by Anne Malcom
Tears were pouring down my cheeks unbidden at this point. I couldn’t hold them in anymore. I knew he was perceptive, that our connection was out of the ordinary, that he saw more than other people. I didn’t realize he saw everything. He didn’t just see everything, he understood it. Even Mom, who knew what I struggled with, couldn’t truly understand was I was—the was I was. She accepted it, unconditionally. I never thought I’d meet someone that understood it.
“Lily?” Asher said softly.
“I love you,” I blurted through my tears. “I want forever, too. Beyond forever,” I continued in a whisper.
Asher’s face changed completely, softened completely. His chocolate eyes blazed into mine. “Marry me,” he said in a voice husky with emotion.
I didn’t hesitate. Not like I did with everything else. Overthink it, trying to find the sense. I didn’t need to look for the sense.
“Okay,” I whispered.
Asher’s hand fastened at the back of my neck, and he pulled me in for the most beautiful kiss I had ever experienced.
“Marry me tomorrow,” he murmured against my mouth.
Again, I didn’t hesitate, didn’t state the reasons why not, the stuff swirling out there. Instead, I smiled into his mouth, letting the feeling of elation lift me up.
“You can’t get married in one day, there’s forms, hoops to jump through,” I protested weakly.
Asher grasped my head. “I got it, babe,” he promised.
And for once, I didn’t question him.
“Let’s do it,” I whispered.
Asher grinned against my mouth, it was safe to say he beamed. Then he made love to me, slowly, beautifully. In a way that the outside world failed to exist, and it was just him and me.
“You’re beautiful, Lils,” Bex whispered, wiping a tear from her made up face.
I regarded myself in the mirror. My white blonde hair tumbled down my back in soft curls, two small plaits were pulled back on either side of my face. My makeup was natural, understated. Me.
It was the dress, the dress that caused my fingers to tingle and my eyes to prickle. What had Bex’s heavy eye makeup running down her face. My mom bought it for me.
Two months before she died, she gave it to me.
“I’ve got a present for you, Lily,” Mom exclaimed softly, leaning on the doorframe to the living room.
I pushed off the sofa, closing the lid to my laptop abruptly. Mom didn’t need to see the sites I was surfing. Scouring actually. Searching for some last minute cure.
“Mom, you shouldn’t be out of bed,” I scolded gently, my stomach turning at the way she held that frame for support, the way her colored pants hung off her emaciated frame. “And you most definitely shouldn’t be giving me presents,” I added.
Her bright eyes lit up, and she gave me a mischievous grin. “I’m the mother here, I say when I should and shouldn’t be out of bed,” she teased. “And, as the mother, it is my prerogative to give my daughter gifts. Now come on,” she waved her hand at me.
Despite the sorrow swimming in the depths of my soul, I smiled and walked toward her. I was getting good at making it look genuine. She linked her arm in mine, and I didn’t miss how heavily she leaned into me.
“Sit,” she commanded when we made it to her brightly decorated bedroom.
I did as she commanded and planted myself on the quilt that she and I had made when we first moved here. My eyes flickered around the room at the photos, at the scarves draped over lamps, antique perfume bottles arrayed on her dresser and clothes messily strewn across the floor. It looked normal. Like nothing had changed. My eyes touched the multiple pill bottles scattering her nightstand. Harbingers of change. Of doom.
“Here,” she exclaimed.
I moved my weary gaze to where she was standing by her overflowing closet, blinking away my tears. That didn’t really work when my eyes caught what she had in her hands.
“Mom,” I choked.
She gave me a chastising look. “No tears. Put it on,” she commanded, thrusting it at me.
I took it woodenly and as if on autopilot, I divested myself of my clothes and put on the garment she handed to me.
She zipped me up and stood behind me as we both looked in the mirror.
“Prettiest girl I’ve ever seen, my Lily,” she whispered in my ear. “I knew the moment I saw it, it was you. It would be what you wore on your wedding day, to help you shine. The day you walked down to meet the man who appreciates everything my beautiful Lily is. Sees in you. Exactly who you are,” she continued in a bright voice.
Tears streamed silently down my cheeks as I looked at the dress she’d bought for me. The wedding dress. The sheer long sleeves were flowing and tapered in with a button at my wrists. The entire bodice was delicate flowered lace. From underneath my breasts, it cascaded down to my knees in layers of sheer fabric. It was the palest yellow you could imagine, and it fit me like it was made for me.
“I won’t be there when you meet him,” Mom whispered, pulling my hair back. “I won’t be here to watch that love blossom for my beautiful girl. I won’t be able to walk you down that aisle. I won’t be there in body, sweetheart. But I think the universe let me find this so I could be there in spirit,” she told me softly, pulling half my hair from my face.
I stared in the mirror a moment longer, then whirled, curling into my mother’s arms.
“You will be, Mom,” I sobbed into her chest. “You will be there, it’s not the end. You’re not leaving me,” I choked out.
She stroked my head and pulled back to hold me at arm’s length. She gazed at me with twinkling eyes.
“It’s not the end, Lily. It’s just a new beginning, I finally get to see what’s beyond the horizon,” she whispered.
I fingered the fabric on the dress, remembering that moment. The beauty of it. I didn’t believe in that stuff like Mom did, the universe, fate, the other side. How could I when the universe, fate, took my mom away from me? Took everything away from me. I couldn’t help but reconsider my cynicism. Because I felt her, right at that moment, looking at myself in the mirror. I didn’t just see myself, I saw her. I felt her warm presence at my side.
I blinked away my tears and took the bouquet of daisies Bex handed me. “Are you okay?” I asked with concern. Her black dress hung off her, and even makeup couldn’t cover the gray tinge to her skin.
She had refused to be anywhere but here, despite the fact she was still struggling with withdrawals. She hadn’t been angry that Asher knew, the two of them had had a hushed conversation that I hadn’t been privy to, but they seemed okay. Lucky seemed to be her shadow, much to her distaste. There was something between them. I think it scared her. He hadn’t figured out the truth yet, and I knew that terrified her.
She gave me a faux frown. “This is your wedding day, Lil, you’re not allowed to think about anyone but yourself….” she instructed firmly and paused. “I’m okay. I will be okay. Seeing you find this … happiness. It makes me happier than anything, Lils babe. Your mom would be so proud of you,” she whispered. “She would’ve approved, of him. Of the two of you.”
I nodded. “I know,” I replied with certainty.
She smiled. “Let’s go get you hitched.”
I let her lead me out of the little room attached to the city hall building in Amber. I didn’t care about the location. I was glad of it, to be honest. Glad that Lucky and Bex were the only people who knew, who were serving as witnesses. I didn’t want anyone else. I didn’t need to be the center of attention. I didn’t want the spectacle. I just wanted Asher.
We walked down the small hallway that led to the room Asher waited in. The nerves, the heaviness on my chest I expected didn’t come. For once, I wasn’t plagued with doubt, with the ever present fist threatening to squeeze the breath from me. It all fell away. And when Bex opened the doors to the room, my breath did leave me. But in a good way.
The room was empty, the rows of seats devoid of people. Three figures stood up on a sm
all platform, but I only had eyes for one. Asher was wearing a simple black shirt, open at the collar. His cut was over the top. He wore black slacks and black motorcycle boots on his feet. His chocolate eyes were locked on me the moment I entered the room. His entire body jolted on my approach. Lucky elbowed him and whispered something in his ear, grinning widely.
Asher didn’t respond, didn’t act like anyone had spoken. He only had eyes for me. Me. Boring, normal, Lily. Except, I didn’t feel boring or normal. I felt beautiful, special. Extraordinary.
I smiled shyly at him when I had climbed the small stairs, standing in front of him. His entire body was frozen, and he continued staring at me. I gazed in amazement at the water in his chocolate eyes.
“You take my breath away, flower,” he rasped finally.
I grasped his hands tightly, smiling. “Ditto,” I whispered back.
The man between us smiled warmly, clearing his throat. “Should we begin?” he asked the two of us.
Asher didn’t take his eyes off me. He didn’t look like he was going to say anything; it didn’t look like he could.
So for once, I spoke up. “Yes, I think we should begin,” I responded firmly.
Asher’s hands squeezed mine.
And in a few short minutes, there began the happiest moment of my life. The moment Asher’s lips claimed mine and we were man and wife.
Lucky let out a whoop from beside us, the man who married us jumping in fright.
“Okay, we’re hitched,” he exclaimed, slinging his arms around our shoulders. He glimpsed at me. “You look beautiful darlin’,” he told me, laying a gentle kiss on my cheek. He pulled back. “Now it’s time to party!”
I looked over at Bex, who was wiping her eyes and beaming at me.
“I love you” I mouthed, not being able to move from Lucky’s firm embrace.
“I love you too,” she mouthed back.
“No party,” Asher growled.
Lucky stepped back, hand on his heart as if Asher had just thrust a dagger through it.
“No party?” he repeated like a kid getting told he wasn’t allowed dessert. “You get married all cloak and daggers, swear me to secrecy under the penalty of death and now you say no party?”
Asher’s hard gaze didn’t waver. “No party,” he repeated firmly.
I knew why he was saying that. Because of me. Because he knew how I would do being the center of attention at a rowdy party at the clubhouse. I didn’t think it was possible, but I loved him even more in that moment. I knew that club celebrations were part of the lifestyle. They did everything together, as a family. They may have lived a hard life, a misunderstood life, but when it came to celebrating that life, they didn’t screw around. I opened my mouth to speak, but Lucky beat me to it.
“That might be hard considering I didn’t blanch at the death threat uttered to me because I’m as brave as a lion,” he gave me a cheeky grin, “and I love a good party. So there may or may not be a club full of very expectant people waiting back at the clubhouse to toast to Mr. and Mrs. Breslin.” His bravado trailed off toward the end as Mr. Breslin’s glare got more withering.
“For fuck’s—” he grit out.
I put my hand on his arm. “I think what my husband is trying to say, Lucky, is thank you,” I interrupted Asher, feeling a flutter at calling him, my husband.
Lucky grinned. “Awesome.” He gave me a once over. “I’ll take this one in the cage,” he jerked his head to Bex, who stiffened slightly, “and you take your bike.”
I smiled slightly at the fact the dress my mom picked out was suitable for the back of a Harley.
“See you there, kids, don’t take too long.” Lucky winked at us and clutched Bex’s hand, dragging her off while she hissed in his ear.
Asher yanked me flush with his body, stroking my hair. “We don’t have to go, flower,” he began softly.
I put my finger over his lips. “Yeah, we do,” I replied. “That’s your family. My family now, too. I want to,” I told him firmly
He frowned for a moment before his face cleared and he regarded me. “If it gets too much, promise you’ll tell me?” he said firmly.
I kissed him lightly on the mouth. “I promise. But it’s already too much,” I murmured against his mouth. “But that’s a good thing,” I continued.
Asher made a sound in his throat and kissed me, not lightly.
Asher toyed with the simple, yet beautiful square cut vintage diamond on my finger.
“You happy, Mrs. Breslin?” he asked quietly.
I turned my head up to meet his eyes. “Yes,” I replied simply. “I never thought it would be possible to be this happy ever again,” I whispered.
Asher stroked my head. “I didn’t think this kind of happiness even existed, babe. Being able to call you my wife, nothing’s ever tasted sweeter on my tongue, apart from your pussy,” he said in a low voice.
I squirmed, even though we had just thoroughly consummated our marriage, many times. We started in Asher’s small room in the clubhouse. That was after we had a huge and boisterous welcome from a massive, intimidating crowd when we arrived. I’d swallowed the lump in my throat and smiled brightly at them all, taking all the congratulations and gruff well wishes in stride. Asher hadn’t let me go the entire time. Not until Gwen and Amy had both descended on me with tears in their eyes.
“I can’t believe you got married,” Gwen squealed when she let me go.
“And that you didn’t tell us,” Amy added with a grin. “Good call. Biker weddings are the hardest things to plan, trust me,” she said seriously, looking over to her husband with a small grin.
“I can’t believe you got married,” Gwen repeated.
Amy gave her a look. “Are your batteries malfunctioning?” she asked. “We got that memo. Plus, the dress is divine.” She touched the fabric. “You are divine. Asher’s right to lock this down. You’re stunning, honey, though we knew that already.”
I smiled shyly. “Thanks,” I replied.
Gwen beamed. “And you’re moving back to Amber, which means you can come back to the store,” she managed to get to complete sentences. “After the honeymoon,” she added hastily.
I laughed. “We don’t get much of a honeymoon. I’ve got class on Monday.”
Amy waggled her eyebrows. “You’ll be surprised what your hubby can fit into two days.”
I reddened slightly, my stomach tightening in expectation. It was like I was a virgin all over again. As if Asher had telepathic powers, I felt his hands on my waist, and he pulled me back into a firm chest.
“Excuse me, ladies,” he murmured. “I’m going to have to steal my wife away.”
Amy winked at him. “Yeah, you do.”
Gwen blew me a kiss as Asher dragged me through the bodies and directed me to a familiar room.
He closed the door, the party a dull rumble in the background.
“I know it’s not hearts and flowers or glamorous,” he explained, grasping my hips, “but this is where you gave me the greatest gift I’ve ever received. Where I fell in love with my shy and beautiful little flower. I wanted our first time as husband as wife to be here,” he murmured against my mouth, his hand snaking up the skirt of my dress.
I sucked in a breath when his finger danced at the edge of my panties. “It’s perfect,” I replied throatily.
He smiled against my mouth. “You’re perfect,” he countered. His mouth covered mine at the same moment his finger entered me, and I gasped into his mouth.
The kiss that had started reverent and gentle turned frantic. I was suddenly desperate for him, to get him inside me. Asher seemed to feel the same as his finger left me and my panties came off in a rip. His mouth plundered my mouth while he lifted me, pressing me against the door. I wrapped my legs around his hips and clawed at his back.
“This isn’t going to be gentle, flower,” Asher growled against my mouth.
“Good,” I replied, breathless. “I don’t need gentle. I need real. I need you. I need u
s,” I pleaded.
Seconds after the words left my mouth Asher plunged inside me, rough, hard and amazing. His forehead rested against mine, and he pumped into me mercilessly. I took every inch he gave me, ecstasy overwhelming every inch of me.
“It’s just us. You and me, babe,” Asher grunted out. “Forever.”
I cried out as he brought me to the edge of the precipice. “Forever,” I repeated.
After he had rocked my world and cleaned himself from me tenderly, Asher straightened, a strange look on his face.
“I meant to show you this before, but I didn’t realize how much of a sex demon my little wife was,” he teased lightly, though his eyes were hesitant.
I grinned at him lazily. “Show me what?”
He stared at me a moment longer before unbuttoning the collar of his shirt. I gasped when he unveiled his chest.