Bad Romance

by Jen McLaughlin

  But seeing it in the flesh, and knowing he was about to make love to me, made my heart skip a beat. Enough so that I decided to tell him something I hadn’t felt the need to share before. “Jackson, I—”

  “I know. I’m here.” He crawled up my body and kissed me, grabbing my leg and hauling it around his waist. He pulled back long enough to command, “Hold on tight.”

  His mouth fused to mine again, and he positioned himself at my entry. I dug my nails into his biceps, closed my eyes, and then…

  The searing pain hit me.

  Chapter 11

  Jackson

  The second I thrust into her, I knew something was wrong. First of all, despite being warm and wet, she was so tight it felt like I had to force my way in. And when I did push harder, I broke through a soft barrier that gave way upon pressure, and she went tense beneath me. I may have never slept with a virgin before, but it was an easy bet that Lilly had been one up until a few moments ago…

  And that I was her first lover.

  Knowing that only made me want to grin, which probably made me equal with the cavemen, but I did want to show her a hell of a lot of firsts, and now I had…

  Roughly. Without caution or care. Shit.

  “Jesus, Lilly.” I reared back, searching her face. “Did I hurt you? Are you okay?”

  Tears rolled down the sides of her cheeks, but she nodded. “Y-yes. I’m fine.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” I demanded. “You should have warned me. I could have gone slower. Easier. Been more of a…a…”

  A what? Gentleman? A gentleman wouldn’t have taken her in the first place.

  She sniffed and lowered her lashes. “I didn’t want you to change your mind.”

  “Why me?” I asked. I had to know. “Why am I your first?”

  “Because you were my choice,” she said, her hands sliding up my arms before resting her wrists on my shoulders. “Because I knew you would take care of me and not be focused only on yourself.”

  I started to pull out of her, slowly, so as not to make it worse. It was the hardest thing I’d ever had to do, since her body was trying to pull me back in, but there was no way I could take her now. She had deserved a better first time than this. “Shit. Stop squirming.”

  “No.” She dug her heels into my lower back. “Don’t leave me.”

  I swallowed hard, my elbows on either side of her head.

  My hands were still buried in her hair, and I turned my head, silently cursing myself out. How I had missed the signs that she was a virgin, I had no—Christ. When I turned away, my gaze fell on the only mirror she had in her room. Its position on the other wall showed the way we looked, bodied joined and limbs entwined.

  And I…

  Damn it, I couldn’t look away from how good we were, all wrapped up together. Her soft, smooth, pale, flawless skin contrasted with mine. My dark, scarred, tanned, inked-up body should have appeared out of place against hers…but it didn’t. It looked as if I belonged there, my cock buried inside her, covering her with my body, and I would be damned if I walked away now. This was her first time, and it had to be amazing.

  I owed her that, at the very least.

  Protectiveness—another unwelcome emotion making itself known—rose within me. For whatever reason, Lilly trusted me to show her what making love could be like. Had chosen me to be her first, instead of, oh, I don’t know, her fiancé. So I needed to shut off my mind, and my doubts, and my questions…and show her how good it could be.

  “I’m not leaving you,” I whispered.

  When our lips met this time, something felt different. I couldn’t place my finger on what, exactly, that was. But it didn’t make it any less true. Or any less scary.

  I had survived war. Missiles. IEDs. Bullets. But this feeling she brought to life in me? It fucking terrified me more than all those things combined.

  After a moment, she softened beneath me. The tension that had been making her tremble faded away as my tongue brushed hers, and I closed my hands over her breasts. They fit perfectly, and if I was a man prone to cheesy sentiment, I might say they were meant for me.

  They weren’t. They belonged to someone else.

  She belonged to someone else.

  No matter how much I tried to ignore that fact, it kept rearing its ugly head. I rocked my hips gently, making sure to keep the movement small. Gentle. Her tight pussy squeezing my throbbing cock, it took all my control not to come right then without making sure she came, too.

  That was how amazing she felt. It was like I died and went to heaven. Maybe I finally had. If this was heaven, I never wanted to walk on Earth again.

  “Jackson.” She moaned, her fingers digging into my biceps, arching her hips higher. It made me plunge even deeper inside her, and my eyes rolled into the back of my head, because having her body wrapped all around me was too damn much. “Again. More.”

  “No. We need to go slow.” I dropped my forehead on hers, breathing raggedly. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

  “You won’t.” She buried her hands in my hair and tugged, that fire that had always captivated me sparking to life within her again. “Take me. Now.”

  If that was what she wanted, I would give it to her. It was an alarming trend—me considering what she wanted. I’d never given a damn about anyone but my platoon before. Why now? Why her? “Wrap your legs around me,” I demanded, ignoring those questions. “And don’t let go.”

  She did as told. I took a deep breath to calm my surging need to take everything she offered, and more, without caring whether she came again or not. I wouldn’t. She needed to come. At least once. Then, and only then, I would let go.

  Then I would find my peace.

  Not wasting a second, I slammed back inside her. She cried out, her back arching, and strained to get closer. “Yes. God, yes, Jackson. Harder.”

  Gritting my teeth, I reached between our bodies and pressed my fingers to her clit, moving inside her with a steady rhythm. The second I touched her, she screamed and bucked beneath me, her body taking over. It was the hottest thing I ever saw.

  Her eyes flew open, and she locked gazes with me as her pussy clamped down on me. Her orgasm was fast and hard, but she didn’t look away. That moment where I watched her come—the intimacy of that moment—did things to me.

  Terrifying, real, powerful things.

  I felt connected to her.

  “Jackson,” she whispered, finally letting her lids drift down, resting a hand over my racing heart. “More. Give me more.”

  She was insatiable. Hungry. Hot.

  So was I.

  That was it. I tried to grasp on to any tenuous hold I had on control, but no. I lost it. All I could think, and feel, was Lilly. How she made me feel. How good she felt, wrapped all around me. She consumed me. Rolling us both fully on the bed, I thrust into her all the way, cradling her hips as I did so.

  She screamed out in pleasure, raking her nails down my chest before digging them into my ass. “Jackson.”

  “Your virgin pussy is so goddamn tight,” I growled, reaching between us to press my hand against her clit while fucking her fast and hard. “So. Damn. Tight. So. Damn. Mine.”

  She nodded frantically. “Yes, oh, my God, yes.”

  When I slapped the side of her ass with my other hand, she came again instantly. I felt her orgasm all the way to the tattered remnants of my soul. Her body tightened and coiled, and her walls clamped down on me harder than ever before. I cried out her name, pumping my hips once, twice, bam. I was a goner.

  Groaning, I collapsed on the bed beside her, not letting go of her as I rode the waves of the most intense orgasm I’d ever experienced in my whole goddamn life. I had a feeling I wouldn’t want to let go anytime soon, which was a bad thing. She’d done something to me tonight. Something I wasn’t sure I fully understood, or ever would.

  And I wasn’t sure if I wanted to.

  All I knew was that here, in Lilly’s arms, I felt at peace for the first time in…wel
l, ever. The same peace and rightness I felt all those years ago by the pool, only amplified by a million. And it felt pretty damn amazing. “Holy shit.”

  She let out a small laugh and buried her face in my chest. “Yeah. Same.”

  “That was…” I curled my hand around her neck and tipped her face up to mine. “That was special. I hope you know that.”

  She nodded, her expression solemn. “I do.”

  “Why haven’t you…?” I leaned up and smoothed her hair out of her face, staring down at her. Her cheeks were flushed, and her hair was messy, and she had never been more beautiful than she was now, in her bed, inside my arms, naked. “Why haven’t you and Preppy Prick had sex before?”

  She blew out a breath, her cheeks going even pinker. “Because he’s not my real fiancé. And…and…let’s just say I’m not his type.”

  “How the hell is that possible?” I asked, scanning her naked, perfect body. “Look at you. Is he waiting to make sure you’re actually getting married? Or are you? Is that what you guys decided to do? Or is it because you’re trying to find a way out of it still?”

  “No.” She scrunched her nose and glanced away. “He’s been with other…people.”

  “But not—?” I broke off, comprehension hitting me like a brick to the head. “Oh. Wait. Do you mean that he’s gay?”

  She nodded. “Yes. Well, I suppose he could be bisexual, but he’s never tried to initiate anything physical with me.”

  So he was gay. And she might marry him, anyway. “You can’t marry him. No way. That’s your way out. Tell your dad he’s gay.”

  She gasped. “I couldn’t—wouldn’t—do that to him. If he doesn’t want people to know, then I won’t be the one to take that from him.”

  “Even if it could get you out of the contract? Set you free?”

  She lifted her chin. “Even then. There’s got to be another way. One that doesn’t compromise my moral standards.”

  “Do you realize what you’ll be stuck with, if you don’t find another way? It’ll never be a real relationship,” I said slowly, trying not to let my irritation at the idea of her marrying another guy come through in my voice.

  “He doesn’t know I know. I caught him once. Worst-case scenario, we just have to maintain appearances for a couple of years, until everything works out with the merger, and then I can get out of it with a quiet divorce.” She said it so matter-of-factly, like she wasn’t talking about bartering herself for the sake of money.

  “Lilly,” I said, trying to bite back my frustration. “You can’t be serious about this. No way. No how.”

  “This really isn’t your concern,” she said, sitting up and hugging her knees to her chest. “It’s my life, not yours. If I decide there’s no escaping it and marry him, it’s on me. Not you. Me.”

  I stared at her, unable to believe she actually believed this. No one could be that selfless. I called bullshit. “Are you serious? You actually want to…seriously?”

  “Yes.” She folded her hands in front of her knees, clearly feeling uneasy. “The articles of incorporation are complicated. Shares in the company can only be given or sold to family members. So if Derek and I get married, he can buy the shares, which will give Hastings an influx of cash. Then Thornton Products will also be able to use our distribution network. It’s a way to save both companies without having to go through the courts and risk word getting out that they’re in trouble.”

  After hopping off the bed, I stalked over to her bedroom trash can and tossed the condom inside it. I didn’t face her yet, though. “What was tonight to you?” I asked, glowering down at it blindly.

  “What was it to you?” she shot back.

  “A release. A way to scratch an itch, maybe.” I shrugged, still not looking at her because it had been so much more. If I was a cornier man, I’d call it destiny. “I don’t know. But you seem to have your whole life mapped out already, so I figured you knew what you wanted the second you kissed me last night.”

  She fell silent. After a few moments, Lilly said, “I knew I wanted you. Wanted to be with you. And it was so amazing. But…”

  When she didn’t finish that thought, I finally turned around again. She had crawled under the blankets, hiding her nudity from me. “Now what?”

  She flinched. “I don’t know. It’s complicated.”

  “Great.” I crossed my arms, not bothering with clothes. I didn’t have a problem with being naked. “I’m so happy to hear that.”

  Nibbling on her lower lip, she lifted a shoulder. “You make me feel alive, and so feminine and sexy. I like you, and I want to hang out with you, but it can’t be anything public for lots of reasons. People don’t even know you’re back yet, for one. And then there’s the merger…”

  “Shit.” I ran my hands over my head. “You’re actually debating marrying a guy who will never fuck you like that.”

  Her cheeks went even redder. “You don’t know that. Derek and I could learn to rub along together tolerably well. And it’s only marriage. It’s not forever. What marriage is these days?”

  Mine would be. I refused to be like my mother and get remarried every year. When I married, if I ever married, it would be forever. “True. I’m shocked as shit my mother still has the capacity to put up with your father. I would have thought she’d dumped him a long time ago.”

  She glowered at me. “What are you trying to get me to admit? That I’m upset? That I don’t want to do it? Because even if I was, and even if I didn’t, it wouldn’t matter. If I decide it’s for the best, then I’d do it, anyway.”

  Hell, I didn’t even really know what I wanted from her.

  Maybe I wanted her to claim her life as her own. To refuse to enter a loveless, passionless marriage with a man who would never desire her the way she should be desired. Or perhaps she could refuse to be a pawn on the chessboard of life. To…to…shit, to take what she wanted, and fight like hell to keep it. “That you aren’t going to do it. Tell Walt to go to hell.”

  “I can’t say that yet.” She shook her head. “I won’t, until I make sure—”

  The irony of this situation wasn’t lost on me. I’d never wanted more from a lover before, so I hadn’t been prepared for this feeling now. But here it was; there was nothing I could do to ignore it. And the worst part was, I damn well knew I couldn’t have more. Not only was she engaged to another man, but there was the small fact that Lilly was my stepsister. No one would accept us together.

  Going public with our relationship would be a scandal of epic proportions.

  I held a hand up, and she cut herself off immediately, like a good girl always should. Walt had trained her well. It made me sick. “We can’t tell people about this. No one can ever know.”

  “I know. I just said that.” She avoided looking at me. “But we can keep seeing one another, like this. Be together secretly. No one has to know what’s going on. It can be our little secret. No one would ever guess.”

  So she wanted to be a good little girl in public…but also the girl who fucked her stepbrother in private. I couldn’t do that. I refused to be her dirty little secret. I was too damn old for that. “So you want to sleep with me, while planning your wedding to Preppy Prick.”

  “Yes.” She shrugged. “If I actually marry him, I wouldn’t break my marriage vows. Even if we never consummated it, I wouldn’t go there. I know it doesn’t make sense, given the situation, but I won’t cross that line.”

  I blinked, unable to follow her logic. “But beforehand is okay?”

  “Yes.” She frowned. “He’s with other people, too. I’ve seen it. So yes, to me, it’s okay. But only until the wedding—if there is a wedding.”

  “After which you’ll be the ever-dutiful, loyal wife, even if he’s not loyal to you.” I fisted my hands. “Correction. Even when he’s not loyal to you, since he, you know, prefers men. Last time I checked, you didn’t have a cock.”

  She shrank into herself at that. Her revulsion at committing herself to years of celibacy
was physically clear to see, but at the same time, I saw her determination to do it, anyway. It was insane. “If that’s what it comes to…yes.”

  If she told me she had a doubt—even a single, tiny one—about going through with it, maybe I’d feel differently. Maybe I’d try to convince her that she deserved to be happy with a man who could actually love her. I couldn’t be that man, but I knew the guy that could make her blissfully happy, who could stand by her side as they faced the world together, he existed. But if she was willing to commit herself to a loveless marriage that would make her miserable for a few years; if she actually thought that this was something she had to do, then so be it. Lilly could make her own choices.

  But I refused to make it any easier on her. I wouldn’t be her buffer on the side. Her distraction from reality. Sex was off the table. Knowing my luck, I would end up falling for her—because, damn, if anyone could make me care, it was her—and she would still marry Preppy Prick.

  And I would be stuck being his brother-in-law for God knows how long.

  Hell, no.

  It was best to call it off now, before anyone got too attached. Best to chalk it up to one night of stupidity, and move on like adults. I could do that. So could she. “We’re going to pretend this never happened. And it will never happen again.”

  Blanching, she shook her head. “Jackson—”

  “No.” I picked up my clothes, fury pumping through me. “If you think I’m gonna sit by quietly and let you marry a guy who you don’t even like, while having you in my bed every night, without ever giving a damn about you or how your life is going to end up, you’re out of your mind. What kind of guy do you think I am?”

  And with that, I stormed out of the room, determined to forget about how wonderful Lilly Hastings felt naked in my arms….

  Or how walking away from her felt worse than being shot.

  Chapter 12

  Lilly

  The next morning, I pulled the covers over my head to shut out the sunlight illuminating my room. All night long, I tossed and turned, and my mind hadn’t shut off even for one second. I was going on two nights without a wink of sleep, and my brain felt sluggish and fogged up. All I could think and feel was Jackson, and all the orgasms he had given me, but now he wanted me to pretend it never happened.