Baby Be Mine

by Paige Toon

  ‘Stop it,’ I hiss.

  She grins at me and then she freezes as her eyes fall on something behind me. I turn around to see Johnny sliding shut the outside door. He’s carrying Barney in his arms and my little boy is still half-asleep as he presses his face into his father’s neck.

  ‘Oh my God,’ Bess whispers slowly as Johnny walks towards us. ‘That is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.’

  Barney lifts his head and looks at me, then opens up his arms, so Johnny hands him over. We lock eyes for the duration of this exchange and a flutter goes through me. It’s not healthy for me to witness Johnny’s attractiveness through someone else’s eyes.

  Dana slides the door open and steps over the threshold. She immediately lights up a fag, not bothering to close the door behind her.

  ‘Johnny,’ she calls abruptly. He turns around and goes to her, taking the lit cigarette from her fingers as she lights another one for herself. They go to a sunlounger away from us and sit facing each other. Dana suddenly leans forward and kisses Johnny passionately on his lips. Bess and I look away, awkwardly.

  ‘Christ,’ she whispers.

  ‘Yep. She’s a corker.’

  ‘Mmm.’

  ‘Grub’s up!’ Eddie calls.

  Bess laughs as we wander over. ‘That’s a very English saying.’

  ‘Thought I’d better practise some, considering my boss is from “across the pond”!’ He says the last bit in a posh accent.

  ‘No, you’ve got it all wrong,’ Bess tells him. ‘He’s from Newcastle originally, so you’ve got to learn things like, “Eh up, lass.”’

  ‘What’s this?’ Johnny asks, stubbing his cigarette out on his way over.

  ‘Bess is just teaching Eddie some Geordie sayings,’ I explain.

  ‘“Eh up, lass” is from Yorkshire, ye divvy,’ Johnny says in a thick Geordie accent. ‘Whey aye, man,’ he adds. We all crack up laughing. In the background, Dana reluctantly gets to her feet.

  ‘Divvint ye knaa owt?’ Johnny adds to much hilarity. Dana joins us and he turns to her: ‘A’reet, pet?’

  ‘What the hell are you saying?’ she asks, unimpressed.

  ‘Talk from the toon,’ he replies.

  ‘Talk from the where? Oh, whatever,’ she brushes him off. ‘I’m fucking starving.’

  I glare at her before leading Barney to the table. I don’t want to make a scene in front of everyone. I fix Barney’s highchair to the edge of the stone table. Bess comes to help.

  ‘Just as well he can’t talk yet,’ she murmurs.

  ‘It’s only a matter of time before “duck” becomes part of his vocabulary,’ I reply. She grins at me. ‘It’s good to have you here,’ I say quietly, grinning back at her.

  The others join us and we tuck in to Eddie’s truly incredible pizzas. After a while, my phone starts vibrating in my pocket. I pull it out and look at the screen: Joseph.

  ‘Hi!’ I say warmly.

  ‘Hey,’ he replies. ‘How’s it going?’

  ‘Good. Great, in fact. My best friend from the UK arrived this morning.’

  ‘Really? I didn’t know you had a pal coming to stay.’

  ‘Neither did I until Saturday. Bit of a last-minute plan. Have you just come from your audition?’ I notice Johnny’s conversation halts briefly as his eyes flick towards mine.

  ‘You remembered,’ he replies, and once again I’m sure he’s smiling.

  ‘Of course. How did it go?’

  ‘Aah, you know, it’s hard to tell with these things. So I was going to see if you wanted to catch up for dinner, but I guess you’re busy with your friend . . .’

  ‘Kind of,’ I say, ‘but we’re going to a gig tomorrow night. Saldo Sorvie. Maybe we could get an extra ticket?’ I glance at Bess to check she doesn’t mind him gate-crashing, but she nods happily.

  ‘That’d be great,’ Joseph replies.

  Johnny puts his fork down noisily and pointedly, and glares at me across the table.

  ‘What?’ I mouth with annoyance.

  ‘You’re using my name to get him a ticket?’

  I cover the receiver with my forefinger. ‘You wouldn’t normally care.’

  He doesn’t reply. Everyone else around the table eats their food and tries to act invisible. Everyone except for Dana, who’s watching this exchange intently.

  I remove my finger. ‘Sorry, Joseph,’ I say. ‘Just having a discussion with my . . . housemate.’

  Johnny angrily gets to his feet and storms off.

  Dana stares after him, slightly taken aback. Lena gives me a look, but I’m not sure what it means, while Dana puts down her cutlery and gets up from the table. ‘That was spectacular, dude,’ she says to Eddie, although it sounds far from genuine to me, and probably to the rest of us around the table – with the exception of Barney, who hasn’t learned about false sincerity yet. She follows Johnny inside.

  ‘Hello?’ I hear Joseph say in a tinny voice. I realise I’ve dropped the receiver from my ear.

  ‘Sorry!’ I say again.

  ‘Is this a bad time?’ he asks.

  ‘We’re just in the middle of lunch. Can I call you back?’

  ‘Sure.’

  We end the call. Eddie is already tidying away after Johnny and Lena.

  ‘Well, that was short and sweet,’ I say of our getting-to-know-each-other meal. ‘That was Joseph,’ I say, indicating my phone.

  ‘I gathered,’ Lena replies knowingly.

  ‘Who’s Joseph?’ Eddie chips in. ‘If you don’t mind me asking,’ he adds.

  ‘No, no, of course not,’ I brush him off. There’s no point in keeping secrets from a staff of this size. ‘A guy I met last week.’

  ‘Doesn’t Johnny like him?’

  Lena laughs sharply and I furrow my brow at her as I reply, ‘He hasn’t met him.’

  ‘He doesn’t want to,’ Bess replies, ‘from the way he acted there.’

  ‘Why’s that?’ Eddie pries.

  ‘Jealous,’ Lena interjects.

  ‘Jealous of what?’ I feel slightly put out. Why does she keep coming out with comments like that? Because he’s not still interested in me. I can tell her that, right now. He wouldn’t rub his feelings for Dana in my face if he were.

  She shrugs, but doesn’t expand.

  ‘I think we can safely assume Johnny doesn’t want to get Joseph another ticket to the gig tomorrow night.’

  ‘He might be able to get one through his agent,’ Lena suggests.

  ‘Maybe,’ I reply, but I’m thinking it’s better to leave it on this occasion.

  Chapter 37

  ‘Is he going with you?’ Johnny asks me the next day, with a fair amount of attitude.

  ‘Might be,’ I reply. ‘You know he’s perfectly capable of getting his own ticket, don’t you?’ I don’t know why I’m doing this, but I want to wind him up for some reason. As it turns out, I told Joseph the gig thing might be a bit too complicated and that I’d call him tomorrow – Wednesday – so that we could make a plan then.

  ‘Who’s looking after Barney?’ Johnny demands to know.

  ‘A lovely girl called Esther from an agency.’

  ‘You’re getting an agency in?’ he spits.

  ‘On your suggestion!’ I point out. ‘Why, do you want to look after him? You know, seeing as you’re his father and all that?’ I say sarcastically.

  He stares at me angrily for a long moment. ‘Yeah, I do, actually.’

  Really? Damn.

  ‘Dana and I don’t have any other plans,’ he continues.

  Oh, shit. Not her. Him, I can handle, but I don’t – I really don’t – want her looking after Barney. Hopefully he’s not serious. I call his bluff.

  ‘Fine.’ I shrug and walk out of the office. Dana is sitting on the sofa reading a magazine.

  ‘You’re fine with it?’ Johnny asks, hot on my heels.

  ‘Yep. Better check with Dana, though,’ I say, looking across at her.

  ‘What’s up?’ she drawls.

&
nbsp; ‘Johnny wants you to babysit tonight.’

  ‘Fuck that,’ she snorts, throwing the magazine down.

  ‘Dana!’ Johnny erupts.

  ‘I told you, baby, I ain’t got no interest in being a mummy.’

  My hackles go up. Mummy? You’ve got to be kidding me. But I stay quiet so she can dig her own hole.

  I look pointedly at Johnny. He’s glaring at Dana, but she’s not biting. ‘I guess I won’t cancel the babysitter, then.’

  No one says anything as I leave the room.

  Bess is in the kitchen taste-testing Eddie’s latest concoction: roasted pumpkin soup with melted Gruyère cheese and Parmesan croutons.

  ‘That is ridiculously yummy,’ she tells him.

  ‘Should help get us in the mood for Halloween,’ he replies with a grin.

  ‘Ooh, yeah. Hey, we need to go costume shopping,’ I say to Bess. ‘We’ll need to get something for Barney, too.’

  Just then, we hear Johnny’s raised voice coming from the living room.

  ‘I don’t give a shit,’ he growls at Dana. ‘Either you pull your weight or we don’t have a future.’

  ‘Is that an ultimatum? Because I ain’t a girl for ultimatums, Johnny. You should know that about me.’

  Eddie, Bess and I stand stock-still, staring at each other.

  ‘I guess you’d better go, then,’ comes Johnny’s reply. My heart lifts with hope. Is he breaking up with Dana? I shouldn’t care, but, God, I do, I really, really do.

  There’s no sound coming from the living room. Very slowly and carefully, I poke my head around the corner, just in time to hear the front door slam shut.

  ‘Meg!’ Bess whispers, trying to pull me back.

  Johnny is standing alone in the living room. He turns and stalks up the stairs. Is it wrong that I want to go and comfort him? Silly question, I know the answer.

  ‘She’s gone,’ I say to Bess and Eddie.

  ‘What was that about?’ Eddie asks.

  I shrug. Small staff and everything, but this time I want to stay silent.

  ‘I’ll be back in a minute,’ I tell them, walking out of the room.

  ‘Meg . . .’ Bess calls after me, a warning tone to her voice. She knows what I’m up to. I feel guilty, but I can’t stop my feet from taking me up the stairs. I turn left at the top, but before I can reach Johnny’s room, he comes out, a stony expression on his face.

  ‘Cancel the babysitter,’ he says with resolution. ‘I’ll look after Barney.’

  ‘But I thought—’

  ‘I said I’ll do it.’

  ‘What about—’

  ‘Dana’s gone,’ he interrupts me again.

  ‘Are you okay?’ I ask tentatively.

  ‘Oh, I’m fine,’ he replies with a slightly menacing undertone. ‘Now you go and have a good time with your boyfriend. Although why you’d want to go on a date when your so-called best friend has just come all the way from England . . .’

  I sigh. ‘Joseph isn’t going tonight.’

  ‘Then why did you say—’

  ‘To annoy you.’

  His green eyes meet mine for a long moment. He nods briefly, but doesn’t smile and I find I haven’t got the words to say anything else. It’s like he understands, and even though I should deny whatever conclusion he’s coming to about me and my feelings for him, I just can’t.

  He’s the one to break eye contact and it makes me feel wretched.

  ‘I’ve got work to do,’ he mutters, and turns towards the studio. I stand there on the spot for a while, silently cursing myself.

  Bess is not impressed later when I tell her what happened.

  ‘You should totally have invited Joseph along tonight.’

  ‘No.’ I shake my head. ‘Johnny’s right – three’s a crowd.’

  ‘No, it’s not,’ she scoffs. ‘I want to check out this hot kung-fu guy. I assume you’re not going to be humping his leg in front of me, or anything like that.’

  I laugh. ‘No.’

  ‘Then it’s not a problem.’

  ‘It’s fine. Tonight I think I need some girl time.’

  ‘That suits me, too,’ she replies. ‘But for God’s sake, put Johnny out of your mind. He’s bad for you.’

  I know she’s right, but tonight I can’t. He’s all I can think about. Bess enjoys every minute of the Saldo Sorvie gig, and while I dance along like everyone else in the crowd, all I can think about is Johnny’s eyes, while my heart flips over and over and over. He’s consuming me again, but, if he’s finished with Dana, that no longer seems like such a bad thing.

  I don’t want to go to the after-show party – I just want to get home to ‘my boys’ – but I can’t do that to Bess, so we go and I pretend to have a good time. I’m a pretty good actress when I need to be. Maybe I could look into that as a career?

  ‘Stop pretending to have a good time,’ Bess says at eleven o’clock.

  Maybe not, re the actress thing.

  ‘I’m not pretending.’

  ‘Yes, you are. You can’t fool me.’

  Okay, definitely not, re the actress thing.

  ‘Stop thinking about him,’ she adds.

  ‘Thinking about who?’ Nope, won’t work. ‘I can’t,’ I come clean.

  ‘Jesus, you don’t even seem miserable about the fact.’

  ‘He’s split up with Dana!’ I point out, my eyes wide with excitement.

  ‘You don’t know that for sure.’ She brings me down to earth with a bump.

  ‘I do.’ My tone is resolute. ‘I feel like it’s over. They’re not right for each other. She’s a silly cow and she’s no good for him.’

  ‘The press seem to think she’s The One.’

  ‘Don’t believe everything you read.’ The phrase trips off my tongue, but Bess devours the tabloids regularly . . . ‘Why, what have you heard?’ I ask curiously.

  She sighs. ‘You really should read the papers more.’

  ‘I’d rather you just fill me in, thanks.’

  She hesitates before continuing. ‘You know the pair of them were snapped looking at rings in San Francisco recently?’

  Nausea swamps me. ‘That doesn’t mean anything,’ I reply.

  ‘Maybe not,’ she agrees. ‘But they looked pretty loved-up to me.’

  ‘Let’s not talk about this anymore,’ I suddenly decide. ‘I think we need another drink.’

  But half an hour after that, we call it a night and go home.

  The sickness in my stomach is replaced by a jittery feeling as we walk through the front door. I wonder if he’s still awake. Should I go to his room to retrieve the monitor? The lights are on low in the living room, but it’s deserted. Hang on, the terrace doors are open. I turn back to look at Bess.

  ‘Night, night, then.’

  ‘Meg . . .’ It’s that warning tone again.

  ‘Please,’ I beg. I don’t want her to make this harder for me. I can’t stay away from him. Not now. Not ever.

  She gives me a sad look and heads up the stairs. I watch after her, waiting until she’s in her room before I walk to the terrace doors. It’s dark outside, so I look for the light of his cigarette. I can smell smoke, so he’s out here somewhere, but I can’t see anything. And then I hear her. I freeze on the spot as my eyes adjust to the darkness. I stare in the direction of the tiny gasps which are punctuated by low grunts, and then I see Dana, her naked back visible in the moonlight as she rocks on top of Johnny on a sunlounger beside the pool.

  Bile rises up in my throat. I turn and flee into the house, my heart pounding. I run up the stairs, thankful only that she had her back to me as she screwed the one-time love of my life, and then I hide in the safety of my bedroom. I stand against the door, breathing heavily, hot tears in my eyes, and finally my pulse calms down and I remember my son. I angrily brush away my tears, knowing full well that my anger is directed at myself as much as at Johnny and that stupid cow out there, and then I walk out of my bedroom and down the landing to Barney’s room. I go inside. He’s
sleeping peacefully, his low murmur audible only to me. I reach down and push his hair away from his face and then bend down to kiss his brow. The tears return, only this time they’re full of sorrow. I straighten up as a shadow is cast across the doorway. I spin around and my heart stops when I see Johnny standing there. I compose myself and go to the door. He steps aside to let me through and then I close it behind me and turn to face him.

  ‘I heard something on the monitor,’ he explains, not meeting my eyes as he hands it over.

  I stare at his face as I take it from him. Is he going to tell me she’s back?

  No need. I hear the terrace door sliding shut. Johnny finally meets my eyes and I don’t know what it is I see in them as Dana’s footsteps sound on the stairs. She appears behind him and he looks away again, but not at her.

  ‘Can we go to bed now the Baby Whisperer is home?’ she drawls into his ear. I can’t even be bothered to look at her.

  ‘I’ll be there in a minute,’ he replies in a gruff voice, staring at the wall.

  She turns and walks away. ‘Don’t keep me waiting long, baby. You’ve got to finish what you started.’ She giggles and pushes open his door. He looks at me again.

  ‘Nice,’ I say quietly and sarcastically. I give him a look of contempt and then head along the landing to my bedroom.

  ‘Hey,’ he whispers after me. I don’t wait to hear what he has to say before going into my bedroom and firmly shutting the door.

  Chapter 38

  ‘Take your bloody time,’ Joseph jokes. ‘I didn’t think you were ever going to call.’

  I didn’t want to. Bess made me. She said I had to get back on the horse, which was funny because those were the exact same words that Kitty used.

  ‘Sorry, it’s been a busy few days. Listen, I wondered if you’d fancy coming to a Halloween party on Saturday night? It’s being held by Sylvester Middleman – I don’t know if you know him?’

  ‘I know of him. How did you get an invite to that?’ He sounds impressed.

  ‘Barney’s dad is kind of well connected.’

  ‘Aah, I see,’ he replies, thankfully not asking who Barney’s dad actually is. ‘Do you have a spare ticket?’

  ‘I’m pretty sure I could get one.’ And I don’t give a crap if Johnny is annoyed about it.