Close to Home

by Carolyne Aarsen

  The idyllic setting eased Dodie’s nerves.

  “We can eat here,” she said, pointing to a space under the tree.

  Jace set the basket down, spread the blanket out and settled himself on one edge. Dodie eyed the blanket. “That’s not very big.”

  “Big enough.” Jace glanced at her and smiled. “You don’t take up much space.”

  Dodie could have sat on the grass, but though the day had been unseasonably warm for spring, she knew the ground would still be damp.

  So she gave in and sat down on the edge of the blanket, then opened the bag with her burger and fries. She bent over and took a deep sniff. “Burgers. So much more than just a fast food.”

  She was about to figure out what she was going to eat first—and how to eat it—when she felt Jace nudge her arm.

  He held out a plate with a plastic knife and fork resting on top. “Thought I would make this a little easier on me,” he said with a crooked grin.

  Dodie gave him an answering smile and gladly took the plate. “Thanks. I hadn’t figured this would turn into fine dining.”

  “Remind me to take you out to a really fancy restaurant sometime,” Jace said with a grin, as he dumped his fries beside his burger on the plate. Then he lowered his head.

  She was about to tease him about inspecting his fries. Then she noticed his eyes were closed—and she realized he was praying.

  Guilt stabbed her. The same guilt that assaulted her whenever her mother quizzed her about her church or Bible study attendance.

  She used to pray. And read the Bible. And attend Bible study. And try to keep other kids on the straight and narrow.

  Fat lot of good that did her.

  But she still waited until he lifted his head before she took another bite.

  “So, why did you pick burgers by the river instead of salmon at the Inn?” Jace asked, dipping a French fry into a pile of ketchup on his plate.

  Dodie shrugged. “I like the ambience here.”

  “Well, works good for me. Cheap date.”

  Not a date, she wanted to correct him, but she decided it would be easier to let the comment slide.

  “Surely a hotshot lawyer like you doesn’t have to worry about money,” she teased instead, fishing a pickle from her burger.

  “I still have a few debts to pay.”

  “Student loans?”

  “A few. Not as many as I would have if I hadn’t gotten the help I did. I’m thankful and humbled by the support I’ve received so far. Carson has been a tremendous help and encouragement.” He gave her a careful smile. “I know you’re not crazy about Chuck, but I’m indebted to him. Gave me a place to stay while I studied. Been a listening ear and even helped me get through…some bad times.”

  Jace stopped there, but Dodie sensed the bad times had much to do with her.

  She looked away and picked up a French fry. “So what’s next for Jace Scholte?”

  “I have some goals that I want to reach.”

  “Like…” When she and Jace were dating they often talked about the things they wanted to do, the people they wanted to save. They both were on fire with a desire to do justice and to see justice served.

  They both had been so naive.

  “I want to make my mother proud. I want to make Carson proud that he chose to help me.”

  “It’s evident how much their respect means to you.” Dodie kept her voice light as she swirled another fry through a puddle of ketchup on her plate.

  “I feel like I owe it to both of them. I know I’ve been blessed.”

  “Do you feel God has blessed you, too?” She couldn’t help the harsh tone of her voice, but it just came out.

  “I believe God has blessed me with brains, health and opportunities, yes. It would be wrong not to use them.” Jace slipped his jacket off and rolled up his sleeves, as if shedding his lawyer persona.

  Dodie popped the fry in her mouth, hoping she sounded more relaxed than she felt. “You still go to church?”

  Jace nodded, tossing her a quick sidelong glance. “I need to go. I have to be reminded that I need God in my life and I need to be in community with other believers.” He wiped his mouth and dropped the napkin in the paper bag. “What about you? I notice you don’t go very regularly.”

  She shrugged. “People change.”

  “You changed a lot, Dodie. You were the one who challenged me.” Jace gave her a wry look. “You were the one who told me God would not be mocked. It was because of you I started going to church.”

  Dodie heard the faintest hint of consternation tingeing his voice, but she couldn’t let it slip through her defenses.

  “God and I don’t see eye to eye anymore.” But even as she spoke the words, she felt a twinge of older emotions, of deeper connections with the Lord. At one time she and God had a relationship just as at one time she and Jace had.

  But both relationships had been shattered that horrible day, six years ago.

  She chanced a quick look at Jace and was agitated when her eyes were drawn into his intense gaze.

  She couldn’t look away.

  “It bothers me that you’ve turned your back on God. Why is that? Once you loved Him so much.” Jace leaned forward, his arms resting on his knees.

  She wanted to shrug away his concern, but at the same time she felt an urge to let him see her life from her perspective. If nothing else, he was an old friend, and on that basis he needed to know a bit more than what she had given him.

  “I always did the right thing. Pleased the right people—my mom, my friends, my teachers. And then, when things got difficult for me, I decided I was tired of working so hard to be what everyone else wanted me to be. I decided I was going to take a break. Just do things that caught my fancy or my attention.”

  Jace laughed, but he sounded puzzled. “So working at the coffee shop, the thrift store and the farmer’s market were part of that break?”

  “I know it sounds very provincial of me, but I enjoyed it at first.” Dodie turned her attention back to the last few French fries on her plate. But she wasn’t hungry anymore.

  “At first,” Jace prompted.

  Too late she realized her slip. She shouldn’t have been surprised that he caught it. He was trained, after all, to catch inconsistencies.

  “Any job loses its glow after a while,” she conceded. “Even being a lawyer.”

  “If you could pick your ideal job, what would it be?”

  Dodie set her plate aside and wrapped her arms around her knees, staring out over the water as it flowed past her. “I would like to help people. People who are lost. Confused.”

  A silence followed this small confession, broken only by the murmur of water over rocks.

  “I want you to know I’ve been praying for you,” Jace said finally, his voice somber. “Ever since you left law school. Praying you’d be safe. Praying that you’d be okay.”

  His words created a hungering ache in her chest. She hadn’t been able to pray when she took the cab to the airport, when she sat hunched on the airplane staring sightlessly out of the window, feeling violated, afraid and unworthy.

  She hadn’t been able to pray when she phoned her parents and told them she was in Europe and that she needed money.

  Sometimes she wanted to pray, but mostly she preferred to ignore God or, if she felt extra frustrated, throw up an angry tirade at Him.

  That wasn’t prayer. Prayer was loving communication with God, not curled fists raised at the ceiling of her apartment as fury overtook her.

  God would not be mocked, she remembered telling Jace when he was the one wandering and she seemed to be on the right path. God would not be mocked, but neither would He tolerate her temper tantrums. She was so sure of that, she stopped praying.

  But now, for the first time in years, she wanted to give her pain voice. To finally let it out.

  “Maybe you should have prayed before,” she whispered.

  Jace frowned. “Before what?”

  She shook her hea
d, mentally backtracking from the dangerous edge she’d been slipping toward.

  She hesitated and Jace moved a bit closer, put his hand on her arm.

  Dodie didn’t even stop to think and covered his hand with hers, letting her fingers slide back and forth over his knuckles. She half turned, and their gazes locked.

  “Dodie.” Her name came out on a sigh and then Jace reached out his other hand and stroked her cheek and her hair. His fingers trailed gently over her face and then he cupped her face.

  And then, incredibly, he leaned closer. His face blurred and as her eyes slid shut she felt his lips touch hers.

  The initial contact was so feather-light she might have imagined it, yet her heart thundered its response. She caught him by the shoulder, and then they were in each other’s arms, his mouth moving over hers.

  It was as if the years had melted away and they were once again Dodie and Jace, young and in love.

  Jace pulled back, his expression tender as his eyes scanned her face. “I missed you,” he said, his deep and achingly familiar voice washing over her.

  “I missed you, too.” Her heart stuttered and a lump rose in her throat. She couldn’t cry. Not now. Not when things were so fragile.

  Jace touched her face again. “What happened, Dodie? What went wrong? Why did you leave?”

  His concern tugged at her.

  Would he understand?

  Would he believe her?

  “I was so worried about you. I tried and tried to call you. Even Chuck and Carson helped me try to find you. They were so helpful but we couldn’t find anything out.”

  Her breath knotted in her throat.

  Too close. Too close. She couldn’t do this.

  She pulled away.

  “Sorry, Jace. But I gotta go.”

  “Go where?”

  She shook her head. “Doesn’t matter. I want to go.”

  She saw him lift one hand and unconsciously she jerked away. But as soon as she did, she felt foolish. This was Jace. The man who had always been so tender and caring. She was about to apologize but he didn’t give her the chance.

  “Dodie. No. Please…I wouldn’t hurt you.” Jace’s voice was full of anguish as he lowered his hand. “I’m sorry, it’s just…”

  The distress in his voice cut her like a knife. But she got up anyway.

  Not trusting herself to talk, she began to pack up, tossing the remnants of her food into one of the takeout bags. Jace said nothing as he folded the blanket.

  Dodie handed him the plates and utensils and together in silence they walked back to the car.

  Jace opened the door for her, and Dodie looked from it to him and then shook her head. “I’d like to walk home.”

  “That’ll take you over an hour,” Jace protested. “I brought you here—I’ll bring you home.”

  But after the confusion of emotions she had just gone through, she needed some time alone. Time to think. To sort through what had just happened.

  “Please, Jace. I need some space.”

  Jace put his hand on her arm. Tightened his grip a little, as if to anchor her to him.

  “You’re not going to run away again, are you?”

  She shook her head. “I’ve nowhere else to go.”

  “What do you mean?”

  Telling him would be such a relief, but as she held his concerned gaze, she thought of what he had always said about Carson. How Carson admired him.

  Jace won’t believe you, the harsh voice from the past mocked her.

  She knew the voice was right.

  Chapter Seven

  “Coffee. Medium roast. To stay.” Jace stood before Dodie and gave his order in a dispassionate voice.

  On Monday mornings Dodie worked for Janie, and when Janie’s other part-time help came, she moved on to the thrift store for the afternoon. He didn’t have the time to spare to come here, but even so he left the pile of work sitting on his office desk and walked down the street to the coffee shop. All in the hope of building on the small advance he’d made with Dodie on their “date.”

  Dodie filled up a ceramic mug and set it on the counter. When she held her hand out for his money, her gaze slipped upward and he caught the faintest hint of yearning in her eyes.

  Since Saturday, he’d been itching to call her. To make sure she was okay. All he could do was pray and trust that the kiss they had shared was the beginning of something. Anything. He had even secretly hoped that she would come to church. But Sunday came and she had stayed away.

  “Busy this morning?” he asked, as he handed her his cash.

  “No more than usual.” She crossed her arms over her chest as a defense mechanism. “By the way, I’ve got a donation of an original painting by a friend of mine, but I can’t pick it up until six tonight. Her stuff usually sells pretty high, so I’m not comfortable leaving it at my apartment overnight.” She paused. “Are you working late at the office again?”

  Again? Had she noticed?

  “Yeah. Sure.” If Dodie was coming by he’d be there. He leaned his one elbow on the counter, which brought him a little closer to Dodie. “So, what are your plans for the weekend?”

  “Nothing special. Why do you ask?” To his surprise, she moved closer herself.

  He waited a moment. “I was wondering if you’d be interested in catching the movie showing at the theater this Friday.”

  Dodie’s withdrawal would not have been noticed by anyone else, but Jace caught it. A slight darkening of her gaze, lips pressed together.

  Then, to his surprise, she shrugged. “I heard it was funny.”

  “Funny is good.” He waited. She hadn’t said yes, but she hadn’t said no, either. The doorbell jangled and another customer came into the shop. Jace reluctantly took his coffee and moved away from the counter. He sat where he could watch Dodie and he noticed, from time to time, that her eyes would slide over to him, then away.

  One step at a time, he thought, sipping his coffee and watching her watch him.

  She was rinsing an empty coffee jug in the sink when he stood to follow up on the movie invitation.

  But then his cell phone rang, and he saw it was Carson calling.

  So, instead of asking her out, Jace tossed off a goodbye wave and answered the phone.

  “Hello, Carson,” he said, as he pulled open the door of the shop. “What can I do for you?”

  “Just checking in,” Carson said, his gravelly voice resonating across the airwaves. “Heard that you’re doing a great job back there in Riverbend.”

  “Things seem to be coming together both on and off the job,” Jace said, striding down the street. Just hearing his boss’s voice was enough to make him straighten his back, pick up the pace.

  “Yeah, I heard you managed to coax some well-known singer out of retirement to sing at the fundraiser. That’s quite a feat. I’m proud of you, son.”

  Though Carson’s admiration warmed Jace’s heart, he knew he had to give credit where it was due. “I didn’t have much to do with Helen Lennox, I’m afraid. That was all Dodie.”

  “Is she still involved in the fundraiser?”

  Carson sounded surprised, but then if Jace was honest with himself, he had to admit that Dodie’s dedication surprised him, as well. Though she won the challenge, she was still finding people to donate items. On Friday she had brought in a hand-knit sweater from an elderly woman who had heard about the fundraiser from a friend of a friend. Now this painting from another one of her contacts.

  “Dodie and I had a little contest going to see who could get the most donations and she beat me handily. I had to take her out for dinner as a result.”

  “Really. Just like old times, eh?”

  Not really, Jace thought, remembering the various emotions that had slipped over Dodie’s features—and how their kiss profoundly affected him. Time had changed much for both of them, but to his surprise and dismay, the old attraction had returned so easily he knew it had never left.

  “Yeah. Just like old times,” he
murmured.

  “That’s good…I suppose.”

  Jace almost felt the reservations in Carson’s voice. “You don’t sound thrilled.”

  Carson’s sigh underlined his uncertainty. “I’ll be blunt, Jace. You’ve got a bright future. Riverbend is just a stopover, and from the things I’m hearing about the work you’re doing there, you’ve got some good things waiting for you here in Edmonton.”

  Jace’s heart lurched at the inherent promise in Carson’s voice. “I’m glad to hear that,” he said, keeping his comment purposely vague.

  “You need to keep focused. Keep your eye on the prize, so to speak. Someone like Dodie could, potentially, be a hindrance to you.”

  Jace frowned, pausing at the corner of the street. A client of his smiled and waved, and he waved back.

  “Dodie doesn’t have staying power, Jace,” Carson continued. “Normally I don’t like to interfere in my employee’s personal lives, but in your case I feel like I have a stake in your success, and I don’t want to see you throw it away.”

  Jace understood the subtext in Carson’s words. Thanks to Carson’s financial support Jace had graduated with minimal student debt. Though he had initially felt guilty and had tried to find ways to repay him, Carson kept expressing his gratitude for saving Chuck’s life the night of the accident. He kept telling Jace that all he wanted as repayment was a commitment from Jace to work for him.

  Which Jace did without hesitation. He and Dodie had both admired and respected Carson and, it seemed, the feeling was mutual. When he, Chuck and Dodie were all offered summer jobs at his law firm, it had seemed like a dream come true instead of an obligation.

  Now he was looking at a huge move up the career ladder. His life was definitely on track. He was moving in the direction he had mapped out for himself.

  “I truly appreciate the affirmation,” Jace said as he pushed open the door of his office. “But I believe you’re wrong about Dodie.”

  He wished he could find the right words to explain to Carson how he felt. Dodie had been a huge part of his life and an integral part of the very success Carson spoke of. Not only had she challenged him to change the course of his life when he and Chuck were palling around in high school, but after that horrific accident, it had been her words ringing through his head as he lay in the hospital. He’d never forget that he was the one who gave him the Bible that he’d found such comfort in.