The Scars of Us

by Nikki Narvaez

  As everyone left, I started gathering the equipment to sanitize before I closed up. “You need some help?” Kaiya asked.

  “Sure. I just need to clean this stuff,” I said as I grabbed the gym’s disinfectant spray and some paper towels from their station in the corner of the room.

  After we had sanitized everything, I put the equipment back in their containers before putting them up in the closet. “Thanks for helping me.”

  “No problem. I’ll see you Thursday.” Kaiya smiled as she headed for the door.

  “Hey, you want to grab something to eat? My treat for your help,” I offered.

  She turned back to face me. “I can’t—Kamden waits for me for dinner.”

  “Oh, okay. Maybe some other time,” I replied coolly, trying to mask my disappointment.

  Our eyes met as she nibbled her bottom lip. “Tomorrow?” she suggested, quirking up an eyebrow in question.

  My lips curved into a grin, “Just tell me where and when.”

  “East Side at seven?”

  Is she serious? I couldn’t fucking believe it—Kaiya was actually agreeing to go out with me. “I’ll see you there.”

  Her skin began to flush as she replied, “Okay. See you tomorrow.”

  Hastily, she turned and exited as I finished closing up. My stomach knotted itself as I thought about tomorrow night—I hadn’t felt like this about a date in a long time. I had given up trying to make sense of how Kaiya made me feel—all I knew was that I wanted more, anything she would give me.

  Oh my God, did I really just do that? I couldn’t believe how impulsive I was—what was I thinking? I was supposed to be keeping my distance from Ryker, not going out on dates with him. But one date can’t hurt, can it?

  My resistance was wearing down, especially when he was trying so hard to give me the space I asked for. I knew it couldn’t be easy since we were always touching during class. I could see and feel his desire when we practiced all the techniques he taught me. And I’m sure he could see mine written all over my face.

  I felt like I was going to throw up all day on Wednesday since I was so nervous about seeing Ryker that night. None of the figures on my computer screen at work were making sense, my mind too caught up in thoughts of him for me to get anything done. I decided to text Nori and get her thoughts on everything:

  Me: Ryker is taking me to dinner tonight :)

  Nori: Finally! I was waiting for you to grow some balls and go out with him

  I laughed aloud as I text her back:

  Me: Idk if this is a good idea :/

  Nori: Stop overthinking like you always do just have fun :)

  I smiled at her text but didn’t reply back. I tried to focus back on work, to keep my mind off dinner, but it was almost impossible. My phone beeped, and I thought Nori had text me again, but it wasn’t her:

  Ryker: Can’t wait for tonight ;)

  There was no use trying to fight the goofy smile that took over my lips. Impulsively, I sent the first thing that came to mind:

  Me: Me neither :)

  Now I’m definitely not going to get any work done.

  I anxiously sat on Nori’s bed as she helped me with my make-up for my date. I had told Kamden that I was going to dinner with her, not Ryker. I knew he wouldn’t approve, and I didn’t want to get a lecture from him, not when I was feeling so good.

  “Stop moving,” Nori scolded as she applied my eye shadow.

  “I’m sorry, I’m just so nervous. I don’t think I can do this,” I said as I started panicking. My palms started sweating as I wrung my fingers together.

  Nori stopped what she was doing and put her hands on my shoulders. “Calm down. Deep breaths—in, out, in, out.”

  Doing as she said, I slowly inhaled and exhaled until I felt calmer.

  Nori looked at me with concern. “You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, Ky.”

  “You don’t think I should?”

  “No, I think you should. You’ve been giving that poor guy blue balls for weeks now.”

  “Nori!” I exclaimed as I smacked her arm.

  “What? You have.”

  “I know.” I let out a deep breath. “He’s been pretty understanding, but I’m just scared I’ll get hurt. If Kaleb, my own brother, my own blood, hurt me, then how can I possibly believe that Ryker won’t?”

  “You don’t know for sure, Ky. You can’t punish everyone for Kaleb’s actions. He has mental issues. Look at Kam—he’s never hurt you and never will, same with Bryce. There are some good men out there.”

  Absorbing Nori’s words, I contemplated what she said. Even though she was right, my defense mechanisms wouldn’t fully accept it. I could never completely trust anyone, her and Kamden included.

  With pursed lips and a raised eyebrow, she shook the eyeshadow brush in my face. “So, am I finishing your make-up or not?”

  Smiling, I nodded. Even with all the conflicting thoughts running through my head, I couldn’t deny that I wanted to see Ryker. Maybe I could let everything go and just have fun for one night. Unlikely, but a girl could hope.

  I was about ten minutes late, as usual, and Ryker was waiting just inside the doors. Dressed in a nice, black dress shirt and dark jeans, he had his sleeves pushed up, exposing the tattoos on his forearms.

  Our eyes met as he gave me his trademark smirk. Heat flooded my entire body as I took him in, and I wondered why I kept resisting him—he was absolutely gorgeous and made me feel so many amazing things that I’d never felt before. Because you’re crazy, that’s why.

  As I approached, he brought me into his arms as he pressed a soft kiss to my cheek. “You look beautiful,” he complimented.

  “So do you. I mean handsome—you look handsome,” I stammered. Great start.

  His chest rumbled with laughter as he kept me against him. Keeping my hand in his, he pulled away and led me to the hostess stand.

  When the hostess directed her attention to us, she gave Ryker a flirtatious smile. “I was hoping she wouldn’t show—my shift ends in fifteen minutes.”

  Jealously sparked through me as my eyes narrowed and my hand tightened around Ryker’s. Bitch. I’m standing right here.

  Ryker released my hand to wrap his arm around the small of my back, drawing me into his body. He pressed a kiss to my temple, causing her smile to fade as he said, “She was just running late, right, baby?”

  Giving her a smug smile, I leaned into Ryker, placing my hand on his chest. “Two, please.”

  Her eyes thinned as she huffed and grabbed two menus. Ryker chuckled as she angrily stomped in her heels while leading us to our table.

  “What a bitch,” I said after she walked away.

  Ryker laughed, “Jealous, huh?”

  Yes. “No! She was just rude.”

  Ryker gave me a knowing look before directing his attention to the menu. The waiter arrived to take our order after a few minutes, then left to get our drinks.

  Ryker grinned. “I have to admit, I was surprised you suggested this.”

  You and me both. “One of my rare impulsive moments,” I joked.

  “I like the impulsive side of you. You should let her out more often.”

  The waiter came back with our drinks, giving me an opportunity to change the subject. “We always talk about me. Tell me about you.”

  He propped his elbows on the table as he looked at me. “What do you want to know?”

  “Anything—what about your family?”

  “My parents died when I was in high school.”

  Shit. “I’m sorry. Do you have any other family?”

  “I have a brother, but we don’t talk,” he replied coldly, his jaw tensing in anger.

  I’m sure he can’t be as bad as Kaleb. Fuck, don’t think about him—change the subject. “How long have you been a personal trainer?”

  The anger in his face receded as he answered, “A few years—I went to school for it, and was lucky enough to get a job right after I graduated.”

 
“That’s awesome—I can tell how much you love it.”

  “Yeah, it definitely has its perks. I basically get paid to work out.”

  And it shows. I smiled as I thought about his flawless muscles, how they felt when I touched them while we practiced, and how hot he looked when they gleamed with his sweat.

  The waiter brought our food, interrupting my delicious thoughts about Ryker, who slyly grinned at me, as if he could tell that I was thinking about him. Blushing, I directed my attention to my food to avoid his heated gaze.

  After we finished eating, we had a few more drinks before Ryker paid our bill. Once we reached my car, he wound his arms around my waist, pulling me flush against him as he kissed my cheek. “Goodnight, Warrior.”

  Unable to control myself, I turned my face, connecting our lips. My mind reminded me that this was a bad idea, that I’d just end up hurt, but I blocked it out, enjoying the feel of Ryker’s hot mouth on mine.

  I almost moaned when his tongue parted my lips, missing his taste after so long. His hands came up to cup my face as he pushed me back against my car.

  Nibbling my bottom lip, he gruffly whispered against my mouth, “Come home with me.”

  I almost said yes—almost. Lord knows I wanted to, but that scared, broken part of me took hold, making me break away from Ryker as I breathlessly replied, “I can’t.”

  Ryker’s face fell, then set in frustration. His voice raised in anger as he stepped away from me. “That’s what you always say, Ky. And we still end up like this every single time.”

  “I know, and I’m sorry. You just don’t understand.” I sighed as I hugged myself. No one ever will.

  “Help me understand, then. I know you feel what’s between us, so tell me what the problem is,” he demanded as his eyes locked on mine.

  “Me! I’m the problem! I’m too fucked up for this; for you!” I yelled, gesturing towards him before dropping my arms to my sides.

  His eyes softened as he closed some of the distance between us. His voice reflected the gentleness in his eyes as he said, “Ky, no-”

  I cut him off as I felt tears rimming my lids, “I have to go.”

  Once inside my car, I couldn’t contain the tears anymore, and I ended up crying all the way back home. Thankfully, Kamden was asleep, so he didn’t see my puffy, red eyes and blotchy skin. I didn’t want to explain to him why I was crying after dinner with Nori.

  As I lay in bed, my mind taunted me, I told you this was a bad idea.

  Fuck off, I replied as I closed my eyes, hoping sleep would find me sooner rather than later.

  Going to class the next day probably wasn’t the best idea, but I didn’t want to give up on all the progress I had made. I just needed to suck it up and stick with it, no matter if I had to suffer with my emotions. Plus, even though I had ruined things with Ryker, I still wanted to see him.

  Things were more tense then normal between us, which I had expected. I didn’t know how he could look at me, let alone touch me after how I treated him.

  We practiced all of the escapes that he’d already taught me, reviewing everything to make sure I remembered the moves. I wouldn’t have been able to focus on any new techniques with everything running through my mind, so I was glad that we were doing things I already knew.

  Once class was over, Ryker asked me to stay behind. “I want to talk to you. I’m going to lock the doors—I’ll be right back.”

  I wanted to leave, but he deserved an explanation for last night. I needed to just break things completely off with him, maybe ask to work with one of the other instructors, even though I didn’t want to. It’s best for him. You’ll just bring him down with you.

  When he walked back in, he surprised me by saying, “I have a proposition for you—if you can get one good hit on me, I’ll leave you alone.”

  My head cocked in confusion as I stared at him, contemplating what he had just said. Would he really leave me alone? Did I want him to? I had just been telling myself to break things off, but I really didn’t want to. “Just one hit?”

  “Just one. And a good one, not some weak shit. Are you up for it?” His eyebrow raised in question.

  My heart screamed no, but the fear rooted inside me said yes. I didn’t want him to quit pursuing me, but I doubted that I’d ever be enough for him; he didn’t deserve someone as fucked up as me. So, I went with what was familiar, what I knew, pushing him away. “Yes.”

  The smirk that was on his face fell slightly, but he played it off as he took up his fighting stance, holding his hands up to protect his face as he chuckled. “Good luck.”

  Narrowing my eyes, I mimicked his pose. He always wanted a challenge, so I planned to give him one. Or at least go down trying.

  “Ready?” he questioned as he pulled off his shirt, exposing those immaculate, inked muscles. My eyes instantly traced over them, admiring every inch of his perfection. Fuck.

  When I nodded, he advanced on me instantly, landing a soft slap to the right side of my head, toying with me. “Hands up!”

  I picked my hands up, but I knew they’d be falling again soon. I always forgot to keep them in front of my face when I got caught up doing combos, and I tended to drop them more when I was tired.

  Aimlessly, I threw punches and kicks at Ryker, all of which he dodged or blocked easily. After several attempts, I finally landed something, grazing his jaw with my fist. He cockily smiled in response as he pushed me out of the way, throwing me off balance as he got me with a light side kick.

  Stopping, I struggled for air while wondering how he sparred so effortlessly, seemingly unfatigued while I was the opposite. I was utterly exhausted from just a few minutes.

  Ryker’s legs swept mine out from under me, causing me to slam to the mat on my back. The impact stung my exposed skin, the force from the fall reverberating through my bones and causing the air to vacate my lungs.

  Covering me with his firm, sweaty body, Ryker mounted me, pinning me to the mat as my chest heaved with heavy breaths. “Are you finished?” he gruffly asked.

  My heart pounded wildly but not from fear or panic. Ryker was like a pure shot of adrenaline mixed with lust that ramped up my entire being.

  I struggled against him, not wanting to concede defeat. I had only been coming for about two months, so I didn’t know that many defensive tactics to aid in my efforts, at least not with sparring.

  Ryker grinned as he trapped my hands above my head on the mat. “Why do you insist on fighting what you feel for me? I know that you want me.”

  “No, I don’t,” I panted. That was a huge lie, maybe the biggest I’d ever told. I wanted Ryker more than I’d ever wanted anything before, and that scared the shit out of me.

  “Oh, really? You don’t want this—want me—to fill your pussy?” he challenged as he ground his ample erection against me.

  Closing my eyes, I bit my lip as I stifled a moan. Ryker’s firm body pressing against mine was like gasoline to the fire he always set within me, and I was so close to letting the flames consume me.

  Ryker’s hot mouth met my neck, causing the moan I’d been withholding to escape. His tongue slowly trailed over my skin before he brought his lips to hover over mine. “Admit it, Warrior. You… want… me.”

  Clouded by desire, I breathlessly groaned in response, “Yes.”

  He softly grazed my lips with his as he gruffly asked, “Yes, what?”

  Voice laced with need, I replied, “Yes, I want you.”

  My words set off a passion within both of us. Ryker crushed my mouth with his, eagerly devouring me as his hands roamed over my body. His tongue parted my lips before tangling with mine, the barbell in his mouth adding to the amazing sensations from his kiss.

  Instead of fighting him like before, I melted into him, wanting to feel him all over and in me. My hands ventured over the hard planes of his flawless muscles as he mercilessly kissed me, one hand tangled in my hair, the other skimming under my muscle shirt.

  His fingers traced over my fevered sk
in, causing a slight shudder to run through me. All of my thoughts, insecurities, and compulsions were erased by Ryker’s skilled mouth and hands. The only thing I could focus on was the divine sensations he elicited in me as he flooded my senses, making me lose all control in a completely different way.

  His hands continued up my body, pushing my shirt up as they explored my skin. Breaking our kiss, he pulled the tank top over my head before reconnecting our mouths, which couldn’t get enough of each other.

  Finding the waist of his shorts, my hands tugged on them, needing to remove the remaining barriers blocking his skin from mine. I wanted to feel every inch of him all over me, wanted him to continue to drown out everything else with his touch.

  Ryker growled as he swiftly removed his shorts before pulling at mine. “Fuck, baby, I’ve wanted you for so long.”

  Maneuvering my body, I allowed him to easily slide my shorts and panties down while I lifted my sports bra off.

  His naked body was flush against me within seconds, his thighs opening my legs as his shaft pressed against my slick entrance. I moaned from the contact, wanting and needing more of what only Ryker seemed to be able to give me.

  Slowly pushing into me, he blissfully filled me inch by inch with his massive cock. Arching against him, he sank even further into me, the entirety of him still not able to fully fit inside me. We both groaned as he seated himself within me, my pussy tight around him as he began to stroke inside me.

  My nails dug into Ryker’s shoulders as he nipped and sucked on my breasts. Each thrust was like heaven, giving me an immense pleasure that I’d never experienced before.

  Wrapping my legs around his hips, I pulled Ryker deeper within in me, causing him to emit a sound that was a cross between a growl and a groan. “God, Kaiya. I’ve wanted you so badly, wanted to feel your sweet pussy clench my dick.”

  I moaned in response to his words, unable to think straight, let alone say anything comprehensible. He continued to relentlessly pound into me, bringing me closer and closer to ecstasy with each exquisite thrust.