Delirious: Quantum Series, Book 6

by M. S. Force

  I laugh through the tears that slide down my cheeks. Maybe you could hear those words from the guy you’re crazy about and not cry, but I’m not that strong.

  He kisses away my tears. “So yeah, you’re what I want, what I need, what I crave, but you have to show me how to do this. I’ve never tried to have a normal relationship with a woman, let alone a mom of two precious kids. I’m scared to death that I’m going to fuck it up and hurt you guys somehow. That’s my biggest fear.”

  His raw honesty touches me deeply, because I know it doesn’t come naturally to him. “You will fuck up and you will hurt us, and we’ll hurt you, and it’ll be messy and difficult and awful at times. That’s life and love and relationships. It’s what happens when you care.”

  “I have this darkness inside of me, and you’re all light and laughter and joy. It would kill me if my darkness dimmed your joy.”

  “Then let’s not allow that to happen. Maybe my joy will defeat your darkness.”

  His lips curve into a small smile. “Wouldn’t that be something?”

  “Anything is possible if you have faith in me and us and what we’re building together.”

  “I feel like a greedy little boy being offered ice cream for the first time in my life.”

  Does he have any idea how sweet he is? “You’d better lick it fast before it melts.”

  His eyes widen with surprise at my blatant invitation, but then he pounces, turning us over so quickly, my head spins. “Don’t mind if I do.”

  Chapter 18

  I float through the next couple of days on a cloud of contentment unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. Work is insane as we prepare for the premiere, so time with Aileen is limited to stolen hours late at night. I go to her the second I break free of work, and she’s always happy to see me.

  Last night, I didn’t get there until midnight. She met me at the door, took me by the hand, led me into her bedroom and undressed me without saying a word. I lost myself in her sweetness for hours. Today, I’m sleep-deprived and running on adrenaline and a kind of bone-deep happiness I’ve never known before. Apparently, I’m doing a piss-poor job of hiding my euphoria, because it’s the number one topic of conversation at our partner meeting on the morning before the premiere.

  They talk about me like I’m not in the room hearing every word they’re saying.

  “I’ve never seen him smile like that,” Jasper says.

  “I know!” Mo replies. “I didn’t know he could smile like that. The dimples are on permanent display.”

  “You think he’s in love?” Hayden asks.

  “Could be,” Mo says. “He’s got the same dopey, gobsmacked look about him you had when Addie finally brought you up to scratch.”

  Flynn cracks up laughing at the dopey face Hayden makes at Marlowe.

  “What’re you laughing at?” she asks Flynn. “No one was dopier or more gobsmacked than you were when you first met Natalie.”

  Flynn holds up his hands in defense. “You won’t hear me arguing.”

  All eyes turn to me, and I fight the urge to squirm.

  “So,” Hayden says. “What gives?”

  “Are you talking to me now and not just about me?” I ask him, smiling so he’ll know I’m joking.

  “Don’t be a smart-ass. Tell us what we want to know.”

  “Umm, I think I’ll pass on that.” I refer to the agenda Lori printed out for the meeting. “We’ve got a lot to cover this morning and interviews starting in an hour.” We’re back-to-back today with all the major entertainment shows coming in to interview Hayden, Flynn and Marlowe about Insidious.

  Flynn plays a drug addict struggling to break free of a vicious opioid addiction, Marlowe is his therapist, and Hayden directed them both to Oscar-worthy performances. We’re already hearing buzz about a repeat sweep for Quantum in next year’s awards season.

  “Come on, Kris,” Marlowe says. “You gotta tell us something!”

  I want to snap at her to mind her own business, but I’d never do that. These four people are the closest thing to “family” I’ve ever had, and they mean the world to me.

  “Things are good.” That’s the understatement of the century. Things are magnificent.

  “So you’re over that ‘flu’ you had?” Jasper asks, using his fingers to make air quotes around the word flu.

  “For the most part.”

  “What’s this about the flu?” Flynn asks, looking to Jasper and then to me.

  “Nothing,” I say, giving Jasper a pointed look.

  He smiles as he shrugs, the bastard. He likes knowing he’s made me squirm. I suppose that’s the least of what he owes me after I rode him about Ellie when they first got together. Payback is truly a bitch in this crowd.

  Thankfully, we get back to business after that, but I’m painfully aware that I’ve dodged a bullet for now. I’m on borrowed time when it comes to my partners and their need to know everything that goes on in our group.

  I’m usually right there with them, poking at whomever is going off the rails with a member of the opposite sex, but being on the receiving end of the pokes is another thing that’s new to me. Until now, I’ve never given them reason to be curious about my love life. They’ve often witnessed it, such as it was, firsthand at our clubs here in and in New York, but now I can’t imagine making love to Aileen with an audience, which is another massive change on top of the many others.

  The day passes in a blur of frenetic activity, the kind I usually relish because it keeps me at the top of my game—where I do my best work. Today, I’m at the bottom of my game with my brain muzzy from lack of sleep, my attention split between work and wondering what Aileen and the kids are up to today and figuring out how many hours I have to put in at the office before I can see her.

  Once again, it’s after midnight when I arrive at her place, using the key she gave me. I’ve even got a bag with me tonight so I can shower in the morning and go straight to the office for a couple of hours to deal with last-minute issues before the premiere. We’ve given up pretending that we aren’t spending every night together. So far, I’ve been lucky to avoid detection by the kids, but I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before we get caught.

  She says it’s okay if they catch me there, but I’m anxious about whether that’ll cause problems. She’s told me they both like me and that I make her happy. And isn’t that something? Her kids like me, and I make her happy. Hearing that is frosting on an already delicious cake.

  Aileen is asleep, so I undress quietly, use the bathroom and then slide into bed, snuggling up to her warmth and finally relaxing after an endless, stressful day.

  She turns over to face me. “So late tonight.” Her voice is husky and sexy and sleepy. I marvel at how quickly I’ve become addicted to the sound of her voice and how easily I’ve fallen into the habit of sleeping with her, when I’ve always preferred to sleep alone. Not anymore. Now I don’t want to sleep without her wrapped around me.

  “I think we’re finally ready.” I tip her chin up to receive my kiss, and when her mouth opens to my tongue, I lose myself in her sweet sexiness. If there’s anything better than this, I’ve yet to find it. I make slow, sultry love to her, our bodies moving together in perfect harmony, as if we’ve been doing this for years rather than days. I can’t get enough of her. I’m drunk on her taste and her scent and the heat of her pussy around my cock as she comes with soft gasps that make me wild for her.

  I lose my mind as I pound into her, captivated by a feeling I can only get from being with her this way. It’s the highest of highs, and I’m truly addicted.

  Her hands grasp my ass cheeks, pulling me deeper into her, and that finishes me off.

  I collapse on top of her, my head spinning and my lungs burning from holding my breath. “I didn’t mean to be so rough.”

  “I loved it.” She has this blissed-out look on her face that I can see in the glow of the nightlight in the bathroom.

  “You’re not sore anymore?” I probab
ly should’ve asked her that beforehand. She’d been too sore after the first night to have sex for a couple of days. I thought I’d die waiting for her to feel better.

  “I’m fine. Don’t worry.”

  I do worry. I worry about everything where she’s concerned—her health, her happiness, her safety, her well-being, her kids… I’m happier than I’ve ever been, and all I can think about is how long will it last before the rug gets pulled out from under me the way it always does.

  For now, right in this minute, I have everything I’ve ever wanted right here in my arms, and I tell myself that’s enough.

  But still… I worry.

  The pampering begins just after noon. I’m happy and tired and sore and elated and completely in love with the most extraordinary man. He’s complicated and broody and sexy and loving and sweet and sometimes rough around the edges. And he’s seen to every detail to make sure today is another in a string of magical days for me.

  Not only has he made this amazing for me, but he asked Tenley to include my daughter, who is getting her nails done right alongside me. Her hair is in rollers, and her grin stretches from ear to ear. The cut on her forehead is healing nicely, and she doesn’t complain about it hurting anymore.

  Flynn came to pick up Logan to do “guy things,” as he put it, while I get ready for my big night out.

  I can’t believe this is my life. A year ago today, I had just been diagnosed, and my future seemed anything but rosy. Now my illness feels like a distant nightmare that happened to someone else. I’m going to a Hollywood premiere with the man of my dreams, and we have the entire night to spend together. The last time I was this excited, the kids and I were on our way to Flynn and Nat’s wedding, not knowing I would meet someone who would change our lives so profoundly.

  The screen door opens, and Natalie pokes her head in. “Knock, knock.”

  “Hey, come in!” I’m thrilled to see her, as always.

  “I was out doing errands and wanted to pop over to see if you need anything.”

  “Since Venice Beach is nowhere near your house, you need a better story.”

  “Fine,” she says, laughing as she flops down on the sofa, “I wanted to see how you’re holding up before your first big night in Hollywood.”

  “I’m freaking out. I can’t believe I’m going to a premiere with Kristian and the rest of you.”

  “Try to think of it as just another date.”

  “Is that what you did when you went to the Golden Globes with Flynn?”

  “Touché. I was a disaster.”

  “Then you know exactly how I feel.”

  “It’s okay, Mommy. Mr. Kristian will make sure you don’t get scared or anything.”

  “That’s true, honey.” She’s right—he’ll take care of me and make sure I have a wonderful time. I love that she knows that about him and has such faith in him. I’ll have to tell him that later. It’ll mean a lot to him.

  “I can’t wait to see the movie,” Natalie says. “I haven’t seen it yet. I wanted to wait to see it in the theater on the big screen.”

  “It’s so cool that we get to see it before everyone else.”

  “That’s what we get for s-l-e-e-p-i-n-g with the producers.”

  My face heats with embarrassment at realizing everyone has figured out we’re sleeping together.

  “What does that spell?” Maddie asks.

  “Friends,” Natalie says smoothly.

  I take a closer look at my friend and notice she’s unusually pale. “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine. Better than fine, actually.”

  The odd statement has me looking at her again. She makes a gesture of a hand over a pregnant belly that makes me gasp and then startle, earning a scowl from my nail technician.

  Natalie laughs at my reaction.

  I can’t say a word about the scoop of the year with the nail ladies in the room, which of course Natalie knows.

  She covers her mouth with her hand to muffle her laughter. I can’t believe she dropped a bomb like that on me when I can’t do or say a thing! And then I’m blinking back tears because my sweet friend is having a baby, and after everything she’s been through, I couldn’t be happier for her and Flynn. They’ve got to be over the moon with excitement.

  Makeup people are next, and Natalie leaves to get ready herself before we have a minute alone to celebrate her big news. We’ll have to do that later.

  Tenley shows up around four, helps me get dressed and opens a velvet box from Flynn’s brother-in-law Hugh, the jeweler. She drapes me in diamonds—necklace, chandelier earrings, bracelet and ring that she advises me to wear on my right hand unless I want the entire town buzzing about being engaged to Kristian. I never would’ve thought about such a thing, although the thought of being engaged to him does crazy things to my insides.

  “How much is all this worth?” I ask, breathless from excitement—and the fear that I might lose one of the priceless pieces.

  “About one-point-five.”

  “Million?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  She’s so matter-of-fact about it, but I suppose it’s an everyday thing to her, when to me it’s another first in a once-in-a-lifetime day.

  I reach up to touch the necklace, to make sure it hasn’t moved, while Tenley buzzes around me, making last-minute adjustments.

  Maddie knocks on the bedroom door. “Can I see, Mommy?”

  “Come in.”

  She steps into the room as I turn toward the door. Her eyes shine with delight. “You look like a princess!”

  “I feel like one, too.”

  “You’re so pretty.”

  “Thank you, baby. Come here and give Mommy a hug.”

  “No sticky fingers,” Tenley says.

  “My fingers aren’t sticky,” Maddie replies indignantly. “Don’t worry.” She comes over to carefully hug me.

  I wrap my arms around her and kiss the top of her head. “You’ll be a good girl for Cece tonight, right?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “She said you can make popcorn and watch movies. Doesn’t that sound like fun?”

  “I don’t want Cece to sleep over. I want you.”

  Uh-oh. “I’ll be back before you even know I’m gone.”

  “What if I need you?”

  “You can call me. I’ll have my phone with me the whole time, and I’ll call you before bed to tuck you in. Okay?”

  She thinks about that for a minute.

  I hold my breath the entire time.

  “Okay.” She spins around and leaves the room.

  I let out the breath I was holding.

  “Whoa, you dodged a bullet,” Tenley says.

  “No kidding.” I’m rattled by the near miss with Maddie. I’ve left them so infrequently with others that I worried about how they’d react to the plan for tonight. They’ve seemed fine about it, but with rubber now meeting road, Maddie is having second thoughts. Thankfully, second thoughts didn’t turn into a full-blown meltdown.

  Cece is due any minute, and Kristian will be here soon, too. Hopefully, my luck will hold with the kids.

  Logan comes bounding into the house, back from his outing with Flynn, and runs straight for my room, stopping short when he sees me decked out.

  His mouth falls open as his eyes widen. “Wow. You look so good. Really, really good!”

  “Thanks, buddy.” I’m delighted by his reaction and thrilled that they’re seeing me looking healthy and vibrant after my illness. “Did you have fun with Flynn?”

  “Uh-huh. We went to a skateboard park, but he had to go home and change into a monkey suit. What is that, anyway?”

  “That’s what guys call tuxedos,” I say, smiling.

  “They should call them penguin suits rather than monkey suits.”

  “You’re absolutely right. They should.” I hear Maddie talking to Cece in the living room. “Sounds like Cece is here.”

  Logan spins around to go see her.

  “Your kids are so sweet, an
d you’re stunning,” Tenley declares, taking a last critical survey of my appearance.

  “All thanks to you.”

  “It was my pleasure. I hope you have a wonderful time.”

  “I’m sure I will. By the way, I meant to ask earlier… If you’re here with me, who’s tending to Addie and Natalie and the others?”

  “Some of my people. They wanted you to have me.”

  “Probably because I needed the most work.”

  She shakes her head. “Addie said it was because you most deserve to be treated like a princess, and I couldn’t agree more.” Squeezing my hand, she says, “Have the best time ever.”

  “I will,” I say softly, moved nearly to tears by the kindness of my sweet friends. “Thank you again.”

  “Any time.”

  Tenley leaves the room, and I have two minutes to myself before Maddie comes to tell me that Kristian has arrived. I take a couple of deep breaths to calm my nerves and the butterflies in my belly. I’m nervous and excited and filled with anticipation about the night I get to spend with him. “Here goes,” I whisper to the reflection in the mirror. The woman looking back at me is healthy, strong and confident. She fills me with confidence as I turn to leave the room and see him coming toward me, too sexy for words in a black tuxedo.

  He stops short in the hallway, his eyes flaring with heat and desire.

  I’ve never felt more in my life than I do in the ten seconds it takes for him to recover and come the rest of the way to me.

  He slides an arm around my waist, bringing me in close to him. “You are beyond beautiful.”

  “In this old thing?” I joke so I won’t cry and ruin my makeup.

  “Exquisite,” he whispers in my ear, sending a shock wave of need rippling through me.

  “You’re rather exquisite yourself.” I never want to forget this perfect moment with him.

  “I’ve got nothing on you. Every guy there will be wishing he could be as lucky as I am.”

  “Right.”