An Alaskan Christmas

by Jennifer Snow

  His mother was a firm believer in faith, but she’d always told them that anything worth having was worth fighting for.

  He smiled as he reached across the table and squeezed her hand. “You’re right. And this one is definitely worth the effort.”

  * * *

  SHIT, SHE’D OVERSLEPT.

  Late morning sunlight shining through the window was not a good sign. Panicked, Erika grabbed her cell phone.

  9:58.

  She’d missed her daily briefing with her dad. These late-night calls with Reed had to stop. They had to figure out a better system. She couldn’t keep sleeping at her office either. Her back ached from that stupid cot and exhaustion was catching up to her.

  How much longer could she keep this up?

  Getting up, she straightened her skirt over her hips. She grabbed her lab coat from the hook behind the door and buttoned it, hoping no one noticed she was wearing yesterday’s clothes. A trip to her condo sometime that day was necessary. She’d only spent a few hours at home in the week since she’d been back from Wild River.

  Thank God messy buns were in style.

  Grabbing a bottle of mouthwash from her desk drawer, she took a swig, gurgled it and spit it into the trash can beneath her desk.

  She grabbed her patient files off her desk and stumbled over her discarded heels, losing the contents of the files all over the floor.

  “Shit.” She’d never felt this rushed, frazzled, unprepared and disorganized in her life. Luckily each piece of paper in the folders had a patient file number or her day would be getting complicated fast.

  Gathering everything in a big pile, she shoved her feet back into her shoes and hurried down the hall to the boardroom.

  “Erika, your intern clocked in an hour ago, she’s been waiting in the staff lounge for you...” a nurse called after her as she walked past.

  “She’ll have to keep waiting.” So much for trying harder with the new recruits. They should be taking the initiative anyway. When she’d interned, she certainly didn’t sit around waiting for someone to tell her what to do.

  Arriving at the boardroom on the first floor, she forced several calming breaths before opening the door. The room was full of doctors and the meeting had started without her. From the front of the room, her father didn’t even glance her way as he pointed to a slide on his PowerPoint presentation.

  She felt like a ten-year-old who’d failed a math test.

  Every seat was full. She would have to stand there like a moron. Embarrassed and feeling judging eyes on her, she squared her shoulders.

  “Psst,” Darren whispered. “Sit here,” he said, getting up from his chair at the table.

  She quickly and quietly took his place with a grateful look and he handed her a double espresso and a note.

  Sorry, I knocked on your office door for ten minutes.

  She shook her head. Not his fault. Just her own. He wasn’t even her intern anymore.

  Then he discreetly took her disorganized files and set to putting them back together.

  Tears burned the back of her exhausted eyes and the lump in her throat made it impossible to swallow the caffeine as she sent him another grateful look.

  He winked at her as she turned her attention to the presentation at the front of the room. Her father was outlining the details of the trials and assigning different teams to different patients. She was so far behind. She may as well have been gone for months. Her father’s gaze landed on her and the message was clear.

  She needed to get it together.

  Which meant no more long, late-night calls with Reed.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  HE WAS GETTING the brush-off.

  Days of barely any contact from Erika had Reed on edge. The brightly colored Christmas lights strung above the bar and the earsplitting sounds of Mariah Carey’s “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)” wasn’t helping his mood.

  Was this stupid CD on Repeat?

  He’d heard this song a dozen times already that evening.

  Grabbing a bottle of tequila from the shelf, it slipped from his hand and shattered on the floor.

  Damn.

  Going into the kitchen, he got a mop and broom and quickly cleaned up the mess.

  “Still waiting on those tequila shots, Reed,” Tank said, appearing at the bar with an empty wait tray. The man owned the place, but he couldn’t make the simplest cocktail. Whenever he was forced to be behind the bar, everyone drank beer.

  “If they’d like to come lick it off the floor, they can be my guest,” Reed mumbled, tossing the shards of glass into the trash.

  “That bottle’s coming off your paycheck.”

  Tank’s attempt at a joke earned him a middle finger. Opening a new bottle, Reed poured the six tequila shots and set them down on Tank’s tray, spilling liquid over the sides.

  “You good?” Tank asked.

  “Peachy.”

  Tank walked away to deliver the shots to the obnoxious holiday party in the corner booth and Reed poured several pints of beer. Setting them in front of some tourists a little too abruptly, the liquid sloshed onto the bar.

  “Hey, first day on the job?” the guy wearing an ’80s style pro-ski club jacket asked.

  The other guy snickered and Reed saw red. Picking up the glasses, he took them away. “Cut off,” he muttered.

  “Hey!” Ski-Pro called out. “What the fuck, man?”

  Reed’s jaw tightened. His emotions were on the surface and he felt ready to explode.

  Tank intercepted, taking the glasses from him with an annoyed look. “Jesus, man,” he muttered.

  Reed had seen that expression far too many times that week already. Good thing his boss was also his buddy or he would have been fired by now. He just couldn’t snap out of it. Unanswered texts, voice mail whenever he called and an overall vibe that Erika was avoiding him had him seriously on edge.

  Grabbing a towel, he wiped down the bar, ignoring the sneers on the two men’s faces.

  Hope they don’t plan on going into the backwoods while they’re here.

  Tank refilled the glasses to the top then delivered them back to the men. “On the house.” Then, with a nod to Reed, he disappeared into the back office.

  Shit.

  Reed tossed the hand towel onto the bar and followed.

  “Close the door,” Tank said, collecting the darts from the board on his office wall and handing him the red ones.

  “Not in the mood,” Reed said, shoving his hands into his jeans pockets.

  “But you’d rather take your shitty mood out on my paying customers?” Tank asked, still extending the darts.

  Tank rarely called anyone out on anything. The guy had had enough.

  Reed took the darts. “Sorry, man. I’m just...” He threw one arrow hard. It hit the edge and bounced off. “Just...argh,” he said, throwing the second one...not even close to the bull’s-eye, but throwing sharp, pointy things was helping a little.

  “I’ve noticed. We all have.” Tank threw his pair, both hitting the target. He shrugged. “Sexual frustration is something I understand,” he said.

  Reed retrieved all four, handing Tank the black ones, and threw his again. “It’s been days, and just two text messages...short messages.” Two brief “I’m sorry, work is crazy, we will talk soon” messages. Was this what she’d tried to tell him? Warn him about?

  Two weeks ago, his heart had been aching at her leaving. Now it was breaking at the thought that with each day, she was moving farther and farther away and there was nothing he could do about it. He didn’t know what to do with the pent-up nervous energy. He’d never felt this way before.

  “She’s a surgeon. Hospital emergency rooms are crazy, man. You know that. And Cass mentioned that her career is her life.”

  Yeah, and he’d thought he was okay
with coming second. Now, he wasn’t sure if there was even a second spot on Erika’s priority list. “I get that she’s busy, but I think she just doesn’t know how to balance work and life. She was so different when she was here.”

  “Everyone’s different on vacation. She had no other choice but to relax. Is she coming back for Christmas?”

  “She said she would try...”

  “Hey, guys, when Reed’s done sulking we have a full bar out here.” Kelsey, their holiday hire, stuck her head in through the office door, her bright red hair falling into her eyes.

  “Has anyone told you yet that you match the Christmas decorations?” Reed mumbled.

  She gave him the finger. “And you’ve been playing the part of in-house Grinch perfectly.”

  That was true, but he couldn’t shake his bad mood. Not having a girlfriend over the holidays used to be a blessing—he hadn’t had to spend his tips on expensive presents—but now he was feeling the void with all the celebrating every night at the bar. His sister and friends used to be enough. Now there was only one person he longed to spend Christmas with.

  “Seriously, guys, we can’t keep up out here,” Kelsey said, leaving the door open as she walked away.

  “We’re coming,” Tank called after her. Turning to Reed, he said, “So, Christmas? Is she coming back or not?”

  “We had planned on it, but honestly I’m not sure.” Reed jammed the darts into the board.

  Tank tapped his shoulder as they left the office. “I hate to be the one to say this, but I don’t think this is going to end the way you want it to.”

  “Yeah.” Tank was cynical about love and relationships, so Reed hesitated to take the words too much to heart. He couldn’t give up on her yet. He’d told his mother that Erika was worth fighting for and he just needed to fight harder.

  He’d talk to Cassie. She knew Erika the best and she was the most optimistic person he knew.

  “Thanks for the chat, man,” Reed said, returning to his post.

  He just needed to block out the holiday music, the tacky decorations and the sickeningly-in-love couple in the booth across from him and do his job.

  * * *

  CLIMBING THE STAIRS to Cassie’s condo hours later, he saw her lights still on, so he let himself in. “Hey, you still awake?” he asked, seeing her lying on the couch.

  Their mom had left earlier that day and Diva was asleep in her food dish in the corner.

  Cassie sat up and waved him in. “Yeah... Just going over Christmas bonuses.”

  Spread out on the coffee table in front of her were employee files and new Summer Adventure brochure proofs. It was December, but she was already thinking ahead to the next two seasons. His sister was one of the hardest working businesspeople he knew. Went to show, you didn’t need a fancy MBA from an Ivy League school to be successful.

  “Rough night?” she asked.

  “It was busy, but no more than usual this time of year.”

  “You seem stressed and you don’t usually visit at 2:00 a.m., so what’s up?”

  He sat on the couch. “Have you talked to Erika much since she left?”

  Cassie closed her laptop, propping her sore foot onto the coffee table. True to his sister’s nature, she’d had the cast removed early, opting for a smaller boot that she refused to wear. Trying to tell her otherwise was pointless.

  “No... She texted once to ask if she’d left a pair of gloves here...and once more to see how my foot was healing, but I haven’t heard from her in days.”

  Disappointment in his sister’s voice matched how he was feeling.

  “Right.”

  “Look, I pretty much missed what was happening between you two, but judging by your shitty mood and the dark circles under your eyes, I’d say you’ve got it bad.”

  He leaned back and rested his head against the couch cushions. “So bad.” He wouldn’t normally confess as much to his sister, but he needed her help. Unlike him, Cassie had been in love before. She’d experienced heartache. He just needed to know how to pull his head out of his ass and forget about Erika for a single moment.

  “Well, Tank’s about to fire you, so you better get your head on straight.”

  He blew out a long, slow breath. He’d been hoping for better advice than that. “Yeah, we talked.”

  “You threw darts, you mean.” She rolled her eyes. “I swear that man thinks all of life’s solutions are hidden in that freaking dartboard.”

  “Cass...can we focus on my fucked-up love life for a sec?”

  “Fine. For a second,” she said, swatting his leg. “Okay, so what’s going on? She’s not available as much as you’d like?”

  More like not available at all. “I’m not that clingy, Cass.”

  “Well, didn’t she agree to come here for Christmas?” She pointed a finger at him. “To stay with you, I might add. I’m done with houseguests for at least a year.”

  There was hope in his sister’s voice. Hope he’d almost given up on. “Yeah, but I’m not counting on it. She wasn’t kidding when she said she works every day of the week and long hours. We’ve barely talked at all lately and I haven’t asked her again about Christmas.”

  Cassie bit her lip. “Doesn’t sound promising.” She paused. “Why don’t you go to her?”

  “Christmas is our busiest time at the bar and three of the guys on the crew are away visiting family...” He shook his head. He’d already explored any angle he could to make that option work, but he’d dismissed it as a possibility.

  “I don’t mean just for Christmas.” She took a breath. “Look, Snow Trek Tours is doing great now.” She gestured to the files on the table in front of her. “I can easily repay you for the loan...”

  “It wasn’t a loan. I gave you that money. I’m glad things are going great for the business, but that’s all because of you, Cass.”

  “Just hear me out. You could move to Anchorage and go back to school.”

  He scoffed. “I’m almost thirty.”

  “So? You always talked about being an EMT... With your training from the search and rescue, you’d probably be able to transfer in credits to a program and be finished faster...”

  Excitement rose in her voice as she talked, but he continued to shake his head. The EMT dream had long ago left him. He loved his life on the mountain, felt fulfilled by his position on the search and rescue team. Anchorage was the last thing he wanted, even if it did have the one thing he wasn’t sure he could continue to live without.

  “Stop shaking your head and just consider it. As kids, it was all you talked about. Helping people is your thing. And Erika is in Anchorage. This long-distance thing is never going to work long-term,” she said, gently.

  So much for getting a more optimistic outlook from his sister. “No, I can’t. A lifestyle change that drastic for someone I’ve only loved for a few weeks...”

  His sister looked shocked.

  “What?”

  “You just said love.”

  No sense in denying it. He knew it was true. He loved Erika with all his heart. “Crazy as it sounds, I do love her.”

  “Well then you have to go after her. Even if that means sacrifices.”

  “I have responsibilities here. I don’t hear you suggesting she move here. Give up everything she knows, everything she’s worked hard for.”

  Why was it on him to take this leap of faith?

  “She has a professional career saving lives. It’s not as easy for her to find work here.”

  The Wild River Community Hospital had an opening, but Erika had said she hadn’t even considered it.

  “Reed, you could help people as an EMT in Anchorage, or go into nursing. You talked about that, too,” Cassie continued.

  “No.”

  His sister studied him. “Reed, be honest with yourself. Why is this life so hard to let go
of?”

  He stood and paced the living room. “It’s what I do. It’s all I’ve known.” He had commitments and responsibilities here. Ones he couldn’t easily walk away from.

  Cassie was silent for a long moment, staring at her hands. When she looked up, she said, “You’re chasing a ghost, Reed. Dad didn’t go missing in the backwoods. He left us. No amount of searching is going to find him.”

  He needed air. The truth of his sister’s words echoing in his mind was too much.

  “How do you know?” Everyone had given up on finding his dad so easily. Not him. He wasn’t sure he’d ever stop looking.

  “Because I know where he is,” she said.

  He blinked, feeling the floor give way beneath him. His mouth went dry and his palms sweat. He dropped back down onto the edge of her couch and fought to steady his pulse. “How?”

  “He contacted me a few weeks ago. He’s at an addiction treatment center in Anchorage.” She refused to look at him as she spoke.

  Anger rose in his chest and he stood again. “Why the hell haven’t you told me this? How long have you known?” What had she said? A few weeks?

  What the fuck?

  For the first time in his life, he wanted to punch something, break something. His fists clenched at his sides as he fought to control the shitty-ass roller coaster of emotions he was on.

  Now of all moments, she chose to tell him. When his world was already rocked. What the hell did he do with this information?

  Cassie struggled to stand and approached him. She reached for his arm but he yanked it away. “Tell me the truth, Cassie.”

  “I swear to you, Reed, I’ve only known for a few weeks.” She looked pained and he forced himself to calm down. This couldn’t have been easy on her to discover either. Not that he was letting her off the hook for not telling him sooner.

  “He reached out to me as part of his recovery.”

  But he hadn’t reached out to Reed. He couldn’t decide which part of all this was worse.

  “I’m paying for his treatment,” she said, her eyes brimming with tears.

  His sister never cried. Ever. The fact that his anger was bringing on this emotion made his chest hurt. He forced a deep breath and unclenched his fists. His father was alive, okay...and an alcoholic...still. He’d always hid it from the family, but as a teenager, Reed had seen everything his parents had tried to conceal.