Tessa Ever After

by Brighton Walsh

  Jason laughs along with her, both of them cackling like crazy lunatics, and I want to go over and smother them both in kisses, squeeze them until this bubble of euphoria has a way of escaping my body. I want to have mornings like this . . . forever.

  With them, I want forever.

  TWENTY-FIVE

  jason

  I could get used to this.

  All right, so the 5:30 a.m. wake-up call can go fuck itself, but other than that, I’m totally on board with this whole thing. I didn’t even mind going out in the cold-ass weather to get Haley donuts, because when she bats her eyelashes and pouts that bottom lip, I’m pretty much a slave to whatever far-fetched request she has.

  After creeping on Haley and me in the kitchen while I was teaching Haley the art of the evil-villain laughter, Tessa went off to shower while her daughter coerced me into a game of hide-and-seek. On all four of her turns to hide, she’s hidden in the same three-foot vicinity, and each and every time, I spend a solid five minutes pretending I don’t know exactly where she is, and I can honestly say there’s nowhere I’d rather be.

  It’s my turn to hide now, and I’m flattened against the wall behind the heavy cloak of the curtains in the living room. Haley’s calling out for me, trying to get me to respond, talking to herself as she goes to every place I’ve already hidden to check if I’m there again. Her footsteps get closer to me when a weird, repetitive ringing-slash-beeping sounds, and she freezes before running over to the coffee table where Tessa’s laptop is perpetually set up.

  “Uncle Cade is calling! Jay! Can I answer, can I answer, can I answer?”

  I don’t have to see her to know she’s jumping up and down, waiting for my response. Of course Cade would call while Tessa is otherwise occupied. I pause for a second, wondering if maybe it would be better for Haley to wait and answer when her mom is out here, but then decide fuck it. I’m here, for however long Tessa will have me, and it’s about damn time Cade got on board with that. Coming out from behind the curtain, I say, “Yeah, go ahead.”

  She startles and spins around with a gasp. “Ohh, good hiding place! I’m gonna hide there next time!” Then she goes to the computer, sitting down and accepting the call.

  “Uncle Cade!” she yells at the laptop, her face so close to the screen I’m sure Cade can count exactly how many teeth she has.

  “Short stuff! How was your Thanksgiving?”

  I watch as Haley’s face dims, her shoulders slumping and the corners of her mouth bending down into a frown, and something twists in my gut. I hate that she had to be there at all, and if I had to go back and do it all over again, I would’ve told my parents I wasn’t able to come and just had Thanksgiving with Tessa and Haley here at their house.

  “Not fun. But Jay’s house was so cool, like a zoomeum.”

  “Museum,” Cade corrects and Haley nods.

  “Yeah, like that. It was real boring and the food was yucky. I like your mashed ’tatoes way better and I wish you could’ve been here because I miss you.”

  “I miss you, too, short stuff.”

  “But Jay’s here now and he took me to get donuts this morning and I got five!” she yells, extending her hand toward the screen to illustrate exactly how many she means.

  “Wow, that’s a lot of donuts. You have a bellyache yet?”

  She falls into a fit of giggles. “I didn’t eat them all, silly. I’m gonna save some for later.”

  “Probably a good idea.” Cade clears his throat, and then says, “Is Jase there now?”

  “Yeah, he’s hiding in the curtains.”

  “Why’s he hiding in the curtains?”

  “Well, he’s not anymore. We were playin’ hide-and-seek.”

  “Ah, well, that makes more sense. Do you think I can talk to him for a minute?”

  Haley shrugs and says, “Sure.”

  “Will you go draw me a picture? One I can hang on my fridge?”

  She nods vigorously. “What do you want it of?”

  “Anything. Surprise me.”

  She doesn’t even wait until he’s finished talking before she shoots off the couch and runs down the hall to her bedroom. With a sigh, I run my hand through my hair, then take a seat at the spot she vacated.

  “Hey,” he says when he sees me come on screen.

  I return the greeting and brace my forearms on my knees, waiting for him to speak. I sure as shit don’t have a lot to say to him, considering I said all I needed to the other night.

  “Where’s Tessa?”

  “In the shower.”

  He sighs and nods. “I see my lecture did absolutely nothing.” His voice isn’t harsh like I would expect it to be; it’s resigned, and that’s almost worse.

  “Actually, it did a lot. Just not what you wanted.” I scrub a hand over my face, then drop it and stare right at him. “Look, man, I know I wouldn’t be who you picked for her if you could, but you can’t change it. I’m here and we’re together, and there’s nothing you can do to stop that. I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you about it, and that’s on me. But it’s happening whether you like it or not. So you either need to get on board with it, or you need to stew quietly to yourself, because you’re never cornering her about it again, got it? Support her . . . support us, or shut the fuck up about it.”

  He’s quiet for a minute, then says, “My niece better not be within earshot.”

  I snort and roll my eyes. “Yeah, that took one poorly timed f-bomb with Haley around—which she, of course, repeated . . . while at day care—for Tessa to make me aware of the rules in no uncertain terms.”

  He smiles a little, no doubt at the thought of Tessa’s tiny frame unleashing a verbal beating over my teaching her daughter the f-word. Then he sobers and looks at me, really looks at me, and I shift uncomfortably, not liking being under his scrutiny. I prefer straight-up phone calls instead of this video bullshit, to be perfectly honest.

  “Never thought when you were giving me all that shit about Winter that it’d happen to you, too.”

  It’s on the tip of my tongue to deny it, but I can’t. I don’t want to. Because it’s the truth.

  “She’s good for you,” he says.

  With a single nod, I agree. “She is.”

  “She’s too good for you.”

  “I’m not denying that, either.”

  “Good, remember that and we’ll be okay. But listen, jackass . . . don’t think this talk gets you off the hook. Don’t think I won’t kick your ass totally and completely if necessary. You need to be good for her, too.”

  I blow out a breath, the weight of his words sitting on my chest, reiterating what I already know. What I already feared from the start. “I’m trying.”

  tessa

  When I’m done with my shower and I’ve gotten ready, I walk out to find Jason helping Haley make out her Christmas list.

  “S-h-e-t-l-a-n-d,” he spells out, pausing between each letter while Haley dutifully copies them down on her list. “P-o-n-y.”

  I snort as I walk in and pull out a stool on the opposite side of the island from them. “I hope you’re footing the bill for that one. And for a stable to keep it in.”

  “Jay’s givin’ me ideas for my list. Look!” She thrusts the list at me, and I read my little girl’s messy pink scrawl, half of her letters the right direction and half of them backward.

  With raised eyebrows, I look over at him. “An actual tea party?”

  “Yeah!” Haley says at the same time Jason asks, “What’s wrong with that?”

  “In London?” I say, pointing to the line where she jotted London tea party on her list.

  He shrugs. “What was I supposed to do? She wanted ideas, and she loves tea parties . . . Seemed like kind of a no-brainer to me.”

  I laugh, handing the list back to Haley as I shake my head at Jason. “You are ridiculous, but I lo—” I choke on my words, stopping myself just in time from making my epiphany from last night known. It’s too soon, too much, and would no doubt send Jason packing i
n a heartbeat, despite the fact that we’ve known each other for so much of our lives.

  “But you what?” he asks with a smile.

  I clear my throat, and brush invisible crumbs off the counter. “But I’m not letting you help Haley with her lists anymore unless you’re buying everything on there for her.” It sucks as far as cover-ups go, and by the look he gives me, the way his eyes narrow ever so slightly, I know he doesn’t buy it. But, thankfully, he doesn’t push.

  “Well, what do you usually suggest she puts on it?”

  “Um, Barbies. Games. A new tea party hat. Things that won’t put me out of house and home.”

  “Ah, that makes a lot more sense.”

  “Jay, how do you spell carousel?”

  He holds up his hands and looks at me. “That’s all her. I had nothing to do with it.”

  I laugh as my phone buzzes on the counter with an incoming text. Picking it up, I see Cade’s name, and my heart drops, memories of the last time we talked making my palms sweat, a knot forming in my stomach. Holding my breath, I open my text messages and read the latest from my brother.

  I’m sorry. I was out of line w/ everything I said. If he makes u happy, it makes me happy. Love u

  I expel the breath I was holding, like a weight lifting from my shoulders, and I don’t realize until that moment exactly how much Cade’s opinion matters to me. And while it’s not unusual for him to admit when he’s wrong and say he’s sorry, normally he stews on it for a week, letting everything fester before he says anything.

  “Everything okay?” Jason asks, pulling me out of my thoughts.

  I turn the phone to him, showing him the text. “You wouldn’t know anything about this, would you?”

  He reads it as I watch his face, seeing a satisfied smile before he wipes it away quickly and then offers me a shake of his head. “Nope. Glad he apologized, though.”

  “Mhmm,” I say, but I don’t believe him for a second. And the fact that he talked to Cade about it, somehow made him see how much it hurt me that he wasn’t accepting of whom I chose to invite into my life, makes me fall all the more for him.

  This time the buzzing of a phone comes from Jason’s, and he pulls it out of his pocket, quickly reading the text and replying. “I need to run home and do some homework for class. I’ve got a group project due next week. And Adam wants to get together tonight.”

  “Adam’s in town?” I ask.

  “Yeah, flew in last minute. Something’s going on with his parents’ shop, but he’s not sure what.” He finishes his text and pockets his phone again before leaning forward, elbows braced on the table. “Can I see you tomorrow?”

  I smile and roll my eyes, but even as I do that, my stomach flips. “Since when do you ask?”

  “You’re right. I just show up.”

  “All the time.”

  “You love it.”

  Afraid I’m going to let something slip, I keep my mouth shut and offer him a smile as he moves to stand.

  “Hey, shorty, I gotta run. Thanks for making me get donuts this morning.” He ruffles her hair, then drops a kiss on her head before he walks over to me. With a question clear in his eyes, he darts a quick glance to Haley, then back to me, silently asking if he can kiss me.

  In response, I tip my chin up, waiting for it, and he doesn’t disappoint. The kiss he gives me is much less chaste than the one he pressed to Haley’s head, and I have to force myself to keep quiet, to kill the moan in the back of my throat before it can escape. After several moments, he finally pulls back, dropping a couple quick kisses on my lips.

  And then Haley interrupts, reminding me why it was a good idea to hold back that moan. “Why do you sleep on the couch so much, Jay? You Mama’s boyfriend now?”

  I inhale wrong and sputter a cough, looking at Jason with wide eyes while he looks back at me with something close to amusement. Taking a deep breath, I say, “Um, does that bother you? Jason sleeping on the couch?”

  She shrugs, going back to drawing a sleigh and reindeer on her list. “No, but is he?”

  “Is he what?”

  Haley sighs, her eyes rolling toward the ceiling. “Your boyfriend. Hannah at school says that Tommy is her boyfriend, and that’s fine with me, because I like Brandon best. I’m gonna marry him.”

  “Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Jason says, all humor gone from his eyes. “I don’t like the sound of that. Who is this little punk? Do I need to have a talk with him?”

  “About what?”

  “About keeping his hands to himse—”

  I stop him with my fingers on his arm, shaking my head. As much as I love his protective response, I don’t think we need to take active measures to make sure a four-year-old boy has honorable intentions toward my daughter.

  “So is Jay like Tommy is to Hannah? Is he your boyfriend, too?”

  I stare at her for a beat, trying to buy myself time. Jason and I never talked about this, haven’t had a chance to really define whatever this is between us. And despite letting Jason kiss me in front of Haley, I hadn’t been prepared to answer questions about it. I never thought she’d actually ask outright, demand a definition of this tentative relationship Jason and I have. But now I have to give her one.

  Taking a deep breath, I say, “Yes, he’s my boyfriend.”

  “Yes!” Haley hisses and throws both arms in the air. “This means donuts every morning, right?”

  With a laugh, I shake my head. “Maybe if you’re lucky you can get them once a week.”

  She’s pacified with that and quickly goes back to working on her drawing just as Jason bends down, his lips at my ear. “I’m your boyfriend, huh?”

  Before I admitted it to Haley, I worried about what Jason would say, worried about how he would react to hearing that inconsequential word in regard to himself. But from the teasing lilt to his voice and the smirk I see on his lips when I turn to face him, I realize my worries were unfounded.

  Leaning in, I press my lips to his ear and whisper, “Somehow, I don’t think ‘guy I have hot, amazing sex with’ is an appropriate title to tell my four-year-old.”

  Jason laughs out a groan, then kisses me again. “Tomorrow night, I’ll continue on that streak.” Then he straightens and grabs his coat before slipping it on and heading to the door. “Later, my lovely ladies. I’ll bring popcorn tomorrow night. You have Tangled ready.”

  Laughing at Haley’s squeal of excitement, I stand and go to grab a notepad and pen out of the drawer. Since I had yesterday and today off for the holiday, I have to work tomorrow, so our usual weekly Saturday-morning grocery shopping has to get done today. Clicking the pen on and off, I think about what I want to make this week for dinners, having been trying to get in the habit of having something at least semi–planned out so I don’t have to always resort to frozen food. It’s worked well so far, a routine making it easier to not feel so overwhelmed.

  As I walk over to the fridge to peer inside, a bright pink Post-it note on the counter catches my eye. Two words are scrawled in Jason’s handwriting—Anytime, baby—and I pull the tiny note from the counter, confused. Until I see what lies underneath it.

  And then my heartbeat falters for a moment before speeding into a gallop, because there, under the bright pink square, is a single metal key.

  A key that no doubt unlocks Jason’s apartment.

  With shaky hands, I grab my phone and snap a picture of the note and the key, sending it in a text to Jason.

  You wouldn’t happen to know anything about this, either, would you?

  His response takes a couple minutes, and I’m biting my nails the whole time, one eye on Haley as she occupies herself, the other staring at my phone, waiting for the screen to light up. And when it does, when that simple, four-letter word comes through, followed almost immediately by another text from him, I can’t stop the smile from overtaking my face.

  Nope.

  Better use it, tho.

  TWENTY-SIX

  tessa

  There should’ve been s
peed bumps on the road by now. Hiccups or hang-ups or giant, gaping potholes in this relationship Jason and I have fallen into. And yet, there haven’t been. Not one, and that actually worries me more than if there’d been a dozen.

  It’s been two and a half weeks since Thanksgiving. Two and a half weeks since the night I knew I’d fallen head over reluctant heels in love with him. Two and a half weeks filled with secret sleepovers and movie nights and sex and laughter and watching the man I love play dress-up with my daughter just to see her smile.

  And even though I know it’s not healthy to focus on what could possibly go wrong in a relationship, I still can’t stop feeling like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. Perpetually on edge, anticipating a hiccup that hasn’t come. I should be relieved. I should be counting my blessings and thanking God that there haven’t been any issues. Even the situation with Cade was cleared up quickly, and I haven’t heard a negative peep out of him since his apology.

  “Hey, what’s got you thinking so hard over there?” Paige asks from across a table in the mall food court. Normally, I wouldn’t be caught dead out here this close to Christmas, but it’s a weeknight and Jason and Haley had special, secret plans that I was told were none of my business, so Paige and I hit the mall to get in some holiday shopping.

  I shake my head, twirling a bite of my lo mein onto my fork. “Nothing.”

  “Liar,” she accuses with a jab of her fork in my direction. “Now spill. What’s going on? Jase not able to get it up anymore? Your lady business feeling a little neglected?”

  “Paige!” I hiss, darting a gaze around and seeing an older woman sitting off to the side of us, looking affronted as she purses her lips and shakes her head. “Would it be so difficult to censor yourself just a little while in public?”

  She snorts. “I don’t censor myself, ever. And if people overhear”—she raises her voice and stares pointedly at the old lady—“it’s their own damn fault for eavesdropping in the first place.”