilio, quos Albanam dux magnus in arcem 145
traxerat attonitos et festinare coactos,
tamquam de Chattis aliquid toruisque Sygambris
dicturus, tamquam ex diuersis partibus orbis
anxia praecipiti uenisset epistula pinna.
[144] The Council rises, and the councillors are dismissed: men whom the mighty Emperor had dragged in terror and hot haste to his Alban castle, as though to give them news of the Chatti, or the savage Sycambri, or as though an alarming despatch had arrived on wings of speed from some remote quarter of the earth.
atque utinam his potius nugis tota illa dedisset 150
tempora saeuitiae, claras quibus abstulit urbi
inlustresque animas inpune et uindice nullo.
sed periit postquam cerdonibus esse timendus
coeperat: hoc nocuit Lamiarum caede madenti.
[150] And yet would that he had rather given to follies such as these all those days of cruelty when he robbed the city of its noblest and choicest souls, with none to punish or avenge! He could steep himself in the blood of the Lamiae; but when once he became a terror to the common herd he met his doom.
Satire 5. How Clients are Entertained
Si te propositi nondum pudet atque eadem est mens,
ut bona summa putes aliena uiuere quadra,
si potes illa pati quae nec Sarmentus iniquas
Caesaris ad mensas nec uilis Gabba tulisset,
quamuis iurato metuam tibi credere testi. 5
uentre nihil noui frugalius; hoc tamen ipsum
defecisse puta, quod inani sufficit aluo:
nulla crepido uacat? nusquam pons et tegetis pars
dimidia breuior? tantine iniuria cenae,
tam ieiuna fames, cum possit honestius illic 10
et tremere et sordes farris mordere canini?
[1] If you are still unashamed of your plan of life, and still deem it to be the highest bliss to live at another man’s board — if you can brook indignities which neither Sarmentus nor the despicable Gabba would have endured at Caesar’s ill-assorted table — I should refuse to believe your testimony, even upon oath. I know of nothing so easily satisfied as the belly; but even granted that you have nothing wherewith to fill its emptiness, is there no quay vacant, no bridge? Can you find no fraction of a beggar’s mat to stand upon? Is a di
nner worth all the insults with which you have to pay for it? Is your hunger so importunate, when it might, with greater dignity, be shivering where you are, and munching dirty scraps of dog’s bread?
primo fige loco, quod tu discumbere iussus
mercedem solidam ueterum capis officiorum.
fructus amicitiae magnae cibus: inputat hunc rex,
et quamuis rarum tamen inputat. ergo duos post 15
si libuit menses neglectum adhibere clientem,
tertia ne uacuo cessaret culcita lecto,
‘una simus’ ait. uotorum summa. quid ultra
quaeris? habet Trebius propter quod rumpere somnum
debeat et ligulas dimittere, sollicitus ne 20
tota salutatrix iam turba peregerit orbem,
sideribus dubiis aut illo tempore quo se
frigida circumagunt pigri serraca Bootae.
[12] First of all be sure of this — that when bidden to dinner, you receive payment in full for all your past services. A meal is the return which your grand friendship yields you; the great man scores it against you, and though it come but seldom, he scores it against you all the same. So if after a couple of months it is his pleasure to invite his forgotten client, lest the third place on the lowest couch should be unoccupied, and he says to you, “Come and dine with me,” you are in the seventh Heaven! what more can you desire? Now at last has Trebius got the reward for which he must needs cut short his sleep, and hurry with shoe-strings untied, fearing that the whole crowd of callers may already have gone their rounds, at an hour when the stars are fading or when the chilly wain of Bootes is wheeling slowly round.
qualis cena tamen! uinum quod sucida nolit
lana pati: de conuiua Corybanta uidebis. 25
iurgia proludunt, sed mox et pocula torques
saucius et rubra deterges uulnera mappa,
inter uos quotiens libertorumque cohortem
pugna Saguntina feruet commissa lagona.
ipse capillato diffusum consule potat 30
calcatamque tenet bellis socialibus uuam.
cardiaco numquam cyathum missurus amico
cras bibet Albanis aliquid de montibus aut de
Setinis, cuius patriam titulumque senectus
deleuit multa ueteris fuligine testae, 35
quale coronati Thrasea Heluidiusque bibebant
Brutorum et Cassi natalibus.
[24] And what a dinner after all! You are given wine that fresh-clipped wool would refuse to suck up, and which soon converts your revellers into Corybants. Foul words are the prelude to the fray; but before long tankards will be flying about; a battle royal with Saguntine crockery will soon be raging between you and the company of freedmen, and you will be staunching your wounds with a blood-stained napkin. The great man himself drinks wine bottled in the days when Consuls wore long hair; the juice which he holds in his hand was squeezed during the Social Wars, but never a glass of it will he send to a friend suffering from dyspepsia! To-morrow he will drink a vintage from the hills of Alba or Setia whose date and name have been effaced by the soot which time has gathered upon the aged jar — such wine as Thrasea and Helvidius used to drink with chaplets on their heads upon the birthdays of Cassius and the Bruti.
ipse capaces
Heliadum crustas et inaequales berullo
Virro tenet phialas: tibi non committitur aurum,
uel, si quando datur, custos adfixus ibidem, 40
qui numeret gemmas, ungues obseruet acutos.
da ueniam: praeclara illi laudatur iaspis.
nam Virro, ut multi, gemmas ad pocula transfert
a digitis, quas in uaginae fronte solebat
ponere zelotypo iuuenis praelatus Iarbae. 45
tu Beneuentani sutoris nomen habentem
siccabis calicem nasorum quattuor ac iam
quassatum et rupto poscentem sulpura uitro.
[37] The cup in Virro’s hands is richly crusted with amber and rough with beryl: to you no gold is entrusted; or if it is, a watcher is posted over it to count the gems and keep an eye on your sharp finger-nails. Pardon his anxiety; that fine jasper of his is much admired! For Virro, like so many others, transfers from his fingers to his cups the jewels with which the youth preferred to the jealous Iarbas used to adorn his scabbard. To you will be given a cracked cup with four nozzles that takes its name from a Beneventine cobbler, and calls for sulphur wherewith to repair its broken glass.
si stomachus domini feruet uinoque ciboque,
frigidior Geticis petitur decocta pruinis. 50
non eadem uobis poni modo uina querebar?
uos aliam potatis aquam. tibi pocula cursor
Gaetulus dabit aut nigri manus ossea Mauri
et cui per mediam nolis occurrere noctem,
cliuosae ueheris dum per monumenta Latinae. 55
flos Asiae ante ipsum, pretio maiore paratus
quam fuit et Tulli census pugnacis et Anci
et, ne te teneam, Romanorum omnia regum
friuola. quod cum ita sit, tu Gaetulum Ganymedem
respice, cum sities. nescit tot milibus emptus 60
pauperibus miscere puer, sed forma, sed aetas
digna supercilio. quando ad te peruenit ille?
quando rogatus adest calidae gelidaeque minister?
quippe indignatur ueteri parere clienti
quodque aliquid poscas et quod se stante recumbas. 65
[maxima quaeque domus seruis est plena superbis.]
ecce alius quanto porrexit murmure panem
uix fractum, solidae iam mucida frusta farinae,
quae genuinum agitent, non admittentia morsum.
sed tener et niueus mollique siligine fictus 70
seruatur domino. dextram cohibere memento;
salua sit artoptae reuerentia. finge tamen te
inprobulum, superest illic qui ponere cogat:
‘uis tu consuetis, audax conuiua, canistris
impleri panisque tui nouisse colorem?’ 75
‘scilicet hoc fuerat, propter quod saepe relicta
coniuge per montem aduersum gelidasque cucurri
Esquilias, fremeret saeua cum grandine uernus
Iuppiter et multo stillaret paenula nimbo.’
[49] If my lord’s stomach is fevered with food and wine, a decoction colder than Thracian hoar-frosts will be brought to him. Did I complain just now that you were given a different wine? Why, the water which you clients drink is not the same. It will be handed to you by a Gaetulian groom, or by the bony hand of a blackamoor whom you would rather not meet at midnight when driving past the monuments on the hilly Latin Way. Before mine host stands the very pink of Asia, a youth bought for a sum bigger than the entire fortune of the warlike Tullus or Ancus, more valuable, in short, than all the chattels of all the kings of Rome. That being so, when you are thirsty look to your swarthy Ganymede. The page who has cost so many thousands cannot mix a drink for a poor man: but then his beauty, his youth, justify his disdain! When will he get as far as you? When does he listen to your request for water, hot or cold? It is beneath him to attend to an old dependent; he is indignant that you should ask for anything, and that you should be seated while he stands. All your great houses are full of saucy slaves. See with what a grumble another of them has handed you a bit of hard bread that you can scarce break in two, or lumps of dough that have turned mouldy — stuff that will exercise your grinders and into which no tooth can gain admittance. For Virro himself a delicate loaf is reserved, white as snow, and kneaded of the finest flour. Be sure to keep your hands off it: take no liberties with the bread-basket! If you are presumptuous enough to take a piece, there will be someone to bid you put it down: “What, Sir Impudence? Will you please fill yourself from your proper tray, and learn the colour of your own bread?” “What?” you ask, “was it for this that I would so often leave my wife’s side on a spring morning and hurry up the chilly Esquiline when the spring skies were rattling down the pitiless hail, and the rain was pouring in streams off my cloak?”
aspice quam longo distinguat pectore lancem 80
quae fertur domino squilla, et quibus undique saepta
asparagis qua despiciat conuiuia cauda,
dum uenit excelsi manibus sublata ministri.
sed tibi dimidio constrictus cammarus ouo
ponitur exigua feralis cena patella. 85
ipse Venafrano piscem perfundit, at hic qui
pallidus adfertur misero tibi caulis olebit
lanternam; illud enim uestris datur alueolis quod
canna Micipsarum prora subuexit acuta,
propter quod Romae cum Boccare nemo lauatur, 90
quod tutos etiam facit a serpentibus atris.
[80] See now that huge lobster being served to my lord, all garnished with asparagus; see how his lordly breast distinguishes the dish; with what a tail he looks down upon the company, borne aloft in the hands of that tall attendant! Before you is placed on a tiny plate a crab hemmed in by half an egg — a fit banquet for the dead. The host souses his fish in Venafran oil; the sickly greens offered to you, poor devil, will smell of the lamp; for the stuff contained in your cruets was brought up the Tiber in a sharp-prowed Numidian canoe — stuff which prevents anyone at Rome sharing a bath with Bocchar, and which will even protect you from a black serpent’s bite.
mullus erit domini, quem misit Corsica uel quem
Tauromenitanae rupes, quando omne peractum est
Delphi Complete Works of Juvena Page 30