Close to Home

by Carolyne Aarsen

  Dodie nodded, then looked up at him. Her features were an expressionless mask, as if she didn’t dare show any emotion.

  “Carson MacGregor…?” Jace just stared down at her beautiful face—her innocent face—as he tried to imagine the man he had admired for so long, the man he owed so much to, doing this unspeakable thing.

  He couldn’t think. He didn’t know what to process first.

  His girlfriend, the woman he had once thought of as pure…an innocent.

  Raped by his boss?

  Jace couldn’t wrap his head around the idea.

  “You’re the first one I told this to,” Dodie said, her voice quiet in the evening air. “Not even my parents know.”

  Jace closed his eyes, trying to focus. Trying to figure out where to put this new information.

  Please, Lord, I don’t know what to do with this, he prayed. I don’t know how to comprehend this.

  He walked away, to give himself some space, some room to think, to understand the implications of this horrible admission. He leaned back against the kiddie slide, the hard metal of the posts digging into his back.

  Last week he had thought he and Dodie would be able to put the past behind them. And for a few precious moments tonight he held on to a tenuous hope that she might change her mind. Might be willing to move with him to Edmonton.

  But this? Could they really get past this?

  She had told him for a reason. And now that she had told him, so many more things fell in place. Dodie’s sudden departure that summer. How she had cut him out of her life. The complete change she had made in her behavior when she came back. It all made sense now.

  What shame she must have felt.

  He was about to turn back to her, to give her what comfort he could when a voice called out.

  “Dodie, there you are. I’ve been looking all over for you.”

  Jace came around the slide in time to see Dodie’s mother drop onto the bench beside her.

  “Goodness, girl, your arms are like ice. What are you doing out here all alone without a wrap?” Tilly put her arm around Dodie and gave her a hug. “You’ve got to come back to the arena. We’ve got a special surprise for you.”

  Dodie wasn’t even looking at her mother. Her eyes were focused on him. And all he could do was stare back at her.

  “Come now, don’t dilly-dally,” Tilly was saying, pulling Dodie to her feet. “People are waiting.”

  As Tilly led Dodie out of the park, she suddenly saw Jace. “My goodness…” Her voice faltered as she glanced from Dodie to Jace, then back to her daughter. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think I was interrupting anything—”

  “You weren’t, Mother,” Dodie said, her voice flat. “Jace was just leaving.” She glanced over at Jace, gave him a tight nod, then left with her mother, taking his chance with him.

  Jace watched them go, his heart sinking with every footstep she took away from him.

  He had messed up. He should not have turned away from her. But what else could he have done? This had completely blindsided him.

  Carson MacGregor raped my girlfriend.

  Those words were an abomination to him. The two most important people in his life and…this?

  Jace shoved his hands through his hair and grabbed the back of his neck. He had to get out of here. He had to think. To decide what he was going to do.

  He started walking. He didn’t have any plan in mind, he just needed to keep moving.

  Was Dodie right about Carson?

  He felt the clutch of disloyalty. How could he think she was lying?

  And yet…Carson? The man he had looked up to? The man he owed his career to?

  Please, Lord, I need Your guidance, he prayed once again. I don’t know where to go from here.

  Strains of “Happy Birthday” followed him as he walked away from the noisy arena, toward the quiet of the town. The bottom of his world had fallen out and he had no ground on which to stand. No firm place that he could find his balance.

  So he kept wandering aimlessly through the town he grew up in. His feet led him down Main Street, through one puddle of light after another, his steps echoing on the quiet street in time to the words he could not erase from his mind.

  Carson raped Dodie.

  He strolled past darkened stores, past Janie’s coffee shop, past his own office. He turned the corner and headed down the street that led downhill, down toward the river. As he moved along, he reached for his phone a dozen times, only to pull his hand back.

  He shouldn’t have walked away from Dodie.

  He paused briefly when he came to the park he and Dodie had their picnic and from there, continued up the street again until he came to Dodie’s apartment. The lights were off.

  His mind raced back to the fight they’d had. How he’d come demanding answers and she’d ordered him out.

  He followed the street, then turned again until he came to his house. He stood there a moment as memories slipped back into his mind. Memories of how eager he was to leave this place.

  Yet, since coming back, he’d seen a different perspective on his parent’s lives here. Yes, they hadn’t had much money, and yes, things had been difficult, but his memories didn’t jibe with other people’s perspectives of his family.

  Could I stay here? he thought.

  He thought of Dodie and his stomach clenched again. Would she take me? he asked himself.

  He shoved his hands in the pockets of his suit jacket. His one hand hit something and he drew out the long, narrow box. Dodie’s birthday present. He had forgotten to give it to her.

  He had bought it at the farmer’s market, the day before he and Dodie had gone to pick up the chair from Mr. DeVries. The day he and Dodie had decided to try again. Start over.

  Now what?

  He couldn’t think that far. He knew he had messed up with Dodie, but he had no way to prepare for what she had told him.

  Please, Lord, give her strength, give her comfort, he prayed as he walked into his house. As he fell into bed, he prayed for strength for what he had to do tomorrow.

  “Surely you don’t believe I would do something like that?” Carson MacGregor leaned back in his leather chair, one corner of his mouth curved up in a cynical smile. The overhead light glinted off his graying hair, styled to perfection, giving him the patrician air that served him so well in court. His suit rested perfectly on his broad shoulders, the silk tie cinching his blinding white shirt, giving off the sheen of money.

  Confronting Carson in his office had been a tactical error, but Jace didn’t want to go to Carson’s home. Thankfully Carson was a workaholic, so Jace had got up early Sunday morning and driven straight to the city, knowing he would find his boss in his office hard at work. And while Jace made the two-hour drive from Riverbend to the city, he prayed for Dodie and the pain she had endured all these years.

  But mostly, he prayed for wisdom and strength to do what he knew needed to be done.

  He prayed as he parked in the parking lot, as he walked up every single flight of stairs to Carson’s twentieth-floor office suite.

  Carson had been in his office, as Jace had suspected. He had come right to the point.

  “These are pretty strong accusations to make, my boy,” Carson said, his voice growing silky and quiet, the way he did in court before he would suddenly twist and skewer a witness on his own inconsistencies.

  “I phrased it as a question, Carson.” Jace kept his own voice even as he shifted his weight on the wooden chair. “I need to know if what she says is true.”

  Carson emitted a short laugh that held a note of disdain. “Dodie Westerveld has proven to be a flighty, irresponsible young girl. She left us in the lurch during a very important court case with no explanation whatsoever.” He slowly got up, his movements deliberate as he walked around his desk. He stopped in front of Jace and rested one hip on the desk, looking down with a patronizing expression. “I highly doubt the testimony of a slightly disturbed woman could be taken very seriously. And I t
hink you would be wise to realize this.”

  Jace tried to sort his emotions, to pull back from what Carson was saying and focus on what he wasn’t saying.

  “You still haven’t answered my question.”

  Carson’s jaw clenched. “Are you cross-examining me in my own office?”

  Jace wanted to stand, to put himself on equal footing with his boss. Having the man looking down on him was disquieting, and he realized how Carson could easily intimidate a witness.

  “I’m merely asking a question. Is what Dodie told me true?” His heart was hammering in his chest.

  Carson rose to his full height, making a slight adjustment to the front of his coat. He shook his head, a slow movement that didn’t bode well for Jace.

  “There’s no room in this law firm for someone who presumes to question my integrity, so I’m going to make this very clear. Either you drop this heinous lie that Miss Westerveld is trying to foist upon you, or you leave.” Carson raised his palm toward the door behind Jace. “Simple as that.”

  Jace felt himself on shaky ground again as he reflected all the years and time and money he had put into getting to where he was. For so long, his dream had been to work for Carson MacGregor. Now, it hung in the balance.

  He knew his job was at risk when he came here. And he also knew that a lawyer of Carson’s stature would never have admitted to anything criminal just because he was confronted with it.

  But Jace needed to see him face-to-face. To hear the man that he’d respected for so long, looked up to so long, say that Dodie was wrong. But he hadn’t said anything one way or the other.

  Which was enough for Jace.

  Jace took a long, slow breath as he got to his feet. “My choice is clear. I’m sorry, Carson. I can’t work with you.”

  Carson stared at him, as if he couldn’t believe what Jace was saying, then his mouth tightened, his eyes narrowed and he drew back. “You’d better think this through very carefully, Jace. If you walk out that door, it’s over. I won’t ask you back.”

  “If I walk through that door, I won’t come back.”

  Carson’s expression grew thunderous. “You’re throwing your whole career away for the sake of this…woman.”

  For a moment Jace stared at his former boss, then let his eyes tick around the room, looking over the certificates, the degrees, the accolades that Carson had amassed in his life. Once Jace had wanted all this for himself. The corner office with the amazing view of the river valley in all its spring glory. The huge desk, the high-profile clients. The respect and the money.

  Then his gaze returned to Carson, the man he had once idealized, the man he would have done so much for and had. In that moment, he realized that he was wrong to put so much on one human being.

  Then, even as the respect he’d once had for this man receded, it was replaced with an anger so all-consuming that he had to step away.

  This man had almost destroyed the woman he loved.

  Almost.

  Thankfully, Dodie was stronger than that.

  “And I would suggest you stay away from Riverbend for a while, because if I see you I won’t be responsible for my actions,” Jace ground out, his hands curled into tight fists.

  His anger roiled in his gut, and without another word to Carson he spun around and strode out of his office, not even bothering to close the door behind him.

  “Don’t walk away from me, Jace,” he heard Carson calling out, as he strode past the empty desks of the other lawyers’ secretaries. The competition. The ones who had also been vying for the position he’d hoped would someday be his.

  They can have it, he thought, walking past his own office without a second glance.

  “You’ll regret this,” Carson yelled, as Jace pushed the button for the elevator. Changing his mind, Jace headed to the stairs and charged down them, venting his anger with each step he took.

  He didn’t know how he got back to Riverbend. The drive was a blur. He pulled up to his house and when he took his clenched hands off the steering wheel of the car, they were trembling.

  You’ve thrown it all away.

  For a moment he felt a throb in his gut. He drew in a breath and another, calming himself.

  No. Carson threw it all away. And Jace had been a fool to have done his bidding for so many years.

  Jace slammed his hand against the steering wheel. Dodie had been hurt, damaged…violated by the man Jace had wanted to emulate.

  And how was he supposed to face her now? What could he possibly say to her after he left her alone? After he ran out on her?

  She had run away from him once before. Maybe she’d been right to do that. Maybe he couldn’t handle what she had to tell him.

  Jace put the car back into gear and drove back to Dodie’s apartment. He put his car in Park, then waited, gathering his courage.

  Please, Lord, give me the right words, he prayed, looking up at her apartment. Give me the strength to be a support to her. To do the right thing. He stopped, wishing he knew what to do.

  All his lawyer training was no help at this moment. He simply had to rely on the feelings he had for Dodie and hope, by some small miracle, she still felt something for him.

  And if not, then he would simply have to either be patient, or learn to live without her.

  That last thought choked him. Even during the six years she had kept her distance, some small part of him lived in hope.

  “Thy will be done,” Jace prayed as he got out of the car. “I just want what’s best for Dodie.”

  He pulled open the door and walked up the stairs, his heart thumping in his chest.

  He stopped in front of her door, took a deep breath and lifted his hand to knock.

  The door opened and Dodie stood in the doorway.

  She looked up and jumped.

  “Sorry,” he said. “I was just going to knock.”

  She just stared at him, her hair loose, curled at the ends. She wore a navy cardigan over a white shirt tucked into neatly pressed blue jeans.

  Conservative, put together.

  Dodie.

  She lifted a trembling hand to her chest. “What do you want?”

  Jace stared at her, taking in her eyes, her soft vulnerable mouth.

  “Can I come in?”

  “Um. I was just on my way to see my parents.”

  “This won’t take long.”

  Dodie stepped back and he followed her into her apartment, closing the door behind them. They went directly to the living room, the place of their last confrontation.

  He couldn’t help but recall her angry words, telling him to leave. He understood so much better now where they had come from.

  “Did you want something to drink? Some tea? Coffee?” she asked, laying her purse on the coffee table.

  “No. I just need…to talk a minute.”

  She lowered herself to her couch and Jace sat down across from her. He leaned forward, his elbows on his knees, his eyes on her.

  How much had changed in the past twenty-four hours. Last night he was employed, moving up the corporate ladder, and confused about the woman who now sat across from him.

  Now he was unemployed, but knew so much more about Dodie.

  “I came to say I’m sorry.” He clasped his hands, meeting her gaze. “I’m sorry that I reacted the way I did last night.”

  Dodie leaned back, folding her arms over her midriff. “I’m guessing you had no clue what I was going to say.”

  “It blindsided me.” Jace hesitated, struggling to find his footing in this new place. He wanted to be sitting beside her. Touching her. Creating a connection between them….

  But he had forfeited that right when he walked out on her last night. So he stayed where he was.

  “I want to say that I’m sorry for taking off on you when I should have been here. At your side. Helping you. Supporting you. Trying to understand what happened.”

  “My mom’s timing wasn’t the best,” Dodie admitted. “She didn’t want the birthday ca
ke to go stale.”

  Her comment and the tiny lift of one corner of her mouth gave him a tiny flicker of hope.

  “What you told me,” he continued, “I didn’t know where to put it. What to do with it. I couldn’t imagine what it was like for you.” He wished his words didn’t come out in such a rush, but he felt as if he had only a limited time to plead his case. “You meant so much to me. I had such high hopes for us. When you left, it was like my world fell apart, but had I known what happened to you, I would have followed you, found you, tried to help you through it all.”

  She held his gaze and he could see pain in her eyes. Pain that he longed to erase.

  “For six years I wondered why you left,” he said, pitching his voice low as he tried to stay in control of his emotions. “I had speculated on all kinds of scenarios. Went over everything I had ever said or done to you. I talked to all your friends. I phoned your parents, bugged your sister. You know how I tried to contact you. I almost broke into your apartment to see if I could find out anything from there.”

  Her gaze shifted to her hands, folded in front of her, but he sensed she was listening.

  “I knew nothing, but I speculated about everything. When I was back in town the last time you avoided me, so I figured it was something I did but couldn’t remember. And then, I’m back again and I think, ‘Okay, I’ll eventually find out exactly what happened.’ So last night when you finally told me everything, it was so far from anything I had imagined during that six-year separation. I just didn’t know where to put it.”

  “And you didn’t think Carson was capable of something like that.” She looked up at him, as if daring him to deny what she said.

  He couldn’t evade her direct statement, couldn’t hide behind any excuse.

  “No. I couldn’t. That’s what made me so confused.”

  She looked away and Jace felt a surge of frustration. He ignored caution and sat beside her. He turned her to face him. “You had just pulled out the foundations of a life I had been building for six years based on an admiration of a man I’d known far longer. A man who helped pay for my education, a man who had given me an opportunity that no one else had. He was like my own father.” He let out a long, shuddering breath. “And then I find out this man, this mentor, had done this unspeakable thing to you—the woman I have always loved and always cared for. The woman who meant everything to me.”