Unbreak Me

by EJ Logan

  I was so shocked by his words that I couldn't even respond. How many years had I waited to hear that from him? To hear he still loved me, even if he didn't directly say it or that he doesn't blame me for their deaths. “Dad I... I don't even know what to say. For so long I wished to hear something like that from you. The things you've told me have really fucked up my head. You made me feel so worthless and unloved. Your words in my head had me push away the only good thing in my life, thinking it was for the best because I didn't want to turn out like you. I can't just forgive and forget all the things you've said to me over the years,” My dad was crying even harder now, and he looked so much like the old dad that it broke my heart to see him this way. "I can't just forgive and forget but we can try and work through this. Try and get the relationship back we lost so many years ago,” I told him, wanting to try again. To have my dad again, the one who loved his children and wife more than anything else.

  "Oh, son I would like that, I want to be part of your life again. I want to meet the woman who unbroke your heart, from all the shattering I did to it,” That was the best way to describe what Ari has done for me. I never thought any woman could do it, but she was able to unbreak me, I'm not the same man I was only one short month ago.

  With that thought, I was ready to face her and beg for forgiveness at her feet. I loved that girl with everything I had and needed her in my life. My dad and I continued to talk for another few hours, he would ask me about my life and more about Ari. We talked about mom and Jessie which brought us both to tears once or twice, but we ended on a good note and that's all I could ask for. I said goodbye to my dad, and he promised to come visit in a couple weeks. He wanted to meet Ari, but I told him to give me some time to make up for being such a dumb ass.

  The entire drive home I recited in my head what I planned to say to her, but first I was going to play her a song, and I had the perfect song in mind. I arrived home to a dark house; it was nearly ten, but I thought she would still be up. I went through the house and couldn't find her anywhere. I went to her room and knocked, but I got no response. Making up my mind I slowly opened the door while calling her name. "Ari" but she was nowhere to be found. I walked across the hall to my room to find a note on my bed. Fuck did she leave? I opened it up, and my fear was confirmed.

  Caleb,

  I went home for a few days. I'll be back and prepared for our meeting on Thursday. I also had my calls forwarded to my cell and will work from there. If you need anything for the company, you can reach me on my cell during business hours or just send me an email. I just need a little time to get over this; I'm sorry I messed up the friendship we had, I didn't mean for this to happen, I know you warned me from the start. Maybe in time we can go back to being the friends we once were.

  Take care Ari.

  Reading it, I was disappointed but happy to know she would be back in a few days. I hated that she apologized to me. That she wants to be friends again that just won't work for me. Mostly I hated that she called it home, this is her home. I pulled out my phone and dialed her number, but it went to voice mail. I couldn't tell her everything I needed through voice mail, so I decided I would give her the time she needs and talk to her face to face when she gets home.

  Pulling out my guitar, I played the song I had planned to play to my love. I Do Not Love You By Ron Pope. The words were almost everything I felt about her, and I so badly wanted to let her know.

  CHAPTERtwentyfour

  Ari

  The drive home went by pretty quick, but I wasn't ready to see my mom yet. Let alone explain to her why I was home. I wasn't even sure what I was going to tell her. Do I tell her the truth? That Caleb and I had a fling, and I stupidly fell for him or do I makeup some other story about why I'm home?

  So instead I did something I haven't done, I went to visit Kyle. I don't know why but it just felt like the right thing to do. Pulling into the cemetery, a deep sadness came over me. I try not to think of Kyle much, but when I do I always remember all the good times we had over the years.

  I wish I could have changed how things ended, If I had only known of his disorder, I could have taken him for help. I could have fixed him, somehow, someway. I know there's no point in dwelling on what could have happened, but it's hard not to sometimes.

  I knew where his family plot was because I had been with him when his grandma passed years back, so I drove down to that part of the cemetery, then got out and made my way towards where I remember it being. I only remember so well because my dad is only a few stones back from his grandma.

  As I came around a big oak, I was surprised to see someone kneeling down in front of the stone with Kyle's name. I went to turn around not wanting to bother him when I heard my name called "Ari, is that you?"

  Turning around I came face to face with Brent. Brent Larkin’s, well I think it's Brent. His face was the same, but this isn't the skinny nerd I remember from high school. "Brent," I asked hesitantly.

  Ducking his head and averting his eyes from mine he nodded his head “Yeah, it's me” He said finally looking up to see my shocked expression.

  I mean this guy standing in front of me could be a freaking Calvin Klein model. “I...ah... wow I barely recognized you. You look good, how are things?” I asked stopping myself from continuing to babble on. Man what has this boy been eating?

  "Yeah, I get that a lot, when people from school see me. You though you haven't changed a bit still the most beautiful girl in town,”

  I smacked his arm laughing "Whatever Brent,”

  “Really Ari, you look amazing, How are you though?”

  I gave him a small smile “I'm doing okay, I uh, this is my first time here since um, since ya know,” I said shrugging and looking towards Kyle's headstone.

  He gave me a sad smile and nod "I'm sorry Ari, for everything. To go through what you did and from someone you loved and trusted more than anyone. I 'm just so sorry,”

  He must have been able to see the confusion in my expression because he answered my unasked question. "Um. I know you didn't want anyone to know, but I begged my aunt to tell me everything. My mom and I are the only other people she's told, and we haven't told anyone. I just wish I was here. I would never have let Kyle get into all the drugs. I would have done some..,”

  I interrupted before he could finish his sentence. "Brent what happened is not even close to your fault, you can't blame yourself for his choices. Believe me I've been doing it every day, but deep down I know there's no point. We can't change the past as much as we may want to; it's just not possible. So please don't blame it on yourself,”

  "Ah Ari, I know no one is to blame but it just drives me nuts, thinking how easily a fix it would have been to help him. He was always so good at staying medicated and on the right track. I was the bad one not Kyle. I'm sorry Ari; I'll go and let you have the time you need. Oh, by the way, I thought you had moved away?"

  “I did, I live in San Fran I’m just here for a few days. What about you? Are you back, I thought you moved to Boston?”

  "Yeah, I was living there, but I couldn't take the cold, so I'm back in Cali, I'll be living in San Fran too. I start my new job on Monday, just came to visit the family first,” He said smiling big. I couldn't deny how cute he had become. He and Kyle are cousins and were best friends until sometime in high school. Kyle became the head quarterback and Brent became somewhat of a loner.

  He was always kind to me, but a lot of my friends would make fun of him. It pissed me off especially when Kyle would join in, but that skinny loner who always wore black is long gone now.

  "Well, it was nice to see ya Ari, maybe we'll run into each other sometime,” He said waving goodbye and starting to walk off.

  “Hey, do you want to grab lunch tomorrow or something?" I asked without even thinking.

  “Oh, um. Yeah, I'd like that, how does eleven thirty at Tom's diner sound?”

  “Sound's good, well I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then,” I said giving him a small wave as he walked of
f. Did I seriously just ask out Kyle’s cousin right in front of his grave? What the hell is up with me?

  Turning around I walked the few steps to the grave and sat down in front of it. "What the hell am I doing Kyle? God how I wish things were like they used to be. Everything was so easy back in high school. I miss that, and I miss that you. The boy who made me laugh and smile every day. Who taught me how to drive, how to kiss, and how to well, you know. Who showed me what it felt like to be in love and how to be loved. Why Kyle, why did you have to fuck everything up? We could be so happy right now. We would be fixing up a little house somewhere, planning our wedding. My heart wouldn't be breaking from the second man I ever gave it too. Why? That is all I want to know. Why wasn't I enough? Why couldn't you wait for me? Ugh I hate feeling this way, so lost and confused. You left me with so many unanswered questions,”

  Sniffling and wiping my tears I stood and looked down at his headstone "I loved you Kyle, more than words and even now after all you did to me, I still love you. You will always own a piece of my heart. Well, I better get home. I need to explain everything to mom. I'll try to stop by before I leave town. I'm sorry Kyle, I wish things could have been different,” I said before kissing my fingers and rubbing them on his headstone. God that was hard, I mean I knew it would be, but I just really miss the way we used to be I guess. Even after all this time and everything that has happened it's hard to believe he's actually gone.

  Driving home I tried not to think about anything, I needed to rid myself of these tears and not freak out mom. She has been so great through everything, and I know seeing her daughter in tears, is not going to make her happy. Pulling into the drive, I pulled out my makeup bag and cleaned up as best I could. "It's now or never" I breathed as I made my way to the door.

  I hesitated should I knock or just walk in, this is still my home right, mom wouldn't want me to knock.

  I regretted the decision not to knock as soon as I entered the living room. “Oh my god!” I cried, covering my eyes and turning away, but the image of my mom half-dressed saddling some guy on the couch was burned in my brain for eternity.

  "Oh, shit Ari. What are you doing here?" Mom screeched "I mean oh honey I'm so glad to see you, but I, ah, why are you here?" She asked.

  "Um mom maybe we should talk about this a little later. I... uh... I'm going to go to my room,” I said before running down the hall and into my old room.

  Oh wow, so not what I was expecting to walk in on. It was only about five minutes later that my fully dressed mom knocked on my door. "Hey baby, you can come out now. Come on in the kitchen I would like you to meet someone,” She said, and I couldn't help but notice the huge smile and glow on her face.

  “Um, okay mom,” I said following her to the kitchen.

  A very attractive older man was sitting at the breakfast bar. He stood as we entered the room extending his hand to me. “Hey Ari, I'm Christen a... uh friend of your moms,” He said the last part hesitantly looking to my mom.

  I shook his hand “Um, nice to meet you Christian,” I also said turning to look at mom. She didn't say anything though, and we all fell into an uncomfortable silence.

  "Well, I better get going. It was nice meeting you Ari, and I'm sure we'll see each other again soon. Linda I'll see you tomorrow,”

  “Here let me walk you out,” Mom said as she followed him to the door.

  Once she was back in the kitchen, we talked and talked and talked. She told me about Christian, how they started talking months ago before I even left, and they've gotten closer and closer and are now a couple. I told her everything too, from Aiden to Caleb to visiting Kyle’s grave and running into Brent.

  It was so nice to talk to her. I missed having my mommy around. After a couple hours, we both went to bed. I was beat from not sleeping well the night before and all the emotional ups and downs I’ve had recently.

  I decided to check my messages before going to bed. Turning on my phone, I wasn't surprised to see all the text and voicemails I had received.

  I had six-voice mail five from Tess and one from Caleb. Caleb's was first “Ari I just want to make sure you made it to your mom's okay. Call when you can,” Caleb, you sure as hell, didn't seem to care last night that's for sure.

  The next five were all Tess telling me to check in. I guess Caleb must have told her I went home. Checking my text I had eight. Six from Tess and two from Caleb again just wanting to know I was all right.

  Not wanting to talk to anyone I sent them both a quick text saying I was at home and going to bed. I also made sure to tell them my phone would be off until Monday. As soon as I laid my phone down I was out could.

  I woke with a start from one of my nightmares. "Ari honey are you okay? You were screaming,” I heard my mom's soft voice just before I felt her hand run over my hair in a comforting way.

  "Yeah, I'm okay mom, it was just a dream. I'm fine now thanks,” I said in a scratchy voice probably from screaming my lungs out during the nightmare.

  "Oh honey I thought you said you didn't get the nightmares anymore,”

  "I haven't been, but I guess with everything going on and being back here, I just had one. I'm just an emotional mess right now mom, but I'll be fine. I'm sorry I woke you; I'm okay though,” I told her, not wanting to worry her.

  "Okay, honey well if you need anything just yell and I'll be here," she said as she kissed my head and stood to leave.

  "I'm just going to get some water," I said grabbing my phone and making my way out of the room. She just nodded and went back down the hall.

  I turned on my phone to check the time and find a happy book to read, knowing I wouldn't get any sleep. Not even a minute after it was on it started to ring. “What the hell, who would be calling me at this hour,” I mumbled seeing it was two in the morning.

  Looking at the caller I.D. I saw it was Caleb; I almost sent it to voice mail, but my conscious got the better of me. "Hello,”

  “Ari baaaaby, I didn't think you’d answeeer,” I heard Caleb slur great he was drunk and probably just finished with some slut, so why the hell was he calling me?

  “Are you seriously drunk dialing me, really Caleb?” I asked anger lacing my tone.

  "Ah Babe, I ain't drunk. I just had a few drinks from this bottle of tequila here. Ah, shit where’d it all go? Someone came and drank all my tequila,” He whined. Was I seriously going to sit here and listen to a babbling drunk Caleb at two in the morning? I was about to hang up when he started to talk again.

  "I couldn't sleep, so I just had a couple drinks, you ruined me babe, and I need you in my bed. I can't fall asleep without you anymore. Why did you leave me, I thought we were best friends. I thought you loved me,”

  “Fuck You Caleb! Go find a little whore to sleep with, you made it perfectly clear how you felt about me,” I practically screamed then hung up and turned my phone off.

  “UHG!!!!” I get that he was drunk, but seriously 'I thought you loved me' was he really going to try and use that against me?

  Seriously frustrated I grabbed my water and went to the couch. Might as well watch some TV cause, I am never going to get back to sleep now. Would you believe the first thing to come on when I turned on the TV was The Notebook.

  That was the first movie Caleb, and I ever watched together. Deciding to torture myself some more, I continued to watch it and finally cry myself to sleep.

  My mom woke me the next day around nine as she was heading out. I felt like crap but was ready to get my day started. So after a quick shower, I made my way to the cafe to meet Brent.

  Walking in I found him already waiting on me. We had a nice time talking and just catching up on old times. Before I left he asked for my number and if he could call me the next day. He was such a nice funny guy. I had forgot how fun he used to be. He would always make me laugh, and that was something I hadn't been doing enough of lately.

  I spent that night hanging with mom and Callie and, of course, my mom's famous spaghetti. I enjoyed my time spent with them.
Though I was a little annoyed to find out that Callie had never called Aiden.

  "Sorry, Ari but you know me. I mean he's a gorgeous and a nice guy, but even if I wanted more with him than those few nights it wouldn't work. I'm not going to date a guy who's out on the road chasing bands most of the time. While I stay home and teach kids. I wouldn't be able to deal with it,” She told me with a shrug.

  I just nodded I guess I could understand where she was coming from. I wouldn't want to be with a guy who was away for weeks at a time, partying at clubs with different bands every night. After Callie and I stayed up talking, again telling my whole story, I finally fell asleep on the couch around midnight.

  When I woke up the next morning, I was both surprised and thankful that I slept through the night. After getting cleaned up and my morning coffee I got my makeshift office setup at the kitchen table. Turning on my phone, I was again surprised to see all the messages. First I had three-voice mails from Caleb all from his drunken night, which I just deleted without even listening. Then a text from both him and Tess the next day.

  His apologizing for whatever was said the night before because he was a little fuzzy on the details and Tess just asked me to call her when I got a chance.

  Luckily the day went by without a hitch. Caleb was out of the office going to job sights and different meetings, so I hadn't heard from him at all. Finally deciding to suck it up I gave Tess, a call.

  To my surprise she didn't even know what was going on, just that Caleb was acting weird and really worried about me. She said when she asked him what was up he said that if I wanted her to know I would tell her. So as embarrassing as it was I did. I again told her everything.